A/N: the parts in italics are the flashback from his birthday.
previously....
"you know I'm trying to help you here , I'm trying to be next to you , I'm trying Chuck... but i feel like you don't want me anymore"
"i want you , but it's not easy"
"i know it's not easy , look Chuck , you can't keep getting drunk in your birthdays like a 15 year old who isn't satisfied by his girlfriend without a reason , you can't just sit and watch everyone being happy while you destruct yourself , cause you destroy everyone around you"
"no one would care" he said and she met his eyes again.
"i would , don't you understand? I've always wanted to be here , if you want to destroy yourself , don't do it , not for yourself , not for everyone else , just for me , ad for Yale and everyone who loves you" she said. he stared at her blankly.
"I'm sorry" Chuck said. and Yale walked downstairs.
"why are you fighting?" Yale said wiping her eyes.
"it's nothing Yale , just a little disagreement" Blair said and kissed her sister's cheek.
"was it something i did?" Yale asked looking at Chuck , Chuck picked her up.
"Nope , not at all" Chuck said and Yale threw her tiny arms around Chuck's neck and kissed his cheek. Chuck froze , he wasn't expecting so much sweetness in just a few actions. Blair stood silent and smiled a little.
"Blair!!! Chuck !! open up!!!!!!!" Yale exclaimed knocking the door.
Blair opened the door "What's wrong?"
"nothing" Yale said and bounced into Blair's bed where Chuck was laying and she hugged him.
"happy birthday" Yale said and Blair smiled and sat next to them.
"Thanks" Chuck said and gave Yale a smile.
"Dorota and I made you a special breakfast" Yale said and smiled to Blair " well it was my sis idea..."
"really? you shouldn't" Chuck said and Yale smiled to him once again.
"but silly , it's your birthday!"
"yeah...i know" Chuck said becoming more serious.
Yale sat in the sofa next to Chuck and examined him for a while.
"Are you sad?" Yale asked looking straight to Chuck's eyes.
"a little" Chuck admitted and took a deep breathe.
"why?"
"it's a boring thing of grown ups" Chuck said an Yale just looked at him and smiled a little.
Blair walked into the living room and sat next to Yale .
"I'm going to have breakfast with Serena , are you coming?" Blair asked Yale.
"is Chuck coming too?" Yale asked.
"i don't know .... do you want to come Chuck?"
"no , thanks , I want to stay here"
"can i stay with you?" Yale asked.
"sure" Chuck said.
"okay , I'm leaving , if you need anything call me" Blair said and kissed Yale's forehead.
"i don't know S , he isn't being himself... i don't know where we're at anymore" Blair said and took a sip of her coffee "and we have to pretend that nothings going on , when actually there's a lot , like i said i love you to him a lot of times and he never said it to me"
"B , think about it , i don't think Chuck has told anyone that , and you are the first experience with love he had"
"i know but , i want to be with him , i want to talk , i want to love him , but the only thing that gets between us is his fear"
"he will say it back"
"i hope so , so how's Nathaniel?" Blair asked.
"Nathaniel? since when do you call him Nathaniel.." Serena giggled.
"ugh , too much time around Chuck"
Serena chuckled "he's fine , we're planing Valentine's day already"
"Serena it's not even new years yet"
"i know , but we're exited."
"i can tell" Blair said and laughed a little." i always thought i was going to end up with Nate"
"i always thought i was gonna end up with...hmm i don't know , Jude Law?" Serena joked using Blair's tone.
"Shut up" Blair exclaimed annoyed but she was just joking.
"do you miss your parents?" Yale asked "is that why you are sad?"
Chuck looked at Yale and they both stood silent for a while and Chuck started thinking about his mom.
Chuck glanced his mother's grave . He left red roses for her .His father told him once that those where her favorites.
"I'm sorry i killed you , mom , I'm sorry i made dad's life a living hell , I'm sorry i killed him too ,It's all my fault. I don't know you.. but i miss you and I've always felt lonely without you mom. My birth tore a family apart . why didn't i die instead of you?"
he sobbed a little "i love you , you are the only person in the whole world I'm not scared to show my feelings , but i can't see you. i wish you were alive , i miss you too much"
he looked at his watch and realized that it was time to meet Blair... he felt that he couldn't see her , he wasn't in the mood and he knew she was over exited.
he grabbed his phone and dialed Blair's number.
"hey" she said "i have comestible underwear for tonight"
"uh , Blair about tonight , sorry i can't make it I have to work late..sorry" he said.
"oh , it's okay Chuck ....i guess we can have a romantic dinner other day"
"thanks for understanding" he said.
"no problem , i love you" she said disappointed. he hanged up.
he stared at his mothers grave a little more and decided to text Nate.
Victrola , tonight.
-c
a few minutes later he answered.
don't you have plans with B?
-N
Chuck texted him once again.
are you coming or not?
