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Chapter 12 – I see you

Jade's POV

She cried uncontrollably in my arms for several more minutes. I had thought she had given up her music, but I was wrong. It had been essentially, taken away from her. Tori loved music, it was a huge part of who she was. Without it, she was only half there.

All I could do, was comfort her as best as I could.

Holding her, comforting her, I got this odd feeling of contentment. It only lasted for a few moments, but it was the most content I had felt in years. I didn't read too much into it as I simply assumed I was enjoying the chance to pay back Tori for all the grief I had caused.

After several minutes she abruptly stopped crying and quickly moved back. At the same time, her expression went from vulnerable to one of guarded embarrassment.

Tori wiped her tears. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get so emotional."

"I understand, music is very important to you."

She then turned and moved toward her bedroom door. "I'm tired I need to go to sleep, goodnight."

I wanted her to stay, I wanted to talk more, the need was almost overwhelming, but before I knew it I was once again on the other side of a closed door.

She had closed herself up in her room. In all the weeks, I've lived here; I've never been in or even seen the inside of her room. I believe it's become her sanctuary from the world.

A lot more of what happened now makes sense. She gets record deal, creep music exec makes a pass at her, she slaps him, he retaliates by ruining her name. So I guess at this point, she goes to Cat for support, but for reasons still not too clear, Cat turns on her. Feeling devastated by the loss of her musical career and betrayal at the hands of Cat, Tori drops out of school, gives up on music and turns bitter.

I know I played a part in this little play. Had I not done what I did, perhaps she would have been better equipped to handle the events she went through. She'd been already betrayed once and the second blow must have been fierce. To this day, I can't think of the expression on Tori's face when I denied anything happened, without a pang of guilt. Yet at the same time, I still continue to try and justify what I did, in my mind at least. Beck still has a great hold over me.

While I knew more, it only added more guilt to my already trouble conscious. Of course the co-dependent side of me says, go back to Beck and this guilt will go away.

Knowing I'd not see Tori for the rest of the night, I returned to the couch and again began to watch TV. Thankfully, I found the original 1978 Halloween was on and I managed to lose myself in that. I much prefer this version to the remake. In the original, his reasons for doing what he does are not explained. He's simply a force of evil and that's that. The newer one, gives a background, to Michael, and explains at least partially why he does what he does. It takes away some of the mystery. He's a hell of lot scarier when you don't know what he's about.

But maybe that explains my growing fascination with Tori. I don't know what's behind her bedroom door. In my mind absolutely anything could be behind it. What does she do in there, what does she think, what does she say to herself in her unguarded moments.

I would find myself thinking about that for the rest of the night.

The next morning, I got up at my usual time to find Tori eating breakfast. Most of the time, I went straight into the bathroom to get ready for work, but today I found myself wanting to talk to Tori.

I poked my head in the kitchen door. "Are you ok?"

Tori huffed silently and said, "I'm fine, thank you." in a standoffish tone of voice.

Cold distant Tori was back, I could press her of course, talk about her the horrible events that happened to her, but all she'd do is retreat into her room and close the door.

I'm starting to hate that bedroom door. It's more than a physical barrier, it's keeping us from setting things right.

"Well, if you need to talk or something. I'm there."

Not bothering to even look up from her frosted flakes, Tori mumbled. "I'll remember that."

Feeling a distinct stab of disappointment that I wasn't getting through, I turned and headed towards the bathroom.

Of course in my messed up head, that stupid co-dependent part of me said. "Beck would say hell, he'd probably make you breakfast and take you shopping. You comforted her last night and what does she do in return, oh yeah, Ignore you."

I just told that part of me to shut up and got in the shower.

When she got home from work, she was still cold and distant. She did let me make dinner with her, but she talked only when she needed too and as soon as dinner was cleaned up retreated into her room.

That night I found myself more and more about Tori. What went on inside her head, was there more to her pain that even I know. Why did Cat call her a moral degenerate? Why did I feel so content when I comforted her? She managed to crowd out thoughts of Beck, which wasn't easy.

