So lets stay together
It's 6:13 am. I woke up to take a quick shower, and now I can't sleep. There's a knock on the sliding doors that lead to my balcony. Slowly and quietly, I unlock and slide open the door. Santana is standing right in front of me. She sighs and I see a trail of vapor expel from her mouth. I'm in shock. What is she doing here? I open my mouth to speak, but no words are being said.
"I was in the neighborhood." she whispers with a smile and my heart skips. Her smile, her eyes. My god, she might kill me someday. I look down to her hands and they're tucked in her pockets. She's wearing her big basket ball jacket. My arms wrap around her neck, the way I've gotten so use to, and hers go around my waist. She's so warm and soft. Like a teddy bear. If only I could stay like this forever. The smell of her hair sends shock waves up my spine. Can she feel my heart beating continuously for her?
Stop, Brittany. If you think any louder she'll hear you.
We separate and stare at each other momentarily. I reach for the openings of her jacket, where the buttons are supposed to come together, and pull her inside. Our eyes are locked as I walk backwards into my room again. I stop at the edge of my bed and she sits me down. Her arms wrap around my neck and I breathe in deeply. Her hands trace down my arms, then lay me down, flat on my back. Is that sound my heart or hers? I'm pretty sure it's mine. She swings one leg over on the other side of my body, straddling my hips. Hands above my shoulders, keeping her up, making our faces are centimeters away from each others.
"Are you scared?" she whispers. I don't know what to say. She's taken my breath away and I may never get it back.
"Of you, no. Of what you do to me, yes."
She giggles and twirls my hair with her index finger. "Don't be. I won't hurt you."
"What if I hurt you?"
"Would you?"
I shake my head, of course I wouldn't.
"Then don't worry."
I sigh and cherish the very moment of her presence. "No one has ever been so protective of me, but then there's you." I confess and she smiles. My hand runs through her soft, dark brown hair as my other hand is placed on her shoulder. "W-what if I need to hurt you to protect you?"
"Don't worry about me, Britt."
"If I don't, who will?"
Her eyes sparkle with the morning sunlight shining through my window. In my head I'm begging her to say my name, to just say my freaking name and I'll be there every second of everyday. Whether she does or not, I'll do anything in my power to protect her from this messed up world. She cares so much for me, and all I'm trying to do is give it back to her. All she does is worry constantly about her spurrpundings. She needs a break.
"You really mean that?" she asks in a weak tone. My heart melts immediately.
"Why wouldn't I?"
She shrugs and rolls over to the right side of my bed. My hands clasp under my left cheek as I lie in place, eyes glued to her. The way she stares up at the ceiling and loses herself makes me feel like an outsider. Wait San, I want to get lost with you. Where'd she go? Her eyes say she left. But wait, she turns to look at me and smiles. I return her gesture, then pull a strand of her hair behind her ear. She grabs my hand and kisses it gently.
"You're so beautiful." she whispers with a weak giggle. I shake my head in denial and she raises her eyebrows confused.
"I'm not as pretty as other girls at school." I reply and sit up in my bed, hugging my knees to my chest.
"You're perfect."
I giggle and lower my head. "To you."
"Yeah," she sits up along with me and lowers her head so our eyes meet. "that's all that really matters, right?"
I smile. She's joking, I think. My gaze goes from her eyes, to her lips, and back to her eyes. She lies back down and puts her hands behind her head, keeping it in place like a pillow. Her eyes close because of the sun shining through the drapes. I get up to close them, then lie back down. I wish the sun would go away just so that I'd have her sleep with me. We all know I can't sleep at night and maybe if she were beside me, I could. Her chest rises and descends as she breathes in deeply. I scoot closer to her and place my right arm over her stomach while my head rests on her chest. Wait, she's gotten use to my touch. She no longer goes stiff with my body being in contact with hers. The feeling of my hair being stroked scares me for a second, but then I realize it's her. Her heart. It pumps blood throughout her body rapidly. I can hear it. My eyes start drifting shut, and I can't fight it.
Don't sleep, Brittany. You'll forget she's here.
If I forget and my parents come in, I'm screwed.
