Chapter 12:
Insecurities:
At the other side of town, Maura was meeting with Detectives Korsak and Frost hoping they had made some progress.
"Dr Isles, how is Jane?" Frost asked as he politely offered her a chair.
"She's hanging there. She's making progress, she's talking a bit more and sleeps better, but she still has a long way."
"She's strong, physically and mentally, I'm sure she's gonna get through this, with your help of course." Korsak replied.
Korsak had known Jane ever since she graduated from the academy. When she arrived at homicide he took her under his wings and they've been partner even since. He was the one who rescued her from Hoyt and was worried that she might not come out of it , but she did stronger than before. This was different though and he knew it, he knew that as strong as she was there was things people never recover from.
"Do we have any news?"
"Unfortunately no. As Jane wasn't wearing clothes when we find her, we didn't have any evidence to locate the place where he held her. I tried to retraced her steps after she escaped using various surveillance footages from difference stores but I lost trace of her two blocks from the station." Frost explained frustrated.
Frost and Jane had only been partners for about a year but they became friends, close friends. Not the kind of friends or partner that have drinks every day after work, but the kind you can relay on and trust with your life. It was extremely frustrating for her not being able to find the monster who tortured his partner.
"Is there any chances that she might be able to remember more things than she wrote in her statement?"
"I'm not sure, she was drugged the entire time. She does have flash backs but they're more oriented on what he did to her than places she passed by when she escaped. I'm not even sure she remembers his face, maybe it's better if she doesn't, we have his DNA, we don't need a positive identification, right?"
"No we don't as soon as we get him, DNA should be enough."
"Alright, well I'll make sure to tell you if she tells me anything that she remembers that can help the investigation, but for now it's a blurry, it's going to take time for her to remember and I'm not sure I want her to." Maura replied.
Maura knew that the more she could remembered the better it would be for the investigation, but she didn't want her to remember things that could hurt her. Unfortunately Maura could see that Jane started to remember a few things here and there and that soon she might have a clearer idea of what really happened to her. Right now what was she remembered was sporadic, blurry images here and there and the physical pain was here as well to remind her she was sexual abused, but she didn't want to imagine how painful it was going to be when she starts remember things clearly.
After seeing spending time at the station Maura decided to go shopping for the first time in over a month. When she finally came home at 6 pm she found Jane in the living room watching tv with Joe on her lap.
"You're finally home, another hour and I would have called missing persons." Jane joked as Maura was taking off her coat and her shoes.
"Yes, I'm sorry, I should have called." Maura replied siting next to Jane patting Joe as he jumped on her lap.
"Well I can see you lost time of time and reality ." Jane replied pointed out the several bags Maura had brought.
"Yes, I bought a few things and I ran into Maria."
"Maria your gynecologist, the one I saw this morning?"
"Yes, she didn't have any consultation this afternoon an she had the same shoes craving, we met in a boutique."
"And you spent the rest of the afternoon together?" Jane asked realizing that she shouldn't have ask her to go out without her.
"Yes, we had a couple of drinks, we actually haven't seen each other in a while."
"You mean she hadn't seen your vagina in a while?" Jane mocked her arms crossed on her chest.
"Oh Jane, don't take this the wrong way, she's my Doctor and I'm her patient, she doesn't see me in a sexual way, when she touches me it's completely professional." Maura replied.
"The way she looks at you sure isn't professional." Jane retired a bit of bitterness in her voice.
"Are you jealous?" Maura asked shocked that Jane could even think that there was something going on between her and her gynecologist.
"No, I'm not why would I be?You're free to have drink with whom ever you like." Jane replied her eyes fixated on the screen refusing to make eye contact.
"Oh Jane, Maria and I are only friends, as I said we went to medical school together, we studied together and we stayed friends and when she opened her practice I decided to become her patient, you know how important it is to feel comfortable with your gynecologist. I can promise you that it never crossed the patient/doctor line or the friends line actually." Maura explained moving closer to Jane, her hand on her tight.
"Am I the first woman you've been with?"
"I experimented a bit when I was in college but nothing serious."
"You slept with women before?How come I never knew about this?"
"Please calm down. You're the first woman I ever fell in love with, actually you're the first person I ever fell in love with. I had crushes before, but it was never love. I didn't compare to what we have. I can clearly see my future with you which was never the case with my previous relationship. I love you."
"But you've been with women before, you're my first, I'm totally unexperienced."
"Then, I will teach you…"
"You can't teach me enough so I can be what you need or deserve me to be Maura, let's be realistic , she can provide you with things I can't give you." Jane replied feeling the tears rushing to her eyes.