I just couldn't get her out of my mind.

The next day was Friday and of course she went to The Playpen after her day job. Again if found myself thinking about her. But my mind for some reason kept drifting to her costume at The Playpen or, more specifically lack of it.

I saw her a bit both Saturday and Sunday but as I expected, she stayed in her room. Monday, I found myself wanting to do something with her. So I asked if she was interested in going out for dinner again. She politely declined.

The rest of the week was the same, she was cold and distant, which increasingly didn't sit well with me. I was still struggling with ridding myself of impulses to run back to Beck, but Tori was weighing more and more on my mind. Half the time, I didn't know what I was thinking for feeling.

Friday rolled around again and by 8:30, I had to get out. Tori wasn't home, I was feeling cooped up, so I grabbed my leather jacket and headed out. It was spring now, so my leather jacket kept me warm enough.

I didn't even have any destination in mind. I just wanted to get out. After leaving the apartment, I headed towards the subway and got on the first car that arrived. I didn't even pay attention to where it was going.

I was lost in thought as the car passed station after station. Finally I heard an announcement that the station for Time's square was the next stop. Hearing that, the words, Times square, Playpen and Tori rushed through my mind. Before I even knew what I was doing, I stepped out of the car and made a beeline for The Playpen. Maybe that had been my destination the entire time and I hadn't realized it.

I didn't know why exactly, but I wanted to see her. I hated being alone on Saturday and Friday nights. I told myself I was just checking up on her and that was the real reason. All I had to do was hid in the back and she'd never see me.

"Just one drink and I'll go." I said as I paid the cover and went in.

I had to be crazy to come here, but the second I heard Times square, I just felt drawn to this place.

Entering, the place I was greeted by the sounds of Hot Girls in Love, by the 80's group lover boy. The place was packed tonight, which meant there'd be less of a chance Tori would see me.

I found a spot in the back and scanned the floor until I saw Tori's half naked form, serving drinks. Just seeing her like that, made me feel…well I don't really know. All I knew is that I couldn't look away. I didn't think of Beck when I looked at her.

The area she was working was down near the main stage, so as long as I stayed in the back I'd be safe.

So I watched Tori, fake smile and all, serve drinks. At one point a drunken frat boy grabbed her ass. It took nearly all the willpower I had to keep from going over there and strangling him.

Tori smiled and casually shook her head in warning not to do that again, then went back to serving drinks.

A few minutes later that same frat boy got up and started to head to the bathrooms which were right behind me. He touched Tori, which really pissed me off and I simply could not let it stand.

So as he moved across the crowded floor towards the men's room, I took a look of the path he'd have to take to get there. At one point, he'd have to walk right by three nasty looking biker types. A thought came to mine and with an evil grin, I moved into the crowd. I positioned myself just right and as he was about to pass by the bikers, I tripped him.

Jackpot! I tripped the stupid frat boy and like a bowling pin he tumbled right into the biggest and meanest looking of the trio of bikers. Even better, he caused the huge biker to spill his beer.

Now the frat boy was on the floor, covered in beer at the biker's feet. The biker, nor his friends looked very happy.

"You owe me a beer, college boy" Roared the angry biker.

The frat boy was either dumber or drunker than I thought, as he promptly said, "Fuck you, fatso."

It was about 2 seconds later that the first punch got thrown and with a smirk on my face, I watched as the big biker dude and 2 of his biker friends started to punch him as well.

Sadly, my fun was ruined by 5 enormous bouncers that swiftly descended on the fight, breaking it up. While the biker guys were escorted out, the frat boy had to be carried out as in the minute and a half before the fight was broken up, he had had the shit kicked out of him.

I then looked over at Tori to see one of the dancers point out frat boy as they carried him out and for a moment, a genuine smile appeared on Tori's face.

Just seeing that smile made me feel special.

I stayed in back watching Tori until I felt a tap on my shoulder. Turning around I could see it was Barbie, who was smiling like the Cheshire Cat.

"Well, well, look who came back. I knew you would." She then handed me a beer, "Have one on me."

