Egad! This fic still lives!
If I spent as much space as I should here, apologizing for the colossal amount of time since my last update, this chapter would be three times as long as it already is!
Unbroken
"From a certain point onward there is no longer any turning back. That is the point that must be reached."
-Franz Kafka, 'The Trial' 1914/15.
Chapter Twelve:
Winter's Threshold
She hated this place.
It wasn't the reek of cheap ramen and stale beer that saturated the night air. Nor was it the buzzing, garish lights that assaulted the surrounding darkness. It wasn't the unending cacophony of electronic beeps and squeaks from the pachinko parlours as the balls rattled around their pegs. It wasn't even the sounds of off-key karaoke that drifted out of several nearby bars.
Over the last few years she had become more familiar with this end of town than she ever had wanted to be. It represented so much to her than just the seedy end of town full of drink sodden salarymen and the buzzing brightness of so many gaming parlours crammed into Old Hakone's small commercial district.
Hikari Horaki hated it with every fibre of her being. She hated it with more passion than those who knew her would have suspected that the quiet, well mannered, girl ever possessed.
It represented to her the loss of her old life. Of her feeling happy and feeling safe. A life before the weight of responsibility had fallen so heavily upon the middle girl of the Horaki family. A life where Jun Horaki had been the devoted and proud father of three young girls as well as the loving husband to a seemingly ever smiling wife and mother to Kodama, Nozomi and herself.
A life that would never have involved her standing alone and nervous, late at night, in the seedy end of town. That would never have involved her waiting for her father to finish his game and come home so that she could feed him the reheated dinner that she had cooked for herself and her sisters over three hours earlier.
A life that had died nearly four years ago.
That one lab accident had left a larger hole in her young world than just the loss of the vibrant, loving mother of three young girls.
"Hello, little lady!"
Hikari squeaked and spun around to face the owner of the slurring, beer sodden voice. Between her and the pachinko parlour that her father frequented was the reeking, drunken figure of an overweight middle-aged salaryman. His half-finished plastic cup of beer sloshing around carelessly in his hand.
"Wh-what's a pretty little thing like you doing here?" He continued with a drunken leer.
"I-I'm w-waiting for my Papa…" She stammered nervously. 'Why does this always happen?' "H-He'll be here in a minute… sorry!"
The shabby, grey-suited man seemed not to hear her. He stepped closer to where Hikari stood and grabbed hold of her arm roughly.
"Please…" She begged, pulling her arm out of his grip. "My Papa will be here really soon…"
"Will he…" The man said with a creepy leer. "I'm sure that your 'Papa' won't begrudge you spending a little time with me now, will he?" The man continued. "I'll make it worth your while…"
"What?" Hikari replied in shock. "No! Please leave me alone!"
"Come on now… Don't be like that…" He said, raising his hands placatingly.
Across the way Shinji Ikari stood watching his school friend struggle with the drunken man. He shifted his backpack uncomfortably on his shoulders. The last thing he wanted right then was to bring any kind of attention upon himself. He had come here, to the seedy entertainment district of Old Hakone, for the sense of escape that could only be found in a crowd. Over time he had come to know that there was nowhere more anonymous or alone as being in a large group of people that you didn't belong to.
He had spotted Hikari not long before the man had started bothering her. What a proper young lady like her was doing out in this end of town at night he couldn't even imagine. He was too heartsick and tired to care right at that moment anyway. Even when she had started to receive the unwanted attention of the salaryman he had just thought that the she would be able to see him off without too much trouble. She was the Class Representative after all. She always spoke with authority.
After just a few more seconds he realised that the man wasn't going to stop harassing Hikari. The passing crowd of people didn't give the older talking to the teenager a second glance as they bustled by. Even from where he stood Shinji could tell from her body language that Hikari was becoming scared.
"Shit." He muttered quietly to himself before shouldering his bag and beginning to walk across the street towards to two of them.
"…my Papa is just inside." Hikari was saying. "He'll be out here really soon!"
"He's not here yet." The man replied with a snarl. "Why don't you stop being so frigid and…"
"Excuse me, sir."
They both spun around to see Shinji Ikari standing before them, his face unreadable in the neon glow of the surrounding lights.
"Fuck off, kid." The man slurred. "I'm busy."
