Matt here: I'm here to give you one long ass chapter, as payment for my slow updates,... also I've been sick, then snow dayed,... then sick again, so I didn't have much to do besides write,... so tell me what you think about the new style of writing, or if It's better the old way... not that I'll take your opinion into consideration, I'll just do whatever the hell I feel like! Because I'm American! Fuck yeah! I like pie! Meeps!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this fanfic, except Matt and Dr Pepper! Tasty and refreshing! Drink some today!... YAY! Ad revenue! Or for my retarded readers, advert revenue... hehe... retards!
Last time on whatever the hell this is called,...
The Crocodile Hunter and his wife were on his front porch.(Note: I know 2 Australian words, so excuse me if this is a little fake, you Australian bitch... what?)
While opening his car door, Steve Irwin said "Good'ay love!"
"Ok, but promise me you won't do anything dangerous." Terri Irwin replied as her husband left
"Don't worry, I'll just be filming some harmless Stingrays today, no danger whatsoever, so no worries." said Steve to his wife in the driver's seat.
Terri looked lovingly as she watched her husband drive away.
'At least I don't have to worry about him dying today.' Terri thought as she went back into her house.
Now back to the current chapter,...
Matt, Gaara, Kiba, and Hinata were waiting outside the bar, preparing to go in. Hinata was blushing wildly and refusing to go in.
"But Hinata! Naruto's going to be in there! And since you like Naruto, it's kind of important that your in their." Kiba pleaded to his blushing teammate.
"But... Kiba... I ... uh... can't... Naruto... me... AHHH!..." Hinata stuttered through her mad blushing.
"But Hinata! You've..."
"How about I field this one Kiba." Matt interrupted, getting up to Hinata and grasping her hand. "Mademoiselle, beauty such as yours deserves to have anything you desire."
"If Naruto is what you desire, you should take him." Matt continued, holding her chin, staring into his eyes." ...I can only wish that it was I you desired."
"Uh... UH... UH..." Hinata stuttered, until she blushed so wildly that her brain short circuited and she fainted.
Matt shook his head, messing up his hair back to normal.
"Wow dude, that was quite effective" Gaara commented, examining Hinata's smoking hot unconscious body and beginning to smirk. " You thinking what I'm thinking?"
"That we should rape her unconscious body?" Matt questioned, face brighting up.
"Yeah!" Gaara exclaimed.
"You guys do know there's no way in hell me or Akamaru are letting you do this." Kiba said, Akamaru snarling at them from atop his head.
"Oh, I think you will." Matt said, drawing his katana.
Matt and Kiba starred at each other for a long time until Pat walked up behind him.
"WASSUP!" Pat screamed while jumping in the air, only to fall like a pathetic mortal.
"Oh, hey Pat, come on! Let's go party! You know Gaara." Matt said, ignoring Kiba's gaze and pointing to Gaara.
"Hey, I'm Pat" Pat said, shaking Gaara's hand.
"I'm Gaara of the Funk." said Gaara, returning the handshake.
"Uh-chi, uh-chi, uh-chi, uh-chi, GAARA OF THE FUNK! " sang the Background Singers.
"Whoa! Your name has background music to it! Fuck yeah!" exclaimed Pat in such glee that his barely healed testicles ruptured, causing him to pass out from blood loss.
"So... wanna go inside?" said Matt, getting bored fast.
"Yeah, should we bring these guys in?" asked Gaara, looking at the two unconscious bodies below him.
"Probably, I take Hinata, you and Kiba take Pat." Matt said, lifting Hinata over his shoulder.
Gaara and Kiba breathed heavily as they attempted to move Pat inside, but no one cares about what happens after this, so let's just skip ahead until Sasuke and Naruto get here.
Later,... not really much later though,... about the kind of later that you could cook a burrito, come back, eat it, then watch half an episode of Robot Chicken, then it would be over...