—
The sound of loud crows outside my backyard wakes me and I see her. She's still here. Her head resting so serenely on the pillow against her neck. The way she groans when she hears the slightest noise makes me smile. And the way she holds me tighter when I fidget just a little bit in my spot, makes my stomach tingle with happiness. Damn, she's beautiful. Her eyes. Her hair. Her skin. Everything. Every beauty mark. Every freckle. Every flaw. She's like a goddess. I'm lucky to even be next to her right now. My eyes are glued to her and I can't take them off. Sometimes, I even wonder if she's real. Maybe if I poke her, I'll find out.
My instincts take control and I poke her cheek. Maybe a little too hard. She slowly begins to open her eyes and breathes in, looking at her surroundings.
Nice Brittany, you woke up the princess by poking her. How romantic. Now use some lame line to sweep her off her feet.
She giggles and stretches her arms. "Did you just poke me?"
"Yeah, sorry. I wanted to see if you were real." I reply and look up at her; my head still resting on her chest. She giggles and I feel her abs clench and unclench with every breath as my hand is resting on her stomach. "It's just that you're so beautiful." I whisper and pull the blankets over my legs. The basket ball jacket she's wearing makes her so much warmer though. My hand traces straight across her stomach and into her unbuttoned jacket; making me embrace her even tighter.
"You were asleep for a while." she says in a low tone and sighs.
"I don't sleep at night because I listen to the ambulance sirens and wonder when they'll come for me." I say and she stays still in her position, looking straight ahead without making eye contact with me. It's like I triggered some angry nerve inside her. It's not my intention to make her mad. I really need to filter what I say sometimes, but then again, it's true.
She sighs and strokes my hair gently. "They'll never come for you," she begins and tilts her head so that she's facing me. "'cause you won't need them."
She's right. I won't need them as long as she's next to me I can conquer anything that comes into my path. It's like I'm invincible with her.
Suddenly her grip on me loosens. Her smile fades as she sits up and looks down at the patterns on my bed sheets. I sit up along with her and lower my head to meet her gaze.
"What's wrong?" I ask and she shakes her head, not wanting to say. "Tell me." I whisper and place my hand on her forearm to assure her that she can tell me anything. She breathes out and giggles halfheartedly.
"I'm not good enough for you, Britt." she confesses and I look at her with a confused expression. "I don't have nice things like you do. Your room is like the size of my living room. I want to be able to take you out on dates and buy you nice things, but I can't..."
I shake my head and open my mouth to speak, but she beats me to it.
"You deserve better and I can't give you that." she says weakly and tears form in her eyes, but then she blinks them away. I grab her hand and hold onto it tightly. How could she think I care about that? About appearance? I don't. I care about her and about her family. I care about the fact that her wrists stay scar less. That her heart stays beating. And that her lungs keep breathing; because without her I'm nothing.
"I don't care about that stuff, San. Dates don't tell me I'm beautiful or hug me when I'm sad." I tilt her head up so our eyes meet. Her's are so weak and so fragile. They can break any second, but I'll be there to slowly mend them together. "I'll buy you nice things, I'll take you out on dates and I'll tell you you're beautiful...because you deserve that."
A soft smile comes across her face and she sniffles. A tear runs down her cheek, but I wipe it with my thumb before it falls. Without warning, she presses her hand against my chest and lays me down on my bed again. My heart races and my hands begin to tremble nervously. She straddles my hips, but I swear our position is too intimate for words. Her right leg is in between my thighs and my shirt is lifted up, revealing my heaving stomach. She looks into my eyes as if it were her last time looking at me and pulls down the hem of my shirt so that my stomach is no longer visible. I rest my arms on her shoulder, but then slowly begin to take off her heavy jacket and throw it to the side of my dresser. She kisses my forehead, my nose, skips my lips, and kisses my chin. My eyes drift shut as I take in the sensation of her lips. They open again and she smiles softly. Sometimes, I can't handle how beautiful she is. It makes me question whether I'm sleeping or just not on this planet anymore. She defines the meaning of beauty.
We stare at each other adoringly, but suddenly, I hear footsteps coming up the stairs and begin to panic. She quickly jumps off me and skips around trying to decide where to hide, but I stop her and stick her in my closet.
"Brittany?" I hear a muffled voice from the other side of the door. It's Amelia. My heart thumps as I jump back into bed. She comes in with a tray of food. A little too much food. I smile nervously and cover myself with my blankets. She shakes her head and sets the tray on my dresser.
