Hello my lovely readers! Thank you for your comments. It makes me even feel worse for not treating you the way you deserve but... today's chapter... well, you'll see. Don't forget your chocolate! You'll need it.

December 15th, Monday: 10 days until Christmas

Wasn't it astonishing how Sam lived here for two and a half weeks now and hadn't gotten around to unpack all of his things? Granted, he only wanted to get tidier next year but it couldn't hurt to actually put his clothes into the cupboard instead of living out of his suitcase.

And hey, it was the best idea ever to arrange them by colour! Why hadn't he thought of that much earlier, really?

"Sam, do you want Chop Suey?" Rachel called.

"No, thanks."

"But you're gonna eat today, right?"

"Maybe later! I'm busy!"

Sam sat down on his bed and stared at the colourful chain of lights that he had set up on the wall. It made the section extra christmassy.

The only problem was Sam felt as if Christmas had jumped out of the window and committed suicide. Dead and empty. Just like his heart.

The doorbell rang. Sam jumped up and clenched his fists. If that was Blaine he would have to control himself not to punch him, too. Such an ass! Such a dick!

But when Sam went outside Rachel just opened the door to... Sebastian?

Sam was there in no time and pushed Rachel aside.

"What do you want here, another punch in your stupid face?"

"As much as I enjoyed that, no", Sebastian said. He pointed at his face, and Sam saw that both of his cheeks were red and wounded. He was pretty sure though that he had hit him only once.

"Is Kurt here?" Sebastian asked.

"No, he is not, and if he were he wouldn't want to talk to you", Rachel said.

"Yeah, I got that from the fact that he slapped me and ran out of our rehearsal. The Kinneys were more than confused. If he doesn't return until, oh, let's see..." Sebastian looked at his watch. "One hour left. If he doesn't return soon he'll lose the job."

"And since when do you care?" Sam asked, crossing his arms.

"Since I worked my ass off on perfecting our performance and don't want to start all over again with somebody else. It takes energy and time. But what would you two know about that, right, since acting like a couple comes so naturally to you. Maybe there's something going on after all? Why else would you take her home to your family on Christmas?" Sebastian smirked.

"Oh, piss off, Sebastian, we don't need your provocative talk!" Rachel said.

Sam's jaw tensed. He wanted to punch him again, so bad. And Blaine had confided in him, of all people. So it wasn't only a physical thing. They were emotionally connected. Right. Good to know. One screw up from Sam and Blaine ran to the next guy. Wow.

"Well, if you see Kurt tell him. He's about to lose the best chance ever to go to Broadway. Just saying. Bye!" Sebastian waved with a grin and retreated. Sam pushed the door close with as much force he could bring up and then stomped to the couch, his hands still busy clenching.

Was that what Blaine thought? That there really was something going on with Rachel? But that was a stupid thought, why would Blaine think that?

Sam would have told him in person about the situation, he had been just about to do it! Was it really necessary to storm away like that? What a drama queen! Tsk.

"Sam, maybe you should take a walk and kick some stones or something like that", Rachel commended his pacing.

"I want to hit Sebastian, that bastard!"

"I know. But he's gone. I call Kurt, he really shouldn't miss a chance like that because of Sebastian. That would be like letting him win", Rachel said. She took up her phone and held to her ear while she went to the stove to watch the food she was brewing.

Meanwhile Sam stared out of the window. Of course snow was falling peacefully and made the winter day a picturesque one. Stupid weather! Not once had it supported Sam's mood, not ever! Well, except that Midsummer day when he had realised he would have to take on his father's job offer because he hadn't gotten a job in New York.

And whose fault was it all? His father's of course. Why had Sam ever let him believe that shit? It wasn't right. He wouldn't take Rachel to his family, he wouldn't even go there. Christmas was dead.

Sam picked up his phone and called his dad's cell. It rang and rang and Sam started to worry that he would loose a tooth due to the way his jaw was grinding.

