This Life I Live: A One Direction Fanfic (Chapter #12)
Evie's POV:
"I uh…left my…uh…passport at um… security.." I turned away from Liam, bored. Finally, it looked like we were going to be able to take off.
"Nervous, babe?" Louis asked. I wanted to roll my eyes at him. I didn't get nervous about flying on planes, he should know that. A real boyfriend would know that. I shook my head but Louis ignored me and continued rubbing circles into my hand, which he insisted on holding at all times, especially when Harry was around. Which he was, since he was coming with us, obviously. Harry was sitting only a few feet away, actually. his head was down and he was focused entirely on his phone.
I felt guilty. For the past few days Louis had insisted that he and I spend every single second together and he was starting to really get on my nerves. It wasn't even that he didn't know me very well: it was that he didn't know me at all! But more importantly, spending all my time with Lou had meant that I hadn't had any time to chat with Harry. Which might or might not be a good thins.
"I can't wait to get to Sydney! We'll go out for a romantic dinner, and then check out the city..." Louis said wistfully, stroking my cheek. I looked over at Harry. He hadn't even looked up from his phone. More proof that he didn't give a crap about whether I was with Lou or not.
"Yeah," I muttered with a sigh. Thankfully, after only a half an hour, Louis fell asleep. I stared at him as he slept. He was wearing a navy v-neck, navy pants, a gray beanie, and converse. Stupid outfit, I thought to myself. Too much navy, and it's not even that cold, whats he doing wearing a beanie? Everything Louis was doing nowadays seemed to annoy me.
I decided that I needed to talk to Cara. Maybe she at least could help me figure out this whole mess. I mean, did I like Harry? Like, as more than the annoying band mate of my boyfriend?
I sent her a text message saying: Hi babe! I miss you already! I'm super excited 4 Aussie, but I need ur help! Things have been super werid w/ Harry lately. He walked me home 3 nights ago, and now idk, I've been thinking about him a lot? Like, more than Louis?
I waited for Evie to reply, until I realized I didn't have any service, since we were on a plane. Well, duh. I'd been up half the night stressing about this trip, and it looked like I was finally starting to crack.
Zayn was listening to his ipod in a corner. He always seemed super moody lately. Probably because of Cara. Half the time I want to go over to him and shake him and be like: "Can't you see it? The way she looks at you isn't the same as the way she looks at any other guy!"
Liam was sitting as far away from Niall and Zayn as was possible. He was beside Harry, ranting nervously about how much he hated plane food. He seemed really nervous, which was weird. Out of all of the boys, Liam was the only one who was consistently mature and in control.
"Paul? Where's the loo?" Harry asked, cutting Liam off.
Paul gestured towards an opaque screen which divided the front half of the plane from the back. "Back there," he mumbled, staring down at his laptop.
"be right back," Harry said to no one in particular, getting up and striding towards the back section. Liam gave me a "did I do something wrong look?" and I just shook my head.
I stared down at Louis who was still sleeping peacefully. I ground my teeth in frustration. Finally, I made up my mind and followed Harry through the screen. Besides Liam, no one had even looked up. Niall was still engrossed in writing his lyrics, and Zayn was still sulking with his ipod. Paul was swearing under his breath and typing furiously.
I pushed the door shut behind me with my hip. Just as I suspected, Harry wasn't using the loo at all. He was just sitting in an empty chair, by the window.
"Hey," I murmured, sitting down in the chair facing him.
"Oh great, it's you," he grumbled.
"Oh don't be like this?"
"Like what?"
"Like a little bitch, Harry! I know I didn't chat you, but come on, you have girls everywhere who'd marry you in a heartbeat!"
Harry sighed. "That's true. All the girls do want me." Just like that, my heart sunk. Why did I ever want to talk to him in the first place? he didn't feel a single thing for me!
"Oh my god, Styles, you have to get in touch with reality! Not all girls want you! In fact, you're talking to one who doesn't!"
Harry just smirked at me. "Admit it. You'd love to date me!" I shook my head. "Not even," I said. My hand went instinctively to my phone, where my latest message to Cara was stored. Harry caught my eye.
"What's on your phone? Dirty sexts to Lou-Bear? Eh?" He wiggled his eyebrows devilishly and reached for the phone. I blushed deeply and moved away from him. "Not even," I scoffed, stuffing the phone into the back pocket of my phone.
"So how are things with Lou-Bear then?" Harry asked casually, making a face like he'd just witnessed me vomit multiple times. We were both standing now, and I was shaking with nerves, while Harry was leaning against the wall of the plane.
