A/N: Wow, I'd just like to thank everyone who reviewed that last instalment I don't think I've ever had so many reviews for a single chapter before! I'm glad that you guys and girls thought it was worth reviewing, and I'm glad you liked that last line, haha. Yeah, the pun was intended. :) I'm sorry to keep you waiting with this one. I'll try to be quicker with the updating thing in the future.

Chapter 12: Consequence
Xiaoyu sat alone in a booth at one of her favourite diners, nervously waiting for Miharu to show up. They usually had lunch every other day, and since they'd met yesterday, Miharu would be shopping this dinnertime. Normally, Xiaoyu wouldn't have had the heart to interrupt her friend's shopping trip, but normally, Xiaoyu didn't have sex with her friends' boyfriends. She desperately needed someone to talk to, someone who she could trust to keep secrets, someone who'd be on her side.

When she'd left Hwoarang's apartment, Xiaoyu was still dazed and giddy, but as she sat in the taxi on her way back home it was as though she was waking from a dream, and what they'd done started to sink in. She'd actually felt the blood drain from her face as she thought about what this could do to the people she cared about, and the driver had glanced at her and asked if she had motion sickness. When they pulled up, she'd run into the house, quickly dropped off Julia's binder and shouted that she was going for lunch before anyone had chance to speak to her. She'd probably get home to a confused and questioning Jin, but right now, she couldn't bear to speak to either him or Julia, in case they somehow guessed what she'd done, or she burst into tears and ended up telling them, which she probably would if they showed any hint of kindness or concern towards her.

At the moment, all she could think of was how stupid she'd been, and how long she'd feel like this, like she was the most terrible person in the world. She felt so disappointed in herself, so angry. Her mind was screaming at her; 'How could you? How could you do that? What were you thinking?'

But at the same time, her selfish side was whispering how good it had been, and how much of a release, and how could it be an entirely bad thing if it had felt so damned great? Xiaoyu stared down at the sugar bowl on the table and tried not to think, and to ignore the horrible churning in her stomach. Great. Her own body was outraged at what she'd done.

It wasn't too long before Miharu clattered through the glass doors, laden down with shopping bags. She spotted Xiaoyu and waved, heading over to her and sliding into the booth at her side, shoving her various purchases under the table.

"Hey, this better be important!" she smiled. "I had to cut my retail therapy short because of you. There's a sale on, you know."

"I'm sorry." Xiaoyu mumbled, lowering her head even further than it was already. Miharu didn't seem to notice her friend's demeanour, and swung one of her jean-clad legs onto the table.

"New shoes." she said. "You like?"

"I have to tell you something."

"Okay." Miharu raised her eyebrows. "If you're ignoring my awesome pink heels, that I got at a thirty percent discount, I might add, then something big's going down." She sat properly, resting her elbows on the table. "Spill."

"...Mi, I'm such an idiot." Xiaoyu groaned.

"It took you this long to figure that out?"

"Funny."

"I try. Come on, carry on."

"I... I'm..." She hesitated, slowly twisting her engagement ring around her finger. "I had... I did something... And I know it was a really stupid thing to do, but I just... Oh God..." Tears stung her eyes. Why didn't she ever think before she did things?

"Xiaoyu, what is it?" Miharu put a hand on hers comfortingly. "You can tell me anything."

"But this is..." She shook her head. "This's something really..."

"Really?"

"...Stupid. And wrong. And I wish..." she swallowed hard. "I really wish..."

"Xiao, I only have a dinner hour you know. You're gonna have to finish a sentence soon." Xiaoyu attempted a smile, knowing she was trying to lighten the mood.

"Please don't judge me if I tell you." she said softly.

"I won't."

"You will."

"Well, I'll try my best not to. I can see it's really getting you down." Miharu waved her hand encouragingly.

"Okay. This morning I... kinda... I had the...um..." She took a deep breath. "I did..." Nothing she said would make it sound better. She stared down at the tabletop, ashamed. "I mean, I let him... No... I..."

"Okay, I think we've established that you did something or had something, and that it happened this morning. Specifics, please?"

"Specifics?"

Xiaoyu covered her face, trying to force herself to put it into words somehow.

"The most amazing orgasm I've had in ages." She replied in a rush, her voice muffled by her hands. Okay, where had that come from? That wasn't quite how she'd wanted to put it.

Miharu was giggling.

"And this is a bad thing because...?"

"Because it... because it wasn't with Jin." Her hands moved back to the table, and she scrunched a paper napkin in her fingers.

"Well, indulging in a bit of self love is nothing to be ashamed of."

