A/N: Yes, I went there but let me make my case before you, the reader hit the Back button and stop reading altogether. I do ship this pairing but I don't reject others and there's space to explore. Two, I see this pairing as having an intense friendship where they could occasionally give in but sex's not the focus. Third, the assumption that desperation suddenly makes people gay is a fallacy, but what isn't is that it does bring out some issues that were pushed away to allow survival. That said and done, enjoy and let your mind fill in the blanks!

DISCLAIMER: all recognizable characters (c) VALVe

Chapter 12: Camera Diary Entry 006

[The camera comes back online and fully charged as it sits on the bedside table but Ellis is no longer the cheerful young man…he sits on his bed, hugging his knees and keeping his sobs to a minimum. Crimson tears flow out of his blue eyes, a unique and intended side-effect of the Legion Experiments. He wipes the drops away and stares at his red fingertips.]

I shoulda listened t' Nick an' Coach; don' go snoopin' around fer answers yew don' really want. I foun' out exactly wha' happened t' th' poor souls tha' had did this done befo' us…they got exterminated. Rochelle told me befo' th' Harrison job tha' she was hearin' someone rantin' below her real faint an' she was meanin' to look into it with McKinley. Doc told us tha' it was one o' her survivin' interns or som' other shit but Ro ain' stupid.

The night after we returned from our job an' got properly cleaned; me an' Baby Girl wen' downstairs to see wha' was up with 'em noises. Ro told the guard on duty she an' I were gonna handle th' shift o' som'thin' like tha'. Poor kid wasn't even 18 an' he looked tired as fuck so he jus' up an' left t' sleep. [The crying stopped and the mechanic sighed out.] After tha', it was jus' a matter o' findin' th' right room.

[Interference between the recordings show Rochelle and Ellis walking down the white halls of the CEDA labs. They then make a stop at Cell 4A and stay there, as if observing. The video feed switches back to the still sitting young man as he kicked his boots off.]

Th' poor man had been confined t' a tiny box o' a cell, walls all scribbled up in gibberish, with a measly plate o' rotten food. He clearly lost his fuckin' mind but…he didn' look Infected or like us. It was as if he were stuck in an inbetween sorta place. Kept talkin' 'bout th' execution squads in Baghdad an' Tehran, how many o' his friends had died o'er there while the United States went t' th' shitter with th' Infection. [A sudden shudder runs all over El's body at the next memory] But th' moment Rochelle tried t' reach out…the guy looked at us an', for th' love of e'erything tha's righ', he fuckin' smiled at us an' said, "Yer next." We bailed outta there like bats outta Hell an' told Coach an' Nick all 'bout it. I coul'n' read either o' their faces but… [There's a hitch in his breath,] I saw fear.

He got executed poin' blank at th' range, Cole makin' us stay or we'd get shocked six ways t' Sunday. Th' guy apparently got a moment o' rememberin' who he was and saluted back t' th' Sarge befo' getting' turned into Swiss cheese. That…broke us an' fer th' first time since th' experimen', Ro cried. But then we foun' out we'd ne'er be normal ag'in…McKinley fucked our bodies up so bad, we don' cry normal tears; we cry blood.

[A few silent tears slip out of Ellis' eyes but he catches them in time.]

I decided t' play 'round with th' vents, like tha' guy from Half-Life; jus' t' see how far it coul' get me. Honest t' God, I would've been a happy man if yesterday ne'er happened: buncha people gettin' shot up with th' same stuff as we did but not as strong…Holden was takin' notes an' kept markin' 'em as INFECTED, NO CHANGES: CARRIERS, then tellin' the soldiers t' put 'em away fer cleansin'. These were goddamn people, with families prolly waitin' fo' 'em som'where! But I coul'n' say nuthin'; tha' bitch enjoyed punishin' us. I bailed th' fuck outta those vents jus' in time fo' Cole t' tell us tha' we were due at th' range an' handed us th' guns. He hadta practically drag Coach with five men but I had this horrible feelin'…

We were s'pposed t' execute them ourselves; the previous guy was like a trainin' exercise. Even Nick tried t' fight his way outta doin' th' task on principle until Cole ordered all guns t' point at us. It was either us o' them but I read som'where we don' have a choice...jus' an illusion of havin' a choice. That happened o'er 25 hours ago an' I can still hear 'em...beggin' not t' shoot. I coul'n' open my eyes but I pulled th' trigger. [The silent tears become trails contouring his face.] No one 'xcept fer th' military an' CEDA left with a good taste in their mouths. I ain' ne'er seen shit this fucked in th' head an-

[Ellis stops speaking to acknowledge a new presence in the room. His head cocks as he wipes the tears away.] Nick, whatcha doing here? ["Don' take this personally, El," that's all the conman says before he makes his way into the room.] Yer jus' bein' a selfish asshole. ["Damn right." Nick's smile is worn and so is the rest of his body language. The mechanic isn't stupid and he sits up off screen. There's a light wet sound and a growl from Ellis, one uncertain but eager for something.] This ain' righ'...but I'mma burn in Hell an'ways. ["Ellis, we're already in Hell," Nick's voice sounds feral and wanting, "What's a fuck here or there?" A red sleeved hand comes into view as it grips El's thigh.] An' Rochelle?

[Nick's sneaking hand stops as he reacts in a whisper, "What about her? I want you better." The apparent culprit, denial of touch, is all gone. "Our little secret."] Like I wanna go 'round tellin' ev'ryone yer my fuck-buddy...though it's real temptin'. [Now it's Ellis' turn to be dominant and he pulls the older man onto him, locked by their lips and exploratory touches. Nick rolls his hips onto the mechanic's and his reaction is a sharp breath. "You moron," is the last thing the conman is seen saying until he unintentionally tosses his suit jacket over the camera, concealing the act. The sounds of quick breaths and groans as the shadows move in a rough harmony on the small bed.]

[Then Nick stops and says, "Lick these..." which Ellis obeys, new to this. The shadows then show him in both pain and pleasure as the conman's shadow melts into the mechanic's and the younger of the two is shouting in desperation. The double-back shadow now has a new variety of sounds and motions, El's arching off the bed and legs wrapping around Nick's waist.]

[It's all over when everything goes quiet and both Death and Conquest are left breathless. Nick's shadow rolls to the side, disappearing for the time being.] Not bad fer my first gay screw, huh? ["You could do worse," Nick's voice was muffled by the sheets but the smile was evident, "you almost broke my dick off." The conman then stands up from the bed and grabs his clothes, uncovering the camera and revealing a naked Ellis using his towel to wipe a small mess on his stomach.] Dontchu kiss yer whores after yer done?

[El says that with a Cheshire grin. "Not particularly but since you're genetically my pseudo-brother and staying this long in the South is making me into a redneck," Nick shrugs offscreen and gives the kid a long and languid kiss. "Our little secret, got it?"] Yeah, yeah now git befo' Cole's gonna have 'nother reason t' shoot us down. [Nick uttered something almost inaudible but the Southern caught it.] No problem, man.

[It's not until the room's door is closed that Ellis notices the camera's still on. His eyes widen and he breaks out in laughter.] Holy shit, Nick's gonna kill me... [The mechanic finally shuts the camera off for the rest of the night.]