He drove for a few miles, then pulled over, shut the engine off, and took a few deep, shuddering breathes.
Panic. Immense, debilitating panic threatened to claw its way up his spine and into his brain. Panic like he'd never known before.
He'd been in combat, he'd been in extremely dangerous and high stress conditions as a sniper. He'd been in danger more than a few times as an FBI agent, and in those moments he'd always been able to suppress his emotions and fears and perform at a calm and emotionless and efficient level.
A level that few could achieve. That's what had made him so valuable in whatever capacity he was serving, whether it be soldier, sniper, or FBI agent.
But this was different. This time he couldn't seem to get a grip on his emotions...His beloved son had been in real danger. Thank God he was ok now. But latent terror at what could have been flowed through Booth like an evil thing...
And now Brennan. The images of her twisting and contorting from the taser attack flooded with awful vividness back into his mind. Booth involuntarily clenched his eyes shut against that image, but it was like it was happening all over again and he couldn't shut it out...
And Brennan was in danger now. If things went badly...if he didn't get to her in time or if someone made a mistake, or if the people who did this panicked and decided to get rid of her...
The thought of harm coming to Brennan...of something happening to her...that hit him suddenly like a punch in the gut. Instinctively, he wanted...needed to protect her. If that wasn't bad enough...he couldn't stop the thought even though he tried mightily not to think it...if she was taken away from him forever...Oh God...no...
The thought of never seeing her again...of never again having that stunning smile aimed at him...of never looking into those amazing eyes...the thought of never hearing her voice, or never explaining a joke to her that she didn't get...or of never touching her or being near her again...no...no...no...please...no...no no no no noooo...
Booth couldn't hold it back...he fought...but it was no good, the panic clawed its way into his mind. Spitting and snarling and tearing, it broke through his defenses and almost paralyzed him with fear.
Sweat started out on his brow and his heart thundered in a drumbeat of despair.
"GOD DAMMIT! GOD DAMMIT! GOD DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT TO HELL!" Booth cried as he hammered the steering wheel with his fists.
"I can't lose her...oh God I can't...I can't lose her...I have to find her."
"DAMMIT" Booth cried again, unconsciously looking upward. "Don't you dare take her away from me! Don't you dare! Don't you F*CKING DARE!"
Booth sat gasping for a few more moments. He shook his head and gave a mirthless grin.
"OK, you freaking baby" He muttered to himself.
"You've indulged yourself with a nice little tantrum, now f*cking pull yourself together and get your head straight, because you're no good to anyone blubbering like a fool. Do what you were trained for, what Bones is counting on from you now, get it together and get this done right!"
Booth took a few more breaths, and did a little mental test. Yes...he was ready now...they better be ready as well...because he was coming for them...
That scary mask descended over his features once again. It wasn't coming back off till Brennan was safe.
He started the SUV and was just going to pull out into traffic when his cell rang.
"Booth" he answered.
"Booth? Its Jack. Get to the Jeffersonian. We've got some news."
"On my way!" Booth replied, and the SUV screamed back onto the road.