The party had started. Temari was looking over everything, Shikamaru at her side, in a recliner. Ino and Kiba were currently playing a match of DDR, Akamaru was barking at the machine, Shino was in the corner proclaiming his deep love of bugs, Kankuro was hitting on random chicks, Choji was devouring the snack bar, Hinata was blushing furiously at the bar with Matt beside her, hitting on random chicks, Brogan and Negi were making out at a table, Gaara was hitting on random chicks, Lee was over-proclaiming his youthfulness to everyone, and Pat was at the other end of the bar, hitting on random chicks. The place was full, except for the empty stage near the back. Naruto and Sasuke had yet to arrive.
"Hey, how about you and me get it on like dogs in heat?" asked Matt, smirking devilishly.
"How about I spray you with mace?" said the random chick reaching for her purse.
"Ok then, be a lesbian." snipped back Matt.
"Hmph!" said the chick as she stormed out of the bar.
Matt sat back in his seat and fondled his drink, as an extremely sweaty Kiba walked up to him, with Akamaru and Pat behind him.
"What up Matt? No luck with the ladies?" commented Kiba, shaking off his sweat. "I just got done getting my ass handed to me by Ino."
"More like getting raped in the ass by Ino, you didn't get a single point!" snarked Pat.
"Well excuse me for being distracted by Ino's Bouncing Bags of Bewilderment."
"Well her Tumbling Tits of Titillation are very distracting."
"So you admit I lost because of Ino's Hopping Handwarmers of Happiness?"
"I guess her...
shit... I can't think of one..."
"Fumbling Funbags of
Fuckability." Matt responded.
"...were a factor" Pat finished.
"Good, we're on the
same page." Kiba said, "Now Matt, I have a question that's been
bugging me."
"Shoot." said Matt.
"Well, why haven't you ever hit on Brogan? She seems hot enough?" Kiba asked, looking to see Brogan sitting alone, as Negi had gone to stare at penises in the urinals.
"What? Brogan? She's like a sister to me,..." answered Matt, not knowing Brogan could hear.
'He thinks about me like that, that's sweet.' thought Brogan, blushing slightly.
Matt continued," ... like a fine ass sister,... who doesn't wear clothes all the time."
Brogan the filled to the brim with rage, picked up a chair and threw it at Matt, knocking him to the ground, unconscious.
"Yo! Dat bitch just throwed a chair, wez gots ta fight now, dawgs!" 50 Ryou, a ninja rapper yelled. (Really bad Boondox reference.)
He was kicked out soon after.
Later, more than the last later, but not by much,...
Temari was pacing around the back room of the bar, with Shikamaru laying down on some crates of tiny umbrellas.
"Shikamaru, honey, where the fuck is the band?" asked Temari, slowly losing her patience.
"Huh, what?" Shikamaru said, eyes averting away from Ino's Jiggling Jellybags of Joy.
"You were supposed to book the band. Remember." Temari stated, with a vain starting to appear on her forehead.
"Huh...oh shit!" remembered Shikamaru, starting a flashback.
FLASHBACK!
"OH SHIKAMARU YES! YES! YES! OH YES!" moaned Ino as Shikamaru thrusted inside of her.
FLASHBACK ENDS!
"Sweet."Shikamaru said with a smile beaming across his face.
"You prick! You just used the flashback to go to the Ino sex! Didn't you?" yelled Temari, vain bulging to enormous proportions.
Suddenly, a group of 4 Irishmen walked through the back door.
"'ello, were U2, were here to play at Temari's birthday and were hired by some guy named,..." said the lead singer as he pulled out a card "Shino, I like bugs,... and I'm Bono."
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!" screeched Temari as she fainted.
"Is she gonna be ok?" asked Bono.
"Yeah, she'll be... yawn... fine." Shikamaru replied.
Meanwhile, a bit later,...
"Uh... what happened?" Matt spewed out as he regained consciousness.
"You were knocked out by a chair to the head." responded Brogan, sitting next to him.
