Chapter 12
Moments later we are pulling into the parking garage. Taylor parks and promptly holds my door for me to exit the vehicle. I mindlessly follow Christian to the elevator. Taylor stays put letting us enter alone. As the doors close I can feel eyes roaming my body. I try to look straight ahead willing myself to ignore my singing. He stops the elevator between floors and pushes me against the elevator wall. His mouth is instantly on mine. I let out a groan of pleasure as my body wins the war with my head. I search his mouth with mine yearning to be devoured. Just when I think I may spontaneously combust he lets me go, looking deep into my soul with his grey eyes that seem to be consumed in flames.
"Sorry", he says looking away lost somewhere deep in his own thoughts.
"It's Okay", escapes my lips and my desire is growing by the second. I am suddenly afraid that I will have no will power against this powerful and sexy man.
As I release her I can tell that her desire for me is just as intense. I really don't know what came over for me. My subconscious is having a heyday with my brain, taking Flynn's advice straight to heart. It's the proximity. I feel as if my soul is bared and she can see straight through me. It is a major turn on, but quite distressing too. I finally understand that Anastasia Steele just might be the downfall of all the walls that I have built around me though out my life. She is my kryptonite so to speak and it's terrifying!
The elevator stops. We both step out and he places his hand on the small of my back guiding me through the door. My traitorous body is relishing the contact. Luckily we are greeted by a middle aged woman in the kitchen. Thank God we won't be alone. She immediately says hello, introducing herself as Gail, Mr. Grey's housekeeper. I extend my hand.
"Very nice to meet you, my name is Ana," I smile warmly at her.
She responds professionally stating to Mr. Grey and myself that she had been expecting us and lunch was almost ready. I glance over to something shiny on the counter. There is a pile of things that don't seem to belong; a key, cellphone, laptop and a note lying flat on top. I cannot make out what the note says, but the signature is unmistakably "CHARLOTTE". My thoughts start running rampant. Why would she have a key to his apartment if they did business together and if the "business" relationship was over why on earth would she leave a hand written note instead of a formal letter of resignation. Christian Grey does not strike me as the type to like hand written resignations. I have to get to the bottom of this. I can't let myself get any more emotionally involved with him until I know the truth. ALL OF IT!
As Gail is speaking I notice Anastasia's eyes wondering and settling on the kitchen counter in the distance. Oh fuck! Charlotte left her stuff and a note after our encounter this morning. I knew she was gone because the A3 was not in the garage, but I hadn't counted on having other proof of our relationship in plain sight. By the look on Anastasia's face she can see who it is from. I guess I won't be able to be as vague about our arrangement now. I decide that it will have to wait until after lunch. I need to get some food in her body before I scare the living shit out of her. At least if she leaves suddenly, I will know she is well fed.
I turn to Christian hoping he didn't notice me spying just as Gail sets lunch in front of each of us. It smells magnificent and I suddenly realize how hungry I really am. I eat everything on my plate without saying a word and look to Christian who just has a smug look on his face.
"What?" I ask
"I just feel better that you have eaten, and quite a good eater you are."
"I was hungry, sorry for making such a pig of myself." I am suddenly embarrassed.
"Never apologize for eating Anastasia it is quite a turn on that you are not afraid to consume such large amounts of food in front of me. I cannot stand it when women eat like rabbits just to prove some damn point." She has pleased me.
"Well then you and I will get along fine. My dad is a fabulous cook, growing up he made sure I was well fed. I even enjoy time in the kitchen as well. It is very therapeutic." I think back to lots of great memories with my dad in the kitchen and smile.
"I can't say that I know my way around the kitchen. My claim to fame is being able to make boxed macaroni, but with Gail around I only need to know how to use the microwave. I would be up for a lesson or two Miss Steele. By the smile on your face, I am sure it will be an enjoyable one."
"Sounds good Mr. Grey, I look forward to making you into a domestic God." I tease.
He laughs and I lose my breath. He looks so young and carefree. His eyes so full of life, this is a sight I could get used too. Just when I think he can't get any more desirable, he surprises me. There are so many sides to this man. I wonder if I will ever see them all.
"Come to the living room and sit. There are a few things that I would like to discuss with you." I am suddenly nervous. I never get unnerved. What is this power she yields?
