Chapter 12 – "SIT DOWN, SODA!"

Darry was waiting in the kitchen when they came home around eleven. He told Johnny and Ponyboy to go straight to bed. Ponyboy didn't object; he was exhausted after all day at school and all evening at the DX.

Sodapop sat down at the kitchen table, knowing that this was it - Darry wanted to make a decision. Soda only hoped he made the right one...

"Soda," Darry started. "I know this trail thing is giving you a hard time. It's giving all of us..." He looked at his brother who seemed to tense up. "And even though I hate to do this I think we have to go through with it. It's not about revenge. It's about justice."

Darry knew how stupid that sounded but in the end they had to prove in some way that the Socs couldn't just do as they pleased.

"What's the difference? I don't care if you call it revenge or justice. It ain't worth it if one of them gets seriously hurt!"

Darry rubbed his temples.

"Soda... When will they ever learn to let anyone alone? They jumped Johnny for the reason of him bumping into a guy, and they beat him half unconscious. And then they attacked Pony - just because he was his friend. So – try and convince me they'll leave us alone even if we don't go to trial!"

"That Andy guy might be relieved and leave it at that. Either way they won't be as mean and angry as if they have something to avenge. Darry - tell Pony no!"

Soda was getting upset now. Darry was the one who really ought to take responsibility. He was the one who had custody. He had to look to Pony's best interest.

"Soda... I'm really trying here. But no matter what I do, something's gonna happened."

"So you're just gonna let him do it?" asked Soda incredulously and jumped to his feet. "You can't DO that!" He was yelling now, feeling desperate and angry. "He's MY brother too, and I say he ain't allowed!"

"SIT DOWN, SODA!"

Darry was yelling now as well. He just wanted to protect his family, but no matter what he did someone would get mad at him. If he said no to Pony, he would get upset and probably do something stupid. And saying no to Soda had the same outcome.

"Do you think I find this easy? DO ya?"

"Then make the right decision! It ain't that hard!" Soda shouted, hammering his fist down in the table. And no way was he going to sit down! Darry didn't have the right to order him around. He was nearly seventeen.

Darry stood up from his seat and leaned in over the table. The look he had on his face would have scared just about anyone other than Sodapop.

"I'M TRYING TO!"

o0o0o

Johnny sat on the bed in Sodapop's room with hands covering his ears, but unable to completely block out the yelling.

This is all my fault, he thought. Soda and Darry never yelled at each other. At least he had never heard it, and hearing it now made him feel horrible. He bet Pony did as well. No way in hell he didn't hear this.

Ponyboy slipped through the door into Sodapop's room where Johnny was sitting.

"Hey, Johnny..." he said in a low voice when Johnny dropped his hands.

He sat down on the bed next to him, feeling miserable, angry and guilty at the same time.

"Why is it that when finally Darry and me agree on something Soda has to go and fly off the handle like that? Why can't they just..." he squeezed his eyes shut for a moment to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill. "I wish Mom and Dad were here..."

Johnny nodded. "I wish… I wish they were too... "

He tried not to cry and jumped up.

"I can't stay here. I... I'm messing up this family... and I don't wanna do that! This is all my fault. I shoulda just kept my mouth shut! I shoulda just died!"

"Johnny, STOP," Ponyboy called after Johnny as he rushed out the door.

Both Darry and Sodapop turned their heads in surprise to see Johnny coming storming out from Soda's room, heading for the front door. Soda reacted fast and caught him before he reached it.

Johnny struggled to get free from his grip, but Soda held on.

"Where do ya think you're going?"

Johnny kept struggling to get free of Soda's grip.

"I don't wanna be here no more! I ain't nothin' but trouble and now you guys are fighting because of a stupid trial I caused! I just want him to kill me already so you all don't have to worry no more!"

"Johnny, no!" exclaimed Soda, horrified. He had both arms around Johnny, hugging him tight to his chest to keep him from wrenching himself free. "It ain't like that at all! It ain't nobody's fault but that damned Soc!"

Pony had stopped and was standing passively, staring at Johnny and Soda and looking completely lost. Sodapop wanted to hold him too, but he couldn't let go of Johnny. He cursed Darry's inability to show affection and just stand there and watch his upset baby brother.

Johnny kept struggling for a little while but eventually exhausted himself and stopped.

Darry looked at Soda and Johnny and then at Pony. He wanted to do something but he just didn't know what. He placed a hand on Pony's shoulder and gave it a little shake.

"Hey... Hey, it's okay..."