"I thought we talked about this."
"I'm not talking about sex Maura. I'm talking about a normal relationship . I mean, I'm barely capable of leaving the house, I can't stand the idea of having people around me. What kind of life am I giving you?A hem it's life?You deserve better then spending your days home taking care of me."
"It will get better Jane, I promise. It might take time but I promise you'll get better. And I don't want to be with any body else or any where else. I spend the afternoon thinking about you, worrying about you and annoying Maria talking about you."
"You told her about us?"
"No, we decided that our relationship was our business only, but I'm sure she figured things out, she's smart enough."
"Alright, I guess I'm a bit paranoid. I'm so convoked I have nothing to offer you that I feel threatened."
"You don't have anything to worry about I love you, only you."
"I just feel like I'm hurting you, keeping from having a normal life, you know. I'm not blind I see how it affects you. When you came in a few minute ago I could see the smile on your face, you were happy, because you went out shopping having a drink with a friend … I feel like I'm pulling down with me in my abyss and I don't like it."
"You're not pulling me into anything, and besides It's only temporary you're already getting better. Until you're ready to go out again, how about I take time for myself once in a while, would that make things better?"
"I guess so, I want you to live your life outside us…"
"US, I like the sound of that. Oh, I forgot to tell you Maria gave me the name of a cream that is far more efficient than the one the Doctor prescribe at the hospital, I'm sorry I have to confess I've never heard of it, it's new apparently." Maura replied reaching out to grab her purse.
"Good, I just took a shower so I guess we could do this now right?" Jane replied.
"Yes if you want, it's ideal to do it after you showered so your skin is clean and you're relaxed." Maura replied amazed that Jane was willing to let her do this that easily.
So Jane turned around and started to unbutton her shirt. As she was watching Jane stripping down Maura's heart stopped beating. Seeing her wounds always made her shiver and cry internally.
"Alright, it might be a bit cold." Maura warned as she spread some cream on the spatula.
"Well at least it doesn't stinks as the other one."
"You're right it actually doesn't smell at all." Maura replied sniffing the cream.
So Maura carefully started to spread cream on Jane's wounds, one by one. It wasn't the first time she's done it, so she started to memorize them, their sizes, their colors, their location.
"Well the other cream was actually quite efficient, it looks much better then last time, you're starting to heal properly."
After applying the cream, Maura took a minute to wander her fingers on Jane's skin marveling at how smooth and toned it was.
As she was gently caressing her back Maura moved slightly closer to her, so close that Jane could now feel her breath down her neck.
"Do you want me to stop?" Maura asked seeing that Jane was trembling and unwilling to repeat the disaster that happened last time they were in the same position.
"I'm alright please continue." Jane replied swallowing hard, scared of what might happen next.
"Alright." Maura nodded hoping that Jane trusted her enough to know she wouldn't cross a certain line.
As Maura was no more then 2 inches from Jane she continued wandering her fingers on her shivering skin, going from her lower back to her neck, to her shoulder. As she reached Jane's shoulder Maura started to kiss it, sliding her hand on Jane's arm.
Seeing that Jane wasn't objecting she gently continued to kiss her shoulder gently caressing it with the tip of her tongue.
Jane could feel her heart beating much faster and her breathing becoming more heavily. Her eyes were close and for a moment she forgot all about the abuse, the violent of his fingers inside of her. All she could feel and think about were Maura's warm fingers on her. There was nothing dirty or disgusting about it, Maura was doing it out of love, because she loved her not to show her dominance like this monster. She didn't felt pressured, she felt relaxed for the first time in a long time.
"Oh Maura."Jane whimpered as she felt Maura's hand on her belly, her jaw quavering from the intensity of her emotions.
Letting her fingertips graze against the soft skin of Jane's abdomen Maura started to feel that Jane was starting to relax.
As she felt Jane fidgeting as her hand was on her stomach Maura knew it was time to stop, so she simply rested her head on Jane's shoulder wrapping her arms around her waits pulling her closer to her before leaning back to be more comfortable against the cousins lied on the sofa.
As Jane's head was now resting on Maura's chest behind her, feeling her lover's arms around her, Jane felt safe and quickly fall asleep in her arms….
So guys what do you think?You didn't expect them to make out that easily right?They're not ready yet...I think Jane was jealous because she feels like she can't make Maura happy. I choose to give Maura previous lesbian experience to emphasize Jane's feeling of not being able to make her happy : not only she feels broken but Maura has experience with women so obviously she feels she can't compete...