Shinji swallowed hard. The man was a lot bigger than him, and had obviously been drinking heavily. He was out of his depth here and he knew it. From behind the man, though, he could see Hikari looking at him. Her eyes shining brightly at him with hope in the neon glow.
"My friend doesn't want to talk to you, sir." He said. "Why don't you go to that bar back there, have a couple more drinks and forget that you ever saw her?"
"I said, fuck off!" He was yelling now. People were skirting by them, leaving enough space so as not to get involved, surreptitiously watching the confrontation out of the corners of their eyes.
"No." Shinji replied more firmly. "My friend and I will be leaving. Without you."
"Cocky little bastard!" The man yelled, pushing Shinji hard in the chest. The boy stumbled but kept his feet, his months of training kicking in as he ducked a flying hay-maker, dodged another lunge by the drunk and came in close enough to bring his knee up into the man's crotch with all of the force he could muster. The suited man dropped instantly to the ground with a strangled grunt.
All was silent around him. Only the unending ping and rattle of the pachinko machines filling the night air as the people around them stood quiet and still at the spectacle of the slight teenager felling the hefty salaryman so quickly.
"Arrrgh… You little shit!" The man gasped in pain as he struggled up from the pavement. "I'll fucking kill you!"
"I wouldn't try it." Shinji replied, holding his cell-phone in his hand. "There are at least a dozen Section 2 men within 300 metres of us here. I press this red button on my phone and they'll come running."
"S-Section 2?" The man replied nervously. All Tokyo-03 knew the reputation of NERV's secret police. "You're one of those NERV brats?"
"That's right." Shinji replied more confidently. "Think of what might happen to your family if you just disappeared?"
The man winced as he walked towards them, his hands out. "I was just having a little fun with the young lady, that's all!" He pleaded. "You know that!"
As quickly as it had stopped, the noise and hubbub began again around them as the crowd, sensing that their entertainment was over, resumed its usual level of activity.
"Please, don't call Section 2!" He pleaded again. "I'll do whatever you want!"
"Just leave." Shinji answered.
"Y-Yes, sir… Right away!"
The man staggered off and was swallowed up into the thronging crowd in an instant. Leaving Shinji and Hikari standing awkwardly together under the streetlight.
"A-Are you okay, Miss Horaki?" Shinji asked, exhaling heavily.
Hikari took a deep, shuddering breath and looked over at the young man next to her. "Hikari, please. And, yes, Shinji. Thanks to you I am!"
She could see his faint blush even under the streetlights. "Anyone would have done it…" He said shyly.
"I don't think so; there are at least two hundred people on this street. Not even one of them said or did a thing! Only you, Shinji! Only you came to save the day!"
"I-I shouldn't have threatened him… that was wrong!" Shinji said, bowing his head.
"Don't be so silly! If you hadn't, what would have happened to me?" Hikari replied. "Thank you, Shinji Ikari. Thank you for being my hero!"
"I'm not a hero…"
"You are to me, Shinji Ikari!" Hikari said, giving the boy a light kiss on the cheek.
"M-Miss Horaki!" Shinji said, flustered. "I-I…. I mean… uh… Thank you."
"No, thank you! You rescued me from that drunken pervert." She shuddered at the memory. "I was really scared for a few moments there. He was huge!"
"He was, wasn't he?" Shinji replied as what he had done finally hit him. The teen crouched over, his hands resting on his knees. "I feel sick." He said
The pig-tailed girl looked at him and smiled. "I can see why Asuka likes you so much!" She said.
The brown haired teen grimaced at the mention of the Second Child's name.
"What's wrong, Shinji?" Hikari asked.
"I-I don't think that Asuka will want to see me again…" Shinji stammered, straightening back up.
"Why ever not?"
"I-In the last battle… She...She was hurt… the Angel. My fault…"
"Is Asuka okay?"
"I-I don't know." Shinji answered forlornly.
"Did you hurt her on purpose?"
"No."
"Did she say anything to blame you for it?"
"No…"
"Have you even spoken to her?"
Shinji just shook his head dumbly.
"Why not?" Hikari demanded, more harshly than she meant to.
The Third Child winced under her tone. "I can't face her… not after what happened. Not after I let her… after she was… hurt… I can't..." He trailed off.
The Class Rep's face softened. "I'm sorry Shinji," She said. "After what you just did for me, I shouldn't be so hard on you."
"Th-That's okay."
