Remembered

Chapter 12: Anchor

Staring down the stars

Jealous of the moon

"Do you know what day it is?"

"Birdday!"

"That's right. And what happens on your birthday?"

"Candles!"

"Yes, you little pyromaniac," he laughs. "But what else? Do you receive gifts? Hmm? Does your brother spoil you?" He hoists me up suddenly and my head soars to the gold-painted ceiling. I squeal. I love when Loki flies me up.

He sits me on his arm. I put my hands on the sides of his face and squeeze them together so that he looks like Chubby Bunny. His lips pucker and I pretend I am mad at him.

"I am not a promiac! I shall tell all-fadder. Higher!" I scold and demand, lifting my arms above my head to show him I wanted to fly up. He rolls his eyes, but it's my birthday and he has to do whatever I tell him.

"Soon," he promises, pulling away from my hands. His face gets serious, so I know I have to listen to him. "But first, I have something for you."

I clap my hands together as he holds out one of his own, a closed fist, but I can tell there is something inside. His fingers open and a pretty sparkly present is in his palm. It is a golden haircomb with lots of beautiful jewels on it that make a flower picture. I pick up the comb, in awe that I would get such a grown up gift. I hug Loki around his neck, smelling salty sea wind in his hair. I love Loki. He plucks it out of my hand and I feel it go into my hair. I touch it on my head and wonder if it looks beautiful.

I gasp as he drops me into thin air and then catches me at the last second. I scream, clutching at his hands under my armpits. He flies me up.

I have the best brother.

"Loki! Don't drop her!" Another set of hands grabs me out of Loki's and lifts me even higher. I find myself sitting on the shoulder of my other brother. I wrap my arms around his head, not wanting to fall off. It is very far down.

"I am not scared, Dor." I tell him. Thor is the bravest in the whole entire Asgard and I want to be brave like him when I grow up and fight the bad guys. I never cry in front of Thor.

"Where is the birthday girl?" My arms are wrapped around his eyes and he flails his hands up and around, trying to find me. I clutch him harder, scared I will fall.

"Riding a gold-hair ass," says Loki, smirking.

You wish you could fly

But there's nothing you can do

If you're too scared to try

The last person I held hands with was Gabe. This was different. Gabe and I would intertwine our fingers as we walked. He would rub his thumb over the back of my hand, absentmindedly. It became second nature to us, to grab hands. When we broke up, my hand felt empty when I walked next to anyone. I had had to keep my fingers busy with a cell phone or a pocket or my hair.

Holding hands with Steve was unnatural. It was dangerous and raw. It was warm and chaste. Our fingers did not interlock. Our palms were pressed firmly against one another and the bones in my hand were beginning to ache. Steve's fingers were still as stone, as if he wasn't really paying attention to the physical contact. As if I wasn't a person, or a girl.

He was just tethering something down that was in danger of being ripped away by the wind. That's what it felt like to me. He was the only thing keeping me in my seat. If he let go, I would float away.

So when the food arrived a mere ten minutes after we'd ordered (I'm sure the cooks were sweating after getting ten plates of food out in record time) I did not let go of his hand. I fumbled with the fork in my left hand, scooping scrambled eggs into my mouth like it was nobody's business.

I let conversation wash over me, not following one or another. I enjoyed my breakfast until an itch on my leg forced me to relent my fork. My hand found metal, not skin, and I realized with horror, that I was going to have suffer the itch until it gave up. There was no way to reach the top of my knee under the metal boot. It was torture. I squirmed in my seat, nibbled on my toast, sipped my cold, sickly sweet coffee. I had to get my Iron Man boot off, and soon.

An idea came to me then. Tony Stark had to get out of his Iron Man suit somehow. Maybe he could pry the wretched contraption off of me. Before I got too scared I sat up straighter, leaned forward and down the table, past Steve, Bruce and Pepper. I felt Steve look at me in surprise.

"Mr. Stark?" He was lightly arguing with Pepper, pointing his fork at something on her plate. He stopped immediately, glancing up at me in surprise. I was not expecting the rest of the table to quiet down as well.

My cheeks felt too hot and I almost lost my voice when I saw that everyone was looking at me.

"What?" he asked after a second of waiting. I couldn't tell if he hated me, after the whole IOU thing in his tower, or if he was just impatient with my silence.

"Uh," I seriously should have just endured the itch. "I was wondering how you get your Iron Man suit off." I felt really lame and small. Looks of puzzlement shot at me from every direction. My face got hotter under the scrutiny, but I bravely kept my inquisitive expression turned towards Mr. Stark.

"First of all, call me Tony." He said. "And secondly, I have never been asked that before. Why do you want to know?"

