Almost done. Sorry if this chapter is kind of fluffy. But yeah As Always Reviews are Appreciated. So yup. =D

Also its taking a little longer to upload, I've had a full schedule lately.

Chapter 12: Doubts

In the morning Peeta isn't next to me, the fire is out; the bowls of fruit and vanilla frosting are gone. I'm covered in sheets and for a moment I'm scared that it was all a dream. But I know it happened, and it sets my soul alight.

"Peeta?" I say aloud. Fumbling through the room with the sheets wrapped tightly around my body.

There is no answer. Did he go somewhere? No, he would tell me if he did. I enter the kitchen but he's not there. Did he leave? Maybe this time he regretted it…wouldn't I deserve it?

"Peeta?" I say nearing a yell. Still no answer.

"The bedroom" I say aloud. I climb the stairs and as I open the door I hear the shower being turned off, and a few seconds later a flushed Peeta exits the bathroom naked and stumbling as he shakes the towel on his head to dry his hair. I clear my throat to catch his attention.

Instantly he pulls the towel off his head and places it on his shoulders. I'm not sure why but seeing him naked makes me blush. He laughs at the sight of my red face and places the towel around his waist. He walks to me kisses my forehead and says "Don't tell me you've lost your courage" in a playful tone.

I pull the towel and as it falls to the floor I press myself against him, dropping the sheets I had wrapped around me and hug his nude frame with mine. "Hey…" a smile is spread across my face. I press my face against his chest and take in his smell. "Why didn't you wake me up?"

"Sorry, I wanted to take a shower and you looked so beautiful and peaceful sleeping…I didn't want to bother you."

"You shouldn't say that so often, I might start believing you." He lifts me onto his arms and spins me gently "You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, you're perfect."

"You're in trouble" I say. He looks me with an amused look on his face and says "really why?"

My face instantly goes red, should I bring up my doubts? "Nevermind" I say smiling playfully trying to hide my initial expression. "What?" he says still laughing.

In my mind I tell him all. I thought you left this morning because you regretted what we did. That weird face I made last night was because I thought you seemed to know a lot about sex. Were you a virgin our first time? Who could you have possibly been with? Should that even matter? It's not like he had to be faithful to a fake relationship while I was off kissing Gale. Still if he had he shouldn't pretend to be so innocent with me…

"Nothing I was just trying to be charming…did it work?" he spins me once more and says "Well…charm has never been your strong suit" in a teasing tone before landing a soft kiss on my lips.

"Did you have a nice shower?" I say trying to quickly change the subject.

"So nice…in fact…" an impish look spreads on his face.

"Peeta?"

"Katniss?" he says mimicking my tone with and innocent face. He tightens his grip around me and slowly starts to walk towards the bathroom.

"Peeta? What are you doing?" I say curiously alert.

"Nothing!" he says, a wicked smile spreading across his face.

"Stop Peeta." I shrill while holding back laughter.

He inches closer and closer to the bathroom, slowly, until he enters the glass stall and turns on the shower. Chilly water hits us making me squeal in surprise.

I slap his chest with my hands as the water gradually warms, surrounding us in steam.

"You jerk!" I say laughing.

"I'm just helping you shower." He sets me down slowly and uses the soap to slowly lather my body, taking extra time to massage my breasts, arms, and thighs.

A soft moan escapes me and I let my head hang back lazily, resting it on his shoulders; he presses against me and kisses my neck, still massaging my soaking body.

"So this is what you call a shower?" I say with a breathy voice. He turns me around and passes two fingers gently between my legs, and with small circular motions arouses the sensitive skin.

"I'll call this anything you want." He whispers in my ears. The combination of the hot water, his breath on my ears and his fingers between my legs makes me feverish with pleasure.

I lean in for a kiss and say "If this is how you shower and please, wake me up every time." He smiles and presses his lips against mine, retracts his hands and pulls me into a deep hug. "Ok, I'm sorry I didn't wake you up. I'll make it up to you."

"Really…how do you plan to do that?" I ask with a raised eyebrow, fully knowing his answer.