"You do know that Asuka cares a lot about you, don't you?" She said. "Don't you think that maybe if you talked to her, maybe she might actually be okay about whatever happened?"
Shinji shrugged.
"Call her, Shinji" Hikari continued. "Call her and you'll see that she'll be fine!"
"I-I can't…"
"Please, Shinji!"
"I…." Shinji's eyes were searching the area, as if he were looking for an escape. "I… I've gotta go!"
"Shinji! Don't run away!" But he was already backing away from her, his eyes no longer meeting hers.
"See you Hikari…. Thanks!"
"Shinji…"
He waved nervously at her before turning and walking away. Hikari's mouth twisted. 'Shinji Ikari.' She thought to herself. 'Slayer of Angels… terrified of people.'
She watched him fade into the crowd. Once he was gone from view, she reached for her cell-phone and dialed.
"You going to nurse that cup of tea all night?"
"Huh?" Shinji said, looking up. Staring down sternly at him was the middle-aged owner of the coffee shop where he had finally settled down in for the evening. He really had no plans beyond staying there, his back turned to the outside world. He would just sit there until the café closed. After that, he would have to figure out what to do with the rest of the night.
"Sorry..." He mumbled to the lady, quickly finishing the cold dregs from his cup. "Could I have another please?"
The lady's face softened. "Sure, honey." She answered, giving him a smile. "As you can see, I got no one else in here!"
"Sorry," Shinji said again. "If you want to close up I can move on…"
"Don't be silly!" She answered as she bustled over to the counter. "I gotta stay open for another hour anyway! Most of my best paying customers don't come in 'til eleven or so. Poor drunken souls. Thinking that a quick shot of coffee will wake them up and hide the smell of booze on their breath so that their wives won't know that they've been out drinking with their buddies all night!"
"Oh…. Okay…" Shinji answered, thinking of the unpleasantness with the drunken salaryman from earlier in the evening. "Thanks, then."
"Not a problem, sweetie!" She said as she placed another steaming cup of tea on the table in front of him.
"Thank you." Shinji said as he went to fish some notes out of his pocket. The owner quickly waved him back.
"This one's on the house." She said with a warm smile.
"Uh… Thanks…"
She looked down at him appraisingly. "You look a little lost here, Honey." She said. "Don't you have a family to go home to?"
Shinji dropped his head. "No…"
"Sorry to hear that, Hon. Lots of people like you these days, though. Things are tough all over. Still, there must be someone out there who cares about you, nice kid like you?"
"There… there used to be… not anymore…"
"Hmm…" She said with an unreadable look. "Don't be so certain. I'm sure that somewhere there's a beautiful young lady who thinks the world of you!"
Shinji just shook his head.
"No… There's no-one."
"I wouldn't be so sure of that." The café owner said with a wink as she made her way back to the counter.
Shinji frowned as he looked back at her. "What do you mean?" He said.
"She means that I'm standing right behind you, idiot!" A familiar voice said from the doorway.
"Wha… Huh…?"
"I'm glad to see that you haven't lost any of your eloquence since I last saw you!" Asuka sniped as she stepped around the table to stand in front of Shinji.
"A-Asuka!" Shinji gasped finally.
"Hiya Shinji." The redhead said with a smile. He stared at Asuka dumbly for a few moments, even while his heart pounded fiercely in his chest. He could see that she had been hurt. Hurt because he had been unable to protect her in the battle. Her right wrist was wrapped in thick crepe bandage almost to her elbow, and from above her left eyebrow to the side of her cheekbone the faintest hint of bruising flowered around her bright blue eye.
She still looked so beautiful that it made his heart ache.
Asuka shifted self-consciously under his gaze. "Well?"
"Huh?"
"Are you gonna ask me to sit down, or are you just going to sit there and stare at me all night?"
"Oh… uh… P-Please sit down Asuka!" Shinji said, starting to his feet. Quickly he went around to the opposite side of the table and pulled out the chair for her. Arching an eyebrow at him, Asuka sat down in the chair as he pushed it in for her and waited, smirking slightly, as he sat back down across from her.
"It's good to see you Shinji!" She said.
"Th-thanks, Asuka." Shinji replied, still not meeting her gaze.
"Would you like a drink, sweetie?" The café owner had reappeared at their table.
"Yes please." Asuka answered. "Ummm… a latte please."
