Cherry and Mia- We should be the three musketeers. Ya know, going around and saving the world. One comma at a time.
Readers- There's not another author in this fandom who loves their readers more than I do. You and cupcakes are now tied.
Chapter Twelve: Cadillacs and Canaries
"Cadillac, slow down!"
I panic, watching the trees pass by in a blur.
"Dammit, Dimples, you don't understand!" One fist pounds the steering wheel, and he's so upset, I swear he's seein' nothing but red.
"Then tell me! Tell me what's going on!"
It's not just the car that's accelerating; it's my heartbeat too, pounding too fast for its own good.
"In Texas…" He whips through a stop sign, not even attempting to slow down "I got in some real trouble, fell in with the wrong crowd."
My knuckles turn white from gripping the sides of the seat.
"His name was Jacob. Everyone called him J-Wolf, 'cause he had a temper like one. He's the one that got me started."
I want to ask what he got started on, but Cadillac swerves down a dirt road. There's the abandoned Forks General Store, with the sign still faded. I jump out of the vehicle, shaking.
But it ain't from Cadillac's driving.
Not right now, Bella, I tell myself. Not now.
The front door opens easily, and though the chairs are gone the random bales of hale still sit along the wall. Cadillac plops on one, rubbing his hands through his hair in frustration. I sit on my knees between his legs, trying to get him to look at me.
"Finish, Cadillac. Finish what you were trying to tell me."
His eye is still swollen and his clothes are still filthy, but it's the expression on his face that's really in pain.
"Just… promise me you'll listen, all right? Through the whole thing?"
I nod, swearing that no matter how bad it is, I'll stay. Maybe he's just worked himself up over nothing.
Cadillac pats his jeans, looking for his beloved cigarettes. He pulls one out, lights it, and exhales smoke into the air.
"We was doing all sorts of things, me and J-Wolf and Victoria and Angela. We thought we were the shit, right? I felt like I was changing for them, like I was this fucked up kid from small town Forks, and there they were accepting me. You won't here before, Dimples. Em and all them, they won't my friends. They bullied me and treated me like shit. J-Wolf never did that. He and the others took me in, showed me it was all right to be myself. But that change was coming from me, like I had to prove something."
He exhales and he's blowing out smoke, but he's breathing out his past too.
"So we'd smoke grass once in a while, get drunk on the weekends. You know, normal stuff. Won't too bad, and it won't interrupting school or nothing, at first. I kept my grades up, came home on time, shit like that. But then… then J-Wolf got busted selling weed and they put him in juvie for a few months. He got out and everything was different. He'd convinced us that all that shit on the weekends, could happen during the week. So I started smoking more and partying every day.
"In Texas, Dimples, everyone had money. It's not like here, where it's one and few between. They always had shitloads of it. We'd burn through the allowances our parents gave us, and when that was done, we'd get more. My grades were still high, so Carlisle just kept giving it to me. And I'd keep smoking it up. That's when shit hit the fan."
I feel the bad part coming, like when a storm is on its way, but ain't nothing you can do about. You weather it out, but you know you're gonna lose half your house by the time it's done and gone. Cadillac is the storm, pouring rain and thundering out his soul, but I get the feeling there won't no rainbow at the end.
Cadillac refuses to look at me, keeping his eyes on the ground. "We was so high, and we'd… we'd do stuff. Sometimes it was me and J-Wolf with Victoria and Angela. Then it was just me and Victoria and Angela…"
Cadillac trails off and I feel sick to my stomach. It won't like I ever thought he was a virgin, but the other night, what happened between Rose and him and me, he knew it already. He'd already learned it from Texas, the kissing and feeling and sex. The sickness burns a hole through my gut.
Cadillac lifts my chin up. "Promise me you'll listen, please. You wanted to know, so I'm tellin' you everything."
I look into his eyes, but I ain't seeing him. I'm seeing those girls and how they took the one thing I'll never have.
"That's how we just kept going, the sex and weed and drinking. But always the weed. So we'd be high when we started jackin' people's cars. I remember J-Wolf tellin' us if we wanted to stay with him, we'd have to prove it. So we did, and I was the first one. We walked through the downtown part of Dallas one night, and I remember looking at all of the cars parked at those apartment buildings. There it was. Red and shiny and just calling my name."
Cadillac glances at something that's not in the room. "It was a red Cadillac. I hot-wired that shit and we drove through the night, going anywhere and everywhere. I'd been intent on returning it, like hell, what the fuck was I gonna do with the car? But we fell asleep at Angela's. The cops came banging on the door and arrested me on the spot. Those other fuckers ain't even tried to help. I got in some trouble with the law, had to do community service and shit, but since it was a first offense, I got let off easy. Carlisle's lawyer basically bailed me out. He got real tough with me after that. Trying to give me curfews and cut off my money, but it was too late. I was already wrapped up in the lifestyle. J-Wolf and all them treated me with real respect after that. Started calling me Cadillac. I liked it 'cause I had finally buried Edward. He ain't exist anymore. But Cadillac, that fucker was scary. They was listening to me more than J-Wolf by that time. He ain't care for that too much, but he stuck around."