"No, I meant why in Negi staring at my crotch?" Matt said, pointing out Negi's fixed hungry gaze at Matt's pants.
"Negi! No! No boyfriend of mine is going to turn gay on me!" yelled Brogan, slapping Negi on the head.
"Ow! That was uncalled for!" whined Negi, like a little bitch.
Brogan was about to hit Negi again when Temari got up on the empty stage and onto the mic.
"Excuse me, people." said Temari, smiling at Shino. "I'm proud to introduce the entertainment for tonight, the band U2!"
"Mewtwo!" exclaimed Matt as he regained consciousness, then threw a Pokeball at the stage.
"Who the fuck is that blimey..." said Bono before the Pokeball opened sucking him and his bandmates inside.
"What the hell did that idiot do?" gaped Temari, as Matt picked up the Pokeball.
"I caught Mewtwo! Do-Da-De-Do!" sang Matt as he shot his hand into the air.
"Don't worry, I got a back-up band." said Shino from the back.
"Uh... thanks... but... why would you possibly need one?" stuttered Temari from the stage, a confused look glued to her face.
"I like bugs." stated Shino, through his sunglasses, causing Temari's confusion to grow.
"...but... that... but... how is that an answer?" blurted Temari, as three brothers approached her from behind.
"Hey, were the replacement band, The Bee Gees!" said Barry.
"The Beedrills! Pokeball Go!" yelled Matt as he threw a Pokeball at the stage, sucking the band inside. Matt then walked up to the stage again to pocket the Pokeball.
"Why? ... wait... I didn't invite..." said Temari before she was interrupted by the members of Queen.
"Hey, we're Queen, the back-up, back-up band." said Freddi Mercury.
"DarkGreymon! Digivice go!" yelled Matt, throwing a Digivice at the band, which sucked them inside. "Yeah! I caught DarkGreymon!"
"What... but... that's one didn't even sound like a monster!" exclaimed Temari, her confusion level rising to over 9000! "That's not even how a Digivice works!"
Suddenly, a band appeared behind Temari, then whispered something into her ear. She then walked up to the mic and looked around nervously.
"Um... ok... here's our back-up, back-up, back-up band... gulp.." said Temari as she looked around the bar nervously, to be put at ease by Brogan giving a thumbs-up to her next to a duct taped Matt. "...the Black-Eyed Peas."
The party the continued... what... the chapter's not over yet... I'm just giving you all a break to take a piss or get some snacks or something... done yet?... no?... okay then... I'll just load some catgirl porn... sweet... catgirls... oh, it's all over her ears... oh, she's a dirty girl... you ladies feeling uncomfortable yet? ... she swallowed it all!... ok ... it's over... Now, BACK TO THE CHAPTER!
"Arr! Naruto has entered the building, me harteys!" pirated Naruto as he burst through the door, wearing full pirate regalia.
"Giyarr! I be Sasuke!" pirated Sasuke, coming in right behind Naruto.
The two walked over to the bar and sat next to Matt, Pat, and Gaara.
"Hey Matt, would you be interested in converting to the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster?" asked Naruto, adjusting his eye patch as he sat on the stool closest to Matt.
"Nah, I'm technically a priest, just never bothered to fake a document saying so." Matt replied, sipping his Flaming DrPepper.
"Ah man, I was hoping for a convert today." whined Naruto, looking down in depression.
"I knows! How... hic... about you try... hic... Hinata? She ... hic... likes... hhdhhdh." mumbled Matt, until he fell off his stool and fell asleep on the floor.
"How the hell did he pass out drunk? That was his first drink." asked Sasuke, confused slightly.
"That Flaming DrPepper a strong ass drink. They say it's like someone took the Special Olympics and condensed it into drink form." answered Pat, picking up his drunken friend and putting him back on his stool.
"Uh... oookkkk, I guess I'll go over and tell those women about the almighty FSM, arr." pirated Sasuke as he went off to the ladies.
