Here's the next chapter! Enjoy! I do not own Catching Fire so any direct quotes will be in italics.

Ch. 12

My anger doesn't lessen any as Haymitch begins to speak, to try and rationalize what they've done. "You're always so reliably good, Peeta. So smart about how you present yourself before the cameras. I didn't want to disrupt that." Haymitch lets that stupid lie flow out of his mouth. He knows I can lie, he knows how easily words come from my mouth.

"Well you overestimated me. Because I really screwed up today. What do you think is going to happen to Rue's and Thresh's families? Do you think they'll get their share of our winnings? Do you think I gave them a bright future? Because I think they'll be lucky if they survive the day!" I remember the two other gunshots, who was that? Thresh's family of two, or Rue's parents? I'm so full of anger right now I can't stand it. I push something else over I didn't quite see what it was, but it was bigger than the lamp. Again it doesn't stop the anger, but that shattering sound helps, just a little.

"He's right, Haymitch," Says Katniss. She's somehow calm through all this, even as she sees me angrier than ever. She's just sitting there slightly turned away from me looking at Haymitch, "We were wrong not to tell him. Even back in the Capitol." With those five words I'm thrown back to my feelings just out of the Games. I was broken, there was no doubt in that, but I thought I had Katniss to help put me back together. I had hope that should not have been there. Hope that would've never happened if they had just told me.

"Even in the arena, you two had some sort of system worked out, didn't you?" There's no other way Katniss would have acted so in love, there had to be something, unless she really did love me. But I can't question that right now, not with three people dead, probably more now, and the fate of the country in my hands. I can't stand here and think about all the reasons why it should be real and all the reasons why it isn't. We just have to make sure the country believes it's real. I've somehow calmed down a little bit, the anger has finally begun to leach out, "Something I wasn't a part of."

"No. Not officially. I just could tell what Haymitch wanted me to do by what he sent, or didn't send." I think back to the games, after our first kiss a pot of broth came. After an emotionally charged conversation we got the lamb stew. Or how nothing came until she showed up. I just was the one that wasn't paying attention.

"Well, I never had the opportunity. Because he never sent me anything until you showed up." I didn't expect anything from him. Haymitch knew I would want it all to go to Katniss, but some things would have been nice. Like some burn cream, or I don't know, just something to tell me that he was there and that if I needed him he would help me. But there was nothing, nothing at all. With the careers and sitting by the bank, I felt so alone, and there was nothing. I thought maybe Haymitch liked me, that we had a relationship, but I wasn't so sure before Katniss found me.

"Look, boy—" He must see it, the loneliness I felt in the Games.

"Don't bother, Haymitch. I know you had to choose one of us. And I'd have wanted it to be her," He knew that, he didn't have to explain. But when it came to this, where we're both alive and breathing, and our actions can cause many things to happen, I needed to know, "But this is something different. People are dead out there. More will follow unless we're very good. We all know I'm better than Katniss in front of the cameras. No one needs to coach me on what to say. But I have to know what I'm walking into." Maybe if I hadn't offered up the winnings there would be fewer deaths. Maybe if I had known…

"From now on, you'll be fully informed." Says Haymitch and I hope I can trust him. I hope they won't keep secrets from me anymore. But I still can't fully believe it.

"I better be," With that I'm gone. I don't look at either of them as I leave. I'm not sure if I remember the ways through the halls, but I hope it's easy.

I walk down the halls and think of what could have been different if they told me. Not as many deaths? That would have been better. That would have been way better. I still feel the anger inside of me. Pulsing through my veins. It's so silent in these forgotten hallways that I loose myself in the sound of my echoing footsteps.

It's fast. My mood changes from anger to just downright sorrow within a matter of seconds. All I want to do now is curl up in a ball and let all the pain of these innocent people's deaths come out through my tears.

But I can't do that, there are cameras, if they saw this, the Capitol would be horrified. Victors do not cry, not unless it's out of victory. Which these tears would not be out of victory, they would be out of the pain of my soul breaking even more. The pain of having to watch another person die. It wasn't easy being a victor. And it definitely wasn't easy being a citizen of Panem.

"Peeta, there you are!" It's Portia coming down the hall, no cameras follow. Just her fast footsteps mixed with mine. "We have to get ready for dinner!" She comes up and grabs me. It's time to start this show. Katniss loves me. I love Katniss. We are in love.

I hope you liked it! Sorry it's so short! I might have the next chapter up today, depends on how I feel and if you Mockingjay's feel like talking to day :) But if I don't post it today, then the next update won't be until Saturday, because I've got a busy Thursday and Friday! Sorry! Hey Clovely's! Don't forget to REVIEW on the way out! Thanks! ~boywithbreadlover