Hey people :-). I'm starting to make these chapters a bit shorter because not many people have been reviewing, and I have been focusing more on my New Dope story.
Anyways,
Rock on!
-Monty Python
Later that night, Fido did not seem to get better. The wound from the pretzel in his shoulder grew worse-looking by the minute. Perhaps it was because when no one was looking, he grabbed berries off of nearby bushed and squished them all over his 'wound'. He would occasionally cry out in pain, but the others paid him no heed. "I will never make it to Riversmell!" he winced. "It's far too long a journey, and my wound is beyond any mortal skill to heal!"
Marigorn backhanded him. "I really don't care. Now if you don't shut up, something awful will happen that neither of us will enjoy. And I'm not talking about me beating the crap out of you, because I would enjoy that very much. I'm talking about the worst thing that could EVER happen."
"What? What is it?" Mirroy asked eagerly.
Marigorn looked this way and that way and said in a hushed voice that wasn't hushed at all, "Arsewen might show up." He hastily shut up and walked a bit faster, going ninety miles an hour.
"YOU CALLED SMOOOCHIE-POO?" an extremely tall lady on a white horse darted out of the trees. The poor horse's mane was completely covered with pink ribbons, bows, lace and other nonsense, and the bridle was the most disgustingly hideously flowery-pink thing you could wish to see. The lady herself had eyes that were too close together, and a mouth so huge that it took up almost her entire face. Her nose was alright if you squinted a bit, and her shelven ears were three times too big for her head. She wore a completely pink outfit, topped with a neon green bandana which covered her very long hair. "I thought about painting the horse pink," she once said while having her room painted, "but daddy said it wasn't good for the economical veracity of the scientific legion's union."
She leaped off her poor, sad-looking horse and skipped over to Marigorn who was trying his best not to yank out his dagger and bury it deep into his heart. He attempted a smile but it came out as a sort of snarl. "Hi smoochie-poo! I came to get the kid with the wound, where is he, snoogly-shlumpkins?" she pinched Marigorn's cheek.
"He's over there," Marigorn grumbled, rubbing his sore cheek.
Arsewen kissed him on the other check and ran over to where Fido was lying. Marigorn furiously wiped his other cheek, suppressing the urge to vomit.
"Aw the poor baby! He needs to be taken to see daddy!" She tired picking Fido up, but with all the cream pastries he had eaten in town, he weighed a good deal more than one would suspect from a three-foot high creature. Huffing and puffing, she dragged him over to her horse, Assfallot, and yanked the horse down to its feet by pulling the mane. Then she rolled the perfectly capable hobbit onto the horse. Marigorn, watching the entire charade, did not bother to tell her that Fido was perfectly healthy and could walk on his own. He was glad that he was getting rid of two of his problems at the same time. He disliked Fido, and disliked Arsewen even more, if that was possible, for he disliked Fido immensely.
"Farwell snuggly-wuggly shnoopkins!" she waved, blew a kiss, and galloped off.
Marigorn breathed a sigh of relief. "Maybe they'll both die," he muttered hopefully.
Spam seemed a bit worried.
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