JLH!
Disclaimer: I own a computer, a keyboard, and a ferret.
Me: Zomigawsh! I bought Advent a while ago and have now watched it a grand total of umpteen times. I want Cloud's hair! I want Sephiroth's sword! I want Cid's ship! I want Vincent's gun! I want Rude's attitude! I want Reno's brainless sense of humor!
Chibi Naruto: O.o
Chibi Neji: You only want guys' stuff?
Me: Cloud's… hair… nngh… -drool-
Chibi Sasuke: Right…
Me: Hair! I love hair!
Chibi Gaara: Erm, you already dyed yours red like mine, and cut it short like Naruto's.
Chibi Sasuke: -rolls eyes-
Me: -stares at Sasuke and drools- Give… me… your… hair.
Chibi Sasuke: -backs away-
Me: -zombie walk-
Chibi Gaara: Um, Swirl-chan?
Me: HAIR! –pounces-
Chibi Sasuke: -runs like hell-
Chibi Neji: Glad she's not after my hair.
Chibi Gaara: Yes. For her sake. If she tried to scalp you, you'd bludgeon her to death with a metal fold-up chair.
Chibi Neji: True, true.
Chibi Naruto: Anyway, while Swirly chases Sasuke, you people get to read another crack chapter by the hair-maniac.
Chibi Gaara: Yes indeed! You just might get to see Orochimaru in this chapter… You'll have to read and find out! And, if you read and you like, review! Reviewing is fun! Fuuuuuuuunnnn… -echo-
(Oh! And since you've waited so long, I've packed a ton of important stuff into this chapter. Enjoy!)
J L H 12 (homigoodnezz! Anuthur chapdur omglolololol!11one((fynally! OMG!)))
Sasuke stared blankly at the phone, wondering what in hell possessed him to agree to a movie with the Queen of the Whores. He had no idea why he'd done it, and he hadn't the energy to worm his way out of it. He was stuck going on a date with a squeaky toy.
Stuck.
The fact of the matter was that he was just too nice. Yes, that was it. He found it more and more difficult to say no to Naruto. She was sickeningly cute.
In an evil 'take over the world with cuteness' sort of way.
He sat there a moment longer, wishing that the sheer force of his willpower would make the telephone spontaneously burst into flame. When it did not, he was deeply disappointed.
He decided to look on the bright side of things, which he barely ever did. This way, if Orochimaru showed his ugly face today, Sasuke wouldn't have to see it.
Joy!
Sasuke slumped on his couch, grudgingly picking up the phone and dialing Kisame's number.
Kisame never answered the phone. What was more, he didn't have an answering machine. After the umpteenth time the annoying phone rang, Sasuke didn't feel like waiting any longer. He could wait all he wanted, but the shark was not picking up the phone any time soon.
He hung up.
Minutes went past and Sasuke was still staring at the ceiling. Weren't Saturdays supposed to be days off? Time to be spent alone? Alone by himself? He didn't understand how other people could tolerate being with friends and family over the weekend.
He called Kisame again. He was awake to the fact that it hadn't been more than four minutes since he last called, but he wanted to get this over with as soon as possible. He didn't want to spend more time with Naruto than was necessary, did he?
Did he?
Perhaps that was the reason he couldn't say no to her. Maybe, somewhere deep down, very deep down, very VERY deep down, very very VEEERY…
Anyway, maybe the fact of the matter was that somewhere in that hollow heart of his, he actually wanted to hear the hyperactive blonde's voice.
As one would expect, Kisame never picked up his phone.
Thus, Sasuke was left to drown in his own boredom for at least five more minutes. His eyes began to shift from his room to the secret fridge, then back again. Getting drunk was a good pastime. However, trying to hide the fact that he was wasted for the duration of a movie with his girlfriend alongside him was not an option. He didn't need her worrying about him all the time.
Booze…
Dammit.
Why the hell did he agree to this in the first place?
WHY?
He reluctantly dragged his gaze away from the cherry blossom painting and to the ceiling. He lay there for a while, thinking of nothing in particular, until the sound of the clock on his wall drove him mad.
He stormed back into his room and shut the door, moodily climbing back into his bed and burying his face in a pillow.
----
Naruto felt chipper as a chipmunk. He bounced around his house, all thoughts of missing ramen abandoned, and wondered how great his first real date would be. There would be popcorn, a pop with two straws, a really scary part in the movie when they'd be so scared they'd hug each other, and of course, there'd be a kiss. Naruto wanted a kiss.
A real one.
A real cool one!
Like in movies.
But what would he wear? Naruto temporarily stopped bouncing.
What indeed? Maybe he could wear that really nice frilly skirt thing his mom found at the second-hand store once. And that really nice v-neck shirt thing with the funky sleeves!
Or maybe he could wear a plain old t-shirt with a nice pair of jeans.
But no.
He couldn't do that.
If he dressed up like a guy, then he might lead Sasuke to the realization that he was one. Naruto's smile disappeared. Sasuke didn't seem to fancy the idea of being a gay. He looked at Neji and Gaara like they were freaks.
And yet he was in love with one, or so Naruto hoped.
He was blissfully unaware that Naruto wasn't what he seemed.
Of course, if Sasuke really did love him, he wouldn't mind at all. Naruto could dress up like the boy he was. If Sasuke wrinkled his nose and tossed him in the trash, then so be it.
Naruto sighed.
Not possible.
He had so much going for him, so he didn't want to ruin things for the both of them just yet. Naruto didn't want to take two thousand giant steps backward after how far he'd come.
He sighed again.
He wanted to confess so many things to Sasuke. He wanted to blurt out that he wasn't Sasuke's dream girl after all and cry into his shirt. Upon which, he hoped, Sasuke would tell him that he knew all along, it was okay, and he'd love him forever.