"There fine, thanks for asking," I replied, crossing my arms over my chest. Harry came towards me and took me by the shoulders. "I think you could do a lot better, love," he said, staring deep into my eyes. He wasn't that much taller than me, and his thick curls brushed my forehead. A wave of his cologne washed over me and I made a little choking sound in the back of my throat.
"Wha-what?"
Harry moved his hands down my torso till they were resting on my hip bones. "I mean, Louis a good guy, but Evs, I'm not sure he's the one for you.." Harry said. While I tried to make sense of his words he worked his left hand to my back and lower to my butt.
Before I realized what he was doing, he had grabbed my phone and was stepping away from me, scrolling through my phone. "Harry that's private property! Give that back right now!" I hissed, my eyes flashing dangerously. I prayed that he wouldn't notice the message that mentioned him.
"Private you said? I knew I was right about those slutty sexts!" Harry said, laughing, holding the phone above my head. I retained what little dignity I had and crossed my arms defiantly.
"Fine, there's nothing to see anyways!" I said. Maybe he would just give up? But then again this was Harry, the most annoying person on the planet, and "giving up" wasn't really his style.
"Oh my god.." Harry stood stock still and stared at the phone screen. He saw it. He knows.
"Evie? What the fuck?" He held up the message giving me the strangest look I had ever seen. His eyes were blazing and his breathing was strained.
"it's nothing," I mumbled, looking down at the floor and playing with hair. My blush gave me away.
"Look, Evie, there's a reason I didn't take you to the spring formal, okay?" I sucked in all my breath and prayed I wouldn't break down and cry in front of Harry right then and there.
With his words still hanging in the air like some kind of poison, Harry slammed my phone to the ground and pushed past me through the doors.
I got to my knees and picked up my phone with shaking hands. Tears were slipping down my nose and onto the floor but for once I didn't care about making a mess. My phone was cracked in three places from where Harry had thrown it down. I held in my cries and sobbed silently.
What had I been thinking? Harry was still the same asshole as always. We chatted once, and he walked me home, but that was just him being his usual player self. He was right: nothing had changed since middle school- he still didn't want me.
I walked to the bathroom and washed my smeared makeup from my face. At least my eyes didn't look to red. I zipped up my jacket, shoved my mangled phone into my pocket. Evie, it doesn't even matter, you have Louis.
With that message echoing in my ears, I walked back out to the front part of the plane. Everyone else was asleep. I settled myself in my previous seat beside Louis. I was still facing Harry, and asleep he looked stunning. A fresh wave of anger and hatred rushed over me and without thinking, I kicked his shin. Hard. His eyes flew open and I flipped him the bird. With a last smirk in his direction, I closed my eyes and settled myself against the warmth of Louis body.
*Liam's POV*
"We're in Australia mates! We're in the land down under!" Louis exclaimed, jumping up and down on his seat with excitement We'd just touched down a minute ago, and the captain had just turned off the 'fasten seat belt' sign. Niall joined Louis in his chanting and jumping. I rolled my eyes at him. How did that joker Niall end up with Cara? There really must be a God if miracles like that can happen, I reflected.
We got off the plain and I did my best to avoid Niall, which wasn't easy since we all had to get out luggage together, and we all ended up being crammed into the same car on the way to the hotel.
The hotel was nice. Or at least, the lobby, where we were standing right now, was nice. All six of us had spread out on the plush green couches while Paul argued with the people at the front desk.
A minute later, Paul strode over to us. "Lads, I'm afraid we have a bit of a problem. We were supposed to have three rooms, with two beds each, but they overbooked and now we have two rooms, with two beds each!"
"Oh for fucks sake! No! Paul, didn't you tell them we're ONE DIRECTION?" Zayn exploded.
"Woah, mate, chill out. We can all share, can't we?" Louis asked.
"I'm with Zayn- I'm not sharing with Niall!" I put in.
Zayn turned on me, his eyes ablaze. "Well I'm not sharing with YOU either, you girl-stealing man-slut!"
"What do you mean you won't share with me? Is it because I'm Irish?" Niall butted in. Zayn and I turned on him simultaneously. "You're dating our girl," we both said in unison. Crap. Both of us looked away in embarrassment, fuming.
"Cara? Cara is my girlfriend, and if you think otherwise, we might have to take this outside!" Niall roared, slamming his phone down on the table and standing up. All five of us stood up automatically.
"Or we could just do it right here!" Zayn exploded, ripping off his jacket. "I'm down with that!" I agreed. Before I even knew what I was doing I was punching Niall in the jaw. He crumpled to the floor and Zayn turned on me.
