A special thank you to LuvSummer and eschoenh!

"Ana, over here!" I heard Jose call out from his table nestled in the corner of the bar. I smiled genuinely at my good friend, slightly disappointed in myself that I let Taylor and Christian convince me to stay away. As if Jose Rodriguez Jr., my old friend, was dangerous. He was apparently the only person I could rely on.

He engulfed me in a friendly hug. "I miss you."

He pulled back and grinned. "I know."

Standing slightly shorter than Christian, but just as well muscled, Jose was a pretty attractive man. His brown eyes glinted with humor as I scowled. He hadn't changed his personality for as long as I had known him- still arrogant.

"Anyway, Chiquita, how are you doing?" he asked, looking much more serious. "I heard that you were blown up."

I rolled my eyes. "That's kind of why I'm here actually. You wouldn't happen to know anything about the mysterious phone calls I have been receiving do you?

"Mysterious phone calls? Is someone threatening you?" he asked, suddenly tense. I shook my head.

"Forget it," I whispered, greedily gulping down the Jack and Coke Jose had ordered for me. I knew he would have grinned if he was responsible. He would have probably told me on the phone he was the one looking out for me.

"Are you doing okay, though?" he asked gently. "I'm surprised Kate isn't here too."

"She's in Barbados," I said sharply, causing his eyebrows to raise. "Not that she'd want to see me anyway. She's done with our friendship."

"Oh Ana Banana, I'm sorry," he said sincerely. "Does she blame you for the explosion?"

"Yes, even though it was due to a gas leak or something," I said, but we both knew that wasn't true. I made a mental note to ask Christian about it. He had been surprisingly quiet about it. "She was only ever friends with me when it suited her, so I'm honestly not surprised."

Jose smiled sadly. "Want me to beat her up? Yell at her in Spanish? Pull her hair? Beat up Ethan?"

"Thanks, but I think I'm just going to let her be," I said, finishing up my drink and waving to a waiter for another. "She knows how to contact me."

"How's working for Grey?" he asked casually, but his eyes were probing. Jose's father owned a construction company, and I remember being surprised to see them meeting with Christian considering his own brother was in the business. But now, with Christian in the midst of staging his coup d'état, so to speak, it didn't surprise me at all.

"It's very busy," I said vaguely. "But I like it, it's just a lot at times. I never thought I'd have to question my own morals or have my loyalty questioned everyday."

Jose nodded. "Do you think you'll ever go back to publishing?"

I nodded. "The plan is to stay for a year. One of Mr. Grey's employees is pregnant, and I'll probably leave when she returns from her maternity leave."

"And you'll have one hell of a reference from Grey," he said, nodding. He exhaled heavily. "I saw the papers. Were you good friends with Mia?"

I shook my head and downed my drink, taking a sip of the fresh one on the table in front of me. "No, but I was there when Mr. Grey received the news. I don't wish that kind of torment on anyone."

"Chiquita, you know Ray would be so proud of you for having this job. He's resting in peace, watching over you," Jose said softly. It took everything in me not to roll my eyes, knowing that if Ray was watching over me he'd be rolling in his grave. "You're a good person, Ana. Never forget that."

"I miss him so much." Maybe it was the alcohol or the final traces of adrenaline leaving my system, but I broke down. Jose scooped me into a protective embrace and led me out of bar, and onto a bench outside. Jose said nothing as I cried into his shoulder for what seemed like hours. As I began to collect myself, a wave of nausea passed over me and I promptly heaved into the flower bed next to the bench. Wiping my mouth, I sat on the bench normally, only to be face to face with one very furious looking Christian. Shit.

"Anastasia, let's get you home," he said, domineering and furious. I rolled my eyes and stood shakily. Jose steadied me as I tried walking towards Christian. I noticed Christian's glare directed at Jose and I froze.

"Let me stay with Jose, Christian," I spat boldly, certainly drunk. My filter was gone and I was feeling too bold for my own good.

"No," he said evenly.

"Jose is my friend!" I shouted indignantly, unaware of the interest that people milling around outside were showing us. "He can come with us."

Christian's jaw clenched and his knuckles turned white as his hands formed into fists at his sides. He nodded imperceptibly and we headed towards the black SUV.

I snuggled in next to Jose, twilling a strand of hair around my fingers. Glancing down at my ruined dress, I started to cry again.

"Ana, what's wrong?" Christian asked from the front seat. His eyes were concerned and I could see the torment and anguish.