Fat chance of that, Naruto spitefully snorted to himself. Sasuke didn't seem like the 'forgive and forget' type of person. From what he heard from Neji and Gaara, he still had a grudge with his brother.
And who could blame him? This brother of his murdered his entire family for Christ's sake!
But Naruto wouldn't and didn't murder people. He was just a lovable little queer looking to be loved back.
Naruto threw his hands in the air and stomped around the floor. What was he being so sentimental for? This was his first friggin' date, for crying out loud! There were clothes to try, types of makeup to put on, and shit-loads of ramen to eat!
His ramen had gone MIA earlier. He had originally gone to the grocery store for more, but he ended up buying a newspaper there too. And there ended up being an Akatsuki shooting on the same day they shot his dad!
Fancy that!
He tossed his earlier mood out the window and continued happily bouncing around his house.
----
Sasuke's ears were trained to pick up the slightest tap of a key in the lock of his front door. When he heard a key being hastily jerked around against the lock, needless to say, he was wide awake.
He didn't shoot out of bed as Naruto would've done, he didn't leap at the door and shove himself up against it to hold it closed against intruders. He didn't reach for the broken bedpost he kept under his mattress. He merely kept his eyes closed and… waited.
He was suspicious that the man of his nightmares was prowling about his apartment searching for him, but if so, there was nothing he could do about it.
Rather, nothing he felt inclined to do.
He had already resigned his fate to sit with Naruto through a movie. What could possibly be worse?
"Uchiha!"
Jesus H. Christ.
Sasuke mentally screamed.
"Get your ass out here!"
No.
"I know where you are and I know you can hear me, boy!"
Sasuke gritted his teeth. Once again, someone knew his exact physical location and state of awareness. It was getting on his nerves.
Tell a lie to get a truth.
Sasuke smirked. Maybe all this time Orochimaru would do that because he knew that out of sheer anger, Sasuke would respond.
Maybe Naruto was smarter than she looked.
Sasuke lay still, listening to Orochimaru scratching up the carpet in his living room. He was sickly satisfied when the leech stopped yelling and slithered his way around the house looking for him.
The hasty footsteps halted before his bedroom door, hesitating it almost seemed like, before Sasuke felt rather than heard the doorknob turning. The door silently swung open. Now the only thing separating him from his enemy was a cocoon of extremely comfy blankets.
Still he sat there, completely motionless as Orochimaru stalked into his room. Against his will Sasuke's hair stood on end. Orochimaru was moving stealthily about the room. Slithering from one side of his bed to the next, he was probably contemplating the best way to wake Sasuke up, or if he wanted to wake him up at all.
Maybe the slime would rape him then and there.
That was probably the third thought in his mind. Or maybe it was the first, Sasuke couldn't tell.
As the idiot continued to weigh the pros and cons of his choices, Sasuke grew bored once again. He decided to give Orochimaru a thrill, groaning in feigned sleep and rolling over in his bed.
He felt his guardian take a few steps back.
Good. Now stay that way.
Against Sasuke's wishes, Orochimaru took a few measured steps forward and Sasuke could feel his bed dip down in the leech's direction.
Shit.
Sasuke was dead still as one word kept flashing through his mind like an annoying pop-up ad. IN BIG, RED LETTERS!
Rape.
Sasuke's muscles tensed as the mysterious mass that was Orochimaru continued to migrate closer.
Rape!
He could sense a slightly amused aura in the air as his guardian lay down right beside him.
RAPE!
Orochimaru's hot breath blew in puffs on Sasuke's face. He got closer, and closer, and closer until finally…
He was swiftly sucker-punched in the face.
Sasuke watched as the man rolled off the bed in agony, holding his nose and cursing like a sailor. Contradictory to his frayed and frazzled nerves, Sasuke's face remained perfectly calm. Smug even. He allowed a superior smirk to play across his lips.
"Bitch," Orochimaru muttered.
"Dickless," Sasuke taunted back.
Orochimaru glared that odd glare of his before briefly leaving the room. Before Sasuke could devise an escape plan, he had returned with a bag of ice and a tissue.
Sasuke could only figure that the nosebleed was only half caused by the punch in the face.
Disturbing…
"Alright you little thorn in my ass," Orochimaru grumbled, "You win." Sasuke swore he heard the man mutter a quiet "for now…" but decided against mentioning anything about it.
"You came barging into my house when you're supposed to be halfway across the world," Sasuke stated in an unamused way, "Why?"
Orochimaru uncrossed his eyes, which were until recently staring in contempt at the bridge of his nose. "Listen up, Sasuke," he began hastily, "I'm leaving Konoha."
Sasuke's eyes widened. This was unexpected, yet not unwelcome. The bastard was leaving?
Hells yeah!
This should have been a national holiday!
"And you're coming with me."
His eye twitched. Talk about your letdown of the century. And yet he couldn't piece together why the bastard would want to drag him along.
"Oh am I?" Sasuke asked dryly.
"We're leaving. Now."
Orochimaru yanked on Sasuke's wrist, much to Sasuke's dismay, and dragged him out of bed. The Uchiha didn't like this at all.
Perverse as always, Sasuke tugged in the opposite direction.
"No, I am not!" His bare feet skidded along the floor as he gradually lost the battle. He had to do something quickly or the bastard really would drag him along. God knew what would happen then.
In a desperate attempt to gain the upper hand, Sasuke dashed forward and threw the larger man off balance. Orochimaru hissed in pain as Sasuke landed a powerful kick in his gut. The initial shock of the whole ordeal caused him to let go of Sasuke for a split second.
In that split second, Sasuke had significantly distanced himself from Orochimaru. He sprinted for his bedroom door, bolting it shut in the moment before it was assaulted by his possessive guardian.
"Come out of there, you little brat!" Orochimaru roared as he flung himself at the door.
"I can't go with you today!" Sasuke yelled in a surprisingly casual manner as he shoved his back up against the door.