I follow him into the living room. It is quite large. Expansive ceilings and windows show off a breathtaking view of The Pugent Sound. In the corner near the windows sits a grand piano.
"Do you play." I ask inquisitively.
"Since I was 6," music is very therapeutic to me.
"I would love to hear you play sometime," Is there anything he can't do?
"Soon I promise," I need to discuss the NDA with her before I lose my nerve. I am hoping that her reaction will be good and give me the nerve to divulge other areas of my life that I am hesitant to share.
I guide her to the couch and ask her to sit. Here goes nothing…
"Anastasia, I am a very powerful man with many enemies."
I can assume this to be true, he looks so serious. "Okay?"
Just say it Grey, "I am going to have to ask you to sign an NDA."
I stare at him as if he is from another planet, "NDA?"
"Non-disclosure agreement, it is required of any persons that may be in a position to have personal information about me." There first hurdle complete.
"Umm OKAY, are you afraid that I am going to discuss our conversations with people, Christian?" I am a little hurt.
"It's not that exactly Anastasia, I just can't take any risks at information being leaked to anyone that may be able to use it against me in business or personally." I hope she understands.
I take a deep breath, I know that I cannot possibly relate to the pressures that he experiences on a daily basis. This is not personal. I keep repeating this in my head. I don't know what I expected, but an NDA was definitely not on the radar.
"I can't even talk to Kate?" she's my best friend and I need someone to confide in.
"When it comes to me, us, whatever we may discuss or do, no not even Kate."
"I will sign it, only if you can compromise and at least let me talk to Kate about my personal feelings or struggles. I can promise not to discuss you specifically, only me." I am sure hoping for a compromise.
"I am afraid I can't compromise on this. The NDA is very specific that no details be divulged to anyone regarding any kind of relationship where I am involved, business or otherwise." I need her to agree to this. I am trying to tame control issues and just spit a lot of legal mumbo jumbo at her and then force her to sign, but Flynn's words are ringing in my head and I am going to follow his instructions, for now…
"I am sorry Christian, but I can't keep anything from Kate when it comes to my feelings. I have no siblings and we have always confided in each other. As much as I would love to continue, whatever it is that we are doing here (making a pointing motion between the two of us) I just can't agree to those terms. I am more than happy to agree not to discuss any personal or business related details about your life, but you are asking me to keep my life a secret from the person that shares everything with me." I stand and look toward the door. I am hoping that he will cave and at least give me a little leeway. My heart is pounding. Am I closing the door on something that hasn't even begun yet? Am I going to look back in 5 years and regret that I took such a hard stand on this? I don't think so. I know Kate will always be in my life, as for Christian? I barely know him. I desperately want to know him in all areas, but nevertheless I cannot let my heart get a head of my common sense.
Wow she is not budging on this. In any other situation I would not give in to such demands. I do have to respect her loyalty to Miss Kavanaugh it shows her true character. I can tell she is going to head for the door if I don't make a decision soon. Maybe I should let her go. There is no way I can share the playroom with her unless she signs the NDA and without being able to divulge that part of me there could never be anything between us. Her decision is made, I knew it wouldn't work. I am not worthy of more and I will never know how to give more. Damage control, Grey.
"I understand Miss Steele I will have Taylor escort you home," I blurt it out before I lose my nerve. This is for the best. She will never have to see my demons and I will go on with my life as if I never met her. Well, maybe I will hang on to the memory of knowing her. It's for her own good, I would only break her.
Oh, shit! What have I done? Did I honestly believe that he would give in? He eats business professionals for lunch. You dumbass…now you will never know! I can feel the tears stinging my eyes. I will myself to dry them up.
"I am so sorry that we couldn't make this work." My voice is cracking. "Maybe I will see you around. Thanks again for keeping me safe last night and feeding me today." I turn and walk straight to the door. If I look back I will completely lose control over the tears in my eyes.
She's really walking away. I am not sure what this feeling is that is restricting my chest. Panic, stress, anxiety…I stare at the back of her head as she walks toward the door hoping she will at least let me see her beautiful face one last time. Turn around, let me see those eyes. Just once… She doesn't and all I can think is, if ever I had a chance for more, I just let is walk out the door and out of my life forever.