Hey, long time since last update!

Some of you may have noted that I removed chapter 12 only a day after publishing it, this is basically the same only that I´ve done a few changes. I wanted to change more but I just lost everything that I´ve saved on my computer for the past 2 months, including all my notes and ideas for this story ;A; So I´m a bit lost and I don´t know what to write. I´m honestly not that eager to continue writing this story, but I hate half-finished stories so I´ll continue writing it as long as you guys want me to~

A few weeks had passed. Things went slow and steady and life was surprisingly good for Karkat. John´s shyness when it came to showing physical affection had slowly but surely almost disappeared. They´ve had some really nice make-outs by now, much to Karkat´s enjoyment. It´s not that all he wanted in their relationship was such things, but he missed it. At the same time as a certain sexual frustration had started to build up inside him, he didn´t want to hurry this. It was a bit difficult indeed.

Their friends hadn´t been surprised at all when they finally had told them that they were dating, it was more of a relief for them to hear that with their own words. John´s dad was a bit surprised, but he took it very good and he´d invited Karkat to come over for a dinner with the three of them. Karkat´s dad, however, didn´t know a thing. Karkat wasn´t close at all to him, he´d never told him about his previous relationship and wasn´t going to tell him about his current. It was too much at risk. He remembered when he´d asked him of what he thought of same-sex relationships, without mentioning that he was gay. It hadn´t worked out at all; he snapped completely and started ranting about how wrong and disgusting it was. It had scared Karkat and he believed his words for a long time and felt disgusted by himself. He hated himself and thought it was something seriously wrong with him, that he was a freak. He´d even tried to date a girl, but it had felt so wrong and awkward. So it was better not to tell him. But he often thought about his father. He was a bit worried about him, if his uncle wasn´t helping him economically he would most certainly become homeless. What if he´d see his own father beg for money on the street one day?

Karkat returned to do the dishes. He would never forgive himself if that happened to him. Maybe it was time to pay him a little visit, just to be sure. It couldn´t be that bad, he´d sure appreciate some company. He watched the water disappear into the hole in the sink together with the bubbles while drying his hands. The sleeves of his shirt were rolled up to his elbows, exposing his vertical scars. Even though he was happy nowadays he often thought about doing it. He missed the feeling so much from time to time, it was hard to resist. But at the same time he had absolutely no reason to do it and it would only seem so stupid to do. And most importantly; John didn´t know about his self-harm and it had to stay that way.

He rolled down his sleeves and walked in to the main room, his mind buzzing with all these thoughts and questions. It was so quiet there without John. He was out playing tennis as he did every Monday evening. It´s not that Karkat couldn´t be left alone, but he felt particularly restless today. He wanted John to come back as soon as possible so he could kiss him, hold him and cuddle together again. He knew it sounded ridiculous but he was the only person who could make him really relax. He was his safe harbor, so to say.

There was still a good ten minutes before John would come back, so he took a seat at his desk and started looking through his bills. He´d spent a bit too much on eating out this month, but otherwise everything rolled on perfectly. It was almost creepy how good things were going now. He wasn´t used to this, life had always been a hell of a struggle in every possible way.

His mind wandered off to John again. His blue eyes sparkling with excitement, his dorky smile and laughter. Karkat smiled shyly at the thought of him. He tried to recreate the way he moved in his mind, how he walked and gestured when he talked. His mind soon wandered even further; he imagined him without a shirt on. Actually, he didn´t really have to imagine that. John had walked around with a bare torso around him a couple of times before. He´d started to pick up various sports; first tennis and then also running and it showed on him. His body had become slightly toned which looked really good on him. Usually, Karkat would have stopped here and snapped back to reality, but he wanted to see more. He imagined him on only his briefs, laying on his back on a bed. He let his imaginary hand slid down his bare stomach, all the way down. Karkat wondered how his moans would sound, he´d only heard smaller moans and whimpers but what if he went this far? He swallowed hard, he had to stop – John could be back any second and he didn´t want him to find him sitting there with a hard-on. But it was hard to resist the thoughts of him being all flushed and moaning from utter pleasure. He didn´t know that he´d wanted to see him like that this badly.

Two quick knocks and John was standing in the hallway ecstatic as always after being at the gym.