"You completely took advantage of her! She was vulnerable!" He raged. I was so focused on his accusations that I didn't even see his fist come at me. I felt myself get knocked back and I landed hard on the coffee table with a thud. All my blood rushed to my head and a new feeling of urgency rushed over me. Oh that was it. I jumped back up and started punching Zayn with everything I had, throwing every bad word I knew in his general direction.
After a few seconds of this, I felt a pair of hands pull me off him.
"Boys, outside, now," Paul hissed. We followed to the back entrance of the hotel and the second we were alone, he turned on us.
"Lads, THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE. YOU ARE TEENAGE BOYS, NOT ANIMALS. And more importantly, until a few weeks ago, you were best friends," Paul added softly. "Now, I don't know what's going on with this Cara girl, but she's not here, and I don't want any more of this bullshit. You are here to work, is that clear? If there's a single other fight, we're getting back on that plane. Do you understand me"
All of us nodded and looked down at our feet. Paul rarely got mad, and when he did it was always serious. We used to joke that when Paul got mad, he turned into a football coach from hell- always had to address us by our last names.
"Ok, now that that's been dealt with. Room Assignments. Louis, you're with Malik and Horan. Make sure they're not at each others throats, Tomlinson."
"Sir yes sir," Louis said, saluting him. Everyone let out a tense laugh.
"Evie, you're with Payne and Styles. Separate beds, of course!" he said hurriedly, shooting an apologetic look at Louis.
"Well, now that that's been taking care of, let's get unpacked!"
Evie's POV:
I followed Liam into the elevator silently. Louis had already gone up to the room with Niall and Zayn. He hadn't time to say anythign to me about the fact that I was sharing a room with Harry, since Zayn and Niall had started fighting the second Paul left to arrange the concert schedule.
The ride to the seventeenth flour was deadly silent. I followed the boys numbly to the room. Liam swiped our room card, the green light lit up, and we pushed into the room.
"I'm exhausted, mates," Liam announced, stretching diagonally across the first bed in the room. He did look beyond tired. There were bags under his eyes and there were bruises already starting to form on his arms. I went to the closet and began to put away the clothes I had brought. I did the same for Liam's clothes since Liam had fallen asleep practically the second his his head hit the pillow. I guess that's what getting into fights over girls does to you, I thought to myself with a chuckle. Not that I would know. Nobody would ever fight over me. Not even Harry and Louis.
I reached for Harry's bag to put away his clothes without thinking about it.
"Would you mind getting your hands off my stuff?" Harry growled, ripping his bag from my hands.
"Sorry," I muttered, jumping away. I went to sit over by the window as Harry unpacked. It was stormy outside, and raining hard. For once, the weather matched my mood. For a brieft second, I looked over at Harry. He was still wearing what he had been wearing earlier: dark jeans, sneakers, a gray blazer, and a light blue t-shirt. I sighed. Even after an insane plane ride, he looked nice. Well, that's annoying.
I dug my phone out of my bag and noticed I had a new message from my mom. My heart sunk immediately. I guess I should explain a little about that. You see, my parent's have always kind of ignored me. Even as a child, nothing I did was ever good enough for them. For a while I tried to impress them constantly. Perfect grades, perfect attitude, perfect extracurriculars. Loving. Kind. All that jazz. But it didn't make any difference. By the time I hit secondary school I knew better than to run after them like some kind of pathetic puppy. It was no different now: everyday they ignored me, and when they did talk to me, it was simply to point out my flaws.
The text message was just what I'd been expecting:
Just got your report card. Maybe you want to TRY a little next quarter? At least we know you'll be too busy studying to go out with those "friends" of yours - but who am I kidding? They'll probably be happy to get rid of you!
I sucked in all of my breath and gulped trying not to cry. You can't cry in front of Harry, that'll only make it worse, I reasoned in my head.
The sky outside was almost completely pitch-black, and when I looked at my watch, I realized it was almost ten o clock. I was exhausted, so I went to the bathroom to get changed. I stared down at my pajamas miserably. Since I thought I'd be sleeping in a room with Louis, I'd only brought a nightie. A black silk nightie. From Victoria's Secret. CRAP. I was going to look like some kind of slut in front of the boys and I was going to freeze my ass off while doing it.
I had no choice, though, so I put it on. I steeled myself by taking a big breath. I walked out.
Liam was still asleep, so at least he didn't see me in my slut-gear. Harry was nowhere in sight, so I dived for the comforter of the remaning bed.
"What are you doing?" Harry growled through clenched teeth, stepping out of the closet.
"Going to bed what does it look like?" I replied tersely. I so wasn't in the modd for Harry Styles right now. "Could you like go die, k thanks bye," I said, shutting my eyes and flopping down on the bed. I felt the covers being ripped off and I shrieked and flipped my eyes open.
