Escala Tissuebox, Tammy, Osnat – thank you thank you thank you for your support! Such kind and generous comments! Made my day ... to say the last!
Regarding the comment about losing Ana and Christian – I imagine they would feel lost and confused and this could translate into confusion for the reader. Ana could be beginning her first sexual relationship and Christian is perhaps beginning his first real (non BDSM) relationship; lots of uncertainty in their thinking and actions.
Ana's POV
I stand in the cool air outside Escala feeling lost. I wonder about going for the bus but I'm not sure my Oscar de la Renta dress was designed for a late night trip on public transport. What was I thinking? This isn't me and Christian Grey is way way out of my league – or at the very least way out of my bank balance. In the past few weeks I feel like I have lost my mind. It feels like I was floating and my feet have finally touched the ground. I have finally remembered reality. I walk to the end of Christian's street quietly singing the song that's come into my head; I have often walked down this street before, but the pavement always stayed beneath my feet before ...
At the end of the street I get a taxi and go home to my empty apartment. The closer the taxi gets to home the more melancholy I feel. I can't have fallen for Christian in such a short time so I won't describe myself as heartbroken, and yet I feel a pain building. As I unlock the door I wish Ryan and Sam were here to distract me but the silence that greets me only serves to compound the loneliness I feel. I feel like crying and I'm puzzled. I think I regret the loss of what could have been – but also a little for what I have lost. I slip into bed and drift off imagining the night ending with Christian and I sleeping together – however impossible that reality now seems.
On Sunday I stay home preparing for my return to work. The whole day I know I hope Christian will call but I never openly acknowledge this to myself. I busily do the laundry and clean the apartment to distract myself from the sadness I feel. I hope I've gotten over this by the time Sam and Ryan return from honeymoon because I know, given the signed NDA, explaining what happened would be tricky. How to explain that I had a date with a rich, handsome man and I decided not to see him again. Later I briefly panic considering that I might not have a job to return to but I think Christian is more professional than that – I hope he is. When I go to bed that night I realise that there is no hope and my sadness deepens leaving a hollowness in my chest that at once constricts my breathing and makes me nauseous. I've got it bad.
Christian's POV
I stood with my hands either side of the elevator for maybe an hour after Anastasia left. The whole time my mind runs over my actions. As difficult as it is for me to admit – I've made some serious mistakes with regards to her. What was I thinking? She's too innocent and I'm too fucking tainted to have anything to do with her. When I finally move I go to my office to call Flynn. I need to talk and possibly see him as soon as possible.
The next day I wake early from a disturbing dream and although I can't remember the details I feel an emptiness. It is like nothing I have ever experienced before and it is not something I am enjoying. I recall my long, late night session with Flynn. He pushes me towards this relationship; telling me it's the next step on my journey but I push back insisting that Ana deserves better. Yes, I know my words back up his self loathing theory but she is innocent and I would be bad for her. All the same I haven't decided to stay away from her – I am too selfish a creature or maybe it's something more.
I decide to hit the gym; taking my frustrations out on the treadmill, the weights, the punch bag and my trainer. By the time I finally leave I'm exhausted. I reheat food Mrs Jones has left in the fridge and I work in my office for as long as I can keep my eyes open. Finally I shower and head to bed. At every moment of my day I've thought about her and resisted the urge to contact her or go to her apartment. I know I should put Miss Steele behind me but I'm not sure if I can – I'm not sure if I want to.
Ana's POV
I hastily make my way to my desk on Monday morning. The whole way to work I think I should have called in sick. By the time I reach my desk I've decided to request some leave. I'm insurmountably mortified this morning and dreading the moment when I see Christian again. When I make my way to my desk Mark calls, "Good weekend?" and I respond with a deep blush and a curt nod. Could I make it any more obvious? All thoughts of taking time off leave me and I hunker down to wait this out.