The shaking is worse, coming in spurts. I can't wait to get out of here. I need to leave, but everything Cadillac tells me keeps me pinned to my spot.
"I got in fights with people from school and pretty much stopped going. But the teachers were scared of me too. They just passed me along, even though I'd failed everything. Then, that night happened. I was driving another hot car and Victoria was… on me. So I was swerving and couldn't see nothing. It was dark and I couldn't concentrate… I never even saw the other car."
Cadillac paused, fidgeting his hands. "I was in the hospital for about two weeks. They told me I'd collided with another car. Paralyzed both the driver and the passenger. A young couple that had just gotten married. It was complete hell after that. I was charged, lost my license, was in and out of court, got put in juvie for a few months. Dad basically paid the couple and the judge off - that's how I got off so light. He's been hating me ever since and I've been hating myself more."
This moisture fills up his eyes and I ain't never seen nothing like it before. Cadillac is crying, and he's just letting the tears fall, not even trying to stop them. They're holding his pain in and letting it go at the same time.
"Carlisle thought it would be best if we moved back. He let go of that job that was paying him a shitload of money and we packed up. We moved back to our old house, 'cause it hadn't been sold. I tried cleaning up my act once I got here, but then I saw Emmett and Jasper and them. The same ones who picked on me before are now riding my dick. It's hard to let go of that power. I still smoke 'cause it's nice to get away from shit once in a while, you know? But I'm trying, Dimples. And then shit with you the other night. I felt like I was Cadillac again, living in Texas. I was so busy being him, I forgot who Edward was."
Cadillac grasps my hands, staring at me with an anguish someone like him should never have to experience. "I fucked up, Dimples. I fucked up bad. I wanna do right by you. I wanna be that boyfriend that buys you pretty things just because, and kisses you just to show you I love you. I ain't perfect, and I feel like I'm struggling. Like I gots two sides of me constantly pulling, you know? But I'm trying. I just want you to know that I'm trying."
I wrap my arms around him, feeling his sorrow. I don't care what he's done, that's never gonna change my opinion of him. I believe he's changed, and I'm not Carlisle; his words are enough truth for me.
So we sit for hours, hugging and kneeling until the tears are gone and the storm finally subsides.
...
"Is that why you're like that? 'Cause of them girls from Texas?"
I twirl another wildflower in my hand, careful not to rip the petals. It's a contradiction, this pretty flower above the ugly kitchen table.
Cadillac washes Mama's dishes left over from supper. He scrubs, like he's trying to make them spotless, but certain stains won't come off. Some filth is like that, it won't ever become clean.
He sighs, rising the plate and turning the water off.
"I reckon. I know that's not fair to you, but I feel like I gotta redeem myself, someway, somehow. And sex would complicate things. We ain't there yet, Dimples."
I glance up with wide eyes filled with hope. "Will we be there next week?"
Cadillac chuckles. "Why are you in such a rush to grow up, Dimples? Can't we just be?"
"I suppose."
I figure it's like this: Every time Mama gets mad, she leaves to hang out with Dirty Harry. When she comes back, she's always in a good mood. And every time I see Dirty Harry, he looks like the cat that done caught the canary. They must be happy, doing whatever it is that they do. But the one thing that Cadillac and I have is love. Mama and Harry don't have that, so I imagine sex with love must be even better.
But I don't explain that to Cadillac, 'cause he doesn't seem to understand my logic sometimes.
He puts the final spoon into the drawer and walks toward me.
"Thanks for cleaning up," I say.
"I had to. Your mama's right, you are messy." He teases me then kisses me on the forehead. "You ready for bed?"
"It's only 9:30," I answer, frowning.
"I know."
Cadillac winks at me, and just like that, my hormones are jumping. I scramble from my seat as he laughs, and I race him to my bedroom. I've already kicked off my shoes and leapt on the bed before he's even stepped foot in the door.
He struggles to take off his shoes, hopping on one foot. It's hilarious to see someone like Cadillac unable to do something, so I'm giggling the whole time.
He unbuttons his jeans, trying to remove clothes and walk simultaneously. I hear a clatter as Cadillac curses.
"Shit, my lighter!" He kneels to the floor, reaching a hand under the bed. When he still can't find it, he looks underneath for a better view.
I'm too slow. I try to push him away, but the damage is already done.
"What the hell is this, Dimples?"
Fuck.