Once again she was the hunter and I was the prey. "Uhhh…thanks I guess."

She looked down at Tori and then back to me. "You've watched her like a hawk since you've gotten here. With the exception of brief period of time you took to trip the asshole who groped her. Nice timing by the way."

My mind suddenly seemed to shut down. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Barbie, took her finger and ran it up my neck to my chin, causing me to feel suddenly very warm. "I think I do."

Suddenly her face lit up in recognition. "Oh my god, I know who you are. You're Jade."

"How did you know that!" I said quickly.

"Ohhh…Tori's mentioned her houseguest and described you. I wasn't 100% sure, but now I am."

"What did she say about me?" I literally couldn't say it fast enough.

"Oh…gee whiz Jade. I could talk to her in Biology and ask her if she'd wear your class ring." Barbie, replied mockingly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I fumed. I hate being mocked.

Barbie laughed. "Oh my god, you don't realize it."

"Realize what?"

"That you have the hot's for her. I told you I've seen that look before. You have it bad."

"I DO NOT, I DON'T LIKE GIRLS!"

Before I knew it, I was pulled into yet another tight embrace as she kissed me. Again my mind went haywire and a thousand thoughts and feelings seemed to flow at once.

The most surprising thing about it, the part that shocked me, was what I did.

I let her kiss me.

My emotions were flowing like a raging river and I couldn't help but surrender to the current. A second later when her tongue gently stroked my teeth, my mouth opened on its own accord.

This kiss was longer and I think she was putting as much passion into it as humanly possible. As our tounges met and danced, I suddenly became aware that my loins suddenly felt as if they were on fire. Oh my fucking god, what is she doing to me.

This was no quick smooch like last time, this was an all out makeout session and I was really getting into it.

It was then I moaned in pleasure, I didn't even mean to, but I did and it was only then did she break the kiss. I was both turned on and incredibly dazed.

Barbie, grinned in satisfaction. "You've never really kissed a girl before. Judging from that turned on deer in the headlights look, not to mention that rather sweet sounding moan, you more than liked it. Come on Jade admit it."

My heart was pounding, my body felt like it was on fire and I felt like my head was in a cloud.

"God yes." I blurted out as I turned beet red. I don't even know what I was doing or saying, all I knew that it was the honest truth.

Barbie then kissed me on the cheek. "I'd love to more than anything take you home after my shift and pop your cherry, but I like Tori. She's always been real nice to me. So, I'll toss you back. I can assure you however, you like girls. You just haven't realized it. You like Tori."

Though I wanted to, I couldn't respond. All I was capable of doing is nodding.

"Well, Sugar, I have to get back to work. You're safe here. Tori sticks close to her area and almost never comes up to the back. So she won't see you. I'll leave you to your new found gayness."

Barbie, grinned once again and then left.

I watched Barbie, walk off and then refocused my attention on Tori. My mind was still spinning and wobbling like a top. I liked Tori, I really liked Tori as in go on a date with Tori, as in Kiss Tori like Barbie had done to me.

As I was bombarded by a hundred different and very confusing thoughts and feelings I just kept watching Tori. She was dressed as sexy as hell and only now was I realizing just how much I liked it.

Suddenly I realized the song, I kissed a girl, by Katy Perry began to play. Looking over to the DJ booth, I spotted Barbie who was walking away from it. She winked at me and went back to work.

I had kissed a girl and did I ever like it. Of course that led to an additional question.

Would Tori ever like to kiss me?

No One's POV.

Barbie, after getting the DJ to play I kissed a girl, smiled in Triumph. She had broken Jade out of her self-denial and put her on the road to bigger and better things. It was obvious she liked Tori, but did Tori know.

Needing to get her latest drink order, Barbie went to the side bar. Before she could give her order, she felt someone grab her wrist.

It was Tori and she looked just a bit miffed.

"What are you doing kissing her!" Demanded Tori.

Realizing that where they were, Jade couldn't see them, Barbie grinned. ""Your roommate? She needs practice in the kissing department, how about giving her a hand?"