Naturally his call went to voicemail. But Sam couldn't be stopped by that. Actually, it was even better so his dad couldn't interrupt him.

"Listen, dad. Rachel is not my girlfriend. What we tell on TV is fake for the sake of selling our single. It's a lie. She's an uptight, controlling and fame-driven girl that only Finn could ever manage to love."

"I heard that!" Rachel called.

"Also, I still have a boyfriend. That is actually the main reason I don't love any girls. I couldn't because my eyes are blinded with the beauty and otherworldly kindness of my boyfriend. If it wasn't for him, maybe I'd think Rachel was cute or Kurt was – okay, well, let's not go there, I'm not that desperate. Anyway. Blaine, you remember Blaine, yeah, the perfect, sweet, adorable boy I brought home on Midsummer? Yeah, it's him. You either get me with him or not at all."

Oh my God, he had never ever talked to his dad like that. Shit. Could he take it back and start again?

"Uhm..." Sam scratched his head. "Call me when you get that? Or not because you hate me now. I don't care. Okay, maybe I do care. Please call me. Blaine is so cool, you'd love him if you would get to know him. So, yeah. Bye."

Sam hang up and looked at his phone. Had that been clever or very stupid? Really, he couldn't tell.

"You think I'm cuuute!" Rachel suddenly was next to him and poked into his arm. Sam startled.

"What? I never said that. Could you reach Kurt?"

"No, unfortunately not. I hope he's not doing something stupid."

"You have seen what he's done? Slapping meercat's face. That is extremely clever and loyal of him. I never realised what a good friend Kurt is." Sam nodded and put his phone into his pocket. His stomach growled. Well, he hadn't really eaten since Saturday. But he also didn't have an appetite. Eating was boring and needless and only made him fat.

Rachel crossed her arms. "You acknowledge someone's friendship when they slap people for you?"

"Yup. That's my definition of true amity."

"You're weird." Rachel went back to the kitchen and Sam sat down on the couch, staring at the glistening tree. And now? What on earth could he do now? Clean the bathroom, maybe.

Sam got up and looked for something like an utility closet where they kept polishers and stuff like that. But then Kurt came in and distracted him. The NYADA student threw his bag on the ground and got out off his jacket.

"I quit the play. I don't care that it's the Kinneys. I mean I do care but that's not worth it. I can't even look at meercat without wanting to punch him."

"You're my hero!" Sam held up his hand but Kurt just frowned at him without high-fiving him while putting his jacket on the wardrobe.

"Kurt, please, think about it! The Kinneys! Broadway!" Rachel said.

"I want fame, yes, but I am not ready to sell my soul for it."

"But that's how it works!" Rachel said pretty desperately. Sam laid a hand on her shoulder to calm her down.

"It's not you who missed out on a chance", he said. "Now, Kurt, as mentioned before you are my hero. What do you want as a thank-you-gift?"

Kurt turned to him and sighed. "Honestly? And I never thought to say that but... get back together with Blaine. I can't bare to live with a Zombie that non-stop listens to Joni Mitchell."

"Hey! First, I'm no Zombie. Second, it's been two days and I also listen to other music. And third, most important: I am still Blaine's boyfriend, okay? I'm just pissed as hell."

"Only pissed?" Kurt asked while Rachel went back to the kitchen. Sam crossed his arms.

"I mean, what about sad?" Kurt asked. "He didn't even try. He just went and kissed... you know who."

"I think Sebastian forced it onto him. That is as clear as daylight."

Kurt frowned. "What? Are... you sure?"

"Yes, I am!" Sam turned around and went to the music player.

"Did he tell you?" Naturally, Kurt followed him.

"We haven't spoken yet but I could see it."

"Blaine's always been a cheater."

"Shut up!" Sam jerked around. "You don't know anything about Blaine! And it's not fair to compare my situation to yours back then. It's totally different! You neglected him, it was all your fault!"

Kurt crossed his arms and raised his eyebrows. "And whose fault is it now?"

"Well, Sebastian's! Duh."