"I guess I'll talk to Hinata." said Naruto, getting off his stool and walked over to Hinata.
Suddenly, Lee appeared out of nowhere behind Gaara.
"Hello my extremely youthful friends! Gaara, I hope that my eternal rival is having a very youthful time!" youthed Lee as he rested his arms on Gaara.
"Lee! What's going on?" asked Gaara, eyes brighting up.
"I was wondering if you wished to participate in the most youthful of all events, a DDR match!" youthed Lee, doing a youthful pose of manly lotus blossoms.
"Sweet! Matt come on! We're playing DDR!" yelled Gaara, jumping up from his stool.
"DDR!" yelled Matt, defying all logic by getting up from a drunken coma.
Matt, Gaara, and Lee then went to play DDR leaving Pat to drink with Kiba.
Meanwhile, at Sasuke's spot,...
"Hey baby, how'd ye like to be touched by his noodly appendage?" asked Sasuke, smirking contently.
"Pervert!" yelled the random hot chick, slapping Sasuke across the face.
"What?... OH, I think you thought I was referring to my penis, when I was only trying to convert you to Pastafarianism." explained Sasuke.
"Oh, I love religious freaks! Please explain more about this 'Pastafarianism'." said the random hot chick, and Sasuke began explaining his newfound religion.
Meanwhile, at Naruto's spot,...
"Hey Hinata, I was wondering if I could implant a part of me inside of you." said Naruto, looking Hinata straight in the eyes.
"Naruto-kun!... uh... uh... uh... UH..." blushed Hinata and she blushed herself unconscious.
"My religious beliefs... Hinata?" finished Naruto, as he noticed Hinata had fainted and was on the ground. "Whoa, I better take you home, you don't look to good."
So Naruto picked Hinata up, with Kiba's help, and put her on his back, and walked out the door, then ninjaed off into the night.
A few second earlier,...
"Whoa, that guy works fast." a sober Matt commented, seeing Naruto leave.
Gaara was busy selecting the song and he and Matt were on the dance pads, with Lee as the spectator.
"Ok, let's get this bitch started." said Gaara, seeing the countdown begin on the screen.
"Yeah!" cheered Matt, getting hyped up on the other pad.
Meanwhile,...
"Hey Kiba, what are your opinion on doggy style versus other varieties?" asked Pat, fondling his booze.
"There are others?" questioned Kiba, fondling his doggy bag of steak bites... what?... steak bites are delicious!
"... you are a god among men." commented Pat, as Brogan walked up behind him.
"Hey Pat, wasn't Matt unconscious right here?" asked Brogan, she then slapped Pat. "My eyes are up here!"
"Ow... uh... you wanted Matt?... uh... I think he's over there... playing some DDR." mumbled Pat, rubbing his cheek in his drunken stupor.
"Oh, DDR... YOU LET HIM DO WHAT!" screamed Brogan, as her eyes widened and she turned her head to see Matt on the DDR pad. "Oh for the love of good, please don't be '90's girl pop."
Back at the DDR machine,...
"So anyway Gaara, what song did you pick?" asked Matt, the countdown at 3.
"Bumble Bee, Shino requested it." answered Gaara, the countdown at 2.
"Bumble Bees are
bugs." said Shino, the countdown flashing 1. "I like bu..."
"We
get it Shino! Your fucking creepy!" yelled Matt, the game starting
behind him. "Ah shit!"
"Sweet little Bumble Bee,..." sang the machine. (No idea how the rest goes... honestly...)
Matt's eyes glazed over and arrows started appearing all over the bar. The machine started speeding up to a ridiculous pace, Gaara trying hard to keep pace, Matt going on flawlessly.
"What the fuck is going on?" screamed Choji, face lifting from the snack bar.
"The are participating in the most youthful of all events. The super youthful DDR match!" exclaimed Lee, he then picked up someone's booze. "My! All this youthfulness has left me parched!"