"And, pray tell, why would that be?" Orochimaru rammed the door again, knocking the wind out of Sasuke for a moment or two.
"I've got a date with my girlfriend at two!" Sasuke yelled after he regained his breath.
Orochimaru was silent. He continued his relentless attack on the door though, and pretty soon, the bolt flew out of Sasuke's wall. The Uchiha gave a surprised yelp as he fell forward. He quickly recovered his balance though, heading for his bed.
Orochimaru came charging in, scanning the room for Sasuke and finding him in the middle of the room, sporting a large, heavy-looking, blunt bedpost in his hands.
Sasuke smirked inwardly as Orochimaru sized his weapon up. He knew that his mom's old bed would come in handy someday.
"A girlfriend you say?" Orochimaru mocked, "And I always thought you flowed the other way."
Ignoring the insult, Sasuke answered him in the calmest way he could muster. "Yes," he replied, "I have a date soon. Keep me much longer and I might miss it."
"Oh, well far be it from me to keep Mr. God-like Smarty-Ass from his busy social schedule!" Orochimaru taunted, "You are my property and I'll do whatever I damn well please with you."
"Since when am I anyone's property?" Sasuke growled irritably. "Great," he muttered unconsciously, "First Naruto, then Orochimaru-"
"Naruto? What a stupid name."
"Yours is twice as bad."
Orochimaru attempted to recapture Sasuke, but the latter fended him off with an extravagant display of what one could do with a bedpost.
As he was defending himself, Sasuke couldn't help wondering what in hell would convince Orochimaru that he had to leave, and on such short notice.
His brother.
Orochimaru always seemed more than edgy when Sasuke mentioned his brother. Did this involve Itachi then? Sasuke felt uneasy all of the sudden.
"It's about my brother, isn't it?" he asked gravely.
"What?" Orochimaru snapped back. Yes, Sasuke could tell by the look in his eyes that he'd hit something.
"The reason you came back so early. The reason you're leaving and kidnapping me with you." It was a statement, not a question.
Orochimaru didn't answer. Instead, he took advantage of Sasuke's distracted state and grabbed the post out of his hands. In no time at all, Sasuke found himself being swung over Orochimaru's shoulder.
Little sirens blared in his head. This was not cool!
Sasuke flailed around, occasionally kicking Orochimaru hard enough that he'd wince, but not hard enough for the sleaze-ball to drop him. This greatly angered the mighty Uchiha, who nearly got Orochimaru in a headlock before he was forcefully shoved away.
Orochimaru made for the door. Sasuke had nearly given up hope. But then…
They passed one of his phones.
The phone Sasuke never used.
It was anchored to the wall, drab and dull looking. Sasuke hadn't been happier to see it in his life.
With the sort of strength only a life-or-death adrenaline rush could bestow, Sasuke ripped the thing off the wall, dislodging a menagerie of cords, and twisted his body around to heave the thing at the back of Orochimaru's head.
Orochimaru fell to the floor like a rock. Sasuke gracefully sprang away. His guardian rubbed his head and stood up again. Sasuke raised an eyebrow. That should have at least knocked him out. Damn!
"You filthy…" gasp, "rotten…" heave, "little…" wheeze, "WHORE!" cough.
Orochimaru was coming at him again.
He frantically searched the room for the phone that had recently saved his life.
It was in the middle of the room.
Right where he dropped it.
Orochimaru raised a fist that Sasuke was sure would knock him out cold.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you," came a scratchy, cool voice from somewhere in the room.
Sasuke and Orochimaru both glanced off in the direction of the door.
There, in the doorway, was a rather pissed off looking Kisame.
He leaned casually against the wall, a cigarette dangling lazily off of his lips. He had that bad-ass look in his eye and an overall threatening aura. Such was the way Kisame continually presented himself. Always appearing right when Sasuke needed him most. Not a second earlier or later.
Sasuke was so happy, he nearly cheered for the shark.
Nearly.
Uchihas did not cheer.
Orochimaru was distracted, leaving Sasuke with the option of crawling along the wall and out of harm's way. Once he was safely out of striking range, Sasuke watched as Kisame smiled one of his menacing smiles.
"And just where were we going with Sasuke, hm?" He asked, stooping forward to glare lazily into Orochimaru's eyes. Sasuke watched as Orochimaru returned Kisame's glare with equal force.
Sasuke quirked an eyebrow.
They looked at each other with strange familiarity. Odd, Sasuke thought, because he never introduced Orochimaru to Kisame before. Kisame knew Orochimaru though. Sasuke constantly had a disturbing story to tell the shark concerning his pedophile guardian.
Maybe they knew each other from somewhere…?
Where?
Or maybe he was imagining things. Yes, that was it.
"You and I both know very well that I could kick your ass," Orochimaru growled with a cruel smile of his own. In response, Kisame's confidence seemed to double. "That's the kind of thinking only an idiot would do," he purred.
Orochimaru quirked an eyebrow, "Is that so?"
"Quite," Kisame smiled, "You may be able to kick my ass, but what will happen after that, hm?"
Sasuke watched in cleverly disguised, rapt fascination as the two people in front of him became engaged in intense verbal warfare.
Orochimaru seemed as if he hadn't quite grasped the shark's last statement. "What do you mean by that?" he questioned, eyeing Kisame and crossing his arms uncomfortably.
"You see," Kisame began, taking a few measured steps into the room, "You can beat me to a pulp and steal Sasuke away for yourself," he took a breath and continued in a suave manner, "but you can't evade the revenge of those who care about his welfare far more than you do."
"Those are big words Kisame," Orochimaru commented slyly. "Say that again, only explain it to me like I'm a four year old, will you? That would help us both understand what you're saying."
Sasuke, who was apparently forgotten about by both participants of the word-war, snuck safely out of the way should a fight have broken out. He listened from a safe distance in the hall, where he could hear every word.