Tori's face practically turned blood red with fury. "WHAT!"

"Calm down Tori. I'm not after your roommate. I was actually going to talk to you about that. Honest and in all the time we've worked together, have I ever lied to you."

"No, you've always been straight with me. How in the hell did she know I worked here? What in the fuck is going on!" Fumed Tori.

Barbie shrugged. "You mentioned she didn't know you worked here, so she must have followed you. This is the 2nd time she's been here."

Tori's jaw dropped. "She's been here before."

Barbie nodded. "Yeah, she was here a few weeks ago. I spotted her watching you. I didn't know who she was, she looked to be into you. She seemed to not want you know she was here, so in exchange for my silence I stole a kiss."

This time Tori looked as if she was going to punch Barbie, causing her to step back. "Whoa, I didn't know who she was. I was just playing with her. You were talking about her in the break room and I see her tonight, once again watching you and then I realize, oh my god you're jade."

Tori's Jaw hardened. "Then why in the hell were you kissing her if you knew she was my roommate."

"Well to prove a point actually."

"What point is that?"

"She had the nerve to deny she liked girls, so I kissed her. It took all about 2 tenths of a second to surrender to it and about another half a second before she started to kiss me back. She practically melted on the spot, the moan she made was icing on the cake. She fell into it like she was a natural. That girl is gay and at the moment, very aware of it."

Tori simply could not believe what she had just been told. It was almost too much. "Melted? Moaned? Gay?"

"Melted, not to mention she readily admitted to liking the kiss. Oh one more thing, that creep that groped you and then tripped right into the bikers who then kicked the shit out of him."

"What about that creep."

"Who do you think tripped him. I was watching her and she practically blew a gasket when she saw you get groped. I watched as she waited until he was near the bikers and tripped him."

Though she was angry at Jade for poking into her business, Tori loved the thought of Jade defending her. "She did that for me?"

Barbie nodded. "Look, just the way you were talking about her the other day, I thought you had a thing for her am I right? That's why I'm telling you this."

Tori sighed and then nodded her head, "I've had a crush on her since high school. I've had this dream of us dating and it blossoming into something really beautiful. It's kind of silly."

"No Tori, it's not silly at all. All the better, she likes you, you like her, no problem."

Tori shook her head. "It's not that simple, she's just gotten out of a horrible relationship and me, I'm an emotional mess."

Barbie put a hand on Tori's shoulder, "Look, life is never simple. It sound like you might just be the right thing for each other."

"You do?"

"Yes, Look I have get back to work, but she doesn't know, that I've told you, she's here. Don't confront her. She's a bit confused and a bid dazed. You'll be better off if you just let her watch you and sort things out in her head. Come to grips with her own sexuality. I have a strong suspicion she'll be watching you the rest of the night."

Having Jade as a girlfriend, was something that deep down Tori had always wanted. Just the fact that Jade was here, gave her hope.

"I'll do that. Thanks Barbie."

Barbie, smiled. "Great, just remember if you two hook up and the word threesome ever comes up. I'm your gal."

Tori giggled. "You really mean that, don't you?"

Barbie picked up a tray of drinks and winked. "You know me all too well."

Barbie quickly vanished into the crowd, leaving Tori alone. For the first time in over a year and a half, Tori felt as if she really had hope for some measure of happiness. For that she was willing to forgive Jade for following her.

"Well she wants a show, let's give her one." Tori said to herself as she picked up her tray of drinks and went to work.

As she went out on the floor, out of the corner of her eye, Tori spotted Jade up in the back. The Goth's eyes were firmly fixed on her with a look, that would best be described as wonder.

Tori of course made no indication she knew Jade was there, but at the same time, made a point to wiggle her ass and breast's a bit more, in the hopes Jade would enjoy it.

Everyone once and a while, Tori would glance out of the corner of her eye to see if Jade was still there. Each time Jade was, just watching her only now she looked rather pleased as if she was enjoying the show. For the rest of the night, Tori worked knowing full well that the eyes of Jade were upon her and she enjoyed every last second of it.