"That wasn't funny, Styles!" I grunted, sitting up and smacking his chest. His bare chest, I realized a second too late. "And could you put on some clothes?" You're making me lose my appetite!"
"You're one to be talking about clothing!" Harry shot back, grabbing the hem of my nightie and yanking me to him, so close that our noses were pressed against each other. My breath hitched. I couldn't help but notice that his hand was still gripping my leg where my nightie ended. I tried not to shiver.
"Out of the bed, Evs. You're bunking with Liam," he said forcefully. I jumped away from him and shook my head. "Yeah, right, buddy. How about you share with him?"
Harry let out a low chuckle. "Stop being such a pain in the ass. Just get in the other bed!"
"Look, I was here first. But if you ask nicely I just might, might let you sleep here too. As long as you keep five feet away from me at all times," I added, tacking that last sentence on the end for good measure. Not that Harry would try anything...he'd made that pretty fucking clear. But still.
"God, you're such a girl. Fine. Can I please, pretty please, with a nice red condom on top sleep in this bed tonight?" Harry asked. His voice was so sarcastic, I turned on my side so he wouldn't be able to see how hard I was laughing.
"Yes, I suppose so," I said, trying to suppress my chuckles. I felt the weight of Harry's body through the mattress as he got into the bed and turned the light off.
"Night, Styles," I added grudgingly. "And when I said five feet, I meant it!"
"Night, Evs," he replied. "And five feet won't be a problem. Unlike those cheesy teen romances you probrably like to read, not every boy you think you "might like" is going to like you back." I groaned internally at Harry quoting the text message I'd tried to send to Cara. His voice was so harsh I couldn't help but cringe.
"Oh and by the way, I hope you don't mind that I turned the heat down to the lowest setting possible!" Harry added in a sugary sweet voice. I sat straight up. I was already freezing now in my nightie and who knew how much colder it was going to get now that Harry'd turned the heat down? For the millionth time I wished I had thought to pack a sweater in my suitcase, but I'd run out of room and had Louis pack them in his. Now they were all the way in his room, and I couldn't get them till tomorrow.
I shivered all over.
"That won't be a problem, now will it love?" Harry continued in his sickly-sweet voice. I sucked in my breath. He's just trying to annoy you, Evie. Let it go. Be strong. You got this.
"Not at all, love," I replied, mimicing his sugary tone and gritting my teeth.
It took me forever to fall asleep since I could barely go two seconds without shivering.
I woke up three hours later, my teeth chattering. My entire body felt like an ice cube. I couldn't feel my fingers or toes, and when I took a breath, a fairy-print of my respiration formed in the air.
"Harry," I hissed. He didn't respond. I picked up my pillow and whacked him with it. That ought to do the trick.
"Oi, what?" he groaned grogily.
"How do you turn up the heat?"
"Oh you use the remote, love," Harry responded with a grin. "Can't believe you woke me up for that!" he continued, laying his head back down. I shook him, trying to ignore the warmth of his bare skin. How did he stay warm asleep in sub arctic conditions? Maybe he was some kind of genetically-modified super man...
"What now?" Harry asked opening one eye and flipping over to face me.
"Where's the damn remote, Styles?"
Harry broke into another childish grin. "Oh I don't think you want to know..." I growled in frustation and without even thinking, I rolled over to Harry and straddled him, pinning his arms to his sides. "Where's the remote, Styles?" I spat.
Harry flashed an evil grin at me and snapped the elastic of his boxers. Christ! He put the remote in his boxers? The one place I couldn't get at it... That was just pure evil. But this was Harry Styles we were talking about. Where else would he have put it?
I rolled off of him and sighed in defeat. I tried my best to fall back into a fitfull sleep.
I woke up about an hour later coughing. Every limb in my body felt frozen, like I was some kind of ice-sculpture. Harry flicked on the light and got up wordlessly. I watched as he pulled out the remote and shoved the heat to the highest setting. I sighed in pleasure as the heating vents creaked into life. Warmth, my old friend, how I missed you!
Harry came back to the bed and handed me a wooly object. I stared at it uncomprehendingly. "It's my jumper," he said, softly. I looked up at Harry uncomprehendingly. Harry shook his head the way he would with a slow child.
"Here, you put it on like this," he said, tugging it gently over my head and sliding my arms through it. I stared at Harry's hands interlaced with my fingers. He quickly dropped his hands and moved back to his side of the bed.
"Thanks," I murmured, as Harry turned off the light once more.
"No problem," Harry muttered. I curled into a little ball and breathed in the scent of him, which clung to the sweater. For some reason, the scent seemed to lull me to sleep.