"Pretty, and such good manners too!" The lady said with a smile. "I can see why he likes you so much!"
"Thank you Ma'am." Asuka replied. The café owner quickly bustled off to make her order.
An awkward silence enveloped them for a few moments.
"Well, aren't you happy to see me?" Asuka asked finally.
"Yeah…. It's just…"
"What?" Asuka interrupted more sharply.
"You're hurt." He said simply.
"You mean this?" Asuka replied, waving her wrist in front of him. "Believe me; I've had far worse than these couple of scratches! Anyway," She continued wryly. "I thought maybe you might dig a girl with a few scars!"
Shinji gave a short laugh at her joke, bringing his eyes up to meet hers. Again the café was silent except for the owner busily making Asuka's order behind the counter.
"I was so scared that…that you'd been hurt." Shinji said suddenly, moisture beginning to build in his eyes. "I-I tried to protect you, but I couldn't. You were so brave in the battle, so strong." He said with a sniff. "When they wouldn't let me go near your ambulance… I was scared that maybe I'd hurt you… maybe… maybe that you…"
Across from him Asuka's face grew more serious. "So, why didn't you come and see me?" She asked him.
"I couldn't…"
"Bullshit Ikari!" Asuka interrupted. "I lay in that hospital bed for two days! Two goddamn days, bored out of my enormous throbbing brain, waiting for you to come through that door and…and… fucking well hold me, or something… anything!"
"I'm sorry…" Shinji tried to say but Asuka held up her hand.
"You know who eventually turned up?" She continued. "Not you. Not even freaking Misato! You know who?"
He shook his head.
"Fucking Wondergirl! That's who!"
"Rei?"
"Yes, Rei!" Asuka replied. "Little Miss Perfect comes to see me and she tells me that you've been locked up for defying your Arschloch of a father!"
Shinji just nodded, unable to answer her.
"All well and good, I approve of you doing that." Asuka continued more calmly, nodding to herself. "So anyway, I get up from my sickbed and force Wondergirl to take me down to the cells, to see you! I walked through four kilometres of breezy hallways in a flimsy hospital gown. Four kilometres! Only a drip stand, a backless gown and a pair of paper hospital underpants between me and all of the douchebag lolicon perverts that NERV seems to keep on its payroll!"
"Oh." Shinji said simply.
"You'd better believe it!"
At that moment the café owner returned with Asuka's coffee. The redhead thanked her sweetly before waiting for the lady to return to the counter. A few other customers came staggering in at that time and soon the owner was fully occupied with them.
Shinji waited as Asuka poured some sugar into her glass and took a sip of the milky looking coffee. "Bleargh." She said sticking her tongue out. "She may be a nice lady, but she makes a truly appalling cup of coffee!"
"Now." She continued finally. "Where was I?"
"Uh…" Shinji replied. "Walking through NERV in paper underpants?"
Asuka sighed. "That's right." She said with a nod. "Which was all your fault, by the way."
Shinji chose neither to confirm nor deny this, but rather waited for the redhead to continue her tale. Which she did after another short pause for effect.
"So, Wondergirl and I finally make to the cells area and what do we find?" She asked rhetorically. "It was empty! The only person there was some dirty old guard who kept undressing me with his eyes. Eventually Ayanami got him to stop ogling me long enough for him to tell us that you were released about twenty-four hours earlier! A whole goddamn day and you didn't even see fit to visit your girlfriend, who was lying in the fucking hospital! How do you think I felt?"
"I-I'm sorry…" Shinji stammered.
"Oh no, you don't get to 'Sorry' your way out of this one Ikari!" Asuka interrupted. "Naturally I was pissed. So I discharged myself from the infirmary and caught the train back to the apartment. I think that you know where this is going, don't you?"
"Uh-huh."
"Of course, you're not there, though some of your clothes and backpack are missing from our room." Asuka paused for a moment and sniffed. Shinji looked up from the table and was shocked to see tears forming in her bright blue eyes. "You do remember our room, don't you Shinji?"
Shinji nodded.
"The room where you held me and kissed me the night before… before the Angel tried to take me?" Asuka asked him. "Where you told me it would be okay and that you'd never leave me alone?"
"Y-Yes."
"Yet here you are, Shinji. Running away again. If it hadn't been for your knight in shining armour act for Hikari, I might never have found you."
"Y-You know about that?"