"Well…" he lingers on the words as he traces lines on my stomach, his fingers dancing lower and lower on my body. He stops just bellow my bellybutton and says "I'll make you a great breakfast" before quickly slipping out of the shower.

As he closes the door of the stall I say "don't tell me you're still trying to get payback? I thought I won that fight?" He opens the stalls and peaks his head in, "Really I thought it was more of a stalemate…" he bites his lips softly before continuing, "That is if I remember correctly."

I laugh and say "oh? So you're just being a tease?"

He shakes his head in disapproval. "Me? No. But I have to stay practiced don't you agree?" He smirks slyly and escapes from the bathroom.

His words linger longer than they should, and that thought returns to me. Practiced? I think to myself. Does that mean that he HAS practiced? How would he know all he does? Last night...

Images of a sweating Peeta falling back on the floor, his chest rising and falling quickly as he laughs and licks his lips sloppy flash in my head, sending small pangs of pleasure through my legs; has he done something like that before? With who? When? Hasn't he been in love with me since he was a child?

"Shut up Katniss!" I say to myself, allowing the water to wash the thoughts from my mind.

Even if he had, it's not like he's doing it now, so I have no right to judge him. Besides Peeta wouldn't lie to me, especially about something like that.

Then again it's not like if I'd brought it up, and he has no obligation to bring it up either. He was popular in school, he was the son of a merchant, and maybe he used that to his advantage, to help him get over me. I think he's told me that he's had girlfriends before.

The maelstrom of worries in my head quickly changes my mood, the butterflies are replaced by acid, and my feelings twist to something else. Jealousy? Over his past encounters? Why wouldn't he tell me? Why isn't he telling me? Does he think I'm irrational? Or maybe that I'm too unstable to handle the knowledge!

"Hmph!" I sound to myself, determined to confront him about his lack to communication.

I close the tap and storm out of the shower, drying myself hastily, gaining momentum. I dress myself quickly, braid my hair as quickly as possible. Storm down the stairs. Reach the kitchen, he's serving breakfast already.

I enter the kitchen with a determined stride, sit on the table, and stare intently at the back of his head, ready to let him know that I'm on to him, to accuse him of thinking me weak. After all, how dare he! I am strong and rational if anything.

When he turns around to set the plates of food on the kitchen Island, he sees me, his first instinct is to smile warmly.

"Hey…did you have a nice shower?"

My face burns red hot. Damn! I think to myself. Why did I suddenly believe that I would have the words to say.

"Katniss?" he says, raising a quizzical eyebrow. "Are you ok."

"Fine!" I say, shakily from frustration.

Breakfast is awkward, I stare at him eat, thinking how I will bring about my questions, without sounding like an insane woman. Occasionally his eyes meet mine, and I see confusion reflect on them. Awkward and silent.

When we finish he offers to clean up and I retreat to the living room, I don't have to hunt today because of the extra game I caught. But part of me considers going out anyway.

"Hey, with all the extra game you caught yesterday, you won't need to go out today." Says Peeta, his voice laced with mischief, "What should we do with the extra time."

I should ignore the voices in my head go to bed with this man and finish what we started this morning in the shower. Instead I say "I was thinking of going out to the woods anyway…to set some snares or something."

His face immediately changes; he doesn't seem to buy my excuse. "Oh" he says with an edge of rejection "Yeah, yeah sure. If you want, that's fine."

"Yeah, I won't take long." Guilt instantly pooling inside me.

I get my gear and reluctantly go. The woods offer little comfort. I sit in my old meeting spot and think. Why am I acting like this? I go over the details in my head, the irrational issues that I've created on my own. Why am I doing this? It takes a couple of hours before I decide to return, and when I do I find Peeta, nervously cooped in the study, struggling to get the lines of my eyes down on paper.

I knock on the door and he attempts to hide the paper for some reason, but when he realizes that I already saw it, frustrations and all he smiles weakly.

"I was trying to draw you but I couldn't get your eyes right…that hasn't happened to me before, not being able to draw YOU I mean." He stares at the paper for a moment before speaking again. "How were the woods?" A strange question that makes me think he's misunderstanding me once again.

"Fine, what do you mean?"

