Stephenie Meyer owns everything Twilight.
Many thanks to PTB betas LittleMissMionie & DeeDreamer!
Thank you so much for all your reviews, they are great and a good part of the reason why I love to update as much as I can! Here's a semi-lemon to show my gratitude…
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BELLA:
"Oh no! Poor Edward," I tell Esme, as I am flooded with guilt.
"Would you have come to the phone if you had known?" She asks, diplomatically.
I shake my head, "No, probably not."
"Well, he asked that I tell you the funeral is in 4 days time, and it would mean a lot to him if you attended."
I consider this, but decide I'm not prepared to sacrifice Jacob for Edward, however much pain he is in. I feel sorry for him, I truly do, but I just can't be there for him now.
JACOB:
The dinner with Emily is, to put it mildly, excruciating. I haven't mentioned to Bella yet about my last girlfriend, as I had never really thought she would ever come back to La Push or Forks again.
I steal a quick glance at Emily's scars and see her bristle under my gaze. Logically, I know now it wasn't my fault, that I wasn't responsible, but I still can't help feeling like I was part of the problem, as heavily involved as I was. We had been dating for about six months when I had turned up at her parent's house unannounced and caught her in the midst of passion with Sam Uley, an old friend who was a good few years older than both of us.
"I hear you've got a new girlfriend, Jacob." Emily sneers at me as she pops a morsel of meat into her mouth. I look at Leah and then my dad, but neither of them shows any signs that they have told her. In fact, they look a little surprised, but then it dawns of me.
"Embry's got a big mouth. Tell me, how is Sam?" If she wants to play hardball - then fine. It isn't like I am keeping Bella a secret from my family, but I know how they feel about me dating girls outside of the tribe. Emily flinches as I say Sam's name, but quickly recovers her cool demeanor.
"He's great, thanks for asking, Jake," she finally replies, before taking a large slurp from the wine she brought. I nod, as if I really cared how Sam is. The real truth is I would have been ecstatic if I never saw either him or Emily ever again.
I never visited her while she was recovering, and she uses that as a reason to be spiteful and cruel to me. Leah and my dad had both insisted that I go see her, but I point-blank refused. I didn't owe her anything; Emily had fucked our relationship up and she had gotten herself hurt. But all the wise judgment in the world couldn't stop me from feeling like I was the one who caused her to get drunk and get on the bike that night.
"I haven't seen him around the reservation for a while," my dad comments, and I give him a look that asked him why in the hell would he care to carry on this conversation.
"He's moved closer to me while I'm at school." Emily has the good grace to blush as we continue talking about the man she cheated on me with.
Leah, devoid of any tactfulness to me - squeezes Emily and urges her, "Go on, tell them."
"We're engaged," Emily rejoices, and Leah grabs Emily's left hand. She holds it up for the whole room to see. I don't know what it was that she saw in Sam that made her desire him over me. Moreso, I don't know why she hadn't done the decent thing and broken it off with me before she decided to jump into bed with him. Luckily for me, I no longer cared.
When I caught them both, I had immediately broken up with her. Sam hadn't wanted anything long term and she soon came trotting back to me. I told her it was over but she did everything she could to see me. She even bought a motorcycle and started taking lessons in the hope I would like her more. It didn't work. I wanted nothing more to do with her, and yet she wouldn't give up. I told her to forget about the motorcycle, that she had neither the concentration nor the road sense not to get hurt, but she didn't listen to me.
For her own safety, I told her to treat every other driver as a potential threat to her life. I hoped it would make her appreciate how close we all came to death when our full attention wasn't on the roads, but she ignored me. She had, in fact, ignored all my countless warnings, and kept trying to see me. She drove up and down outside our house to get me to take notice of her. But it was too late. She destroyed the blossoming romance we had started and nothing she could do would ever make me take her back.
I believe once you cheat on someone, the relationship, and friendship, everything…is over. After pleading with me for the last time, I told her in no uncertain terms what I thought of her. I found out later she had stolen some liquor from her parents' house and taken the bike out for a ride; late at night. No one else had been involved, but she predictably lost control after taking a corner to fast, and crashed the bike. She smashed through a metal fence and three, sharp prongs had carved through her face, giving her the scars she has today.
The commotion and happy squeals over by Emily pull me from my memories. "Congratulations," my dad and I both say. I am unable to disguise the sarcasm in my voice, and Leah deals me a swift kick to the shins. I look at Emily, how she pretty she is, scars aside, and I wonder what I first saw her in her. She used to be such a genuine, honest person, and not the vindictive, nasty woman she has become. It makes me ache for Bella, and I grin as I think about having her all to myself tomorrow night.