"Oh Santana, come out of the closet." she states and my eyes widen in astonishment. Santana slowly begins to appear from behind the door with eyes as wide as mine. Amelia shuts my bedroom door and stands beside it as she crosses her arms. Santana comes and sits beside me on my bed with a shade of pink taking over her cheek. "I saw you when I came in to put Brittany's towels in her bathroom. You should know better, Santana. If her parents come in here, not only with you get in trouble, but she will too." Amelia lectures us and Santana looks to the floor shyly. I bite my lip, trying my best not to laugh. From the corner of my eye, I see Santana smiling. She nudges her elbow into mine and I giggle.
"Sorry." she states and Amelia sighs in frustration.
"Brittany," she begins and pulls me aside. "I was teenager once. If you engage in any sexual activities, just let me know and I'll—"
"Amelia, its okay. Chill." I tell her and she relaxes. Santana's mouth drops as she processes what Amelia just said.
"Okay, well your parents are still sleeping. So keep quiet. I'll get you girls when they leave for their meeting."
I nod and she walks out while shutting the door behind her. Santana giggles and pushes me lightly.
"See what you do!" she says in a loud whisper.
"Oh, shush!" I reply and grab the tray of food. She gets up and takes it from me.
"I got it." she states softly and I smile at how cute she can be. She sets it on the bed and begins cutting the pancake into pieces. An utter feeling of joy fills my body as I watch her. I extend my arm to grab the syrup, but when I turn to face her again, I see she's pointing the whipped cream nozzle towards me. Before I could say anything, she squirts some on my nose and it drops all over my shirt.
"Bad idea!" I say and squirt some syrup on her face. She gasps and begins to chase me. We run around my room squirting the whipped cream and syrup on each other like two children at a sleepover. I jump over my bed and she does the same. Suddenly, she trips over her jacket. My heart drops and I rush to her side.
"San—"
"Ha! Got ya'!" she says with a smile and attacks me so that she's on top of me. I close my eyes and prepare myself for the sticky mess to land on my face, but it doesn't. I open them again to see her staring at me.
"Don't worry," she begins and kisses my nose lightly as she gets up. "I won't do anything."
I giggle and sit up. Moments later, there's a knock at my door again. "Brittany? You can come out now. It's safe." Amelia informs us and I press my index finger against my lips to tell Santana to be quiet. We both start making kissing noises and she freaks out. "Brittany? What are you two doing?"
Then Santana lets out a fake moan and she rushes in with wide eyes. Santana and I laugh hysterically while Amelia struggles to get her heart rate back to normal.
"Ustedes niñas casi me dieron un ataqué de corazon." she says and holds her chest to calm her heart rate.
I giggle and look to Santana. "Huh?"
"We almost gave her a heart attack."
I tilt my head back understandingly and she smiles.
"Okay girls, you two should come down and eat, since all you did was play around." she points out and Santana throws a smirk my way. We walk out and sit on the island across Amelia. She hands us plates with eggs, sausage and pancakes, then we begin eating.
"So ladies, Halloween is coming up. Are you two going to those parties they throw every year?" Amelia asks both Santana and I, but neither of us answer.
"Oh Santana, your mother and I are going trick-or-treating with the kids; just so you know."
Santana nods. "Sounds fun." she states and turns to look at me.
"What are you doing?"
I shrug and wipe my face with a napkin. "I never do anything."
"Come over to my place. I don't do anything either. We could watch scary movies and stuff. I mean, that's if you want. And if you don't want to be alone we could invite—"
"San, breathe."
She takes a deep breath and smiles nervously. "Breathe...right."
"I'd love to." I reply and her face lights up with happiness.
"Okay." she says weakly. Amelia winks at me and I rub the back of my neck shyly. Both of us finish eating and we clean up the mess so Amelia can take a break.
After about twenty minutes, we head back to my room and lie in my bed. She embraces me in her arms as I rest my head on her chest. Her heart beat and sound of her breathing is all I hear. It's calming; like the creek. Her left hand rests halfway across her stomach and I slide my right across to lace them both together. Her skin feels cool, so I cover us with blankets. A smile takes over her lips as I play with her fingers.
"Your aunt was really nice yesterday." I tell her and she giggles. I feel her abs clench and unclench with each breath she takes.
"She likes you a lot. All she talked about when I got home was you. 'Santana, your friend is so beautiful' 'Santana, why don't you invite her over?' 'Santana, what kind of facial cleanser does she use?'"
