Chapter Twelve- Love and Loss

Thanks to DrusillaBraun, starkidtw, megslife, Pandy Roxy Chick, jwoods471, AhJac, and everyone else. The problem is that my computer is really weird and it's not showing all the reviews. It's actually showing a few of them as blank so I'm sorry if there's no mention of a few people.

Sergeant that's not good. I can' t give you blood then. I think I'm a typical type A personality.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything, sadly.

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Catherine could faintly see what was going on. Voices seemed miles away. She couldn't open her eyes. She could feel a hand on hers, warmth, yet every other part of her body felt cold and aching. Who was with her? Grissom? For some reason Catherine imagined her younger sister hovering over her. This was getting confusing. She stirred.

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Sara sat in the lab staring at the blue tinted walls. Her gaze was distant. Nick came up behind her and gently placed a hand on her shoulder. She didn't move.

"You okay?" he asked softly.

She didn't reply.

He moved around her and knelt down in front of her, taking both her hands in his own. His gaze was warm as he stared intently at her. She finally dropped her eyes to meet his.

"No." she said softly. "Grissom picked someone else over me. No, I'm not okay."

Nick gave her hand a squeeze. "Sara, it's not you. You and I have both seen the way Catherine and Grissom were together, before she left. There was no way he would have ever truly let her go, even if he tried. Everyone has someone that they're meant for and when you find that person, it's impossible to let them go. Grissom made that mistake twice. He couldn't make that mistake again. You knew it Sara, and you would have let him go anyway."

Sara felt tears in her eyes. "I guess I don't get a chance to."

Nick's gaze was painfully intense. "Sara, what you're looking for is always in the last place you look. Look at me now." He said softly.

She did. What she saw shining in his eyes was so much more than she had ever expected. All at once, Sara Sidle found what she had been looking for.

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Grissom felt his heart rise as Catherine's eyes opened slowly. He scrambled to closer to her, to be there for her when she woke up. A few seconds later, crystal clear blue eyes were staring back at his. His face broke into a loving smile.

"How you feeling?" he asked gently, touching her face to wipe a stray lock of strawberry blonde hair away from her eyes.

"Like I got by a bus." She murmured softly.

He chuckled softly. "In a way one almost did." He said softly.

Then silence lingered between them. He stared down at the floor. Flashes of what had happened consumed his mind for a moment. How scared he was when he figured out that Catherine had spent her time in Montana with a killer hungry for revenge. How he felt when he knew that Catherine was missing. And then the way his heart stopped when she took a bullet for him. Now looking down at her, he felt the walls he had built around himself collapse as he collapsed in her arms.

She held him as he broke, speaking softly to him. Allowing him to seek sanctuary in her arms.

"Catherine, I love you." He said softly, barely a whisper, barely audible.

Silence.

Her mouth opened and closed mechanically as tears glistened in her eyes. She couldn't. She was terrified. As much as she wanted Gil, she couldn't put herself out there again. And Sara. Sara may have tried to jump down her throat every chance she got, but Catherine knew what was like to be in her position. Catherine had been there too many times. She couldn't play the opposing role.

"I can't Gil. I just can't. I'm so sorry." She said softly. "Please Gil. Please say you understand."

He didn't. He couldn't. He bit his lip until the pain allowed him to regain his composure.

"That's okay Catherine. It doesn't matter, but it isn't fair. Maybe this is one of the only times I'll ever truly put my heart out on the line. You kept telling me to and now when I have, you tear me in half as if I never mattered." He said, letting his words cut deeply into her. "You said I was cold. You never looked in the mirror. Well look in it now, because I'm not doing this anymore. I left Sara because I loved you, and now I know that no matter what I do, it doesn't matter. I'm still the work obsessed guy that you would never look twice at."

Catherine shook her head with a pained expression on her face. Tears ran down her face, unchecked, unfought, unwanted.

"Please, Gil. Don't say that." She whimpered.

He laughed without mirth, no feeling at all. "Good bye Catherine." He said, grabbing his coat and walking out.

As he left, Lindsey ran in, pausing only to hug Grissom, which he halfheartedly returned. She scrambled into her mother's arms. Catherine held her close as she stared at the retreating back of the man she loved. Burying her tears in her daughter's blonde hair.

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There was only so much pain one could take. Catherine had saved his life, but somehow he couldn't be in the same room as her anymore. The way she just kept breaking him in two as if it were as easy as breaking apart a Kit Kat bar. It hurt. He couldn't do this anymore.

Grissom felt himself withdraw a little more into his shell. The walls that he had built around himself were stronger now. He grew colder, more distant. He died a little bit more and no one was there to grieve for that little bit of him that was gone.

His cell phone chirped. Warrick's voice came over the phone.

