Hide My Heart- Hanging By A Moment
Spencer stood at the door and knocked hoping that Carmen would be at home before she started her shift at the diner. After a short wait Carmen finally answered looking slightly dishevelled and surprised to see Spencer.
"Spencer what are you doing here?" Carmen asked putting on a smile forgetting that only a few hours ago they had been arguing.
"I just wanted to see you and apologise for earlier" Spencer answered moving closer to Carmen.
"Really?"
"Yes really. I like you a lot Carmen and if you'll have me I'd love to be your girlfriend" Spencer beamed as the words feel from her mouth even though deep inside she wasn't even convinced by her own words. Carmen smiled and replayed the words in her head a few times.
"For real?" Carmen asked again shocked that Spencer had finally accepted what they were. Spencer didn't reply instead she leaned in and kissed Carmen who was quite happy to kiss her back. Carmen continued to kiss Spencer as she closed the front door leaving them both outside which confused Spencer.
"Can we not go inside….you know it might be a bit more private" Spencer asked breaking the kiss.
"Trust me when I say how much I would love to but my little brother is asleep on the sofa and I don't want to take him"
"Oh well why don't I give you a ride to the diner and we can hang there for a bit before your shift starts?" Spencer suggested.
"Spencer I can't I have to wait here until my Mom gets home"
"That sucks Carm…..maybe we can hang after the game?"
"You still going to that?" Carmen queried backing up slightly.
"Aiden is my best friend and he wants me there Carmen"
"I guess so….call me later and I'll see what we can do" Carmen suggested kissing Spencer on the cheek. Spencer collected herself and couldn't help but feel a little bit rejected. She had expected Carmen to be slightly more happy about them finally confirming what they were considering how much she had pushed the topic. Spencer stepped away from Carmen's arms and gave her a smile before heading back to her car feeling like a bit of an idiot for putting herself out there. The day had already been far too eventful for her liking and far too emotional.
Starting up her car Spencer headed back to school figuring that she would be there for Aiden and maybe have a catch up with him afterwards. School games were always big at King High and Spencer hadn't really attended many for a while unless she had been watching Glen. Parking her car Spencer climbed out and headed to the gym. Looking around she never realised how many people were into the whole school spirit thing especially her best friend who was currently lapping up the attention during the pre game warm up exercises. She waved at Aiden who looked stoked that had turned up. Looking at the bleachers Spencer tried to find a seat and had to settle for a spot at the far end of the gym meaning she had to walk past the cheerleaders including Kyla who was currently grabbing a drink.
"You came?" Kyla squealed as she hugged Spencer to death.
"Nothing gets past you Ky" Spencer replied releasing herself from Kyla's death grip.
"That smart mouth will get you into trouble one day Carlin"
"Fingers crossed" Spencer joked.
"So Ashley is over there….I'm sure she has some room next to her" Kyla smiled pointing at Ashley who was near the seat Spencer was heading towards. Spencer looked over and saw that Ashley was looking in her direction clearly trying to make out what they were talking about.
"Cool, I'll see you later Ky" Spencer headed over to Ashley and tried her best to keep her heart from beating out of her chest. Ashley readjusted herself in her seat preparing for Spencer to sit next to her but instead the blonde just stood next to her looking down.
"You don't have to sit next to me" Ashley stated praying that she actually would.
"I know but I want to" Spencer replied sitting down and squeezing in next to Ashley.
"I'm sorry if I said anything to upset you earlier" Ashley said turning her head to look at Spencer but as they were sat so close Spencer could feel every breathe Ashley took brushing against her neck.
"Um….you didn't do anything. My head is kind of all over the place"
"You wanna talk about it?" Ashley pried.
"Not right now…..we should just watch the game" Spencer wanted to talk to Ashley more but she didn't know what she wanted to say. Her head was spinning from Carmen's cold front and from the information Ashley had shared earlier and all she really wanted to do was hide in a dark room but that wasn't an option for her in that moment.
"Then we'll watch the game" Ashley stated looking forward as they prepared to tip off.
Ashley tried to focus on the game but it was impossible when Spencer was sat so close to her. Their legs were touching skin to skin as they were both wearing skirts and it was damn near taking all her control not to turn and kiss her. Ashley noticed out the corner of her eye that Spencer was stealing quick glances at her and she couldn't help but smile. After the first quarter Ashley had lost the will to live and was desperately bored. Thinking she was probably pushing her luck Ashley leaned in to Spencer's ear.
