Portia helped me make up a story to the medical team to avoid getting Katniss or I into any trouble and soon we were headed back up to the loft with the promises that my hands would be perfectly normal in the morning. I could tell Katniss felt bad the second I walked in, but I let my jaw stay set with anger a little longer as we sat and watched the replay of the interviews. Katniss looks absolutely gorgeous, she murmurs a concern that she seems shallow but everyone there quickly hushed her. As far as I'm concerned, I seem like I cannot take anything seriously, even my impending death, until we talk about her…that's when even I admit that I shine. Together we have made District 12 unforgettable, together we are ensuring that Katniss gets to go home.

After the closing anthem, we have to say our final goodbyes to Haymitch and Effie. They both stay behind at the headquarters to help with sponsors and publicity. Effie actually shed a few tears as she kissed us both on the cheek and said barely supportive words of encouragement. After she hurried out of the room, Haymitch crossed his arm facing us. "Any final words of advice?" I finally question.

"When the gong sounds, get the hell out of there. You're neither of you up to the blood bath at the Cornucopica. Just clear out, put as much distance as you can between yourselves and the others, and find a source of water, got it?"

"And after that?"

"Stay alive." A reference to that first day on the train. But this time there is no intoxication and no laughter. Instead, Katniss and I both nod. He claps a hand on our shoulders and then turns and leaves too. I feel a small twinge inside of me, realizing this is the last time I'll see Haymitch and that I may actually miss the man. Katniss on the other hand, shows absolutely no emotion as she walks straight to her room. I start to follow but Portia motions for me to come over. "I want to change the bandages on your hands first." They already look miles better than they did before. "Peeta. Listen. I know you're going into that arena to die. I know that's your plan. But don't give up before you even try. You could win if you weren't so set on making sure she did. Anything can happen when you get in that arena."

"Portia, we can do this tomorrow."

Her arms wrap around me and she squeezes tightly, "You're right. I'd say get a good night's sleep, but I know you won't." Her lips press against my forehead and then she glides down the hallway leaving me alone in the dim light.

The silence engulfed me and for a moment everything was still. And in that moment, I realized Portia was right, no sleep was going to be had. I tried for a few hours, I really did, but I gave up after awhile and headed to the roof. I sat on the edge, thoughts swirling through my mind, not even clear enough for me to grasp what I was thinking about. The capital was throwing a party in the streets, people dancing and drinking in the streets, celebrating the beginning of the end of our lives.

I don't know how long I was sitting there, how long I stared out at nothing, thinking about everything, but it didn't feel too much later that I felt like someone was watching me. "You should be getting some sleep." Her voice cuts through the silence.

I give a small shake of my head, "I didn't want to miss the party. It's for us, after all."

She walked up beside me, leaning over the edge of the rail, "Are they in costumes?"

I scoff bitterly, "Who could tell with all the crazy clothes they wear? Couldn't sleep either?"

"Couldn't turn my mind off."

"Thinking about your family?" I don't even know why I questioned this. My family has been the furthest thing from my mind since I got here.

"No. All I can do is wonder about tomorrow. Which is pointless, of course." She pauses. "I really am sorry about your hands."

"It doesn't matter, Katniss." I brush her off, "I've never been a contender in these games anyway."

"That's no way of thinking."

"Why not? It's true. My best hope is to not disgrace myself and…" I almost confess my true goal. And to make sure you get home safely.

"And what?"

I change my mind, going with another concern of mine instead, "I don't know how to say it exactly. Only…I want to die as myself. Does that make sense? I don't want them to change me. Turn me into some kind of monster that I'm not."

I can tell Katniss doesn't understand this at all, "Do you mean you won't kill anyone?

"No, when the time comes, I'm sure I'll kill just like everybody else. I can' do down without a fight. Only I keep wishing I could think of a way to…to just show the Capital that they don't own me. That I'm more than just a piece in their Games."

"But you're not." She points out, "None of us are. That's how the Games work."

I lift my hand to run in through my hair before remembering he bandages and returning it to my lap. "Okay, but within the framework, there's still you and there's still me. Don't you see that?"

She shrugs, "A little. Only…no offense, but who cares, Peeta?"

"I do. I mean, what else am I allowed to care about at this point?" I say it angrier than I intend, I can't blame her for being confused. I barely understand what I'm saying. I didn't even know it was bothering me until I started talking.

Katniss stepped back probably in response to my anger, "Care about what Haymitch said. About staying alive."

I can't help but smile. Because she doesn't know. She can't know. The staying alive bit. That isn't for me. That's all for her. "Okay. Thanks for the tip, sweetheart."

I see the fire rise in her eyes, "Look, if you want to spend the last hours of your life planning some noble death in the arena, that's your choice. I want to spend mine in District Twelve."

"Wouldn't surprise me if you do. Give my mother my best when you make it back, will you?" I smile sadly.

"Count on it." She snaps back. She pauses for a second, waiting to see if I'll say anything else, but I don't. There isn't anything left to say. I turn back to the capital streets, to the happy people cheering at the impending death of 23 children, including one of the two people standing on that roof. What else can you really say? I finally turn back, "Goodnight, Katniss." But she's gone.