"God bless your ignorance", Kurt said and turned away.

Sam sank down on the couch and rested his head against it. His heart was cramping from all his effort to not think about how and why and now Kurt had to address it.

The worst was that silence was the only thing he got from Blaine. Sam would have thought he'd apologise a thousand times. He couldn't possibly wait for Sam to apologise first, right? What Sam had done was nothing compared to... that.

What if he was together with Sebastian now and Sam was too stupid to get the break-up signs?

Sam laid down on the couch, pressed a pillow to his stomach and stared into space, quiet tears running down his cheek. He didn't want to cry but everything hurt, it was as if his soul had been stuffed into a little bag and now someone smashed on it until it was shattered. Pure pain.

December 16th, Tuesday: 9 days until Christmas

NYADA was the best place in the whole world. It provided so much to do the willing student would never have to stop being busy and fall into the temptation of thinking or, even worse calling people whose heart they had broken. Because they wouldn't want to hear the repelling voice of that certain someone, nor the pain in it, nor deal with the horrendous amount of guilt that would come up in their own heart. Well yeah, it still was there but with work it could be silenced at least a bit.

"He didn't show up. He actually gave up the once in a lifetime opportunity that barely anyone gets. He hates me that much." Sebastian came in, banged the door closed and threw himself onto his bed.

"Can you please be quiet, I'm doing homework."

"Have you talked to Sam yet?"

Blaine wrote a note in his booklet. He had the best assignment ever, analysing that silly Midwinter's song that he had written two weeks ago.

"Just call him and say sorry. I mean he will acknowledge that his own stupidity has made you do it, right?"

And such a great song it was!

"Blaine, you're being stubborn, irresponsible and childish. That's coming from me so..."

Blaine put his pen down and turned to the right, one arm on his chair rest.

"Sam's worst nightmare came true, and I was the one to do it. He's better off without me. He's got friends who'll care for him. He'll be okay."

"Oh my God, have you taken something? What was it, the little pink pills that José was trying to sell me the other day?"

Sebastian got up and came to the desk. He took Blaine's phone that had lain there and tipped on the screen. When he gave it back to Blaine, Sam's contact was on the display with the text 'calling...'

Blaine quickly pressed the red button to disconnect.

"Are you crazy?" he groused at Sebastian who was about to respond when Blaine's phone went. Sam was calling back.

"Shit."

Sebastian smirked and went to his side of the room. Blaine couldn't take his eyes off the screen, his heart was pounding. What should he do?

Without having planned it he accepted the call and brought the phone to his ear.

"Yes, hello?"

"About time. Now say it", Sam said.

His voice. Blaine's eyes filled with water that immediately fell down his face, more and more to come.

"I'm sorry, Sam, I am so sorry that I don't now what I should do. If I could go back in time and stop it, I would. I would beat the crap out of me. I can't do that so I'm left feeling empty, stupid and like the biggest idiot in the whole world."

"Well, because that's what you are."

"I know! I know..." Blaine wiped over his face and tried not to sob. He looked at the ceiling and could have sworn he heard dashing noises. Whether it was his heart or Sam's he didn't know. Maybe both.

"Is Sebastian your boyfriend now?"

Blaine's chest cramped together. "What? No! Why would you..."

He froze. Of course, why would Sam still want to be with him? He assumed they were broken up. Because in his mind kissing someone else was unforgivable. And it was, it really was.

"No, I..." Blaine cleared his throat. "I don't have a boyfriend and I don't think I will have one ever again."

He couldn't do this to anybody else. Besides the fact that he didn't want somebody else than Sam.

The connection was interrupted without any word of goodbye. Blaine put his phone down, crawled into his bed and let his tears run freely.

December 17th, Wednesday: 8 days until Christmas

"What the hell did happen to you, got hit by a track?" Baker glared at Sam, who shrugged.

"Didn't sleep. Didn't eat. Plan on killing myself. The usual."

Baker's jaw dropped and he looked at Rachel. She slightly shook her head.