"This is lame you want to get out here?" Ashley whispered noticing how Spencer tensed up whenever she was close. Spencer turned and looked at Ashley nodding her head. Ashley smiled and grabbed Spencer's hand pulling her away from the bleachers and out of the gym.
"Aiden will kill me" Spencer laughed as the entered the hall ways of the high school.
"I wouldn't worry he's too busy checking out my sister in her cheerleader outfit" Ashley pointed out.
"I don't blame him Kyla looks hot….any chance she's gay as well?" Spencer joked getting a hip check from Ashley.
"You on the market again?" Ashley asked wondering if she had spoken to Carmen.
"Actually I'm officially off the market"
"Oh right how so?" Ashley asked trying to hide her severe disappointment.
"I asked Carmen to be my girlfriend and she said yes"
"Of course she did….she would be stupid not to" Ashley advised heading towards her car regretting ever making the comment in the first place.
"Well she didn't seem that impressed by it anyway" Spencer said for some reason. She had no idea why her mouth would never stop blabbing when she was around Ashley.
"What makes you say that?" Ashley started her car as Spencer put her belt on.
"I dunno I guess maybe it meant more to me than it did to her"
"Well she's stupid…..I mean if a girl like you asked me to be their girlfriend I would be doing cart wheels all around town" Ashley confessed turning red slightly.
"Unless somebody was watching right?" Spencer said feeling bad straight away for digging at Ashley when she was only been sweet.
"Right….I guess we are both hiding things"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing I'm sorry Spence look I don't want to argue with you or whatever. How about we keep your relationship with Carmen and my stupid life off the topics of conversation just for now?" Ashley suggested really not wanting for her time with Spencer to end prematurely.
"But whatever will we talk about?" Spencer laughed finally easing up.
"Good point"
"Ok how about you tell me where we are going?"
"I have no idea I was just driving….erm my parents are away so we could go hang at my place?" Ashley suggested suddenly becoming nervous thinking about having Spencer in her house again.
"Sounds cool" Spencer replied trying to hide her nerves about being alone with Ashley.
Ashley led Spencer to the beach entrance of her house knowing that Spencer had enjoyed the view the last time she was there. Spencer looked around remembering how different it had looked when it was full of drunken teenagers. The sun was just setting and Spencer knew that this was an overly romantic setting to be in so lied and told Ashley she needed to pee so they could get inside. Ashley showed her to the bathroom and told Spencer she would be in the kitchen sorting out some drinks for them. Spencer locked the bathroom door and splashed her face with cool water. She was mad at Carmen which is probably why she had agreed to be here with Ashley and she felt bad for using Ashley. But the more Spencer thought about it she wasn't using Ashley, she genuinely enjoyed spending time with her especially now she knew the truth. Spencer also knew that Ashley was attracted to her and vice versa which put them both in a difficult situation. Can you just be friends with somebody you want to kiss every time they smile? Spencer thought to her self. Shaking all thoughts from her brain Spencer headed into the kitchen where Ashley was grabbing lots of bottles ranging from pepsi to grey goose vodka.
"Thirsty?" Spencer asked startling Ashley slightly.
"Well I wasn't really sure what you wanted so I got every beverage out that we have" Ashley answered laying out to glasses with ice in them.
"How about a cherry Carlin?" Spencer suggested remembering the drink Ashley had made her when they met at the beginning of the school year. Ashley smiled back and nodded her head grabbing the ingredients.
"Two cherry Carlin's coming up" Ashley started mixing the drinks throwing the cocktails maker all over the place, dropping it a few times which only made Spencer laugh. Ashley poured the mixture into the glasses and handed on to Spencer.
Spencer took a sip and smiled at Ashley who was clearly waited for the verdict.
"It's just as good as the first one you made me"
"Glad you like….so you wanna go sit on the patio and just chat?" Ashley asked fighting her urge to smile like a giant dork.
"Sounds good"
Both girls headed outside and sat on the large swinging chair which was facing the ocean. Spencer sipped her drink before asking a question which had been on her mind since Ashley had confessed all.
"Ash….what about your Mom?"