It was all he could come up with.

Scared that Johnny was going to try to pull free again, Soda hesitantly let go of him with one hand and motioned Pony over with it. Then he pulled them both close.

"It's okay. We ain't gonna fight no more. You go ahead and witness if that's what you want. I ain't mad no more."

Pony buried his face in the crook of Sodapop's neck, still a little upset, but relieved to "get his brother back".

Darry stood for a moment and then decided to go into the kitchen. He really hated it when people were upset, and now there were two of them. It made him feel so helpless.

Sodapop sat down on the couch with both boys clinging to him. They sat there for a while till they had both calmed down. Pony had nearly fallen asleep against him.

"We're gonna get you to bed, okay?" Soda said to Pony. Then to Johnny, "Could you go wait in my room? I'll come talk to you in a minute once I've taken care of Pony. And promise me you ain't gonna run away, okay?"

Johnny nodded and headed for Soda's room, his head hung low.

Soda pulled the shoes off his half sleeping brother and tugged the blankets around him. He was still just a kid, Soda thought. He had to remind himself every once in a while. A kid who needed the care of his parents. Soda wasn't sure he was able to fill that role, however much he tried.

"You just sleep, okay?" he said, kissing the top of Ponyboy's head. "Will you be alright if I go talk to Johnny? I'll be back soon."

Pony murmured something that Soda interpreted as a yes.

o0o0o

Johnny sat on the bed with his back to the door, staring down on the hands in his lap.

He had promised Soda not to run and he wasn't going to, but he still had a huge knot in his stomach. His head kept telling him that everything was his fault. Ponyboy had been beaten up badly. Sodapop and Darry were at each other's throats. Dally had once or twice before gotten thrown in jail because of Johnny - three times, counting this one.

He registered Soda coming in and quietly sitting down next to him, but he didn't look up. A few tears were dripping down onto his hands, but he didn't make a sound and his eyes where hidden behind the black bangs.

Sodapop pulled him in close. "Please don't cry, Johnnycake. I told you it ain't your fault any of this. We're standing up for you because we love you. You gotta let us do that."

"But… you're fighting. You and Darry never yell at each other. You always just take it cool, Soda."

"I know. But I'm just human, you know. I love you and Pony, and I just got so scared when they pulled up at the DX and threatened me about you. We won't fight no more, though. And we weren't fighting about you either - we were fighting about Pony and Darry's decision about him.

"I know you were, but... I mean, it's my fault he got jumped. That Soc jumped him 'cause he could tell I told Pony."

"Pony would have known anyway. He's pretty smart, ya know. Just... please stop blaming yourself. It's killing me."

Johnny didn't say anything. Soda was right. Ponyboy was smart, and he and Johnny always knew if something was up with the other. He would have known no matter what.

"And please don't talk about dying no more. I can't stand it," continued Sodapop. "Pony as well."

"I'm sorry," Johnny sobbed and took a hold of Sodapop's shirt.

He knew that Ponyboy couldn't stand when he talked like that. He was just so out of it.

"I'm sorry," he cried and held on to the fabric like it was his string to life and letting go would kill him.

You're exhausted," said Soda, stroking Johnny's hair. "Lay down, okay? I'll stay till you sleep."

He gently pushed Johnny down on the bed and lay down beside him, drawing the blankets up around them. Johnny cuddled up to Soda, still having a tight grasp of his shirt. He was so tired. Like he had been running a marathon or something.

"I'm sorry..." he kept mumbling as he closed his eyes.

o0o0o

Soda woke with a start. He hadn't meant to fall asleep - he had promised Pony to be right back!

Darry looked up from his newspaper when Soda came out of the room and Soda suddenly felt the need to explain himself.

"I... fell asleep. He needed... he was real upset and I promised to stay till he was asleep. Did you check on Pony?" he added.

Darry looked at him, a little puzzled, but then went back to reading his newspaper.

"Yeah, he's sleeping."

Then put the newspaper down.

"Look Soda... I know this is all just a bunch of shit right now, and I just wanna do what I can to make it better. But it just -"

"I don't wanna fight about it no more," Soda cut him off. "You guys do what you want. I'm clearly in the minority here."

"Look, Pepsi Cola... It ain't that I wanna do this. I just think it's the right thing to do."

Darry didn't want Sodapop to feel like no one cared about what he thought. He just didn't know how to explain that.

"Yeah, fine," said Soda and left for Ponyboy's room.

Link to the illustration for this chapter on my profile (or check Zayhad's account on deviantart).