BELLA:
The next day, I'm excited thinking about what I will cook for Jacob later on that night. I am so happy I can't concentrate on my work. I can't quite believe he has even agreed to let me cook him a vegan meal. I guess he must really like me; I had tried to make Edward a vegan meal, and all I got for my efforts were ridicule and abuse.
The phone rings and, as I am allergic to it at the moment, Esme thankfully picks it up. "Edward," Esme mouths at me. I look at her for a moment before shaking my head. It is upsetting me not being able to talk to him. This is the first time he has really needed me to be there for him, but I made Jacob a promise and I am going to do everything I can to keep it.
"Sorry, Edward, she's not available right now, I-" Esme jumps back mid conversation and I guess that Edward has angrily hung up on her. I apologize for his behavior but she won't hear about it. "He's in a dark place at the moment, Bella. Grief is a terrible thing."
I nod, not really understanding. I've never lost anyone close to me, as I have always left them first and have no immediate relations that have ever died. I can tell from the compassion she has towards Edward that Esme has lost someone close to her, but I don't ask her about it, knowing she will talk to me when she is ready.
…
At home, there is a knock at the door, and I try not to squeal with excitement. I give myself one more look in the mirror and decide I haven't scrubbed up too badly. I am wearing the same stripy dress I wore that night out at the club when I first saw Jacob. I have pulled my hair up into a quiff at the front, and twisted tendrils at the back. I've put on a little make up, enough to make my skin look even and to highlight my eyes. I take a deep breath, looking around at the romantic place setting I have created and the scented candles that illuminate the house, before opening the door.
Jacob looks at me and wolf whistles. I blush in response and kiss him chastely on the cheek as I invite him in.
"You look great, Jacob." He really does look fantastic in sharp clothes, and it takes all my willpower not to forget the meal and pounce on him instead.
"Are you hungry?" I tease, knowing that although he is too much of a gentleman to admit it, he is slightly skeptical about being fed vegan food.
"Can't wait," he replies grinning, and I show him to his seat. On the table, there is already a big bowl of salad and some garlic potato wedges.
I serve him first, placing the large slice of homemade pizza in front of him. It has a tomato base and is covered in roasted, peeled peppers, caramelized onions and chestnut mushrooms. I have topped it with a little bit of vegan cheese.
"So you're vegan?" he asks me, as it takes him all of five minutes to clear his plate.
"Not really. I try to eat as ethically as I can, but I love Reese's Pieces too much." I blush as if I've told him a terrible secret, but he laughs at me. Pulling me from my seat, he wraps me in his arms.
"Are you still hungry?" I smile at him, knowing a guy of his stature can't subsist on vegan food alone.
"Yeah." He blushes for the first time, and I laugh gently at him before going to the fridge and getting out a giant chocolate pudding I've made.
"I thought you might be." I grab two spoons from a drawer, and nod to the porch as I walk out towards the swing.
Jacob follows me out and we sit down next each other on the swing. "It's a nice evening," he notes, but I feel the cold air more easily than he does. I hand him a spoon and we tuck in and he immediately eats the fudge chips from the top of the dessert. "My favorite bit," he says before laughing and taking the chips off my side of the dessert too. I laugh along, and cuddle into him as he wraps his arm around me. I'm not even that hungry, I just wanted to see what sharing something with him would be like. It's fun.
"So do you miss your mom?" I ask him, not knowing if we're ready in our relationship yet to reveal painful truths. Jacob looks down at me as if he's thinking the same thing before finally nodding and taking another bite.
"Yeah, I do, a lot. I have a bit of a rose-tinted view of her though. Leah and my dad say nothing good about her - but for all her mistakes, she was my mom. You can't help who you love. She's family, you know?"
I nod in agreement.
"You? Do you see your folks much? You never talk about them." I shift uncomfortably, but it's something I do want to discuss with him.
"No, they both live in Phoenix. And as you can tell I got the furthest away from them as I could." I reply.
"Except for Alaska or Hawaii." He notes, as he leans down and kisses me hair.
"Too cold and too expensive." I add. I look up at his brown eyes and smile at my new best friend. He leans down and kisses me gently, but I respond with heat, taking his tongue into my mouth and sucking on him. He tastes like chocolate. He groans loudly and we fist each other's hair as we try to get closer to one another, the dessert long forgotten.
"Want to go inside?' I pant, as I break off the kiss and his eyes dance in reply. He takes a hold of my hand and leads me back into the house and to the bedroom. Once inside my room, he shuts the door behind himself carefully.
"I want to fuck you so bad, Bella." I know his dirty mouth should shock me, but instead an illicit, wonderful thrill runs down my entire body, and I can't help but quickly touch myself between my legs.
He moans as he sees me touch myself, and he stalks over towards me, saying in a husky voice, "I want to fuck you even more now."