"What do you mean?"
"Why does she let this guy be so horrible to you?"
"My Mom is pretty broken Spencer, she has been since Dad died. Jim knows this and uses it to his advantage"
"I'm sure if you told her she would help you"
"I've tried Spence but she's too far gone….wish she could hear what I'm saying" Ashley answered with real sadness in her voice.
"Well your secret is safe with me Ash"
"I just wish it didn't have to be kept secret….things would be so different right now" Ashley confessed and both girls knew what she was talking about the minute the words left her lips.
"Things don't suck too much right now" Spencer noted meaning that at least they were talking which Ashley understood but that wasn't what she wanted.
"Depends how you look at it" Ashley replied looking at Spencer. They both took the time to really study each other's faces noticing little imperfections or subtle changes that they had never had chance to notice before. Ashley placed her hand on Spencer's cheek softly stroking it loving the feel of her soft skin beneath of callused thumb. Spencer wanted to pull away for Carmen's sake but Ashley's eyes had changed to a more golden colour which had Spencer completely mesmerised. Ashley leaned even closer taking Spencer's compliance as a signal. Moving her body so she was completely facing Spencer she dropped her glass on the sand so she could get this right. The two girls were a few centimetres apart, they could feel each others sweet breathe as they dared one and other to move closer. Just as Ashley is about to close the gap and loud honking of a horn tore Spencer from her Ashley induced daydream. Ashley cursed the gods for the creation of car horns and followed Spencer's gaze to the beach where half of King High were currently heading. Ashley dropped her head back and knew that her chance was over because now Spencer would over think what had just happened. In fact Ashley was pretty sure that Spencer would probably never talk to her again. Ashley turned to see what Spencer was doing and if truth be told the girl looked panicked.
"Spence?" Ashley tried.
"I'm guessing they won" Spencer replied clearly ignoring everything that just happened.
"I guess they did…..erm I'm sorry"
"Forget it….I'm going to see Aiden" Spencer smiled as she jumped off the chair and headed over to Aiden who was carrying a keg.
"We won Spencer!" Aiden whooped and so did everyone around him.
"Wooo yea I'm proud. I need to talk….in private" Spencer replied clearly not carrying and she felt bad for been selfish but she needed to talk to someone before her head exploded. Aiden passed the keg to some other guy and followed Spencer to where all the cars were parked.
"Ok kill joy what's up?" Aiden asked leaning against his car. Spencer paced in front of him trying to think of the best way to say what she needed.
"Ash explained everything, I understand now, I know she's gay, I asked Carmen to be my girlfriend and she said yes but didn't seem bothered. I bumped into Ashley at the game, we came back here because sports are lame and we just nearly kissed" Spencer said so quickly that Aiden barely made any sense out of it but he picked up the last bit.
"Dude you and Ash should totally hook up" Aiden smiled.
"Aid you are clearly missing the goddamn point!" Spencer yelled frustrated with him and herself.
"I'm not I get it but you clearly don't!" Aiden snapped back annoyed that his best friend was so blind.
"Oh please explain of great one"
"Spence you clearly like Ashley which is why you asked Carmen to be your girlfriend right after Ashley told you everything. You freaked because you realised that it is only a matter of a few months until Ashley can be out and proud. You panicked and in order to protect yourself you asked Carmen to be for real. In reality you don't want Carmen and plus she's no good for you" Aiden explained feeling quite proud of himself.
"I really like Carmen and I have liked her for longer than I've liked Ashley"
"So you admit that you like Ashley?"
"No…..yes….No….not like that. Fuck Aiden this is all your fault"
"How the hell is this my fault?"
"If you had never gone to camp then you would never have met the cool kids. I would never have met Ashley or Carmen thus meaning that I wouldn't be dealing with this drama" Spencer explained knowing her theory was far fetched but she was grasping at straws because deep down she knew this was all her fault. She should never have asked Carmen to be her girlfriend and she should never have led Ashley on.
"Spence you and Carmen aren't even really dating so in reality you can do whatever the hell you want. Just come into the party and celebrate with me. I promise I won't leave your side unless you tell me to" Aiden pleaded knowing that Spencer wouldn't go back in unless he was there to hold her hand.
"Fine but I want drinks and no fatherly attitude from you" Spencer bargained and Aiden agreed.