"Hi Karkat!" he greeted cheerfully as he put down his bag. Karkat´s eyes shot wide open and he started fidgeting with the papers in front of him.

"Everything alright?"

"Yeah, just looking for some papers here" he mumbled while feeling his cheeks heat up.

"How has your day been?" he quickly spoke up to change the topic. John luckily stayed at the other side of the room, unpacking his bag.

"Tennis went great! I beat my trainer twice today, he says I´ve got talent for this! The rest of the day has been as usual, I guess." He walked over to Karkat who was still sitting hunched over his desk and hugged him from behind. Resting his head on Karkat´s shoulder, he leaned close to him and whispered

"Can I offer you some snuggles to cheer you up?" The words made Karkat shiver. He could feel John smirk, like when he planned some of his pranks.

"I´m not sad or anything, Egderp. Just have to finish some things here first."

"Whatever you say. Just hurry up, I´m bored." John shrugged and walked away. He laid down on Karkat´s bed, hands behind his head and closed his eyes without knowing that Karkat was secretly watching him. His chest slowly raised and sank and his glasses had slid down on the bridge of his nose. Karkat took a deep breath and rubbed his temples. "Don´t fuck this up now!". He turned off the desk lamp and walked over to John. He must have heard him coming over because a small smile spread on his lips.

John had laid down in the middle of the bed, leaving Karkat with two options – either lay on one of the small, vacant spots next to him or on him. The latter seemed far more tempting.

Karkat silently slid over him, placing one leg on each side of him, and gave him a kiss. He was about to move away so that he could rest his head on John´s chest, when he groped the back of his head and pulled him in for another kiss. Playfully, he nibbled and licked his lower lip. Karkat growled at the tease and took over the lead. John had become a better kisser but he was still so sloppy and somewhat clumsy, so Karkat preferred to have control. He parted their lips and let his tongue slide over John´s. After a while of this the weight of his own body was too much for his wrists and he lowered himself onto John. He let one hand slide into his hair and the other down his neck.

"Karkat?" John´s voice was a bit hesitant. With a sigh Karkat lifted himself up on his elbows so that he could look him in the eyes properly.

"You don´t wanna? That´s okay.."

"No, it´s not that" he shook his head. "I´ve been thinking a lot about… us. And being in a relationship."

Karkat froze. This is it. This is the end. He doesn´t want to be with him.

"I mean, you have been in a relationship with a guy before, but I´m completely inexperienced. Heck, I have barely even been with a girl before! I don´t know what you have and haven´t done with a guy before, but you are much more experienced than me and I´m really sorry for being so unskilled…"

Karkat breathed out in relief and chuckled silently.

"Thank god, I thought you´d break up with me!"

"What? No Karkat! It´s more likely that you´ll get bored and break up with me than that I´d dump you…" he exclaimed before looking away shyly.

Karkat kissed his cheek before he started talking again.

"John, everyone was a beginner at first, it´s impossible to avoid. Mt first time being with a guy was awful. Clumsy and simply horrific, let´s not even talk about it. You are already doing way better than I did at first."

John had still his face turned away, so he gave him another kiss on his cheek. He was still looking at the wall, but the shyness had changed to something else – thoughtfulness. He was pondering about something.

"Mmmh. Okay."

"What? You seem really off, do you wanna stop and do something else instead? We could watch a movie or something, I don´t mind."

John snapped back to reality and looked up at Karkat with a cheeky smile.

"No, this is perfect. Let´s continue where we left off!"

They were soon back at kissing each other hungrily – hands creeping up underneath the other´s shirt and exploring their body. Trailing his way with kisses, Karkat moved his lips to suck and nip at his collarbones. John squirmed and whimpered – Karkat knew so well that this was one of his weak spots.

Suddenly John lifted a leg and pushed it against Karkat´s crotch - making him let out a breathy moan.

"John, I-" he breathed with a strained voice. "We should stop here if you don´t wanna-ah!" John moved his lifted leg and smirked mischievously. He gripped Karkat and switched places with him, pinning him down by his wrists. He felt a slight pressure on his hips from John straddling him.

"Where the fuck did you get all this confidence from?"

John snickered and a faint blush appeared on his face. He wasn´t that confident as he tried to show off, but he definitely wanted this.

"Shut up or I´ll leave you here!" he threatened.