Jake kisses my mouth and runs a trail of kisses down my neck and into my cleavage. I throw my head back and absorb the wild feelings coursing over my skin. He almost rips my dress as he pulls it down with strong hands to get to my breasts. He sucks on them and makes the most arousing, guttural growl as he enjoys them. I feel my body heat up again and I reach for myself once more but without even looking, he grabs my hands as I try to touch myself.
"Let me," he tells me as he picks me up and slings me onto the bed. I laugh as I fall onto it with a little bounce, and seductively pull my dress up. He moans, as he kisses up my bent knees, and rests his nose on the wettest part of my panties. He growls again as he tugs them off in one go, snapping the elastic and releasing my excited, female scent into the room.
I reach down to try and hold onto myself once more, but he bats my hands away. Instead, he pins my hands down by either side of my hips. He pulls my dress up to reveal my sex, and looks at me before leaning in and licking. I jump receptively as he takes my clit in his mouth. He sucks it before teasing me with his tongue, circling around my tip.
I am desperate for him to be inside me, to fuck me as if his life depended on it. Instead I lie quaking underneath him, as his tongue licks up and down my wet lips before he slips inside. I cry out and he moans and his hands grab around my thighs, pulling my lower body closer onto his face. He reaches up and slowly drives two fingers into me, responding to my bursts of obscenities as he starts to stroke me harder.
"Faster. Don't stop," I urge. I am just about to peak, just about to hit what I know will be an earth-shattering climax, when he suddenly stops and pulls his fingers from me. I frown frustrated at him, but he just smiles at me, as if it's all part of his master plan. He continues to grin and is just finishing peeling his boxers down when his phone interrupts us loudly.
"Ignore it," he insists. I nod enthusiastically as I move towards his erection, ready and willing to envelop him in my mouth. The phone rings again, just as I am planting light kisses up and down his beautiful dick, watching it lightly spring back after every touch. We ignore the phone for the second time. I am just about to wrap my lips around him, when it rings for a third time. I sit back on my heels, in mild irritation, and gesture impolitely for him to answer it.
"What?" He picks the phone up, and yells down it in frustration. I watch as his face turns from anger to worry and back to anger again. He says nothing, but nods, as he listens to the caller. He utters a quick word of thanks and clicks the phone off, before looking at me sadly.
"I'm really sorry, Bella. But I've got to go." He doesn't seem to want to hold my gaze and this frightens me.
"What?" You're kidding me, I think. "Is everything okay?"
"Yes, but I've really got to go."
"But why?"
"I can't explain. It's family stuff."
"Okay, I guess. If you've got to go…"
"Bye, bye, bye." Every time he speaks, he kisses me. I giggle and beg him again not to go.
"Please stay, I'll make it worth your while." I bat my eyelids, and he groans as he falls back into my lap, and breathes in deeply.
"You have no idea how much I want to stay." His rough tongue licks teasingly at me, and I nearly convulse underneath him.
"Should I be worried?" I ask as I watch him put his clothes back on.
"No, baby," he replies, but I notice that his Adam's apple bobs as he swallows thickly.
"I have really got to go," Jacob mumbles, as his tongue once again finds my clit and laps at it, almost sending me over the edge. He smiles and comes up to my face, kissing me. Sensing an opportunity, I grab his face and give him the most passionate, sensual kiss I have ever given anyone. I feel his hard erection push against me as we both kneel up against each other.
"Bye, Bella," he murmurs and he drags himself away and I hear him exit the front door. He leaves me on fire and wanting, begging. I am considering taking care of my need for release when there is a knock at my door.
I pull my dress on and run to it, knowing it's Jacob back to say goodbye, just one more time. I open the door and look in shock to see Edward standing in front of me. His eyes are bloodshot and his hands are white and shaking. Although he looks awful, he is dressed in a suit, and still a tiny bit of my heart thinks he looks beautiful. I pull the door close to me so he doesn't think I'm going to invite him in.
"Hi." I say coldly as I look into his eyes.
"I need you, Bella. I need you so much." What an opening sentence to greet someone with! Fuck! What do I do? I'm not the kind of person to slam the door in the face of someone in need, but I made a promise to Jacob never to see Edward again. I look at the bruises underneath his eyes, his pale lips, and disheleved clothes. I have never seen him looking like this, even when his mom was ill - he kept it together.
"Please." He whispers, as he looks down at his hands, in total submission to me.
"I'm sorry, Edward." I return his look of apologetic surrender but keep the door firmly closed. "I can't see you anymore. You must know that."
"Is there nothing I can say?" he begs me.
"If you did it would be too little, too late." I shrug, unable to give him a better justification.
He nods, as if he expected my answer. Giving me one final look, he turns and walks back to his car. I watch him go, and as he crosses the lawn, he clutches his stomach and stumbles to the ground.