"How is she?" he asked, voice distant over the static on the line.

"I don't care." He forced himself to say. He was lying. He cared very much, more than anything in his entire life.

Stunned silence followed.

"What?" Warrick muttered in disbelief.

"I don't care. She's inside I can't be in the same room as her okay? Go ask someone else." He said bitterly, hanging up.

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Back at the lab, Warrick entered the break room to find Nick and Sara holding hands and talking quietly while Greg banged his head up and down to an Ipod.

"Guys does anyone know what's going on?" he asked, obviously confused.

Sara and Nick looked up confused. Greg didn't hear him.

"What are you talking about?" Sara asked, reaching over to yank the earphones out of Greg's ear, causing a cry of pain from him.

"Grissom just said that he didn't care about Catherine. Was there something I missed?" he asked, raising an inquiring eyebrow at Sara.

Nick was confused. "But he loves her." He exclaimed, and then quickly realized his mistake, eyes wandering to Sara.

She was staring off into space as if she had just hit a lead in a case. A smile of disbelief crossed her face as her mind understood what was going on. Only a woman could.

"Oh my God." She murmured softly. Quickly she turned to Nick. "Can we get a plane ticket to Montana?"

He was very surprised but nodded dumbly. "Uh, probably." He said.

She hugged him tightly. "Thanks." She said, scampering out of the room.

The men exchanged confused glances. What was going on?

Sara smiled to herself as she ran to her car. She understood Catherine in this sense. The Montana girl was not the only one that had ever been cheated on and Sara understood the turmoil Catherine would be going through. As much as the brunette didn't want to admit it, Catherine always had a sense of loyalty. She smiled to herself. The strawberry blonde wouldn't move toward Grissom without a kick in the ass from her.

Sara Sidle was going to give her that necessary kick in the ass.

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Lisa Cuddy knocked soflty to the door of her older sister's room. Catherine looked up and smiled a little. Lindsey was asleep in her arms. The teenager had refused to be farther than three feet from her mother after all this chaos. Lisa couldn't blame her.

She went in and checked her sister's vitals.

"How you feeling?" she asked, peering into the eyes that were the trait that were passed on to both of them.

"Tired." Was the worn reply.

Lisa observed her. There was obviously dark circles under her eyes and they were also bloodshot, probably from crying.

"Where's Mr. Grissom?" she asked gently.

Catherine started to cry. "He left. He told me he loved me and I couldn't -. I couldn't put myself out there again and I couldn't play the other woman." She sobbed softly.

Lisa encircled her sister. "Catherine, you can't be scared. You just survived Hell." She said with a small smile.

A small laugh, the best Dr. Cuddy would get. "I got married to an abusive crackhead. Got a daughter that nearly swallowed cocaine from my ex-husbands stash. Been cheated on by two boyfriends in a row. Then Eddie tried to kill me and then my partner tried to kill me." She said sarcastically. "Oh yeah, men have made a wonderful impression on me."

Lisa gave Catherine's shoulders a squeeze. "But not all men are the same." She said gently. "I've learned that. You're not the only one that bears scars on your heart. Granted you've probably made more mistakes than me, but you learn from your mistakes and then get back on the horse. I saw him when you were in surgery. He was completely lost, Catherine, he loves you. So much."

"I'm scared, Lisa." Catherine whispered.

"I know. That's normal, but if you never love again, Eddie, Chris, all those losers would have won. Their cruelty would have changed you and the sister that I know would be pissed if any guy ever did that to her." She said, pulling herself to her feet. "I need to get back to work."

Catherine smiled at her sister. It was good to talk to her again. The entire family had spread out all over the place. Obviously Lisa had married once, turned Jewish, and then became a very successful doctor. Her other sister was a business woman in Nevada, also very successful. Her brother was lawyer in New York. Catherine laughed to herself. It was interesting.

"Hey Lisa?" Catherine spoke up when she was almost out the door.

She paused to look back.

"Was that the voice of experience?" she asked.

Lisa smiled. "Maybe." She said mysteriously. "I'll tell you more when we sit down for some coffee together."

"It's a date."

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Author's Note:

I promise another update soon. Finals are almost upon me and I have to prepare my case for my trial in two months. (Long time I know, but memorizing everything takes a while). Anyway, this is completely off topic, but I can't figure out whether I'm a House/Cuddy shipper or a Cuddy/Wilson shipper. Someone make a good argument for both sides and maybe I can decide. Lol.

Sorry this chapter was also a little sad, but I think it's a little more like reality. Most of the people I know would not just deal with everything Catherine dealt with and then leap into a guy's arms. Or maybe that's just me, but that's what I think. I would think that they would have time to try and figure things out before jumping into the water.

Let me know what you think. Reviews are always welcomed.