"Um," I didn't know how to put this. I could feel Fury's eye on me. I felt certain that he wasn't going to let me take the boot off until one of his S.H.I.E.L.D. doctors examined me. I would have to do this without him. "Like I said, I was just wondering." I said, knowing that I sounded as shy as I felt.

"Stop by, and I will give you the tour," he offered. "but I can't be tossing out trade secrets like candy at the fourth of July."

I was confused. He was inviting me back? After that whole fiasco?

"Alright." I said uncertainly.

The itch bit me sharply, annoyed that I was ignoring it. I jumped in my seat and the table shook. Clint yelped in pain.

"Sorry!" I yelled, steadying Thor's water glass. "Sorry!"

How embarrassing. Stupid stupid moronic metal cast. Thor laughed at me, a big booming laugh that drew more unwanted attention.

"Don't worry about it." Clint said, his face not agreeing with his words. I probably broke his foot.

"I am so sorry." I said again, shrinking.

"Poor baby." Romanov patted Clint's face condescendingly, making him swat at her.

"Alright, Children, pipe down." Fury spoke up. When he had everyone's attention he sat taller. "Most of you know why we are here. A debriefing is in order. I reserved the conference room for that very purpose. Debriefing is mandatory, and is in," he checked his watch, "half an hour. Be there or feel my fury."

Romanov, Clint, and the agent next to Fury all groaned at the same time at the bad pun.

I had heard the word thrown around in military movies, debrief, but I really had no idea what to expect. Was it like an interrogation? A discussion? Lecture?

Before we had all filed into the secure conference room, it was clear that neither Stark, Pepper nor Banner were going to attend. I saw them walk straight out the front door, Pepper glancing back at Fury apologetically, holding her hand to her ear to signal that she would call him later. Fury didn't look surprised. The way Tony Stark saw it, he had been called in to consult, catch the bad guy, and was now finished and had no responsibility to S.H.I.E.L.D.

That left the lady agent, Clint, Romanov, Thor, Steve, and me. We had moved from the café to the conference room right after the chef insisted on footing the bill. He wouldn't have superheroes paying for a meal in his establishment.

There was a pitcher of water in the center of the long table with a stack of Styrofoam cups. Steve poured me a cup without asking if I wanted any, and then poured one for everyone else.

Director Fury cast an intimidating image, standing while the rest of us sat, in his trench coat and eye patch. He didn't look excited to be doing this. I felt a twinge of nervousness. Everyone else looked bored.

"As the director of S.H.I.L.E.D. it is my duty to administer debriefing. The purpose, for those who are not familiar with this process," here Fury looked straight at me. "is to clear up any misconceptions concerning the mission and resulting incidents of the past week. The rules are, when I am speaking, you shut up."

I almost laughed, but caught myself just in time, catching the giggle in my chest before it could bubble up my throat and out my mouth.

Fury picked up an electronic tablet from the table. The light from the screen glowed on his face. Then he proceeded to literally read through the events that had transpired, listing the facts one by one. If I thought the news broadcaster on TV was cold, this was glacier water.

Once I got over my astonishment of how scientific and thorough he was going to be, I realized that the list was quite interesting. I hadn't been around for what Fury deemed as the beginning. I hadn't known about Avenger's initiative. I had no idea about the tesseract and it's importance.

I began to realize that when he got to the part where I killed Luke, it was going to be horrible for me. I knew already what he thought of me, from when we had our little 'chat'. I steeled myself when it was time and did not allow myself to show how crazy it made me feel to hear it as if I hadn't been there.

One detail about Germany was new it me: Captain America had been the one to break my leg. When I hadn't put the scepter down he had thrown his shield at my leg. I don't know why this bothered me so much, but it did. I was hurt that he would keep this detail from me this whole time.

By the way, I had let go of his hand before we left the café. I hadn't floated away, like I thought I might.

Now I was glad I was not holding his hand. I felt betrayed. I thought he was my friend. He broke my leg, made me think that I would never dance again. That was unforgivable. I did not look at him, but his discomfort was palpable as he sat next to me. Waves of hostility rolled off me.

I understood, then, why Fury told us not to talk while he was. I wanted to make Steve explain himself and tell him how he ruined my life. I bit the insides of my cheeks to keep from exploding.

After the Stuttgart incident, the fact list turned away from me and focused on the Avengers, on Loki and the tesseract. I was again surprised to hear that he thought I had left the helicarrier willingly with Loki.