Almost.
Kisame didn't seem to be making any move to redeem himself. He let Orochimaru's last comment slide. "Alright. I'll put this into words that you'll understand. I mean, if you've got at least half of a brain in that thick skull of yours. You see, Snake-boy…"
Snake-boy? Orochimaru had a nickname? These two had to have met each other some time in the past. They knew each other's names, and plus, they knew nicknames too. Sasuke listened closer.
"Cut to the chase, Shark-boy," Orochimaru bit back.
"You see," Kisame continued, ignoring Sasuke's guardian, "Unlike you, I have friends."
"Oh, you do?" the Snake-man mocked with a laugh.
"Oh yes," Sasuke swore he heard the smile in Kisame's voice, "good friends."
Orochimaru fell silent and shuffled his feet somewhat, a sure sign he was losing his composure. This caused Sasuke's puzzlement level to rise even more. What kind of friends did Kisame have? More so, what kind of friends would Orochimaru be so terrified of? His train of thought led him back to earlier assumptions that Itachi had something to do with this.
In the past he'd always find himself believing and hoping that Itachi was alive, if only for the express purpose of exacting his revenge. But he found himself now hoping and wishing that his brother had remained in his grave.
"Say you killed me," Kisame suggested, "or seriously hurt me or something. My friends might get mad at you and tear you apart. But say you kidnapped someone very… close, to my friends," The shark lowered his voice. Sasuke pressed his ear to the wall and listened carefully.
"Then they'd hunt you down, cut you open, and eat your heart raw."
Sasuke wrinkled his nose. How very… grotesque of Kisame. Not to say he wasn't thankful, as the annoying guardian seemed to be backing down.
Still though.
Why the hell was he so important to these people, these 'friends' that Kisame was so fond of? A little voice in his head told him that these people were just old friends of the Uchiha family. An even bigger voice, however, was screaming to him that the world wasn't telling him something. It wasn't telling him something he needed to know. That voice also screamed what this 'something' could be.
Itachi.
"So you stay away from Sasuke. You do anything funny, and my friends will hear about it. Deal?" Kisame said in his usual cocky and all-knowing way.
Orochimaru growled and Sasuke could hear footsteps that weren't headed his way.
Good!
The bastard was leaving!
"Oh, and Orochimaru…" The footsteps stopped and Sasuke heard whispering. He listened as hard as he could, but he couldn't make out a word.
----
It was, like, two-o-clock already!
And Naruto's boyfriend was nowhere in sight!
He paced back and forth from his kitchen to his living room over, and over, and over again. He'd practically burned a hole in the carpet and left skid-marks on the wood floor from dragging his feet.
Sasuke wasn't coming was he?
Maybe he just told Naruto 'yes' because he wanted him to stop rambling so he could get more sleep. The anxious blonde scowled. That little creep! Who did he think he was?
Scratch that.
He was the all-powerful Uchiha Sasuke.
He could do whatever he damn well wanted to.
He should've tagged along with Gaara after all. Even though he was busy. Naruto smiled as he recalled his recent phone call to the red-haired fiend.
"Hey Gaara?"
"What is it this time, Naruto?"
"Don't be such a spoil-sport. Anyway, I was just wondering if you wanted to do something with me today."
"Actually, Naruto," Gaara paused, "I'm going to be busy."
Naruto frowned, "Why?"
Gaara sighed, "Just because."
"You're so conceited!"
"You don't know what that means."
"So what. I heard it on the Oprah show once."
"That's great, Naruto," Gaara said flatly, "but I'm busy. I have to try on some new clothes-"
"Whoa! Hold the phone! –No, Gaara! Not 'put the phone on hold!'"
Gaara snorted on the other end of the phone. "I'm going to a movie."
"Alone?"
"No, idiot. Well… not…"
"Are you going to this movie with a friend?" Naruto eyed the phone slyly.
"…sure."
"A boyfriend?"
"Mind your own business."
Naruto giggled, "Would this 'friend' of yours happen to have long, silky, black hair?"
"…"
"And dreamy, pale blue eyes?"
"How much do you know?" Gaara asked emotionlessly.
"Give me ten bucks and I know nothing."
"Done."
Click!
Naruto smiled and hugged himself. He could be such a sly little fox when he wanted to be. And now he was ten smackaroos richer!
Joy!
As fun as that was, the fact remained that his boyfriend was nowhere to be found. When he showed up… if he showed up, Naruto would never let him hear the end of it. He'd be late on his first date and, assuming Gaara and Neji had gone to the same theatre, he wouldn't be able to spy on them making out in the front row!
Grrrr!
Naruto trudged back up the stairs and looked in his mirror. He sighed. He'd given himself the world's best makeover and now there was no one to show it off to. His whisker marks were perfectly straight and he'd gone over his eyelids with four shades of turquoise and lime green. He had just the right amounts of mascara and eyeliner on each eye. He even bothered to coordinate his outfit with his eyes.
And for what?
A lazy boyfriend who wouldn't bother to come to a movie with him?
Bullshit.
Naruto wandered back down the stairs and into his living room. He glanced out the window just in time to see one bitch of a car scream into his driveway.
Naruto crossed his arms and growled.
It was about time.
Naruto grabbed his purse off of the kitchen table, threw it over his shoulder, then marched out the door, slamming the screen against the side of the house. He found himself looking into the eyes of a surprised-looking Sasuke.
A paint chip fell into Naruto's hair.
Fuming silently to himself, Naruto put on his best show of nasty, evil anger. He crossed his arms tightly against his chest and gave Sasuke a very even stare. The duck-haired boy raised an eyebrow in response.
So he was going to be smart, eh? Naruto'd show him smart.
"You're late," he said in his most intimidating voice.
"I got held up," Sasuke stated without much enthusiasm.
That's right punk. Better not give Naruto the Whore Queen any attitude. Since he was off to a good start, the blonde ball of fury decided to go on.