-c
Chuck waited for the response.
yeah , see ya.
-N
"yeah thats excatly why I'm sad" Chuck said.
"I miss my parents too" Yale said.
"You have us now" he told Yale.
"and you have us now too" she said.
Chuck realized he screwed up badly. Yale and Blair were too important to him and he did a terrible thing to Blair. He felt that he was loosing her again .
By the time Blair had gotten home she completely ignored Chuck and he knew why. Yale Chuck Blair Roman and Harold had spent the whole day like a family , like Yale wanted. But Blair and Chuck didn't even look at each other.
it was already getting late and they all had to go to new years eve party at the palace. Blair was getting ready.
"Blair let me talk to you" Chuck said.
"Not now Chuck , i have to get ready for the new years eve party , you should too"
"Blair-"
"Chuck , i'm serious , you already screwed up , if you want to make it up to me , just behave yourself tonight" she said coldly
Chuck laughed and kissed one of the hookers he had next to him. he was drunk and started making out with two hookers , Nate knew what was going to happen next he tried to stop Chuck but he wouldn't listen. Nate just stared at him and then he walked out of the builing.
he called Serena.
"Hey Nate whats up?" Serena said and Blair's laugh could be heard "you love birds are disgusting" Blair said and Serena covered Blair's mouth with a pillow.
"is Blair there?" Nate asked.
"yeah , Chuck is working late so we're watching some Audrey while Yale is out with Blair's father"Serena said.
"can i talk to Blair?" Nate said.
"sure" Serena said and handed the phone to Blair that looked confused.
"Nathaniel!!!" Blair said and Serena giggled.
"Blair , Don't kill me , or Chuck. and don't tell him i told you...I'm just telling you cause i think its unfair...Chuck is not working late, he's at victrola"
"do i really have to wear this?! i look funny" Yale said , she was in a little Black dress and she had flats white tights and a little hairband that matched the whole outft. she touched the hairband , made a disguest face and Blair took her hand.
"yes because that hairband makes you look like a porcelain doll" Chuck said.
"really?" Yale asked.
"yes" Blair said and smiled to the little girl.
Chuck looked at Blair and Blair looked at Chuck and rolled her eyes and looked at Yale again.
"Blair i think you should wait , he will eventually tell you" Serena said.
"Serena , i trusted him and he lied"
"B , listen to me , wait for him , if he isn't by your side the time you wake up get mad yell and do whatever you want. Trust him it's the only way he can trust you"
"fine , i swear that if he's not here by the time i wake up i'll castrate him"
"thats my girl"
"i have to go now "Serena said.
"Okay , thanks for watching Audrey with me"
"you are my bestfriend"Serena said and hugged Blair.
"wasn't Yale you BFF?" Blair joked.
"Oh yes right , then you are my second best friend"
"good to know" Blair said and tried to laugh , but she was so frustrated with the whole Chuck situation that she couldn't.
"Blair-"
"go away Chuck , i'm enjoying the party don't ruin it"
"no let me talk" hesaid.
"fine.."
"I'm sorry" Chuck said.
"i know. all we can do is hurt echother , its out nature... we are not couple material" Blair said shedding tears,
"no...we're Chuck and Blair , Blair and Chuck" Chuck said and took her hand gently
"10 , 9 , 8 " people at the party started counting down for new years.
" the worst thing you've ever done , the darkest thought you ever had" she quoted herself in a whisper.
"7 , 6 , 5, 4" Everyone but Blair and Chuck counted down .
"I will stand by you through anything"Chuck said
"3!!2!!"
"why would you do that?" she asked crying even more.
"1!!!!"
"because , i love you"Chuck said and kissed Blair passionately.
"HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!!" eveyone said by the moment Blair and Chuck were kissing.
TBC...
A/N: Hope you like it!
Okay someone reviewed suggesting a wedding and Yale to be the flower girl....there WILL be a wedding...all I'm saying.(thanks for the idea EnglandOCfan)
this is my favorite one so far cause of the 'i love you' and Chuck in the grave part and when Yale hugged Chuck. about Yale , i soo wanted her to be more in the chapter but i wasn't so inspired so she was barelly in it=( she will be more , much more, int he next couple of chapters , i have the following chapter half written and the 3 next chapters all writen and she is on them alot
ok , i'm doing such a mess with the updates , and i really don't think i will be able to update tomorrow cause i have a rehearsal and stuff and the day after i have a meetng , and french exam but i'll try to update in the morning , may be a shorter chapter.
okay we are almost reaching 100!!!! YAYYYY thanks thanks thanks!!! to everyone that reviewed!! you don't know how happy it makes me to open my e-mail and find 25 messages from Fanfiction (some are reviews , others are suscriptions and favorites!) thanksssss =)=)=)
Chuck finally said I love you.... how will Blair react??!?! you have to wait until next chapter!.
REVIEWSSSSSS ARE LOVED!!!!!!