The whole thing made me look every bit as weak, self-centered, and cowardly as I really was. I was finally redeemed when Fury got to the part where I used the scepter to close the portal, but after he had acknowledged all the great things the Avengers had done, my accomplishment was an insignificant afterthought. Besides, it really didn't matter if the portal had closed or not. Iron Man had blown up the alien craft by the time I had done my part.

When Fury was finished with the recap, he set the tablet down, switching it off.

"Did I miss anything?" He asked the group, who had remained silent during the timeline.

Romanov, who Fury had referred to as Black Widow during the debriefing, said, "You forgot I had to go all the way to India by myself to convince the Hulk to join our little group." She said it with a little glint in her eye.

Fury sighed.

"What! That was a disturbing event." Her lips turned up into a teasing smile.

"Fine. Anything else?"

"I called down my lightning from the top of the tower Chrysler." Thor added. I wasn't sure if he really thought this was an important detail, or if he was just exploiting Fury.

"I kept the helicarrier afloat after the engines went out." The lady agent added smugly, obviously joking. I began to smile, too.

"And I did a lot more shooting than you made it sound like. I swear I went through so many arrows. Those things aren't cheap." Added Clint, not teasing. Fury had called him Hawkeye. I wondered why.

Fury rubbed his forehead. Steve was quiet beside me. I still couldn't bring myself to look at him but I could tell the frivolity was irritating him. So I piped up too. It was the most passive-aggressive way of getting back at him for breaking my leg.

"I was kidnapped."

At this Fury looked up, regarding me with a hint of interest. He said, "We took you into custody. That is a whole different thing than kidnapping."

"No. I mean Loki kidnapped me. I didn't just walk off the helicarrier with him. He stole me." I sounded annoyed, even in my ears.

And then a thought struck me. I had been kidnapped before, I just didn't remember it. From Asgard. I had been abducted so much that I should just be used to it by now.

If anyone else wants to, come at me.

"I see. Thank you for clearing that up. Now if no one else has a real contribution we are skipping the next three phases because I know none of you are going to do the touchy-feely part where we hold hands and share emotions. And I don't want to hear it. That's what a shrink is for. I'm not your mommy."

No one objected.

"And for the last two phases I only require Siri and Thor. Before the rest of you get out, let me say this, even though I shouldn't have to: everything is classified as confidential. No one is to divulge any of these SHIELD secrets. Under the penalty of death."

He looked with his one eye, one by one, at each one of us.

I felt Steve hesitate as the others left the room. I didn't acknowledge him; instead I examined Thor for a sign of what was to come. I don't know why I didn't expect the following. Perhaps I really am a moron.

"It would bring glory to Asgard to bring you to your place of origin, Gersemi." Thor began. "A sinister shadow was cast, by the sorceress, obscuring you wholly from my father's sight, as he hunted for you, after you were captured. Mother mourned you twice over, as have we all. You cannot foresee the pleasure it would bring the all-father and our mother, Frigga, to have their daughter resorted to them, after these agonizing years. On behalf of the all-father, and the inhabitants of Asgard and all the realms beneath, I, Thor, Odinson, heir to the throne, god of thunder, and your devoted brother, welcome you home, if you would have us."

I felt all of the heat drain from my body, sucked out of me by the pleather chair beneath. What was he saying? Why couldn't I keep up? Was I that stupid? Was he speaking English?

"You want me…to," my eyes flicked between Fury and Thor, visually opposites, one very bright and one dark. "to…go?" I pointed up vaguely in the direction I thought Asgard might be, like where heaven was, or Never Never Land.

Second star from the right and straight on 'till morning. I had a vision of flying like Peter Pan, through outer space. My vision got violent when the natural vacuum-like state of space crushed me as soon as I left the safety of our atmosphere. I imagined myself drifting as space debris for a few hundred years before attaching to some comet or moon where my skin would melt off my bones as the heat of the sun touched me.

I didn't realize I was shaking my head until Thor said, "You refuse?" He looked terribly hurt.

"I, just don't…know if I could cope." I said very truthfully, hoping to explain to Thor well enough so that he could forgive me. "I barely get by here, on Earth. I get these panic attacks, just in the grocery store if it's too crowded. Going..." I struggled for the words, "somewhere so far and so unfamiliar would probably kill me."

"Oh please." Fury scoffed. My jaw dropped. I was telling the truth. "Give yourself more credit. You survived the last few days. Thrived, even. You helped save the world from an alien invasion and you are still here, still breathin'. And when was the last time you had one of your famous panic attacks, hmm? Siri, I would venture to say you've changed." He looked kind of smug.

"I…I…" I had nothing. When was the last time? Nearly in the café, but Steve had stopped that.

"Think it over. Sleep on it." Fury continued. "You have until tomorrow morning to decide."