"Sam is having a bit of a rough time", she said. Then she whispered: "Lovelorn!"

Sam really didn't know why he was here. He had told Rachel he wanted out and not have to do anything with the single. But she hadn't listened and dragged him to the studio where Baker had showed up soon after.

"Oh, so no more girlfriend standing in the way?" Baker rubbed his hands. Sam clenched his fist and moved a step towards him.

"Aaah, well, we'll see about that. Now, Mr Baker..." Rachel guided the man to the side and Sam released his fist. Still, he would have liked to hit that guy. He needed to hit someone. Sebastian would be good for that, too.

"Now the thing is, the audience never sees you kiss. Of course that is good because a performance like that would be too scandalous for our goal. But there is such thing as behind the scenes. Some paparazzi have spotted you eating in a diner and it didn't look very much in love if you know what I mean!" Baker held up a magazine.

Rachel grasped it and panted.

"Oh my God! Paparazzi are after me! I'm famous, I'm famous! I did it!" She jumped in the air and applauded herself. Sam took the magazine. They had been photographed eating in the diner Rachel used to work in. Kurt had been there, too, but somehow the photos had cut him out.

"I'm a star!" Rachel stretched out her arms.

Sam gave the magazine to Baker and went to sit on the couch. When was this over? Could he go home now? Oh, no, wait. He didn't want to go anywhere. Ever again.

"You didn't act like a couple!" Baker said.

"I'm famous, what does it matter?" Rachel said.

"I want to sleep forever", Sam added. "And not dream of anything. I hate my life."

"Oh boy. A girl should never be able to make you feel like that", Baker said. "You were in too deep. It's good that it's over now."

"It's not over!" Sam exclaimed. "He just needs to come back to his senses!"

Baker stopped in his tracks and glared at Sam.

"Haha, that's funny, I understood that you spoke about a guy."

"Well, I did, get over it", Sam mumbled.

"Excuse me? What? What?" Baker looked at Rachel, who silently sighed.

"I'm not working for fags, that's written in my contract!" Baker said, looking disbelievingly from Rachel to Sam.

"So that's why you can't... I mean... how on earth don't you want to fuck that?" Baker gestured to Rachel and naturally she squealed.

"I beg your pardon?"

But Sam was already on his feet. He didn't think, he just went for it. Right onto the nose. A burning pain shot through his hand that he immediately supported with his other one, hissing "Fuck".

Baker stumbled back, and when he looked at his hand there was blood on it.

"That will have consequences!" he said. "You will hear from my lawyers. About the physical abuse as well as for breaking the contract."

And with that, he stormed out, slamming the door behind him as hard as he could.

"That was good. So good", Sam said.

"We... we lost our manager. Our guarantee for fame", Rachel said, both hands on her mouth.

"Excuse me, I just defended your honour! Do you really want to work with an ass that puts into his contracts that he doesn't want to work with gay people and talks like that about you?"

"No." Rachel cleared her throat. "No, of course not. Well. Okay. Does it hurt? Thank you."

"Not as much as my heart."

"Oh, Sam. Let's go to NYADA and clear it out with Blaine, shall we?"

"No. He made it pretty clear he doesn't want me anymore."

"You two are such children! If you would only behave like adults and talk about it..."

"Let's go home."

The doorbell rang just when Rachel opened the door.

"Ah, you're home, you're never home these days, you young people, aren't you?" an old, corpulent man with an baseball cap backwards on his heat said. It was the landlord.

He gestured behind him. "Two things. The lift is being repaired as we speak."

"Cool!" Rachel said way too happily (who cared about lifts, seriously?).

"And Mr Evans, I take it you're interested in the apartment on the eighth floor?"

"No, I'm...

"He is! He is." Rachel interrupted and clapped her hands. "Let's take a look at it, shall we?"

Ugh, what was the sense? Rachel indulged in small-talk that consisted of her talking about herself and the landlord nodding along while Sam stayed a bit behind. They walked down the stairs to the eighth floor and Mr Brandon unlocked the door to the first apartment on the left.