"I killed someone today," I whispered. "And I think they buried him with your sister. He should be put through a wood chipper."

Christian froze and glanced at Taylor before making eye contact with Jose and having some kind of silent conversation with him.

"Anastasia, what do you mean?" he asked gently.

"I stabbed him. And I kind of liked it. I was powerful," I said, feeling slightly fuzzy and warm from the alcohol.

"Ana, who did you stab?" Jose asked softly. I shook my head as I replayed the knife slicing into his body in my head.

"I washed my dress in the sink," I said, offhandedly. "I ruined it."

I turned to gaze out of the window, ignoring their comments and questions. Taylor pulled into the familiar parking lot and I stumbled out, not waiting for any of them as I typed in the week's elevator code. They jogged to get in with me.

"We're meeting with Barney tomorrow," Christian said, evenly. Jose was still watching me like he was waiting for something. Like he was expecting me to break down again. But, I wasn't crying for Luke earlier. I didn't regret killing him.

I wandered out of the elevator, using the wall to steady myself as I headed straight up to the guest room and flopped on the bed, hoping that sleep would claim me. My life was suddenly a steady stream of deadly events. I had no idea how Ray managed to remain sane if he was dealing with all of this on a daily basis as well. In a final moment of clarity, I finally understood why Ray kept me away.

"Anastasia, wake up," Christian said softly, shaking my shoulder. I sat up suddenly, my head throbbing and my mouth dry and feeling like it was full of cotton.

"What's going on?" I asked, trying to stop the world from spinning. I heard Christian chuckled.

"It's ten in the morning. Drink this water and take some Advil. I'll be downstairs when you're ready," he said, leaving the white guest room. I did as I was told and ran a cold shower, hoping to wake myself up.

Padding down the stairs into the great room, I rolled my eyes when I spotted Christian talking to Dr. Flynn.

"Anastasia," he said, standing and smiling knowingly. "How are you feeling?"

"Like someone ran over me with a truck," I said, petulantly folding my arms over my chest. Christian's eyes narrowed at my blatant disrespect.

"Well, we have a lot to discuss," he said, sitting back down.

"Is Christian joining us?" I asked, not making any move.

"If you're comfortable with that," he responded, tapping away on his iPad. I narrowed my eyes at Christian, knowing he was trying to get me to talk to someone.

"I stabbed someone yesterday," I said, with absolutely no preamble. John froze and looked up at me through his glasses. "You can report that to Grace."

Christian frowned. "He's bound by law."

I raised my eyebrows and let out a humorless chuckle. "God knows what you've shared with him, right? I'll have Welch send you the copies of the emails he's been sending your mother."

Without looking back, I turned and walked out of the room, reveling in the sickening crunch of bone as I heard Christian break his nose. Or rib.

I texted Barney, perched on one of the barstools asking when we were scheduled to meet.

"Did you read those emails?" Christian yelled, grabbing one of arms and pulling me off of the stool.

"Get you fucking hands off me!" I screamed back, rotating my arm wildly trying to break his grip. I felt the familiar panic set it, the images were starting to flash through my head. "Let me go!"

Out of nowhere, Taylor appeared, stepping between us. I felt Christian release me, and I sucked in a shaky breathe, trying to calm down. He glared at Taylor who shook his head before retreating back towards the security suite. Christian was still furious and didn't look like he was going to be apologizing any time soon. I decided to play with him since he thought it was okay to put his hands on me. And I know how much he liked toys.

"Barney told me never to speak to Flynn alone and that Grace hired him. He's not even a real psychologist. Grace created the background check," I said, sitting back down. "And yes, I know how much you love to tie up little brunette girls and beat the shit out of them. Apparently, that's still true."

Christian inhaled sharply, his gaze looking almost feral. "You had no right!"

"I had every right! No one tells me shit, yet you all expect me to clean up your messes! Trust goes both ways and I need to know everything to keep myself safe because even though you claim to be able to protect me Christian, I've been saved twice by a mysterious person!" I yelled, letting out all of my anger and frustration. "I'm good at this job because I can take care of myself. But when people start keeping things from me that might hurt me, I'm going to dig and I'm going to find out!"

He slammed his hand on the counter, making me jump. "What else did you find out? Did you know find out about Elena? Did you find out how I got the money to create this company?"

I shook my head. "No, I couldn't dig that deep."