Lee then drunk the entire glass.
"DDR DEATH NO JUTSU!" yelled Matt, a satanic tone taking over his voice, causing Gaara to encase himself in his sand shield.
"DUCK AND COVER!" yelled Brogan, as she jumped behind the bar, taking Pat and Kiba with her.
Matt suddenly burst into a shadowy inferno as Lee started swaying in his drunkenness, then the two went on a rampage destroying bar tables and pummeling random people to a bloody pulp. After about an hour the two managed to settle down and Lee fell to the ground unconscious.
"Whoa,... sweet." said Matt, sitting in a burning pile of wreckage.
Suddenly, Temari emerged from a similar pile, undoubtedly pissed to no extent, except maybe slightly less then your average period level pissed.
"WHAT THE FUCK ASS FUCK BADGER?" bitched Temari, head turning completely red. "OUT! YOU! NOW!"
"What? I'll have you know,..."said Matt, pulling Brogan from behind the bar by her shirt, partly exposing her boobies' undersides, earning her some whistles from the audience. "That this is Brogan! She is one of my close friends, not matter what she says or does! If I go, she goes!"
A short while later, on the street outside,...
"What? How was I supposed to know she'd kick us out?" replied Matt, Brogan pinning him to the ground, beating the hell out of him, Pat snickering in the background.
"YOU FUCKING DESTROYED THE ENTIRE FUCKING PLACE!" yelled Brogan, punching Matt again. "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU THINK WAS GOING TO HAPPEN?"
"Brogan! I'm taking Lee home! Love ya!" said Negi, with Lee on his back, but he went unheard.
"It's not my fault, girl pop just does something to me! It's like you and your dog fetish!" said Matt, moving his head to dodge a punch flying at him.
" I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH YOUR OWN SKULL!" threatened Brogan, a blood lust in her eyes.
"You wouldn't do that." interrupted Pat, still in the background.
"Oh, yeah she would! I saw her do it! You know that one guy Steve?" commented Matt, head dodging a flurry of punches aimed at him.
"From accounting?" asked Pat, checking out Brogan's fine ass from his nice viewpoint. (Man, Brogan would kill me if she knew this existed.)
"No, the field agent." replied Matt, still dodging.
"Oh... the act itself doesn't seem physically possible." replied Pat, tip-toeing up to look down her pants.
"That's exactly what he kept screaming as she did it. 'THIS DOESN'T SEEM PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE! THIS DOESN'T SEEM PHYSUCALLY POSSIBLE!'" said Matt, finally getting whacked across the face.
"Oh! That's nice!" yelled Pat, due to Brogan's previous blow revealing her panties, black lace and all.
"Why Pat? You don't normally compliment my fighting..." started Brogan, then she noticed Pat's eyes." YOU FUCKING FAT PERV! YOU WERE LOOKING DOWN MY PANTS!"
"Hey, I've had a close-up of your boobs this entire time." commented Matt, eyes perved over.
"WHAT?" sataned Brogan, looking at Matt with eyes of fire.
"Uh... Pat's a fat perv?" narked Matt, closing his eyes.
Brogan the got up and chased after Pat, with Matt on the sidelines, chilling because Brogan lacked a sports bra. About an hour later, Brogan tired out and Pat lost 15 lbs.
"Ah screw it, I give u..." Brogan managed to say before she passed out.
"W00t! Speedy weight loss side effects kicking in!" cheered Pat before he fell unconscious.
Matt got up and his head began to burn and the world turned blurry.
'Shit, I must have used up too much energy... uh... can't leave these two out in the streets. I gotta get them back to the apartment.' thought Matt, as he stumbled over and put his two teammates onto his back and slowly went home.
--- End of Chapter ---
I hope you enjoyed this long ass chapter, and don't forget to review or else I'll kill this kitten, and you don't want me to kill this kitten, do you? I like pie! Meeps!