The next morning, I felt a hand slap my butt. It's an easy target, since I always sleep on my stomach. "Ow," I groaned, flipping over and rubbing my butt. It was Harry, of course.
"Rise and shine, love," he said, wiggling his eyes at me. He seemed to have completely to have forgotten the horrible things he said to me yesterday on the plane and then later here. Whatever. He was so bipolar it was kind of freaking me out.
"You hate me, remember?" I ask, trying to get my head straight. Harry shook his head. He was still shirtless, but this time, instead of Pajama bottoms, he had on jeans, a belt, and a pair of Vans. His briefs rose up higher than his jeans and I sighed. Today was going to be a long day.
"I don't hate you," Harry said softly, setting down his pop tart and playing with a bowl of peanuts on the table beside him. He sat down on the table and I waited for him to say something more but he didn't. Be that way.
I walked to the bathroom and changed into a more modest outfit. Jeans and a grey v-neck. I tugged on socks and a pair of Supergas. It sounded ridiculous, but I hated taking off Harry's jumper. I stared at myself in the mirror and groaned. I looked like microwaved shit but I was too lazy to put on any makeup, so I just left. At least this way Harry might see how crappy I looked and feel guilty for turning down the heat!
My phone buzzed in my pocket. It was Louis:
I missed you last night! We are all going to breakfast at the hotel. Come soon :)
Oh great. I was starving. "Put on a shirt, Styles! Everyone else is already at breakfast!"I handed him back his jumper and he looked down at it awkwardly, most likely remembering last night.
Harry grabbed it and tugged it on, smiling in my direction. This was such a weird side of him, I was so confused. It didn't seem like Harry could make up his mind about whether or not he hated him. Well, its not like I had a clue how I felt for him.
"Where's Liam?" I asked, turning to the other bed. "Already left," Harry said, nibbling on a pop tart.
"We're going for breakfast, you know," I said haughtily, poking him in the stomach.
"Are you calling me fat?" Harry joked grabbing our room key.
"Not fat, big boned," I replied, closing the door behind us as we stepped out into the hallway.
"You're going to pay for that!" Harry exclaimed. I was already a few steps ahead of him and I started running. Harry let out a laugh and started chasing me. I turned and he was right on my heels. The elevator was straight ahead- I was trapped! I kept running, not caring.
I slammed into the elevator and spun around to face Harry. He pressed his face to mine.
"I'm taking you down, love," he said. He was grinning but his eyes were flashing mischieviously.
"I don't think so," I murmured. Every single fiber of my body was charged with anticipation. I tried to breathe normally, but Harry's lips were getting closer to mine. Right before they were about to touch, the elevator doors I had been leaning on burst apart and I stumbled backward and tumbled down, hitting my head on the wall.
"Shit!" Harry cried, kneeling down beside me.
"You okay, love?" he asked, resting his hand on my knee.
"I really hate you, Styles, you know that?" I grumbled. Harry just laughed. "I'm starting to figure that out!"
We managed to make it down to the restaurant without any more issues. The boys were already sitting with Paul at a table, but there seemed to be even more tension than the last time we were all together, if that was possible. Nobody was really talking. I slipped into the free seat between Louis and Zayn.
"Morning, babe," Louis remarked, before shoveling a forkful of waffles into his mouth. He has such bad manners, I remarked internally, wrinkling my nose. Evie, come on, you didn't care when harry was shoving his face with pop tarts five minutes ago! I brushed that aside.
"Big day today, lads," Paul remarked, before drowning his pancakes in another two layers of syrup. "You guys excited?" I asked, turning to Liam, Niall, and Zayn.
"No," they all muttered. The mood dropped another few degrees.
"Don't mind them. They're still all pissed about the Cara thing," Louis told me, taking my hand to reassure me that they're cold attitudes weren't about me.
Thank god Louis made it through breakfast without questioning me about how things went in my room last night. Maybe he just forgot, I thought happily.
Not quite, though, because when I was walking back up to my room to get changed, Louis stopped me. harry and Liam were already inside and Louis and I were alone in the hallway, just us.
"Cara, tell me the truth. Did anything happen with Harry last night?" I know most girls would have been pissed if their boyfriend accuses them of cheating, but I was so tired and getting so used to it that I just didn't care.
"No! It's not like that..." I said quietly.
"Hah. Sure. I don't trust him, though. He's a complete emotional wreck! If he tries anything, you tell me right away, and I'll have the rooms switched, kay babe?"
I nodded numbly and looked away.
The rest of the day we spent walking around Sydney, stepping in whenever things started to get rough between Niall, Liam, and Zayn. I'd never seen the boys like this before... they literally hated each other's guts! I had no idea how they were all going to do a concert together tonight!