Christian chuckled humorlessly this time, running his hands through his hair. "Unfuckingbelievable. You find the least relevant piece of information and try to hold it over my head to get me to tell you more. Well, I trusted you! I didn't dig into Bob Adams. Somehow I thought you'd tell me when you were ready, but apparently you didn't extend the same courtesy."

I inhaled sharply, biting my lip as the first trickle of remorse made itself known since I stabbed Sawyer. Taking a deep breathe, I knew it was time to tell him. Tell him everything. "My father was Stephen Morton."

Christian looked shocked and sat down on the back of the couch, facing me. "What?"

"Raymond Steele was hired by the FBI as an informant. With his skill set and military background, he was an ideal candidate. Your family would be itching to let him into your ranks. The last time I saw him was two years ago, when he told me. Then, when he died, the investigation was formally closed. Except, I wasn't told that by the officer who was supposed to tell me," I explained, wringing my hands in my lap. Christian and a stelar poker face and I couldn't tell what he was thinking.

"Luke Sawyer," he breathed. I nodded.

"I was just doing surveillance. But I quickly figured it out, especially when Barney started to help me," I said. "I came back to Washington to go to school. I needed to get out of Georgia and Ray was the only real father figure I ever had growing up. Adams, well, he was anything but that."

Christian pressed his lips together in a tight line, nodding at me to continue.

"He believed in physical discipline. He would lock me in a closet or rough me up- chocking was his favorite. Then, when I was too weak, he'd get himself off and cum all over me. He liked to mark his territory," I said, softly, instinctively rubbing the side of my neck, trying to get rid of the feeling of his hands.

"I'm going to kill that fucker," Christian hissed. I shrugged.

"I don't give a shit about him," I said honestly.

"Don't test me right now, Anastasia. Thank you for telling me, but I'm still incredibly pissed off you had to tell me this way. Or that I didn't a chance to tell you my own story," he said tightly.

"BDSM isn't anything new to me, Christian. Just go into a bookstore and you'll understand," I said, shrugging.

He raised an eyebrow. "I'm guessing pop culture is finally helping my case for once."

I nodded. "Not really. You are a borderline sadist with some very serious Mommy issues, Christian. Especially if what Flynn wrote was true."

He closed his eyes and took a deep breathe. "I know."

"At least you aren't in denial," I said walking towards him. I took on of his hands in my own. "When we were together, that was the first time you had sex out of a scene, right?"

"Yes," he whispered, his eyes still shut.

"Then I think you know that what you were practicing was more akin to torture than sexual play," I whispered, cupping his face in my hands.

He nodded, placing one of his hands over mine and opening his eyes. "I would get so angry. Even though I was in control, I still felt out of control. I'm not capable of any emotional connection."

His eyes were conflicted and vulnerable. I scoffed. "I think you'll find that you're wrong."

"Sir," Taylor interrupted. "Barney is on his way up."

He nodded and I stepped back. Taylor was looking at us curiously, and I smiled at him.

"We still need to talk about your father, Anastasia," he said sternly. I nodded as the elevator doors opened and Barney stroll into the great room, shaking hands with Christian before sitting on the couch facing us.

"How are you holding up, Christian," he asked.

"I'm fine," he said shrugging. "It will get easier."

"My condolences," he said. "Now we have a lot to discuss, but right now we need to focus on the gun pick up tonight."

Christian nodded. "I'd like Ana to be there. It will be, educational."

Barney raised his eyebrows. "Alright, well Taylor is going with you and I will be there to broker the rest of the deal regarding the money laundering."

Christian nodded. "The same plan. Ros is all set up to take control of GEH for the time being. We need to start moving forward with this plan. After Mia, legitimate business is now the priority."

"Have you heard from you parents regarding Elliot? Carrick has been very quiet about the whole thing," Barney said, referring to the robbery.

"Once Carrick realizes the Cartel have our weapons, I think Elliot will be done for," Christian said. "We both know that the Martinez Cartel will wash their hands of Carrick, leaving us open. I'm willing to sacrifice a few lives if it means all dealings will be done through me now."

Barney nodded. "Then we will wait. No point forcing anything. Anastasia, I got the results back form Welch and there was absolutely nothing. Whoever called you is good, better than Welch even."

"They called me again yesterday," I said. "After I took care of Luke Sawyer."

Barney's eyebrows raised. "Cathartic, yes?"

I nodded. "Very much so. I call the number back. No information."

"I'm inclined to believe that they are trying to help you. There's no point forcing them out of the shadows until they try to do something else," he said. "I've got to get going, but we will meet tomorrow to discuss Mia and the Esclava situation. I'll see you two in a few hours."