"You got held up, huh?" he tapped his foot on the ground, "By what?"
"It's a long story," Sasuke explained, once again with no enthusiasm.
Naruto was starting recognize his boyfriend's lack of excitement as some degree of regret. He might have softened up, but he was cruising on an ego trip at that moment in time. He had to show the ungrateful little worm where he stood.
"Oh really? Tell me. You've wasted my time, so now I figure I'll waste yours. The movie's probably over by now anyway," Naruto always wanted to be a little bitchy. Now that he was, he didn't want to stop.
It was fun!
Sasuke glared up at the blonde, "I got held up, okay. I didn't come to get cut down by you. I came because I thought we could still make it in time to see that damn movie you wanted to see."
"Yeah, the first twenty minutes are previews anyway," Naruto mentioned offhandedly while aloofly checking out his nails.
"Yes, and- what did you say?" A very puzzled Sasuke looked up at Naruto, who'd very rapidly changed his mind. Naruto smiled. Being a bitch was only fun for a while. He melted like ice-cream in July. He bowled Sasuke over in a gigantic bear hug.
"Let's go!" The blonde dragged his bewildered boyfriend over to the growling machine that swung into his driveway earlier.
Naruto was inspired to remember one of that Fig Newton guy's laws of whatever-it-was. Objects in motion tend to stay in motion and objects at rest tend to stay at rest until acted upon by an outside force. Sasuke was one of those un-moving objects. He required a little more force. Therefore, Naruto swung Sasuke's arm over his shoulder and pulled with all his might until the dark-eyed boy's feet started moving in the direction of the car.
----
"You weigh a ton," Naruto piped up cheerily.
The blonde girl's mind traveled too fast for Sasuke to keep up with. He was vaguely aware that his arm was being stretched in an unnatural and painful manner. In an effort to relieve that pain, he started walking in the direction he was being pulled.
As they neared Kisame's car, Sasuke was worried that Naruto would gripe about being too dependant on scary people. When she popped open the door and bounced inside without a complaint, Sasuke was left with no choice but to follow.
Naruto smiled happily and shifted around in her seat. Sasuke was speechless. He swore she had a very odd case of attention deficit disorder. Perhaps she was bipolar? If so, she probably couldn't afford the medication to take care of it.
Ah.
That explained things.
"Are you two done kissing and making up?" Kisame twisted around in the driver's seat and flashed one of his famous toothy smiles.
Sasuke didn't feel like talking to the shark. He had a hunch that the person who was supposed to be his greatest ally was hiding something from him. When he asked him about it after Orochimaru left, he didn't say much. He just shrugged his shoulders and walked on. It was vexing, knowing that someone he thought he knew knew something he didn't know, so he didn't know this person very well at all.
As if that made any sense.
He wasn't surprised when Naruto looked at Kisame funny. He was surprised, however, when the shark squinted at her. The blonde maniac crossed her arms and leaned forward, glaring at him from the corner of her eye.
Sasuke swore he'd never figure these people out. Kisame and Naruto had a way with confusing him whenever they felt like it.
In an unexpected move on Kisame's part, he crossed his eyes and Naruto just couldn't contain her laughter. Sasuke could only wonder what went on in the minds of his two comrades that could possibly be so hilarious.
The Uchiha speculated that this was Kisame's way of trying to get him to lighten up. It wasn't working.
"It's almost two-twenty," he pointed out, "we have ten minutes."
"Then let's get going, shall we?" Kisame consented all too easily, which made little alarm bells go off in the Uchiha's head. The car rumbled and Sasuke heard the sound of a stick-shift being jerked around. The car surged backward and dipped into the road before turning sharply.
More clanking of the transmission and the car shot forward like a bullet. Sasuke was used to the sudden movements of his friend's car, but Naruto…
That was a different story.
As they went through the series of jerking motions Kisame liked to call 'getting used to driving again,' Naruto was in the midst of having a great time. She threw her arms in the air like she was on a roller-coaster or something, laughing and bouncing up and down every time Kisame's car swerved.
Odd, Sasuke thought, because the first time he rode with Kisame he had no time for fun and games. He was too busy trying to keep from falling off of the seat. He hung on for his life. All the seatbelts in Kisame's car were defective, which made things much worse.
After eight blocks or so, the car settled down. A giant smile was plastered on Naruto's face. "This is exactly like riding in my mom's car!" Naruto exclaimed.
Oh lovely.
Sasuke was now convinced that Naruto lived in hell.
"So where are the seatbelts in this thing?" Naruto asked after taking a brief look around. Kisame glanced over his right shoulder, saying "Seatbelts? What seatbelts?"
Sasuke grinned as Naruto assumed the likeness of a suffocating goldfish. "What do you mean 'what seatbelts?' If we crash, we'll, like, die or something!"
"Well let's hope I don't crash then!" Kisame cackled.
Naruto then glared at Sasuke like it was his fault. Great. She was going to lecture him about other people. He just shrugged his shoulders.
Before Naruto had a chance to complain, Kisame made a sharp right. Naruto got pulled over to the left by centrifugal force and, as a result, was too busy laughing to speak.
"So then," Kisame began when Naruto could hear him, "tell me about yourself."
Sasuke crossed his arms. Kisame wasn't the kind of person to bother with small talk. Why would he care about someone else's girlfriend? He found himself becoming more and more suspicious of his drug-dealer.
Naruto, who apparently was not as suspicious as he, happily elaborated. "I'm Uzumaki Naruto! Queen of the Whores!"
Sasuke sighed and buried his head in his hands. She was so immature. It was embarrassing…
Kisame was quiet a minute, which only put Sasuke further on edge. He didn't know what part of the silence he hated most. Kisame could've recognized the name for some unknown reason, or worse, he could've known someone in Naruto's family. Normally, when Kisame knew someone, it wasn't a friendly 'know.'
