Thank you for the reviews – you are all very kind! I personally find Jess a little unlikeable in the early seasons and think he treats Rory pretty badly, but I loved him when he came back as an adult, and always thought they had a special connection. I am very fond of Rory but obviously she made mistakes too. In a lot of fics I've read people write that if Rory and Jess had had sex it would have solved their problems but I don't think that is true to their characters – I find it believable that they would have had sex and surprised it didn't happen on the show but not that it would have solved anything, as I think neither of them knew how to really communicate with each other in Season Three. Anyway, sorry for the monologue and thanks again for all the lovely comments!

It was a freezing evening. It had been a freezing morning, freezing day and was setting into an even icier night. Rory shivered and clutched her cup of coffee, her mother's words echoing in her mind.

Luke saw Jess the other day...that reminds me, he got his new number, if you want it?

Why would I?

I don't know, if you ever want to catch up...I remember you said you talked a few years back...

Rory had snatched the piece of paper and stuffed it in her pocket. She had planned on throwing it out and then, after realising that she couldn't, tried forgetting about it, but now it burnt a hole in her jeans and hesitantly she walked over to the chair where they lay and unfolded it, the digits crumpled but clear.

Rory picked up her phone, put it back down, picked it up and then, before she could change her mind, furiously dialled all the numbers as quickly as she could. The phone began to ring and before Rory could lose courage and hang up a curious voice said,

"Hello?"

Rory paused. Now that she had called she didn't know what to say.

"Hello?" Jess sounded annoyed now. "If this is one of those telemarketers, I swear to God –"

"Jess. It's me."

A pause from him and then, disbelieving,

"Rory?"

"Yep."

Rory sat down at her desk. She wished she had an old-fashioned phone so she could twirl the cord around her fingers. It was always something to do with an awkward phone call.

"Rory?" Jess said again. "How come you're calling? How'd you get my number?"

"Lorelai. She saw Luke."

"Figures."

Neither said anything. Rory picked up a pencil and started doodling on her notepad. It was a good substitute for the phone cord.

"Rory," Jess said again. "How come you're calling?"

"I just...it's been so long since we talked."

"Yeah," Jess said and they both paused, remembering Rory's trip to his bookstore all those years ago. "Must have been a few years now."

"Six."

"Huh. How'd that happen?"

"I have no idea." Rory let out a nervous giggle. "Scary to think we're getting near thirty."

"Don't let Luke hear you say that."

"So, what are you up to right now?" Jess asked. "Last time I saw you you were digging that whole prep thing."

Rory winced.

"That wasn't the best time in my life."

"So...what are you up to these days?"

"I graduated Yale," Rory said. "I worked on the Obama campaigns, did some overseas work."

"Luke mentioned that," Jess said. "Good for you."

There was no trace of sarcasm and Rory smiled.

"I think you woke me up a bit. You know, when I dropped out."

"You made it happen."

"I guess," Rory agreed. "Either way, I'm glad I went back."

"You were made to go there."

"That's what Mom says."

"What anyone with a brain would say," Jess said and Rory blushed. "So what are you doing now?"

"I worked on the campaign for Obama's second term. Things have slowed down a little, I guess – I live in New York."

"New York?" asked Jess, a trace of amusement in his voice, and Rory couldn't help grinning, remembering her trip there as a small-town girl.

"I work on a paper there. I feel less of a tourist. I have an apartment here but I go home most weekends to Mom."

"What happened to that jerk you were with?"

"Logan was not a jerk," said Rory hotly and Jess snorted. "He was not!"

"He was from where I was standing. What happened to him, anyway?"

"We broke up at graduation," Rory said angrily. "And I haven't seen him since."

"Good."

"Jess!"

"The guy was a jerk!" Jess exclaimed. "He was the most whiny, self-righteous moron I've ever had the misfortune to meet and I still don't understand why you wasted your time with him."

"You have no right to judge Logan," snapped Rory. "You only met him once."

"Once was enough. He was a piece of work. One of those wealthy jerks who acts everyone else should take responsibility for their screw-ups."

"Oh, that's rich coming from you," said Rory furiously. "You had that Holden Caulfiield act down to a T when I was with you."

"Rory!"

"Jess, you were this close to calling everyone in Stars Hollow a phoney. In fact, I think you did."

"Rory! I know I did but I was a kid. Jesus, that guy was a jerk, and the way he treated you –"

"The way he treated me?" said Rory incredulously. "This coming from Jess Mariano."

"Rory –"

"Do you know how hurt I was?" Rory asked, stabbing the pencil into the page. "I cried for weeks. Everyone said you had used me for sex. I thought I should believe them."

"Rory –"

"You know, I have to go," Rory said, surprised at the sudden tears she could feel welling up. "I'm glad you're well. Say hi to Luke. Bye."

A long time after she had slammed down the phone Rory sat staring at it, taking deep breaths. The phone call hadn't meant to go like that. It was just supposed to be an exchange of pleasantries, short and sweet and painless. She should have known they could never talk without it being painful.

Rory closed her eyes and sighed. She hadn't seen him but she imagined Jess, his hair still raven-black and that amused look to his eye, which had charmed her back when she was young. She suddenly remembered her young, naïve, eighteen-year-old self. God, she'd been such a kid then. At the time she'd thought she was smart and grown up but she'd been such a child. She hadn't known what it was to screw up so painfully, how to felt to hurt others and be hurt herself. She'd thought it would be so simple, that all you needed was a plan and she hadn't know then that plans could go wrong and you had to start over and that some things never work out. She was so unknowingly optimistic. Rory missed that girl sometimes.

Rory moved over to her cupboard where she kept a box of things she had from home, various odds and ends she had wanted to keep but had nowhere to put, like the long gum wrapper necklace she and Lane had made one Saturday after collecting wrappers for weeks, the small sampler she had sewed in elementary school and, at the very bottom, the photo of her and Jess. Rory had unearthed it a few years ago at the back of a desk drawer at home and taken it everywhere with her since, unable to explain why.

Rory moved the picture into the light. It was one of those photos taken by a disposable camera, slightly blurred, yet her and Jess's smiles were clear. Rory almost didn't need the photo, she remembered the day so well – when winter was melting into spring and she had bought the camera on the spur of the moment and how she had held it up and snapped the shot before Jess could stop her while he was protesting, laughing, saying he never let anyone take his photo and she was looking at him and laughing, her mouth wide open and his on the edge of a grin. Jess had told her he would never let her take his photo again and she had grinned and kissed him, giggling as he told her he was serious, neither thinking that was really true. The camera had somehow been forgotten about and she had stumbled across it a few months later, after they had split up and had debated over developing it, not sure if the pictures would even come out. She hadn't been sorry when they did – there were photos of her mother messing around in the diner as well – but she hadn't been able to look at the picture of her and Jess for long and had hidden it away.

Rory moved her finger across their young selves. They looked like such children. Just looking at it brought back the instant rush of memories – the yearning, the excitement, the feeling of getting on a ride and it going too fast.

Rory looked at the picture for a while and finally put it back, the top of the box askew, closing her eyes. She had never shown it to anyone else, not even Lorelai and sometimes she wondered why she still had it yet she knew that getting rid of it was unthinkable and Rory sighed, feeling young and old at once.