Speaking of the concert, we arrived at the venue a few hours early, so the boys could rehearse. Once the fans started filing in, the boys and I chilled backstage. Niall was eating Nandos in a corner (thank god Paul managed to find a Nandos here :P), Liam was off arguing with Paul about something, Zayn was sitting in another corner doodling, and Harry was nowhere to be found.
"Time to go, lads!" Paul called, handing out the boys microphones and ear plugs. Harry's kept getting tangled in his hair and I couldn't help but laugh. He gave me the evil eye and flipped me off when nobody was looking, which only made me laugh harder.
Miraculously, the concert was ok! The boys put their differences aside and actually sang really well. I mean, I shouldn't really be surprised, they are all so talented.
"Great show!" Paul exclaimed as the boys piled off the stage. Everyone was super hyper and goofy and full of energy. This is how the boys should always be, not fighting over girls, I thought to myself.
It took about a half an hour to gather our things and then we piled into the big black Cadillac Escalade that would take us back to the hotel.
The fans were crazy. They flocked around the car. There were four hundred of them easily, and most of them were shouting things and yelling about how much they loved the band.A lot of them were holding signs. I found a funny one I wanted to send a picture of to Cara: "Zayn Malik Me Up and Down". I chuckled. Some of the signs were about me and Louis, but thankfully they were cute, and didn't say anything rude or mean.
That's when we all saw it- a group of three girls off to the side. They were holding "kick out Styles" posters. The one in the center of the group had messy black hair and badly done eyeliner. As soon as she saw the car, she ran up to us, shoving past the other fans, and started pounding on the windows.
"Nobosy even knows why Harry is in the band! He can barely sing and when he does its just painful to listen to! He doesn't deserve any of this fame or attention! He's such a piece of shit!"
The car went silent. We watched in horror as the other fans turned on her and started beating her up. I closed my eyes and cringed. I swear the temperature must have dropped twenty degrees in that car.
"Drive you ddiot!" Paul yelled at the driver, who stepped on the gas. We sped away, but I didn't open my eyes until we were safely back at the hotel.
Harry was the first out of the car and he ran through the lobby.
"Oh fuck," I swore under my breath. "Louis, I have to go talk to him!" I exclaimed, getting out of the car and running after him. I had to get in the eleveator with a bunch of French tourists, who sounded suspicioulsy like Madame Marshall, but it was better than nothing.
When we finally stopped at the right floor, I jogged to my room and banged on the door. There was no response. Why does Harry have to be so dramatic? I grouched.
"Harry open this fucking door!" I said, kicking it three times to show him just how serious it was.
"Go away," I heard, muffled by the door.
Oh wait. I had my own key, since this was my room too. Well, duh. I reached for the key and shoved it into the slot with shaking hands. It clicked open and I let out a sigh of relief. I shut the door behind me and walked over to the bed where Harry and I slept last night, the bed he was sprawled out across now.
He was lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling.
"Hey," I said, lying down beside him.
"Hey," he said slowly not looking over at me, barely acknowledging my presence. For a while neither of us said anything, but it wasn't awkward. For the first time, I was realizing that Harry Styles was a normal person just like anyone else. He was shy and vulnerable and he really, really care about people thought about him. He was just better at hiding it than most.
Without thinking, I took his hand. Surprisingly, he didn't try to fight me off like I thought he would.
"I'm so insecure about myself. People really don't know how bad it is," Harry said softly. I flipped onto my side, still holding his hand.
"Sorry if that makes me sound like a sissy," he said, giving me a tiny smile. I chuckled.
"You're not a sissy, Styles. At least, not all the time," I joked. "Hey!" he said sitting up and pinching my thigh. I giggled. "Oh grow up, you're such a child," I muttered but I was smiling all the same.
"So? What's wrong with that?" he asked, suddenly serious. I just shook my head. He really is bipolar.
"What are you thinking about?" Harry asked. My hand was still in his, and now he was tracing the imprint of my fingers. His touch felt heavenly. Not that I would ever admit that.
"I wish I was what you wanted," I said, the words slipping out before I could realize what I was saying. Harry's whole body went rigid.
"You don't, though. I'm such a mess, love." Bullshit.
"You're no more messed up then anyone else! What makes you so damn special, Styles?"
"It's not like you could ever understand, anyways!" Ok that was it!