Christian stood and shook his hand and I followed suit. Barney was very loyal and I really appreciated the fact he was making an effort to include me in more of the business.

"Cartel pickup?" I asked turning to Christian.

He nodded. "I need you there tonight. We'll gear up after dinner."

We ate in silence, each of us wrapped up in our own thoughts. I snuck glances at Christian as I forced the food into my stomach. Something had shifted between us, he was less tentative and seemed much more relaxed. If Flynn was the only person he had confided in about his past submissives, he must be feeling some sense of relief like I was.

"Come," he said, standing up from the table and leading me to his office. He punched in a code on a keypad and pulled on the side of the modern bookcase behind his desk, revealing the entrance to a walk-in vault.

I stepped inside and looked around, letting my eyes roam over the weapons and gear.

"This is my personal stash," he said, selecting an AR-15 from one of the racks and handing it to me. "How does that feel?"

I positioned the gun getting used to the weight of it. "How much kick does it have?"

He shrugged. "It won't knock you over. Nothing you can't handle."

I nodded, placing it on the metal table in front of us. I wandered over the knives, picking up a few from the rack and pulling out a few body straps. Christian chuckled.

I smirked as I fastened a KA-BAR to my thigh over my jeans and slipped another in my opposite boot. Christian walked up to me with a double underarm holster and slipped it over my shoulders. I shivered at his touch, gazing into his hauntingly beautiful eyes. Before I could reign myself in, my lips were on his, demanding, needy, and forcing themselves against his mouth.

His tongue slipped through my parted lips, frantically stroking and massaging my mouth. He lifted me up, encouraging me to wrap my legs around his waist. He was already hard and even through the denim of our jeans I could feel him pressing against me.

My butt made contact with the metal table as he continued to ravage my mouth, his hands trailing up and down my body. I moaned when his dexterous fingers tweaked my hardened nipples through my shirt and lace bra. He chuckled against my mouth, his finger still pulling and rubbing, causing my hips to start grinding against his very hard erection.

Trailing his lips down from my mouth and to my neck, one of his hands trailed down and began to work its way under the waistband of my jeans. Wanting to reciprocate, I squeezed my hand around his length. He stepped away and struggled to catch my breathe.

"No sex before a fight," he said with a smirk. Coughing roughly into his fist when I scowled.

"A fight?" I exclaimed, trying to ignore the throbbing between my legs and my hypersensitive skin.

"You never know. We need to be high strung," he said, turning back to the task at hand, loading and checking the ammo in the guns.

I rolled my eyes and hopped off the table. "Because we weren't already trigger happy and high strung, right?"

He chuckled and handed me two Glocks to put in my holster.

"Did you ever do with this Gwen?" I asked, curious. I follow this lead and pulled on black baseball cap, zipping a black sweater up over my body and placing the strap of the AR-15 on my shoulder. He handed me a pair of black leather gloves too.

"No," he said, leading me back out of the vault. "She knew about all of this, but she was never directly involved. It was one of Ros' stipulations."

Taylor was waiting for us with two other men, all heavily armed like Christian and I.

"Shit, I forgot to get you vest," Christian exclaimed, running back towards his office.

I shrugged at the two men who were looking at me curiously. "Can you handle that gun little lady?"

Taylor was struggling to hide a smile as I narrowed my eyes at the beefy man who thought it would be okay to question me. "I've handled larger."

Christian returned and handed me the weighty vest, which I slipped on as we rode down the garage in the elevator. I was sandwiched between the two men, who I learned were Clayton and Paul, and fiercely loyal to Christian and Christian only.

We pulled into the private garage of GEH and I hopped out, my hands ready to grab the automatic weapon at the first sign of anything. Taylor returned to us, standing slightly in front of me. I heard the gate opening and watched as a black pickup truck and a black BMW pulled into the garage. My hands were on my gun as two men jumped out of bed standing and facing us, AK-47's in their hands.

Simultaneously, the driver's and passengar's doors opened on the BMW. I watched as two men in black stepped out and felt the breathe leave my body when I recognized their faces.

"Jose?" I called out, tears blurring my vision. His eyes met mine and were suddenly filled with sorrow. Everything was starting to fade around me and I could hear the blood rushing around. Before I could speak again or hear his response, everything went black.

This is a long one, but holy shit, right?

Check out my newest FSoG story, La Femme Fatale!

The one song that I had on repeat: No Church in the Wild- Jay Z & Kanye West

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