"Of course I do!" She replied. "How do you think that I happened to find you here? Hikari rang me straight after you did your little disappearing act. She's a smart girl… sometimes. She at least knew that I'd want to know why you were moping around the seedy end of town like a lost puppy! Apparently only pausing briefly from your wandering ways to kick a wayward salaryman in the balls!"
"Oh."
"Hmmm…" Asuka said after it became clear that Shinji wasn't going to elaborate on that syllable. "Shinji. This whole 'I talk, you listen' thing is all well and good. I'm usually a big fan of it, you know that. Most of the time. But this one-sided conversation needs to become much more balanced, now."
"O-Okay…"
"So… talk."
"Well," Shinji began, his eyes glued to the table top. "F-Father put me in the cells, because he said I had disobeyed orders and been insubordinate to him during the battle. They only kept me in there overnight though. Some Section 2 guy came the next day and told me I could go home. Father didn't even come to release me himself."
"Did you really expect him to?"
"I-I don't know." Shinji replied, still looking downward. "I just... I went back to the apartment. You weren't there, Misato wasn't there. Only Pen-Pen was waiting for me. He just wanted me to feed him, of course. After that he just went back into his fridge." He paused for a second before continuing. "I rang Misato; she told me that you were in the infirmary. Sh-She couldn't even tell me if you were okay or not. That scared me. I-I just hung up on her. What if, because of me, you had been really badly injured? What if you had lost an arm or leg or something? I was so scared! I thought that if I had done that to you, you…you might never want to see me again. I couldn't face that, so I-I ran away… again. Like I always do."
He grew silent again. Asuka sighed to herself and took another sip of her coffee.
"Look," She said after a pause. Shinji brought his gaze up from the teacup in his hands and stared at her. "I know that you think that I can't understand what you feel."
"No." He said. "No one can ever understand anyone! My father… he wanted me try to kill you! I was so scared that you would never want to see me again because I was too weak to try and save you. I was scared that you'd be angry at me, that you might even hate me!"
"Hate you?" Asuka said incredulously. "You did save me, you big dope! Why would I be angry if the person that I cared about most in the world saved me?"
"I-I thought that I had let you die Asuka… You don't know what it's like to see the only thing you've ever let yourself care about be destroyed in front of your eyes! My father…"
"Shinji," Asuka interrupted, reaching out a hand and placing it over his. "I know what your father has done to you. When I say that I understand, I mean it. Maybe better than anyone else could, I know what it means to you to be treated the way you are by him."
"How could you know?" Shinji asked with real passion in his voice. "How could you understand? You always been the best, always been praised! I-I only want him to see how hard I'm working just trying to live up to him… but all he does is reject me and try to destroy anything I care about! He tried to make me kill you Asuka! How could you understand how that feels?"
The silence between them after his outburst was heavy and oppressive. As he looked over at Asuka he face was obscured by her hair as she hung her head down.
"I-I'm sorry, Asuka." He began. "I didn't mean…"
The redhead held up her hand and the words died on is lips. Slowly she raised her head. He was shocked to see the lone tear that ran down her bruised cheek. The blueness of her moisture filled eyes seemed intensified by the emotion behind them.
"I do understand, Shinji. Maybe more than you know…"
He just nodded, still held speechless by her glistening eyes.
"You know…" She began almost tentatively a quiet sniff the only show of emotion in her voice. "The day I was chosen to become a pilot… was probably the worst day of my life."
"Worst?" Shinji interrupted incredulously. "But I thought…"
"That's right, Shinji. Worst." Asuka said harshly, cutting him off. "It left scars on me that I can't… That… that…"
"What do you mean, Asuka?" Shinji said. "I thought that you loved to pilot Eva. You're always so strong…. Me, I'm the weak one. I'm the one that runs from everything…"
"We were living with my Grandmother in Regensburg." Asuka suddenly began speaking again. He was surprised to see that her own gaze was now fixed back on her hands as they moved restlessly around the coffee cup in front of her on the table. "Mama... Mama had been sick for nearly six months at that time I think. We had just moved to the south so that Grandmother could look after her. My father," Asuka ground out the word. "Well he had run off with the chief doctor at the psychiatric ward Mama had been in before that. Bastard."
"That's awful." Shinji said with some sympathy.