"Nothing." He answers quickly.

I know I should apologize, for rejecting him, for not explaining the situation, because it's not his fault. But I know if I do that means that I've done something wrong, and I don't think I have. Still guilt plagues me.

The silence between us is suffocating, but I don't know what to say. Finally Peeta crumbles the paper and looks me straight in the eye. "What's going on Katniss? You didn't go to the woods to set up snares and I don't know what I've done wrong. Just – tell me. Please."

My face goes red once more; I don't want to talk about this.

"Katniss!" He says firmly. When no answer comes, he throws the crumbled paper in the trash and begins to storm out of the study.

"Did–" the words stick to my tongue. "Was I your first? Don't lie." I can feel my face burning.

"What?" he says with a tone of humor in his voice.

"You heard me, answer me." I stand my ground, stubbornly. "Well?"

A grin is painted on his face now. I feel like I should slap it off his face.

"Is that why you're mad at me?" He says struggling to hold back laughter.

"Don't laugh at me" I say aggravated.

He gets close to me still laughing. I feel the heat dissipate from my face and travel to my hands. The closer he gets, smirk on his face, the angrier I get. He stands squarely in front of me cornering me against the desk. Instincts take over and before I realize my hand has planted squarely on his cheek. His face registers shock, then anger. His eyes glazed.

He most forward suddenly nearly pinning me against the desk. "What the hell is your problem?" He yells firmly. I slam my fists against his chest as hard as I can but he doesn't move. "Tell me! When are you going to wake up and not be completely different from the day before? Is it me? Is that the problem?" I want to yell at him, tell him I know his past, know about his encounters.

He stares at me, frustration in his eyes, "you're such a frustrating person!" I'm about to yell at him when he presses his lips furiously against mine. His forcefulness is shocking, but I welcome his touch all the same, even angry.

"Answer my question." I say catching my breath.

"Why are you asking that Katniss? Why would it even matter?" he says, his voice now more annoyed than frustrated.

Embarrassment takes me over. "I—I just need to know."

He looks away and says "What do you think?" He breathes out slowly; "Who would even want me?" his eyes grow sad as he grips his prosthetic leg, more damage that even capitol technology couldn't completely heal.

Instantly I know I've done him wrong. There are so many subjects that we can't speak to each other about, but it's impossible to coexist without addressing them. The strength seems drained from his body, and he slouches slightly as he creates a small distance between us, struggling not to look me in the eyes.

There is a small pause, awkward and stagnant. And I realize that if I don't do something about it now, this meaningless pause will grow into something much more menacing.

I wrap my arms tightly around his waist and bury my face in his chest. "I do." I say softly.

He doesn't respond.

"I do Peeta, I do. Don't say that." I look up to his face and I see small tears, pooling in the corners of his eyes, threatening to spill over.

"Don't, Please don't cry, I'm sorry. Forget it ok, I was just being stupid." I say frantically, I can't bear to see him hurt because of me again.

He looks away and wipes his tears away. "Katniss…" he says barely audibly, "…was I…did you and Ga—" he stops abruptly.

I can't stop the astonishment that registers on my face. "No! Never! Peeta!" As I say this I see relief wash over his face, though he tries to hide it from me.

Has this been on his mind before?

"You're the only b—man I've ever had—made love to. Why would you even think that?" I feel my mouth stumble on every word, and part of me can't believe that I should even have to say it. I feel my throat becoming heavy but I decide to continue. "You told me that you've had other girlfriends before…" I can feel his eyes locked on the top of my head as I look down at his chest. "How do you know so much? About that…" I say, my voice becoming weaker and weaker with every word. My face burns hot, and I can't look at him.

In response he places his finger under my chin and tilts my head up planting a soft kiss on my lips. "Thank you! I'm sorry I even thought that it's just…how you make me feel, I know I'm not the only one that you've made feel that way…I'm sorry ok, let's make dinner." He kisses me on the forehead and grabs my hand, leading out of the study.

I'm relieved the moment is over, that we can go back to normal, but a persistent thought nags at me from the back of my mind. He didn't answer my question!