"Harry?" I stood up shaking with rage. "Have you ever laid on your bed at night and just cried? Cried because you're not good enough? because you're ugly? Have you ever counted all your flaws from head to toe just to punish and feel worse about yourself? Cried because the comments people blurt out actually hurt your feelings? Cried because your family is dysfunctional, you're parents don't want you around, but you're just a kid who can't do shit about it? People to tell you to stop complaining, that you have it so much better than the kids in Africa. You don't want to be a burden so you bottle it all up. Styles, I know what it's like to hate yourself," I said darkly.
Harry just sat on the bed looking at me, stunned.
"Come here," he said slowly. My stomach started doing flips.
I gave him a confused look but he just reached out his hand. I took it and let him pull me to him.
He hugged me. Hard.
"Thanks," he murmured. His face was pressed into my collar bone and his breath was warm on my skin.
"Excuse me? Harry Styles doesn't say thank you. Ever," I teased, hugging him back. He felt solid, and he smelled the same as his sweater.
"Harry Styles is pretty confused," Harry muttered, letting me go and scraping his foot on the floor.
I checked my watch and it was almost midnight. How did that happen? I wondered. Liam knocked on the door and Harry got up to open it. They started talking about some of the more humorous moments from the concert and I ducked into the bathroom to change.
I put on the same nightie as before. When I got into bed, Harry handed me his sweater without comment. I put it on and a huge sense of relief washed over my exhausted body.
"Can we fix the heating tonight you guys?" Liam asked from the other bed. "Last night, I literally froze my ass off and then halfway through the night it felt like a sauna!"
"Weird..." Harry replied, turning to wiggle his eyes at me. I snickered. Harry fixed the heating, turned off the light, and slipped into bed. My heart started beating a million miles a second, and I flipped onto my side away from him so he wouldn't hear it, or see the flush creeping up my cheeks. Whatever you do, Evie, you have to stop thinking about Harry like this, he doesn't have any feelings for you! None! He's the biggest player on the planet! Besides, we all kind of assumed he was into Cara... Though he didn't even get into that whole fistfight with the others over her... so maybe not? Just forget him.
After a few minutes, I heard Liam's light snores. I sucked in a breath of air for courage and flipped to face Harry. His eyes opened slowly. Both of us were under the same set of sheets, which formed a little tent above our heads. I felt like a kid in a pillow fort again; I felt like I was five years old.
"Can't sleep, love?"
I shook my head. Not with you in the same bed, I was tempted to add. "Me neither," Harry said with a sigh, biting his lip.
"Still thinking about that dumb girl from the concert?" I whispered. Harry didn't answer and I knew I'd hit the nail on the head.
I didn't have anything to tell him. What I really wanted to tell him was that I still meant what I'd said in that text message: that I (probably) had feelings for him.
Instead, I just took his hand, the way little kids do.
He stared down at our hands uncomprehendingly. "What happened to five feet?" he said softly.
"I can let go," I said, staring up at him.
"No, I think I can restrain myself if you can," Harry said, putting on a very formal face. I laughed, trying desperately not to wake Liam up.
"I doubt it," I said. Louis voice ran through my mind and I let go of his hand and scooted to the farthest reaches of the bed.
But Harry's right there...
I cracked not even a minute later.
"Okay, screw five feet!" I said after only a few minutes. Harry bust out laughing as I flipped onto my side and wiggled my way into his arms. He wrapped them around me obligingly. They fit around me the way my parents never seemed to. For once, I felt secure and content.
Just as I was about to fall asleep, I felt his fingers run down my side, leaving a trail of gooseflesh. I swatted his hand away instantly. There he goes ruining it again. Whatever it is.
"Don't get any ideas, Styles," I said through my teeth. Harry's body shook with silent laughter. I snuggled back against his chest and my eyes slipped close.
Just as I was slipping out of conciousness, I felt a flutter of a kiss on my neck.
The Next Day:
I woke up early, showered, and left the room before Harry and Liam had even started stirring. I went down to the lobby and got myself a coffee from the cafe. I sat at a table alone and stared at my hands.
What was I doing? I'd spent the last night in the arms of my boyfriend's bandmate... But was he even my boyfriend anymore? I didn't feel anything for him, and I hadn't for the past few weeks, if I was being honest with myself. I'd complained about how busy he'd been with his band, but I'd done nothing to make time to see him. When he'd given me a plane ticket to come with him on his tour, the first I'd thought about was spending time with Harry! I sighed and picked up my phone. I sent a text to Louis, asking him to meet me at the cafe. A few minutes later, Louis was sitting across from me.
"Hey can I have some?" he asked, picking up my coffee, and slurping it down, not even pausing to hear my response.
"You look like you slept well," Louis said, his eyes narrowing. All cheeriness in his voice seemed to have disaapeared. I cringed.