The people in the booth opposite glared, and Miharu flashed them an innocent smile.

"Well, it isn't."

"I wasn't by myself, Miharu." Xiaoyu hissed, twisting the napkin. Her friend froze, eyes wide in disbelief.

"You had sex with someone else?" she asked eventually. "I mean, someone not Jin?"

Xiaoyu nodded, tears welling in her eyes once more. Somehow Miharu saying it out loud made what she'd done all the more real.

"Oh, Xiao..."

"I don't know how it happened. I don't even like the guy, how could I have..." she trailed off, her throat tightening again. "I didn't mean for it to happen. It was just... I was so..."

"Why would you do something like that?" Miharu asked slowly. "Xiaoyu, it's Jin! How could you do that to him?"

"Jin isn't perfect, believe me." Xiaoyu snapped. That wasn't the reaction she'd been hoping for from Miharu. But then, what did she expect?

"So that's your excuse?"

"No!" She tried to blink away the tears. "I'm not trying to make excuses! But... you know, things have been so hard for me. Things with Jin just keep going wrong, and I don't know what to do anymore, Miharu, I don't know how to... I've been trying... but he just..."

"I know things between you guys haven't been too good," Miharu said, startled, "but you could have talked to me instead of..."

"I couldn't."

"Oh, come on! We talk about everything!"

"Not this!" Xiaoyu put her head in her hands. "I was hoping it would sort itself out but..." She felt Miharu's hand pat her shoulder.

"I'm so sorry." she said. "You don't need me freaking out right now. Tell me. Why not this?"

"Jin..." For a moment, Xiaoyu hesitated, trying to calm herself down. But she couldn't keep it to herself any longer. She needed to tell someone.

"Jin and I... we haven't had sex for nearly three months now." she mumbled. "And before that, we were only doing it about twice a month. I've tried to talk to him about it, but he just switches off. He says it's no big deal, that he's not interested in sex any more..."

"Oh, jeez, Xiao..."

"I just wanted... I wanted someone to..." She trailed off, sobbing. "And when Jin finds out... he hates being lied to and I... and oh God, Julia..."

"Julia...?" Miharu frowned. "So it was that guy? What was he called... Hwoarang?"

"I was only supposed to be running an errand." Xiaoyu said softly. "I could have just gone if I'd wanted. I had chance..."

"Trust you to get yourself into a mess like this." Miharu put a hand to her forehead, squeezing her eyes shut. "I remember when we went out that time and I left you two alone, you were being really weird when me and Julia came back. I should have known something'd happen eventually."

"Everything's fucked up!" Xiaoyu moaned, clutching at her hair.

Again, the people in the opposite booth glared at them. They glowered right back.

"...Only if Jin finds out." Miharu told her. She pulled a couple of napkins out of the dispenser and handed them to her friend. "Dry your face. Okay. Damage control. This doesn't have to fuck things up. Me, you, and him are the only people who know, right?"

Xiaoyu nodded, wiping her nose.

"You think he'll tell anyone?"

"I don't know. I don't think so."

"Are you going to tell anyone?"

"No."

"And is it gonna happen again?"

"No."

"Okay. Then this whole thing never happened." said Miharu. "Now... maybe we'd better look into getting you a vibrator."

"Hey"

Xiaoyu blinked sleepily, looking up into Jin's warm brown eyes. He smiled down at her, brushing a lock of hair from her face absently.

"Busy day?" he laughed, and she sat up, shaking her head.

"What are you doing back so early?"

"Early?" Jin repeated. "It's after midnight. Unless you were being sarcastic."

"You really think my mind's quick enough to handle sarcasm right now?"

He chuckled, ruffling her hair and then pulling her into his arms, stroking her back slowly. For a moment she just lay her head on his shoulder, listening to his breathing, and then the sleep cleared from her head, and everything came back to her in a rush. Kissing Hwoarang, the binder clattering to the floor, the feel of his hands on her bare skin, wrapping her legs around him and...

"I love you." Jin murmured into her hair.

He loves you? He has no idea what a selfish, hateful girl you are. Would he love you if he knew?

"I love you too."

You're a liar.

A wave of nausea swept over her, and she pulled out of Jin's embrace, staggering down the hall into the bathroom and falling to her knees, clutching the edges of the toilet bowl as she threw up. After a few moments, she felt her hair being pulled gently back out of her face, Jin's hand rubbing her back in slow circles. Tears streamed down her face, her chest heaving, and she could hear his voice, soothing, soft.

"Shh... you're okay."

I'm not okay. She thought, shuddering. I'll never be okay now.