"Recently restored, as you can see, walls and floor are in perfect shape. The rent is a bit higher but as you can see it is worth it's pay. Bathroom."

Mr Brandon opened a door to a small but neat room with a shower, toilet and sink.

"As you can see, everything's new. Now, kitchen."

Sam took a look into every room. It was cosy, nice and perfect. So of course he started to cry. Blaine and him would never live here together.

"Is he alright?" Mr Brandon asked Rachel with a worried look at Sam who was busy wiping his eyes.

"He is overwhelmed by the beauty of this apartment! We take it!" Rachel said.

"No." Sam spoke up. "You can't make all of my decisions. This is none of your concern."

"Uhuhuh, big words", Mr Brandon chuckled.

"But... it's everything you wanted", Rachel said. She looked confused at Mr Brandon who shrugged. Then Rachel took Sam aside and quietly but fast said: "Stop being a drama queen and think reasonably! Do you really believe Blaine doesn't love you anymore?"

"Uhm... he'll have his reasons..."

"Do you believe it?"

Sam shrugged. Then he shook his head.

"And do you still love him?"

Sam rolled his eyes.

"Do you still want to live with him? Here?"

Sam sighed and drove a hand over his mouth. Then he nodded.

"Then everything is clear. You don't have to sign anything right now but we tell Mr Brandon to hold the apartment back until you and Blaine have made this decision. Together."

Rachel trudged to the landlord while Sam stared at her. How come it sounded so easy when she talked about it? Or was it, actually? Was he being overly dramatic?

Well, he could have gone to Blaine and actually listened to his point of view.

Now that Sam thought about it, yeah, he had acted kind of stupid. But... well. It still could be cleared up, couldn't it?

December 18th, Thursday: 7 days until Christmas

The weirdest thing ever happened when Blaine got out of his last class and entered his dorm room. He never had many visitors here – actually none, except for Sam – but if he would have guessed who'd come here to see him he would have said everyone but Kurt.

Now Kurt was sitting on his bed, arms crossed and staring at the ground. He looked up when Blaine stood in the door and frowned at him.

"Do I have to slap you, too?" Kurt asked.

"You can't just come here and wait for me in my own room. That's creepy", Blaine said. He got into the room, closed the door and put his bag on the desk.

"And how did you come in, anyway? When no one is in here we lock the room." Blaine took off his jacket and couldn't stop shaking his head in disbelieve.

Kurt mumbled something. Blaine sat down on his desk chair and crossed his arms. It was so weird that Kurt was here. Kurt. Here. Yes, they met often enough on school grounds but this was Blaine's private room.

"What?" he asked since he hadn't understood Kurt.

"I... I had help, okay?"

"You blackmailed the janitor?"

"Your room mate... kind of..."

"You paled up with Sebastian? Really?"

"We made a deal. He opened the door for me and I wouldn't hit him again. Now. I'm here for you, anyway."

"Another astonishment."

"How long do you plan on continuing this charade?"

Blaine shook his head. Had he ever said he wanted to talk about it?

"I screwed up. I can understand that Sam doesn't want me anymore."

"Are you even listening to yourself? You know as well as I do that the boy would do pretty much anything for you. He'd still want you even if you slept with some kind of weird alien that is disgusting and nauseating and transferring a deadly disease and..."

"Do you have a point?"

Kurt got up and tightened the grip around the strap of his bag.

"You know my point. Do something."

And with that he left the room. Blaine glared at the door. The silence in the room was overwhelming.

Then, Blaine pulled out his phone and went to the contact list. Calling.

"Hello?"

Blaine bit his lip. What should he say now? Why had he even called?

"Blaine, I know it's you, your ID showed up", Sam said.

Blaine interrupted the connection and stuffed his phone deep into his bag. No. He couldn't do it. He didn't deserve another chance with Sam.

Coming up on Sunday: Sam sees no other option than calling his psychic friend again. After all he can't let the stag win, right?