"What's tomorrow morning?"

"Your departure time. Either you go with Thor, Loki and the tesseract, or you get shipped back to Aspen."

"What happens to the scepter?" I thought, suddenly. Fury looked at me curiously.

"It's yours," he said after a pause. "But we can't have you traipsing around with it, blowing up ski shops, slaughtering tourists, or whatever you'd do with it in Aspen."

I thought for a second and decided that at least some of the tourists would have to go. At least the ones who drove like idiots.

"S.H.I.E.L.D. will hold onto it for you. If there ever comes a time the world needs you or the scepter, we will get in touch. Unless you decide to man up and go with Thor. Then you take the scepter with you, and good riddance." I knew he was kidding about that last part. Or at least I hoped so.

"Get some rest," Fury continued, standing up. I guessed the debriefing was over. "You are gonna need it." He held the door open for Thor and me, and the followed us out.

"Siri!"

Steve jumped out at me, giving me a heart attack. He had been leaning against the wall, waiting for the exact moment I reappeared. Thor slowed when he saw Steve. He looked at me for a long moment and Steve looked at Thor, waiting till he left to say what he wanted. Thor sized him up silently and then looked to me.

"Do you need my assistance to your quarters, Sister?" I realized then, that he was playing the role of protective brother. My heart melted.

"No, thank you, Thor. I can manage." I gave him my warmest smile, grateful for his concern.

"I will see that she makes it back safely." Steve said, and with that, my limit of accepting manly protection was reached. All I felt was annoyance at him.

I said I could manage.

"See that you do." Was Thor's response. Then his face lightened. He liked Captain America too much to stay mad. He left us, following Fury out the lobby doors. Probably to go check on Loki.

"Siri." Steve said again, when we were alone.

"What."

"Just let me explain." He ran his hand through his hair.

"Okay." I grunted, wishing I had the chops to tell him to get lost. Wishing I didn't feel a weird sense of owing him something for being nice to me and holding my hand.

"I didn't have a choice." I knew he was talking about Stuttgart. I turned down the hall, towards the elevator. I lifted my metal leg out in front of me and began my customary hop back to my room. He kept up with my slow pace. "You did not look like a friendly. And you wouldn't put the scepter down. There was a body at your feet. And then there was Loki, laughing, urging you on. I had to disarm you."

I sighed. He was right. And I had known it this whole time. But that still didn't stop me from being mad at him. I mean, seriously, he had to go for my leg? A dancer's worst nightmare. Why not aim to just knock the scepter out of my hand? So I let him babble on apologies.

"You don't know how it's torn me up." He said, getting dramatic as we stepped into the elevator. I fought the urge to roll my eyes. "I feel terrible, knowing I ruined your career. I couldn't have known you were just being bullied."

"What?"

"Loki was bullying you. I don't like bullies."

I thought that was weird way to look at it. I thought of a bully as a big mean kid at school that picked on the smart guys or the Glee club. The was he saw it, Loki was a little worse than a misunderstood school child.

"Please accept my apologies, Siri. I can't stand the thought of loosing you…" a rush of warmth swirled through me. Wide eyed, I glanced at him, really looking at him for the first time since the debriefing. He gulped. It was almost fun to see the sturdy Captain America squirm. "As a friend." He finished.

I sighed as the doors slid open. I really couldn't blame him.

"Fine," I mumbled and hopped out into the hallway. A smile lit up his face, heating me further, until I didn't feel cold anymore.

"You accept?"

"Yeah." I said in my duh voice.

"Say it." He demanded.

"Say what?"

"Say you forgive me."

"I forgive you." And I did.

He straighten up, looking more like Captain America, square shouldered, flat-backed, and confident.

I groaned, remembering that I didn't have my room key. And we were nearly at my door. I swore loudly.

He looked at me in surprise.

"Sorry." He probably wasn't used to my foul mouth. "I mean…oh shoot." I corrected, snapping my fingers. "I'm locked out." I gestured to my door.

He stopped immediately. "I will go get you a key."

I smiled gratefully. Before he was out of sight I called out, "Hey Steve." He turned around. "Do you forgive me?" His eyebrows furrowed. "I mean for the language."

He pursed his lips. "There's no need. I understand times have changed."

"Do you accept my apologies?" I pressed on.

"Sure." He shrugged, almost turning around again.

"Say it."

Hello Hello loverly readers. Thank you for reading a reviewing. You types of people make it fun! And make me not want to kill myself. KIDDING. That was Siri speaking. I seriously need to get out of her head. It's depressing. And yet, kind of funny.

Love,

-Coy