"Uzumaki? I've heard that name before," Kisame said thoughtfully.
This was what Sasuke was afraid of.
Either her mom was in the drug business or her dad used to be.
Used to be.
Didn't Naruto say her dad got shot a long time ago? By the Akatsuki?
The Akatsuki…
"Is your mom named Kyuubi?" Kisame asked innocently. Sasuke knew the innocence was only an act. He wanted to get something out of Naruto, and by God, the shark was going to get it.
"Yep!" Naruto piped up. She was completely oblivious to the vengeful gleam in Kisame's eyes.
"She was a good friend of mine. I haven't seen her in a long time. Where's she been?"
"Unlike you, I have friends."
"Oh, you do?"
"Oh yes…good friends."
Please, Naruto. Don't answer him!
"She's been around. She likes going to parties with her friends. She leaves all the time. She has fun though, and I guess I really don't care about anything else," Naruto smiled sadly.
"So you live with her and not your dad then?" Kisame asked.
Sasuke silently gritted his teeth.
Of course she lives with her mom. Her dad's dead and you know that!
He dreaded what the shark might have been thinking when he started asking all of these questions. What could he want with Naruto's mom? As far as Sasuke was concerned, she was just a party animal.
"Yeah, my dad died a long time ago," Naruto explained. Kisame went through a myriad of apologies, all of which Sasuke knew were fake.
The shark didn't say much after that. Neither did Naruto for that matter. Sasuke peered over to get a look at Kisame's face.
He was smiling.
"Everything's coming my way…" He whispered to himself.
"That's because you're in the wrong lane," Sasuke pointed out casually. Kisame glanced back at him out of surprise. Funny. Apparently that was something he wasn't supposed to hear.
----
"Shit!" Kisame swerved back into his lane just in time to avoid clipping a truck with his mirrors. This caused an inevitable fit of giggling on Naruto's part.
This was just too fun!
Naruto never thought that a ride in a creepy stranger's car could've been this fun! The questioning about his mom was a bit unnerving though. How could he have been a friend of his mom's, and yet she never told him anything about him.
Maybe she slept with him once.
Yeah.
…
…Eww.
How his mom could stomach it, he didn't know. He must've had a lot of money. A LOT of money. He didn't look like a business tycoon, so maybe he sold drugs or something. And maybe that was why Sasuke was always so…
Naw.
He kept forgetting that Sasuke had absolutely everything he ever wanted. Besides, only creepy, homeless, dirty people did stuff like that. Sasuke was silent and stoic maybe, but not creepy, he had the best apartment Naruto'd ever seen, and every time he looked at the dark-haired boy, he had to wear shades because every single part of him glimmered like a jewel.
Boy, if Sasuke heard that one, his ego would get so big it would suffocate him.
"Do you have a driver's license?" he asked as Kisame pulled back onto the right side of the road. The addressed looked back at Naruto with a peculiar look on his face. "License? What license?"
Naruto sat tight as Kisame went through another set of turns. As he laughed and had a great time, he noticed Sasuke.
And he stopped laughing.
Sasuke had clammed up for some mysterious reason and was now staring straight through the back of the passenger seat in front of him. He was thinking about something, Naruto knew.
He started to feel a little bad for Sasuke. Maybe somehow this was his fault. Yes, ever since he started bitching about Sasuke being late, his boyfriend was almost completely silent.
He shuffled uncomfortably in his seat.
He had to do something. Their love was in jeopardy! What would his mom do? No. He didn't want to know. If anything she'd offer to sleep with him for free. That might have worked, but Naruto had other things in mind.
Sasuke still glared a hole in the back of the seat.
Naruto knew he was doing him a big favor by going to this movie with him. Maybe he should've had more tolerance of Sasuke's timing. Sasuke had his own problems to deal with, Naruto should've known that.
He was left to feel like shit all by himself. When Kisame steered the car to a screeching halt in the theatre parking lot, all was silent.
Naruto didn't say a word.
In response, Sasuke seemed to snap out of his trance. He looked over at Naruto, who busied himself by examining his nails which he'd recently painted and were now glimmering in the sunlight.
"We're here. Get out," Kisame kidded as he stopped more or less inside the designated parking space. Naruto meekly pushed the door open, walked over to the pavement, and waited for Sasuke. He twiddled his thumbs as the silent Uchiha walked over to him and Kisame's car jerked forward and rumbled away.
Naruto stared down at the pavement, feeling sorry for himself. Sasuke got angry so easily. Naruto couldn't blame him though. Naruto did a lot of annoying things.
"You coming?" Sasuke's voice woke Naruto up. He glanced over to find the dark eyes of Sasuke staring directly into his. Naruto nodded, blushing slightly when he realized he'd been daydreaming.
Good going smartass. Now Sasuke only hates you more.
He avoided looking directly into Sasuke's eyes as he walked past. The Uchiha followed him in. When they reached the ticket line, Naruto noticed something odd.
His purse was missing.
Stupid! Stupid, stupid, stupid! He probably left it in the car! Great, another thing for Sasuke to hate him for. Sasuke didn't suffer fools well, and Naruto was the biggest fool in Konoha.
"Aren't you buying your own ticket?" Sasuke's voice seemed to growl. Naruto chuckled nervously, "I left my purse in the car, I think…"
Sasuke sighed, "I'll buy."
"Thanks," whispered the embarrassed blonde.
All he got for his appreciation was a barely audible "hn" from the boy with duck hair.
Yep.
He hated Naruto.
High school relationship number two down the drain. He sighed to himself.
He needed to do something fast. If there was any chance at all of saving the two of them, he had to think of it within the next hour or so.
They bought their tickets and their popcorn. Naruto loved gummy bears, but he didn't feel like bugging Sasuke out of any more of his money.
