Author notes: Behold! More Jayney goodness!
"You first applied for the post of Defence Against the Dark Arts am I correct?"
"Yes."
"And you were unsuccessful?" she said, candy dripping from her tongue.
"Obviously," He sneered.
She'd returned to his office. After hours of course. And she had repeated her earlier questions.
"I answered you this morning you daft cow." he thought, snidely.
But he just repeated himself. "Obviously." But this time, it was a snarl and Weasley wasn't there to scoff. Pity really, he could have used the boy as some therapy.
"You know Severus, I could make a few changes here and there, I am, after all, very busy with being Headmistress AND High Inquisitor. I think I'll need someone to teach Defence for me."
He raised his eyebrow and looked down at her. He found that he- despite loathing to admit it -agreed with the Boy Wonder. Umbridge did look like a toad. The pink ribbon on her head made him cringe.
"What would you have me do in return?" he asked, slightly curious.
"Just one thing. Accompany me to the Minister's Yule Ball."
His eyes went wide in a mix of shock and fear.
"You know, I've found Minerva- the poor dear, she hasn't quite been doing too well. I don't think she's exactly coping with the strains of it all, she's not as young as myself. Surely, teaching Transfiguration and Head of Gryffindor- I mean, with that Potter boy, he most certainly is a handful. As Headmistress and Deputy Headmaster, we would most undoubtedly make a formidable team. A team in school, a team in life…" she trailed off and sighed, a wistful look in her eyes.
He blinked a few times. He wanted the job but he wasn't so desperate as to date the woman. You might as well slap leather thong on him and call him a prostitute.
"I am sorry Headmistress, but I must regretfully refuse, I believe that without my watchful eye, Hogwarts School wouldn't have a dungeon. Especially while Longbottom still lives."
They ended the evening on amiable terms though and he bid her goodnight before retiring to his sitting room to burn away the memories with a large bottle of firewhiskey.