I laugh and let out a short breath. "Do you like me?" I ask in a low tone and her eyes find mine.
"More than anything..." she says weakly and strokes my hair softly. "I thought you knew that."
"I just wanted to hear you say it."
She laughs and I smile widely. Even doing absolutely nothing with her means so much to me.
"Brittany?" someone calls for me from the other side of my door and I begin to fill with panic. It's Arie. Santana looks at me and I instantly jump off her body as if she had some kind of disease. She ducks herself beside my bed and stays as still as possible. "Brittany? Open the door!"
She begins to crawl to the sliding doors and makes it to my balcony. I shut them as softly as I can, but they slam against the rail. Artie barges in and catches a glimpse of her going down the ladder. I know he did because she wasn't to the ground yet. My hands start shaking because of how nervous I am. He looks outside then back at me with an angry look on his face.
"What's going on?" He asks as I shut the curtains and walk to my bed.
"Nothing."
He wheels around my bedroom, looking for evidence to prove me wrong. My eyes land on Santana's jacket. Crapcrapcrap. Please, don't notice. Please, don't notice. The feeling in my stomach makes me feel like I committed a crime. He continues to wheel around, but doesn't seem to find anything. I sigh in relief. Suddenly, his chair gets wrapped into something. Santana's sleeve. He goes in reverse and picks up the jacket with a perplexed expression planted on his face.
"Santana Lopez," he reads the lettering and chuckles evilly. "now I know who was here."
I try and grab it from his lap, but he grips on my wrist forcefully. "Don't make this worse, Brittany." he states while clenching his teeth and I let go. I watch him wheel out of my room, but when he makes it to the threshold, my father appears. Now I'm dead.
"Artie, what are you doing here?" he asks him and looks at me with an angry face.
"I stopped by on my way to church." he replies and hands him Santana's jacket. My stomach feels like I was punched in the gut with a metal boxing glove. Artie beckons him to lean down and he whispers in his ear. His face turns bright red. He's angry.
"Thank you." he mumbles and Artie nods as he heads out. My fathers teeth clench along with the jacket in his hand.
"Who was in our home?"
"It was Santana, dad. Chill out."
"There can't be strangers in my house! What if she steals something? She's a poor, poor girl and you let her inside!"
"She won't! She's not like that! You don't even know her, shut up!"
Now you shut up, Brittany. Just shut up.
He throws her jacket in my face. The metal buttons hit my upper lip and I wince in pain. He grabs my arm and pushes me to the floor. I land on my backside and feel a horrible sting run up my spine. He's a lunatic that has absolutely no soul.
"I don't want her in here ever again." he states and walks out while slamming the door behind him. I'm hurting and I need Santana by my side.
What do you hear?
"My dad's footsteps. The wind. My crying. And—"
A -clack- sound on my window. I crawl to my sliding doors and peek through the curtains. Santana is standing outside. Panic fills my entire body as I throw her jacket over my shoulder and walk out to my balcony.
"Santana, what are you doing here? I thought you left. If my dad sees you he'll—"
"Brittany," she interrupts me and looks at my upper lip. I try and lower my head, but she just tilts it up so it's more visible. "What happened? Tell me."
I don't respond.
"Tell me now, Brittany." she demands and crosses her arms. I sigh and run my hand through my hair.
"He through your jacket at me because I answered back to him." I respond and hand her the jacket.
"Britt..." she says disappointed and shakes her head.
"He was talking about you, San!"
"Let him talk. Okay? Let him. If you know he's going to hurt you, don't say anything at all. You can't be getting hurt because of me."
I look to the floor and bite my lip, trying to hold back my tears. Her arms wrap around me tightly, as if a tornado were about to strike. And it will. Oh, it will. It just hasn't reached us yet. I sob into her shoulder as she hushes me to try to calm me. Her arms wrap around me tightly, as if a tornado were about to strike. And it will. Oh, it will. It just hasn't reached us yet. But with her, I can conquer any tornado, earthquake and storm that come into my path.
"I'll protect you, Santana." I begin and she holds me tighter because she knows the meaning behind the sentence. "Until I can't anymore..."
Author's note: Just so you guys know, it's not going to go back and forth. It is going to go somewhere, so just be patient. Spoiler Alert: There will be a kiss around November. (: thank you so much for reading!