When they got into the theatre, the previews were about over. Awesome timing on Kisame's part. He scanned the rows for any sign of Neji or Gaara, but only saw people he didn't know. They were all teens. Out for a cheap thrill no doubt.
Sasuke and Naruto decided to sit in the front row, where the movie was loudest, biggest, and scariest.
After one more preview, the movie started.
----
Sasuke grew increasingly uncomfortable with the situation. He was uncomfortable enough that he could hardly pay attention to the movie he paid to watch. It was something about a creepy house where people died and their ghosts made other people disappear.
Naruto distracted him. She was so loud and obnoxious until about two minutes before they stopped. It wasn't the first time he'd been sidetracked by her for being something other than annoying.
From the moment they got out of the car she avoided looking at him. She kept deathly quiet and sunk lower and lower in her chair with each passing minute.
Sasuke forced himself to snap out of it.
She was overreacting about something and needed to grow up. Whatever it was, she could deal with it herself.
He sighed. As always, he was just trying to convince himself that he was too high up to help anyone else with their problems. Besides, if Kisame was searching for her mom, she needed more help than she realized, if she realized at all.
While he was thinking, half of the audience jumped, including Naruto. She glanced up at him, but blushed and turned her head away again as soon as she met his eyes.
This was where Sasuke's temper cut in.
He had too many problems at the moment. Too many things on his mind. He was through with thinking rationally.
Were they both right back where they started? In Kakashi's classroom feeling surprised, insulted, and a bit shy?
Maybe he was wrong at the beginning of the year. Maybe he had a heart and just had to admit that Naruto had it in her hand. Up until now, the both of them still had trouble grasping what it was like to have a boyfriend or a girlfriend. It was still the beginning of the year. It was far from too late to tie this dysfunctional relationship together.
Maybe having a girlfriend wasn't such a bad idea. He'd have something to distract himself from the problems that presented themselves whenever he took a breath. Sure, she was romantically retarded, but maybe she just needed to be helped along a bit.
The whole process of getting to know one another was stuck in reverse. If Naruto didn't do something about it, Sasuke would.
----
"Hey Dobe."
Damn! He spoke! Naruto was hoping for the movie to end so he could go home without a word about how stupid he was.
Regardless of how much he didn't want to talk to Sasuke, it would have been worse not to. "Yeah…?" Naruto whispered.
"Do you see that dot up there on the screen?"
This wasn't what Naruto expected. Curious, he asked where it was.
"Up there in the corner," Sasuke pointed to the top right corner of the screen, "don't you see it?"
They were both to the far left of the front row. Naruto squinted and screwed up his face. He leaned a little closer, but he still couldn't see it. If it was there, it was too far away.
"I can't see it. Maybe you're imagining things," he told Sasuke.
"No," Sasuke said in a quiet voice, "it's there. Look a little harder."
He already looked! There was nothing there! It was as clear as crystal! No spots whatsoever! Sasuke was delusional. Maybe it was just out of gullibility, but he thought he saw a little dot for a moment.
Naruto leaned in a little closer to Sasuke and peered at the corner of the screen. There was nothing there, was there? He leaned in a little closer and then…
Naruto didn't have time to wonder what was going on, it just happened.
Soft lips pressed against his and Naruto froze on the spot.
What was happening? A few seconds ago there was a spot on the screen and Sasuke was mad as hell. Now… was Sasuke kissing him?
Sasuke's fingers wound their way into Naruto's hair, tilting the blonde's head back. Naruto felt his boyfriend's thumb rubbing in circles against his scalp.
His eyes widened.
His worst nightmare was coming true!
Sasuke was so angry, he was trying to suck Naruto's soul out of his mouth!
Or…
He looked into Sasuke's dark, dark eyes with wide blue ones of his own. There was no malice or hatred in those eyes, just… Naruto didn't really know what it was. It was hard to tell with Sasuke. Naruto never really knew what he was thinking, and, he figured, neither did the rest of the world.
Naruto finally came to the conclusion that Sasuke was kissing him. This realization set Naruto's face on fire. He turned bright red and his eye started to twitch.
After what seemed like forever, Sasuke broke the kiss and Naruto floundered for words. During countless attempts at coherent human speech, followed by short pauses, Sasuke only sat there waiting for something. Naruto could only wonder what that something might be.
He was so… argh! Naruto had been tricked out of his first kiss! His first kiss… his first real kiss, anyhow. It felt real enough. It didn't say 'I wonder what will happen if I kiss you,' or 'let's go back to my place and have some fun if you know what I mean.' It didn't really say 'I love you' either, but Naruto hoped it was something along the lines of 'I don't know if I can love you, but I'll give it a try.'
He stopped floundering when he got lost in his thoughts. As the horror film danced on the screen, both Naruto and Sasuke sat in silence. Naruto gazed into Sasuke's eyes, and he returned the gaze. Naruto was aware that he was still blushing like a maniac and once again searched for something to say.
"You tricked me," he drew his eyebrows together and crossed his arms, trying to look his meanest and failing due to the blush that still dusted his cheeks. Sasuke only smiled and leaned back in his seat like this was the reaction he expected.
"Made you look."
----
That was a start.
Sasuke wasn't really practiced in the art of kissing, but he figured he did well enough. He would've broken the kiss sooner, but damn, did Naruto have some delicious lip gloss!
That was a good excuse, so he stuck with it.
Sasuke thought he might like the whole idea of kissing. Oddly enough, he thought it was relaxing. He felt a bit less stressed out. The fact remained, though, that there were a lot more problems he had to deal with outside of Naruto.
Speaking of problems, his wrists were starting to itch.
"Hey Sasuke?"
He looked over to see a blushing Naruto looking up at him with those big, innocent, blue eyes. He lost himself for a second wondering what he would do if Kisame did something to hurt those eyes. He had a sinking feeling that Naruto wasn't safe anymore. Kisame seemed much too interested in her family. There was no telling what he was up to.