The day passes and I could only have kept a lower profile if I actually hid under the desk. Dating the boss! What a rookie mistake Steele. When the torturous day finally passes I skulk off home feeling like I'm licking my wounds. I'm equally relieved and disappointed not to have seen Christian. I consider that the longer it goes before I see him, the easier it will be. When perhaps the longer it goes the more difficult it will be. God this is confusing.
That night I dream of him and instead of the anger and awkwardness that occurred on our date and at Christian's apartment, things take a hotter turn and I wake breathless and disappointed. The day is like a rerun of yesterday – sadness, embarrassment and Christian Grey flashbacks but no actual sight of the man himself. More relief, more disappointment, more confusion.
Christian's POV
I go to work early on Monday and via Welch and security I know when Anastasia arrives and when she leaves but I keep my distance. I want to give her the space she needs to think about all this and I too need to decide what this is. The idea of needing someone is disconcerting but as the days pass I come to the conclusion that I might need her. This constant thinking about her and the sexual desire I feel for her is surely a sign. Poor Flynn; he's witnessing my struggle and frustration first hand. I know I want her, I fear I don't deserve her and I can't think how to approach her again. So I watch her as she comes and goes from the building – hoping she's not going from my life.
By Friday I am half demented and decide to approach her casually in the corridor. Perhaps this arranged accidental meeting will break the ice for us and give me an idea if I can repair this; what needs to be done. Through Andrea I arrange for her to collect paperwork from a department on another floor. After waiting an appropriate time I make my way to the corridor in hopes of meeting her. I act casual as I make my way to the reception area and I see her exit her office down the corridor. I get to watch her for a few moments before she sees me. She looks small, maybe a little hesitant as she makes her way towards me. From nowhere that bloody buffoon Mark appears, "Mr Grey, I was wondering if I could have a moment of your time?" he says. I lower my gaze for only a few seconds, just long enough to dismiss this half wit but when I look back up she is no longer in the corridor. What the fuck? I leave the buffoon gawking after me as I advance towards her office. Where has she gone?
Ana's POV
I felt as if today would never arrive but in only 9 hours I'll be meeting Sam and Ryan at the airport. I don't think I can wait another moment. The more days that pass the more I feel rejected by Christian Grey, not that my constant and increasingly sexual dreams would testify to that. Perhaps I am burying my conscious desire for him behind my hurt and embarrassment. In work the days have been dragging. But having not so much as glimpsed Christian this week I feel a little calmer.
When I'm asked to go to collect paperwork just before lunch I think nothing of it. I am half way to reception when I sense him. My eyes sweep up and I see him intercepted by Mark – for once useful to me. In an instant I launch myself through the first door to avoid being seen by Christian Grey. I close the door behind me and thank the good and holy Lord that I have found myself in the cleaning cupboard, not in someone's office. I know I will never admit this to anyone but I wait a full 15 minutes in the dark, surrounded by the faint but persistent smell of cleaning products, before peaking out of the door. That was a close call!
Finally after some more tense waiting and debating I make my way out of the cupboard. I feel ridiculous but also relieved to have avoided the uncomfortable meeting that I've been both dreading and hoping for. I manage to maintain my low profile and finally get to leave for the day. It's been one week since my date with Christian Grey; one week since his lips kissed mine, his hands running over my body, his musky sexual scent invading my lungs – this really doesn't get any easier.
Hours later we are home and my world rights itself. Sam and Ryan are tanned and blissful on their return. As we sit in the apartment with wine they tell me all about their trip. Over the course of the evening I laugh and chat and begin to feel more like me. They have showered me with holiday gifts and I love it all.
It's only when they present Christian's gift (a bumper pack of condoms – why are boys always so juvenile?) that I finally tell them the NDA edited version of events. Ryan knows me well to know that my story is abridged but he doesn't push me on it. They promise to make me forget Christian Grey while opening acknowledging that he will be hard to beat. Before I know it there are plans afoot for a date tomorrow night. I'm nervous given my recent record but they argue that dating someone else will get me out of this Grey gloom.