"It wasn't so bad actually." Asuka answered. "We weren't far from the woods; sometimes Grandmother and I would wheel Mama out into the garden. We could just see the forest from her terrace. I remember that there were butterflies. They were so pretty. Grandmother would point them out to me and I'd try to chase them."
"Sounds nice."
"It was." Asuka replied. "Sometimes I still feel like I can still smell those woods if I think about them hard enough."
"I-I wish that I had happy memories like that." Shinji said.
"Then one day the package came." Asuka continued flatly. "Grandmother took it from the courier and gave it to me. All that it contained was a set of ceramic neural clips and a note requesting that I present myself to the chief medical officer of NERV at New Peenemünde in northern Germany by the end of the week. I was only five, but I knew what it meant. Mama had been working so hard on Project E before… her accident. She always told me that I would be the pilot. She said that it would be the greatest joy she could have to see her daughter piloting her robot. She told me that I would become the savior of Humanity."
Shinji just nodded, he could see that Asuka's eyes had a faraway look to them. She was, even now, still seeing the events of that day.
"I ran to tell Mama." Asuka's voice broke a little at this, but no other sign of emotion crossed the redhead's features. "I ran down the hall, I can still remember the sound of my shoes clomping on the wooden floorboards. I ran and flung to door open to announce my triumph. Now Mama would be proud of me. Now she wouldn't need to be sick anymore. Now she might love me again instead of that stupid doll!"
The café was silent now. The drunks had left and the owner was busy at the till. Apart from her they were all alone in there.
"Mama was hanging from an old iron light fitting in the ceiling." Asuka said simply. "Her face was purple and swollen. Her eyes bulged out. I remember the smell… She…she had… when she had…" Asuka put her hands over her eyes. "Even the doll, that fucking dead eyed doll… She had hung it too. Its head had been nearly ripped off by the force of it as she had tried to kill it."
"That… That's awful." Shinji said in horror.
Asuka didn't even seem to hear him. "She thought it was me…"
"What?"
"She thought it was me!" Asuka said more forcefully. "It had roughly cut red hair; it had "ASUKA" scrawled on its frilly red dress. When she strangled that fucking doll, she thought that she was killing me!"
"Asuka…"
"Now do you still think that I don't understand rejection? Now do you think that I don't know what it's like to put your soul into something and knowing that you can never, ever, be good enough?"
"I-I'm sorry, Asuka." Shinji replied sadly. "I didn't know… You're always so strong I just thought that…"
Asuka sighed. "You just thought that everyone else was going along just fine and you were the only one struggling to hold it together in this whole clusterfuck of a world. Am I right?"
Shinji just nodded.
The redheaded girl just smiled at him. He couldn't help but be struck by the beauty of that smile; even with several stray tears still rolling down her pale cheeks. "Well, I've figured something out in the last month or so, Shinji." She said. "Just about everyone else feels pretty much the same way."
"You think?"
"Definitely."
Finally Shinji smiled back at her. Asuka felt her heart begin to hammer in her chest as she saw that she had finally really reached him. Feeling her strength and resolve growing within her, she stood up. The noise of her chair scraping on the tiled floor echoing through the empty café. Grinning, Asuka held out her non-bandaged hand towards him.
"Come on, Shinji." She said with a sniff. "Let's go home. I'll even let you make me pancakes!"
He stood up and took hold of her hand. As always he was amazed at how cool and soft it felt in his own hand, nothing like the girl it belonged to. Although now, he felt that maybe he had been mistaken all along about the German girl.
Leaving some money and a tip on the counter for the owner, the two pilots walked hand in hand out into the Tokyo-03 night.
The train ride through Tokyo-03's inner suburbs to their local station was mostly done in silence. Hands clasped firmly they sat nestled together in the carriage, both enjoying the sensation of touch that their close proximity brought them.
Stepping off the train and walking down the brightly lit platform to the station exit, Asuka couldn't help but remember what it had looked like before. A grey, lifeless ruin, with heavy snow drifts piling up and threatening to engulf it. Ruined and gutted trains, some lying on their sides, littered along the tracks.
It seemed surreal to her even now how intact everything was. Seeing it all now filled her with a sense of mixed happiness and fear that caused her to squeeze Shinji's hand all the tighter as they walked down the road that exited the station car park. Shinji squeezed her hand back in return and gave her a nervous, but warm and genuine smile. She smiled back at him and, on an impulse, leaned in and kissed him forcefully on the lips. The redhead almost laughed as he started with surprise before returning the kiss. Just as quickly they broke off and Asuka could feel the heat of the blush that she was pleased was hidden in the dim light from the streetlamps.
