CHAPTER 12

Wow. Church.

I never thought I would say this, since I moved here but I actually enjoyed going to church today. Fist we followed the sermon with everyone, then it was time to separate to your own little group.

The sermon wasn't lame. Not boring like it was in my old church, and the message was pretty powerful. Kinda like cold water waking you up in the morning you know?

I was like brain washed. I learned about what God had done for us. The sacrifice that Jesus did for us on the cross. Now you may be thinking, well you didn't know this before?? But I think that's what makes the beauty of the whole situation! I had heard about that before, it's has just synced in thought!

And my thoughts of God leaving us in the pits was totally crud because that was really selfish of me. It's like I totally forgot all of the time he did take care of me.

I had food on the table everyday whether for breakfast or dinner, I've been attending great schools, having been gifted with intelligence, I've had a house, vacations, happiness…and like suddenly when all things look like they are going wrong, I just forget about the greater things. I was wrong. God didn't bail on me! I did!

We also learned about forgiveness in youth group. It was lead by this senior year kid from West High called Zachariah. But everyone calls him Zach. Actually most of the kids there are from West. It's weird seating there with rival school kids. But they all seemed passed this hating thing. They all seemed so loving and on fire for God along with the twins that I just felt like a non-fitter, no matter how hard they welcomed me into the group.

Some of my questions were still un-answered, but I pretty much think that the answers would unravel themselves over time.

So yeah, we talked about forgiveness among ourselves and God.

Now I pretty much think that God would NEVER EVER forgive me. I'm SO not worthy of such grace! I mean, I'm pretty sure that I violated all the ten commandments.

I lied, stole, envied, told the name of God without respect, cheated. And worst of all, really that one thing that I just cannot erase and would totally understand if God didn't forgive me for that ONE thing was the fact that I had sex outside of marriage.

Seriously, that is like the cherry on the ice-cream, the one thing that makes the bucket overflow. And so, during the time that the teens were asking questions about all of that, I shyly rose my hand and asked

"Does God forgive EVERY sin? Like even if you murder, or steal or commit adultery or become pregnant outside marriage etc, does He STILL forgive??"

The kids looked at me a slip second, understanding somewhat my question and turned back to Zach, waiting for him to respond. He nodded and said with a small smile and a thoughtful look:

"That's how amazing and great His love is. Like 1 Corinthians 13 says: Love does not keep record of wrongs. You might have done one of the worst things in this whole wide world; He would still forgive you if you asked for it with a true heart. God is the perfect description of 's why he sent Jesus. He sent him so that You, me all of us could be saved, for us to live eternally"

I nodded, still not convinced but when the girls dropped me off at home when they went back to their house , I was like overwhelmed by this great feeling of peace. I didn't understand it at first and I couldn't help to wonder what it was, and so I went for a jog. I changed into my running clothes and just started running. It's one of the things that helped me think better.

While I was running back, I felt a car driving next to me and when I looked over, I saw Troy beaming out of the window of his car, I didn't stop but I smiled too.

I think he realized that I was out of water because he threw his un-drank bottle of water at me through his open window. I was going to protest but he insisted and I was reminded of something that Zack had said:

"It's unreasonable and pretty selfish to not forgive someone that has done you wrong when God forgives all of your sins."

And so I surprise myself, when I accepted it and just felt like forgiving him, but it would take time. Maybe God could help at that.

But I still wasn't at peace with God. I still needed to ask for forgiveness even if I was pretty sure I was forgiven. That would explain the feeling of peace and just liberty that I felt. I was like I was lifted up a big weight.

And so, when I got home, after taking my shower and changing into some comfortable clothes, I knelt down in front of my bed and did a small prayer.

"Dear God, I don't know if You are listening right now, but I was just wondering is it possible that You do forgive somebody as unworthy of such grace as I am? Because I want to believe so. I want to know that at least somewhere; someone cares and actually loves me…loves me unconditionally just like I learned today. I can't move on without your forgiveness, which I beg for right now. I just can't do it alone anymore. I don't know what I was thinking when I thought I did. Stay by my side Lord. I'm sorry about everything. But would you take care of my baby with me?

Amen"

I know, I know, it's still short, but it was pretty revealing huh? Anyways, it also shows that side of Gabriella that you haven't seen before. I hope you enjoyed it. I did a little

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God Bless!

Prettykouka!