"Never said that I disapproved of this. Continue, I´m curious." Karkat demanded cockily. John released his wrists and sat up as much he could without hitting his head in the bed above him.

"I wanna try a thing. But be patient, please. Okay?"

Karkat nodded and lifted his hand and gave his flushed face a reassuring stroke. John laid down again and proceeded kissing him starting with the mouth and then travelling further down to his jaw line, neck and collarbones. He tugged at the collar of his shirt; it was in the way. Karkat removed it and shuddered at the sudden temperature change.

"And you?" Karkat asked while sliding his hand under John´s shirt. He hesitated for a moment, but removed his too. Karkat disliked to being taken control of but he convinced himself that nothing bad would happen; he trusted him.

They took a moment to just take in the view. Oh god, he´s really hot.

They started kissing passionately again. Karkat let his hands slide down John´s bare sides while hungrily kissing him back. They ended up at his hips and without thinking he let them slid over and gave his ass a firm squeeze. John let out a soft groan and bucked his hips. All this had made both of their pants unbearably tight.

John lifted his body a little and dragged his hands down Karkat´s chest, stopped at the hem of his pants and started undoing them clumsily. Karkat helped in and soon the both of them were in only their briefs, both flushed and panting. John began kissing his lips again, only to start trailing downwards. Every now and then he bit at his soft skin, leaving red little love marks, making Karkat whimper every single time. He went from his lips, down his neck, chest, stomach and ended at the lining of his black boxers. He hesitated for a moment before moving up to Karkat´s face again and stopped there.

"I´m not entirely sure what to do next" he admitted.

"Well, we can always make out a little more. That won´t do any harm." Karkat could see his insecurity in his half-lidded eyes. His mind was fuzzed; none of this was anything he´d expected from him anytime soon and he was almost convinced they´d stop here when John dipped in for another kiss.

It was passionate, like something had been set free inside him. He could feel John´s hand being dragged over his chest and past his navel. He looked up, only to see John smiling slyly before he slid his hand over Karkat´s crotch and gave his hardened cock a firm squeeze through the thin fabric. Karkat couldn´t help but give out a breathless moan and buck into his hand, desperate for more touches.

John smirked; this was the consent he was looking for. Karkat´s eyes widened and he let out another moan, much louder than the ones before, when John slipped his hand down his briefs, taking a firm hold of him.

"J-John-!" he gasped as he began moving his hand up and down teasingly slow. His chest rose and met John´s as he began pumping at a slow but steady pace.

Karkat moaned and squirmed in his grip. He could feel John´s own hardened member as he straddled him and let his hand carefully slide into his boxers. John gasped as he felt Karkat´s fingers being wrapped around him. His head dropped far down and made his dark hair brush against Karkat´s shoulder. Karkat wrapped his free arm around his neck and held him close.

They found a steady pace and the silent air around them was filled with moans and deep groans of pleasure.
As they took up speed they both buckled their hips, crotches rubbing against each other. John became hastier with his movements as he rutted against him. He´d completely forgotten his voice and was moaning loudly. With one last skilled stroke by Karkat´s hand, he cried out. Karkat came only seconds after, pushing into John´s hand and muscles seizing.

John´s exhausted body collapsed on Karkat´s, both panting. When he´d come down from his high and his breath had calmed down, he rolled over to his side. Karkat wrapped his arm around his waist and planted a soft kiss on his mouth.

"Why now? I thought you said you wanted to wait."

John was silent for a little while, like he too was asking himself the same question.

"Dunno, felt like the right time" he smiled, buck teeth peeking out from underneath his upper lip.

Karkat chuckled and gave him an eskimo kiss.

"I´m going to take a shower now, this is a bit gross." He began crawling out from the bed when John stopped him and asked hesitatingly.

"Can we do this again sometime?" he was looking away and blushing heavily.

"Maybe if you ask nicely"

John gathered courage and put the puppy-eyes mode on. He looked at Karkat with big, pleading eyes and tried to look sad.

"Pleeeeeeease?"

It was now Karkat´s turn to blush. He could be so fucking adorable it almost hurt.

"Okay! And fucking stop that or I´ll get diabetes! You´ll seriously be the death of me you adorable little shit!"

John laughed at his outburst and got a pillow thrown on his face. They both could definitely get used to this.