"Yes, I slept all right," I hedged. God does he know something about Harry and I? Did he maybe see the text message I tried to send to Cara?
"So what's up?" Louis asked, turning his eyes on me. Before I could think of how to phrase my thoughts, Louis butted in. "Look, I'm sorry I accused of having anything to do with Harry. I know you'd never want anything to do with him. It's no secret you've always hated him," he continued.
Was it always that obvious? Hmm, I guess so. Hah, it's not as if I'd ever kept it a secret.
"Anyways, I'm sorry I ever doubted you," Louis finished. My heart sunk. How was I supposed to break up with him after that? Simple answer: I couldn't.
"Louis, I have to go, I promised Cara I'd call her," I said, getting up abruptly and running to the lobby. Despite my sudden exit, Louis didn't follow me.
I collapsed onto an empty couch and dug my phone out of my pocket. I dialed Cara's number and waited. On the sixth ring she picked up.
"OH-EM-EFF-GEE CARA I AM FLIPPING THE FUCK OUT!"
"Evie it's three in the morning here! Can this wait? I was asleep..." Cara groaned on the other end of the phone. I rolled my eyes.
"Sorry. But Cara, I've dug myself into the worst hole possible."
"And what's that?"
"I think... that Louis and I should break up..." I said quietly, wiping a tear out of my eye. Why did the thought of letting Louis go hurt so much if I didn't even have feelings for him anymore?
"What?! No, Evie, you can't! You were so into him just a few days ago!"
"But things have changed so much! I just... everything he does annoys me and he wears stripes all the time, and makes jokes about carrots, and he's sweet, and I'm sure he'd be the perfect guy for somebody else... but not for me!"
"Evie, he's a great guy. You've got to fix this! Maybe you should just... you know..."
"What?" I asked idly, cradling the phone between my shoulder and ear as I picked at an undone thread on the couch.
"You know...spice things up?"
"NO! I don't know! Just spit it out already!" I groaned.
"Maybe you guys should have sex!" Cara cried. "Oh god, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it like that. You completely don't have to, it was just an idea, I wasn't thinking!" Cara apologized.
Huh. "Cara that's actually not a bad idea! You;re right, I do need to at least try something physical with him. I mean, we've been to busy to do like anything. Maybe that's whats missing!" I jumped up in excitement and an old Asian man turned to give me a "wth? look, so I quickly sat back down.
"No but Evie, this could go terribly wrong. I mean, its your virginity. Do you really think this a good idea?"
I felt my stomach flutter at that word: virginity. Was I really ready to give it up? To Louis? Who I wasn't even sure I liked, let alone loved? I clenched my fingers into a fist. I had to be ready, because I wasn't letting this ship go down without a fight. Harry or no Harry, Louis and I were... doing it. Oh god, that's so embarrassing to even think about. I said goodbye to Cara before I could change my mind.
The boys had a bunch of interviews today and another concert today, so I spent all my time in the hotel getting ready. I took a two hour marathon bath, washed my hair, shaved, and painted my nails. I blow dried my hair slowly, trying to ignore the violent churning of my stomach. I was too nervous for words.
I put on only a tiny amount of makeup, and a single spritz of Chanel #5, a gift Louis got me a few weeks ago. The scent made me want to gag, but I knew it was his favorite, so I put it on anyways. More proof of how he barely knows me, I guess.
It was almost midnight, so I put on my nightie and crawled into bed. I knew the boys were going to be back late, so I wasn't worried. I was too hyped up and jittery too sleep so I grabbed my phone from the nightstand where it had been charging. I had two new messages. The first was from my mother:
Hope you're having fun! Not that you deserve it, for being such a god-awful daughter.
It grated on my nerves, like awful, but I pushed it out of my head. I needed to be completely focused on what I was about to do. The second message was from Louis:
Just got back! The rest of the lads are going out clubbing. Come back to my room and we can watch a movie?
I texted back that I would be there in five. I gave myself one last look in the full-length mirror... I looked good, despite how scantily-clad I was dressed.
I grabbed my room key and slipped out the door. Thank god there was no one else walking around on this floor or I would just die of embarrassment. I padded softly to Louis room and knocked. In the space between him opening the door and me knocking I was a wreck.
Evie what the fuck are you doing! Don't do this to yourself! What are you thinking? Just go back to your room, pretend none of this ever happened!
And then Louis opened the door.
A/N: Hi guys, what do you think so far? I would really love any messages and reviews :) You guys are awesome and I write this story only because I have gotten feedback to continue ... so keep doing that! Haha, sorry I am very tired as I write this because of FINALS (grr) and applications. Anyways, if you have even read this far, you are amazing, and there is lots of drama to come!