I got dressed in a daze. I didn't feel like the same person, yet the same face was looking back at me in the mirror. Then I saw the teddy bear in the corner of my room and I finally felt like myself.
Last night had sent a lot of questions running through my mind. The biggest was: had I been in love with Edward before my life had been taken from me, before my memories were hidden in shadows? I hated these questions about my pass, these questions that kept me up at night, but I had no way to answer them. Only one inquiry I had could be answered, and I hoped I would learn the answer today.
As always, Edward was right on time, already smiling by the time I opened the door.
"Good morning," he said softly before lifting my chin to kiss me gently. "How did you sleep?"
"Very well," I replied to his satisfaction, kissing him back. "How was your night?"
"Kind of lame after I left your house," he joked. "Are you ready?"
"Yeah," I told him, grabbing my jacket.
"Let's go," he said, taking my hand.
He drove us just north of town and down a narrow road that led through trees and wilderness. We finally reached the end of the road. There was a trail, but Edward took my hand and pulled me into the brush, helping me step over rocks and holding branches out of my way. We must have gone at least five miles before he led me to an opening in the trees.
It was a beautiful, perfectly circular meadow full of vibrant wildflowers. A stream was flowing somewhere beyond the trees. You could hear its every wave in the stillness of the meadow. It was the prettiest place I had ever seen.
"Edward! What is this place?" I asked him enthusiastically.
"I found this place right before sixth grade," he explained. "We used to come here all the time, just us." Suddenly his face saddened. He lifted our clasped hands to stroke my cheekbone. "Over that summer - before freshman year - I didn't know what was happening to you. Doctor-patient confidentiality. Carlisle didn't tell me until I pried it from him after I saw you that first day. Once I knew, I came here every weekend by myself. That was one of my 'distractions.' Your presence was engraved in this place. It didn't hurt as much. Every weekend for four years I came here," he confessed.
We found a spot on the ground that miraculously wasn't damp and sat down. I wondered how I would ask him. I knew it hurt him to talk about the past, what had been. But he wanted me to remember. Plus, he reminded me of painful events. Sure I didn't hold it against him, but he still owed me. I took a deep breath.
"Edward? Can you be honest with me again?" I requested.
"I would never lie to you, Bella," he swore. I paused again.
"How close were we?" I quietly asked. It took Edward a while to reply.
"I don't know how you felt. We never talked about it. All I knew was how I felt for you. I remember getting ready for that first day of high school, thinking about nothing but the fact that I would be able to see you again. I remember telling myself in the car on the way to school 'this is the year that I'm going to tell her exactly how much I care for her.' I had this big plan on how I was going to ask you to homecoming and everything," he admitted.
"But like I said, I didn't know if you felt the same way. you had another group of friends, too. A group that included other guys. I didn't know how you felt about them. The only other person I hung out with was Jasper. I always had a hunch that you felt slightly the same, though, considering you would call me before I could make any other plans over spring, summer, and winter break," he explained.
I thought this over. Could there have been someone else? Ever since that dream, I had believed that Edward was my Parker. In a way, he was: he had been watching me the entire time, hoping that I would recover. But what if Avery had a best friend that she had fallen for, but she knew that he wasn't interested or something, so she only 'just settled' with Parker, though she didn't love him that way. What if that's why she couldn't remember?
"Do you think there's some way that I can remember just us? What if I had liked one of my other guy friends? They obviously don't care anymore, so I don't want to feel that rejection. And what if they do still care? I don't want to hurt you anymore than I already have," I ranted.
"Don't worry about me, Bells," he ordered. "The only thing that would hurt me more than losing you would be you staying with me just to make me happy. Like I said, it's most painful to watch when you hurt yourself because of someone else."
"You never said that," I commented, though I was sure I had heard those words before.
"Didn't I?" he verified.
"Not to my knowledge," I told him.
"Well, it doesn't matter, anyway. I said it now and that's all that's important," he concluded. "As to your previous dilema, if you do remember someone else that you had feelings for, just remember that I came back before you remembered. I'll let you decide whether or not that will influence what you choose. In any event, it's your choice."
We sat there for a while. For once, the silence began to get uncomfortable. So I broke it.
"What did we do here before?" I asked.
"Mostly we just talked. Nothing serious really went on, we just came here a lot, which is what made it special. Sometimes we were on sugar highs and if we weren't worn out by the long walk, we would just run around, using the open space to burn off all the energy. Not much significant went on here, but we didn't leave for hours, so coming here together meant so much time spent with you. Every time that you said 'let's go to the meadow,' a pulse of eagerness rushed through my veins. I was hoping that bringing you here would help you remember," he said, looking sorrowful again.
"Don't get upset," I told him. "Any memories I have of you would probably only increase what I feel for you now. Even without remembering, I've been able to fall for you. So at least for now, it doesn't matter. Let's focus on now, and not back then, okay?" I suggested.
"You're right," he agreed, standing up and offering his hand to help me up. I took it and allowed him to pull me up. "We have just about enough time to get to the clearing for the game anyway."
Edward never released me the entire hike back to the car. He either had a hold of my waist or my hand and he never let me go. His attachment (and, if I was being honest, my own) made me hope that there hadn't been anyone else. It was becoming clearer that Edward would never leave me, and the thought of me leaving Edward was rather impossible. I couldn't do that to myself or him. Especially not him.
He kept his arm around me the whole ride to a clearing where Edward had said they played baseball. There was a little more hiking involved to get from the road to the clearing, and my hand never left his as we walked.
Edward's family had brought a cooler with them full of water bottles and sodas. Edward reached into the cooler and handed me a coke. i was about to ask how he knew what I wanted, until I remembered that he actually had recollection of my likes and dislikes, whereas I remembered nothing about him. He grabbed another coke for himself and held his can out to mine.
"To now, whether you remember the past or not," Edward toasted in a cheesy sort of way, tapping his can to mine. He popped his soda opened and took a sip. I followed suit. He then pulled me by my waist into his arms before kissing me. He kissed me repetitively this time, until Emmett started whopping. Embarrassed, I hid my face in Edward's shoulder. Edward found that rather funny.
Emmett, Edward and Rosalie were on one team, Carlisle, Jasper and Esme on the other. Edward's team won because Edward was Speedy Gonzales and Emmett a hit home run nearly every time. Because their innings were shorter, so was the game. So as fun as it was to watch, it was all over too soon.
I was back in the car before I knew it, Edward still holding my hand. he was very interested in the play-by-play of the game from my perspective. Then our evening was cut short.
Edward's smooth, silvery, musical laugh was the last thing I heard before the silence. Before I blacked out.