"SAAAAAsukeeeeeeee… Earth to Sasuke," he was brought back to life by the waving action of one of Naruto's hands in his face.
"Yeah?" he answered casually, trying to ignore the tingling in his arms.
"So there really wasn't anything on the screen?" she asked innocently.
Sasuke gave a crafty smile, "I don't know. Maybe you could take another look."
The girl's blush returned with a vengeance and she playfully slapped Sasuke in the face. Sasuke didn't mind. The look on her face was priceless. Her sparkling eyes were squinted in a doll-like scowl and she drew her upper lip up in a pout. She couldn't hold back a smile and stuck her tongue out at him when he did nothing but stare.
Sasuke relaxed in his chair.
This was good progress. She was looking at him again and all he had to do was trick her into a kiss.
----
Recovering from the initial surprise of being kissed out of the blue, Naruto noticed that his boyfriend was getting far-off again. In the past few minutes he had already zoned out several times. Plus, he was doing the really weird thing where he subconsciously scratched at those things on his wrists.
"Do you ever take those off?" he asked Sasuke curiously.
Sasuke looked shocked for a moment before answering that he did. Naruto asked him when. Sasuke said nothing and continued peering at him in that peculiar way people do when you ask them a question they weren't expecting.
Hmmm… It appeared that Sasuke was self-conscious about his wrists. Maybe he was hiding something. What would he be hiding?
Naruto's eyes twitched.
Did he cut himself?
Naruto didn't recall ever seeing a bloody knife when he was cleaning his kitchen. Maybe he had a special one that he hid somewhere. In any case, it was clear to him that he'd have to go snooping around Sasuke's room if he wanted the answer.
In the mean time, Naruto opted to try to curb his thoughts away from self-destruction. What could he do?
He could buy Sasuke something.
Naruto scrunched his nose up. No, that wouldn't work. Sasuke could buy anything he wanted. Hell, he probably already bought everything he wanted.
He could take Sasuke out to dinner or something, but Sasuke would end up paying for everything since Naruto was virtually broke.
Hugs then?
Snuggling was good.
Maybe Sasuke needed a little sugar to sweeten his life up a notch.
Snicker…
Without warning to the dark-haired boy, Naruto threw his arms around Sasuke's shoulders and buried his nose in his shirt. He still couldn't believe Sasuke kissed him earlier, so he figured he'd return the favor.
In an instant, Sasuke stiffened up. Naruto, however, felt confident in his warm fuzzy skills and held on. When Sasuke didn't warm up to him after a minute or so, Naruto began to wonder what he was so uptight about. Wasn't he the one who kissed Naruto? And now he was afraid of cuddling?
Oh please.
Baby…
It took a while, but Naruto's patience paid off. Sasuke relaxed and leaned back in his seat. He put his arm around Naruto and the two of them watched the rest of the movie in peace.
It was during this snuggling that Naruto came to the conclusion that Sasuke's sole purpose in life was to serve him as a giant pillow. Sure, the pillowcase was a little starchy and scratchy, but Sasuke was just stuffed with fluff.
Seriously though.
Sasuke was comfortable to lean on. Naruto would've fallen asleep had a ghost not suddenly popped out of a wall and eaten the main character's daughter.
Half of the audience screamed, then laughed once they realized they were foolish enough to get scared.
Naruto just jumped.
He noticed with interest that Sasuke didn't move much. He shivered now and then, but when the movie got most suspenseful he did nothing.
Naruto made a mental note to himself that Sasuke had already lived through a nightmare.
Ghosts were cake.
The main character broke a curse, condemned the creepy house, then the credits rolled and the audience exited stage left. Naruto stood up and stretched. Sasuke followed suit.
"That was some movie, wasn't it?" Naruto flashed a vulpine smile. Sasuke only rolled his eyes and grumbled about how obvious the computer-generated graphics were. Naruto figured as much and Sasuke's complaining didn't bother him.
"Getting a little comfortable, aren't we?"
Naruto whirled around at the sudden sound, striking a mock ninja pose. Sasuke only glanced over his shoulder.
Naruto flashed a huge smile.
There were Gaara and Neji, all decked out in their dating gear. And if Naruto's eyes didn't lie, Gaara wasn't wearing his trench coat.
"I thought you might be here!" Naruto exclaimed triumphantly.
Gaara and Neji both smiled in amusement. "And you were hoping to spy on us, right?" Neji asked confidently.
"No I wasn't!"
"You were too," Gaara retorted flatly.
Naruto ignored his friend. "Where were you guys? Were you late too?" he asked.
Gaara smiled.
"Actually we came early," explained Neji, "We were in the second to last row. We hid as soon as we saw you guys come in."
"Cheaters!" Naruto angrily pointed a finger at the both of them.
"So you didn't get to spy on us," Gaara said smugly, "but we had a perfect view."
----
Chibi Neji: Wow. Fluff.
Chibi Naruto: It's not extinct after all!
Chibi Sasuke: You don't know what that means.
Chibi Naruto: Killjoy!
Chibi Sasuke: You don't know that one either.
Chibi Naruto: …-mumbles- stupid Sasuke…
Chibi Sasuke: What?
Chibi Naruto: Nothing!
Me: Helloooo! I live! Aren't you happy to see me?
Audience: -throws stones-
Me: You're too kind…
Chibi Gaara: Swirl-chan had a few… er… problems.
Chibi Naruto: Yeah! Including laziness, stupidity, crankiness, lack of enthusiasm-
Me: -suffocates Naruto with a trash bag-
Chibi Gaara: Yes, well, Swirl-chan doesn't have any really juicy excuses for you this time, but she does have cookies.
Chibi Naruto: Review for the cookies!
Chibi Gaara: Like it? Hate it? Want to bludgeon it to death with a metal fold-up chair? Review, review, review!