As we prepare dinner, the game bird from the previous day, I can't help but wonder why he didn't want to answer, he did imply that he hadn't…didn't he? He said no one would want him. Did he mean because of his leg? What about before that, before the games, or after I told him that it was all a charade for our survival?

As he cooks I shoot suspicious glares at him, carefully timed so he doesn't realize what I am doing. He eats with hunger; no doubt he hasn't eaten anything since I left this morning. Neither have I but I don't have much of an appetite right now. There is no exchange between us.

After dinner he offers to clean the dishes and pots and as punishment for withholding information from me I make no effort to help him. I go to the living room and sit on the couch in front of the fireplace. Summer is coming, I think to myself.

It's all but half an hour before Peeta joins me on the couch. His hands pruned from cleaning. "Katniss is there something else on your mind?" he asks with a worried look.

I don't want to answer, I don't want to seem petty or insecure, I shouldn't even have a doubt about how much he loves me. I don't, but I want to know. "You didn't really answer my question before, about how became so 'practiced'." I tell him, making sure to emphasize the last word, so he remembers what he told me this morning.

His face becomes red.

"Peeta?" I say accusingly.

"Katniss, I haven't been with anyone else, ever. You are the only one that I have ever been with, and the only one that I will ever want." He tells me nervously.

"Are you lying to me?" I say, taking in his reddened complexion and nervous tone.

"No, no why would I ever lie to you. I never have, especially about something like this." He assures me confidently, which shift my suspicion to curiosity.

"Then why won't you answer my question." I say with a quizzical expression.

"It's personal…"

"Personal?" I say slightly aggravated. "After everything we've been through, everything we've done?" It's a cheap shot, especially since there are topics that he would never ask me precisely for the same reason, but I want to know.

He lets out a deep sigh and says "Katniss…"

"Fine!" I say annoyed, and for the rest of the afternoon I decide to act cold towards him. I don't even say anything when I decide to go to bed. Even when I reach the room and realize that he hasn't followed me.

I close the door and change out of my daytime clothes, dropping my hunting boots, pants, and jacket sloppily on the floor. I remove my bra so that I'm only in my underwear, and take one of Peeta's large t shirts.

I lie in bed cold and alone. Even when he's in the house with me I feel unsafe and insecure when he doesn't have his arms wrapped tightly around me. An hour later I am at my breaking point, physically needing Peeta to caress me, to make me feel complete, and that's when I hear his loud footsteps on the stairway. He opens the door slowly, and tries to step lightly on the floor. I hear him, kicking his shoes off, and the rustling of his shirt and pants as they fall to the floor.

He slides into bed slowly and curls his body behind mine.

"Do you really need to know Katniss? I'll tell you, I'll tell you anything you want to know about me. Please don't be mad at me, Ok?" His voice sounds defeated.

I turn around quickly to face him. Appalled at how much my treatment has affected him.

"No Peeta you don't have to. I'm sorry I didn't mean this to get so out of hand, you just—I'm a stubborn person ok. But you don't need to tell me if you don't want to."

He smiles at me and kisses my nose. "The reason it was personal is because…I didn't want to seem…" he pauses to swallow, "I didn't you to know how much I wanted you…"

I don't really understand his meaning, and it apparently showed because he takes in a deep breath and continues; his reddened face barely visible in the dim light of the room. "Even before the games, you know I loved you." I nod. "Even before that, I've imagined you completely. I use to…THINK about what I would do to you if I could. How I would touch you, I dreamed about kissing every single inch of your body." My face reddens as his words pick up momentum. "After we were reaped…being in a room so close to you. Unable to tell you how I felt or touch you. I couldn't deal with it, In my mind I have made love to you a thousand times, I have wanted to do so many things to you for so long. Every time I get the chance, I will do anything to make you feel the way you make me feel." The determination in his voice is betrayed by the redness spread across his cheeks.

I kiss him on the lips and whisper in his ear "When you first started sleeping here, I wanted you so badly." The heat from his cheeks spreads to mine. "I didn't want to push you until you were ready so I would touch myself in the bathroom and fantasize they were your hands." I feel my face, burning along with his. All doubts wiped from my mind, and hopefully from his.