"Edward!" I shout and run across to him. I touch him to find out he has passed out cold. I remove his hand from his stomach and see he has a recent scar there, covered with stitches. My heart pounds in my mouth and throwing his arm around my shoulder, I support his weight and drag him back into the house. The pain caused by stumbling into the house wakes him up, and he moans in agonized response. I manage to sit him on the couch and his breathing calms down.
"Edward, what happened?" I help him take his jacket off and notice a bandage around his wrist.
"I got into a bit of a fight." He winces, as he allows me to remove the jacket. I undo the top few buttons of his shirt in order to help him breathe better.
"A fight? Edward, what were you thinking?" I scamper to the kitchen, and pour him a glass of fresh, cold water. He gratefully takes it from me and takes a large sip.
"Two days ago. I was drinking in a bar in Port Angeles."
I shake my head with anger. Idiot! Picking a fight with a stranger, he could have been killed! "Why are you here, Edward? What do you want from me?"
"Believe it or not, I want to apologize." He laughs to himself, as he tenderly touches his stomach to make sure he is okay, closing his eyes tightly.
"For what?" I ask cautiously, fearing his answer.
He opens his eyes and looks at me. "For everything, Bella."
I look at him with disdain. "Such as?" No way am I letting him off this easily.
"For not calling you, then for constantly calling you, for getting between you and Jacob." He pauses and takes my hand, "For Portland." I tear my hand away and move further down the couch from him. "I kissed her once, Bella."
I laugh nastily at him. I can't help it, as if the number of times he kissed her matters. "She was your ex-girlfriend, Edward."
"I told you as soon as I saw you the next day."
"Only because you knew she would try and get to me first."
"I was drunk."
"That's no excuse."
"I know." He looks down at his hands sorrowfully, but I struggle to find sympathy in my heart for him. I feel tired, and frustrated, and annoyingly I am still really turned on from Jacob, and it is starting to make me uncomfortable. As I ponder this, I realize Edward has moved closer to me on the sofa, and is looking deep into my eyes.
"Will you come to my mother's funeral?"
"I don't think I can. I'm sorry." I am fighting back tears, now. This heartless, cold front is so alien to me and I find it is crushing my soul.
"God. I've really missed you, Bella." I breathe his scent in - my senses betray me and start to tingle as his face leans in, his lips mere millimeters from mine. "I've been thinking about how good you taste."
I don't know how he does it, but he hypnotizes me, every time. I feel my shoulders relax under his impenetrable scrutiny and a delicious chill runs down my spine. I feel intoxicated under his touch, as he presses a hand firmly down on my thigh and grips me. I can't help my physical reaction to him, as I unconsciously open my thighs a little wider, encouraging his hand to explore me.
"You are so beautiful." He knows my every peccadillo, where I like to be touched, and how. He places a soft hand behind my head, and for some reason I let him. He places a tender kiss in the sweet spot behind my ear and I don't know why, but I don't stop him. I am in awe of his sexual onslaught. I am mentally and physically fighting desperately against my enslavement, but failing miserably.
"I can't sleep or eat without you. I miss you so much."
He leans in and brushes my lips with his. I feel my nipples harden, as his hands travel up my thighs and under my dress. I moan receptively, I push thoughts of Jacob out of my head as my pupils dilate and my lips slowly part.
"I love you, Bella."
And I thank God for those three words.
Those three words that I had spent the last eighteen months literally begging and dying to roll off his tongue. But now, all I feel are anger and hate at him. They drag me out of my moral slumber and I pull back from him, my eyes narrowing.
"Where's your fucking humanity?" I ask him, and everything becomes crystal clear to me.
"What?" He is completely thrown as I hijack his wicked, devious scheme.
"You want me because you can't have me." I push him away and stand up, silently congratulating myself for finally coming to my senses.
"You can stay the night here if you want, but I won't be with me." I pick up my coat and put it on. I grab my keys and phone off the sideboard and leave Edward to walk outside the house.
My hands are shaky as I scroll through my phone, find the name I'm looking for, and press dial.
"Jacob?…Can you come and get me?…I really need to see you…Oh, okay, no, it's fine." I watch as Edward comes out of the house, pushing past me as he heads towards his car.
"Sure, see you tomorrow," I tell Jacob as I end the call and walk back into the house alone.
JACOB:
I am upset with myself that I lied to Bella, but I needed to get here and quickly, and I didn't want to waste time coming up with an elaborate explanation or cover story. I stand outside the house, and I know the girl I need to see is here. I can see the light on in her bedroom, but I don't know if she's alone. Taking a deep breath, I knock loudly on Emily's front door and step back, awaiting her response.
…
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Three cheers for Bella. Finally! But what do you think Jacob is up to…?
Thanks for reading!