She drank in the warmth and tranquility of the night as they walked on. The gentle night breeze that rustled the leaves of the perpetually green trees. The sounds of crickets and unseen night creatures that filled the air with the sounds of life. She felt so alive. So full of energy. Asuka wondered briefly if her memories of trudging down this very road, dragging that heavy sled through the snow and ice, with her body emaciated and aching, was perhaps some kind of fevered dream. Without even realising she brought her hand up to her eye. The skin there was smooth and unmarked. Gone was the rough and puckered scar that marked her defeat at the hands of the Mass Production Evangelions. No sharp pain lanced through her skull at the merest touch of her bandaged hand.
She was alive. Shinji was alive. Misato and Kaji and Hikari and all of the others were alive. She had survived the 13th Angel. Just. Maybe, just maybe, she had a chance of actually making it out of this in one piece.
"Asuka?"
"Hmm?" She replied, still lost in her own thoughts.
"Are you okay?" Shinji asked her with a slightly worried look on his face.
Taking a second to clear her head she saw that they had stopped just across the road from the entrance to the parking garage for their apartment block. "Of course I'm okay!" She said quickly. "Why wouldn't I be?"
"I don't know." Shinji replied. "You just seemed to space out there for a minute." He gestured to the darkened entrance to the car park that still, to Asuka, seemed like the ominous and threatening maw of some sunken monster. "You want to take the stairs, like usual?" Shinji said, beginning to lead her towards the opening of the stairwell.
He was quickly brought up short by Asuka's hand holding him back. The redhead had not moved from where they had been standing. He eyes were still fixed on the entrance. In her mind she could see the whole building condensed to just a pile of concrete, glass and twisted steel. There had been, since she had returned, something threatening about the car park entrance. She had avoided it ever since that first night with Misato.
The German girl shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts. Bringing her bandaged hand up to her face she pushed her hair back from her face and looked Shinji squarely in the eyes. "What are you, stupid or something?" She said with a grin. "There's like three hundred freaking stairs up there! Let's take the lift!"
Before Shinji could do anything more than smile uncertainly, the redhead grabbed his hand tightly in hers and dragged across the street and into the entrance beyond.
Their footsteps echoed loudly in the concrete cavern of the car park. Shinji had the impression of being hauled bodily at speed by his fellow pilot as she made a beeline for the lift doors. Asuka pressed the up button at least a dozen times in the seven seconds or so it took the lift doors to open and dragged him inside. The doors slowly closed behind them.
"Come on, how long do these Japanese lifts take to travel a couple of floors!"
"Asuka, are you sure you're okay?"
She spun around to face him. "Of course I'm okay!" She said for the second time that night.
"I-I'm glad."
The redhead smiled at him, even in her bruised face her blue eyes shining, though the look in them was verging on predatory. "Thank you Shinji… So am I…"
"You're wel…" He was unable to say more as Asuka virtually leaped on him, her arms wrapping around him and her lips pressed to his passionately.
There was a loud 'ding' and the lift doors slowly rattled open.
Asuka pulled slightly back from the embrace, though her arms still clutched Shinji tightly.
"You know something, Shinji." Asuka said breathily. "I'm sick of pussyfooting around this…"
"Huh?"
Pulling him roughly through the door and down the corridor towards their apartment door.
Once inside the darkened apartment, Asuka didn't even wait for Shinji to take his shoes off at the entryway before once again pouncing upon him. The redhead pressed herself against him and kissed him passionately, forcing him back to the wall to try and balance himself. After some initial tentative moves to embrace her, he returned her kisses with equal fervour. How long they remained clasped together like that neither of them knew, all either of them was aware of was the sudden and overwhelming sense of true connection with the other and the urgency and heat of their need.
Finally Asuka broke off their embrace and clasped Shinji hand in her own as she led him towards the bedroom that they had shared for the last several months.
"Fuck pancakes!" Asuka breathed hoarsely. "I've got a better idea!"
She could sense his churning thoughts even through the fog of her own sleepiness. She turned over in the small bed and opened her eyes to look at him. In the dim blue light cast through the bedroom window she could see Shinji's own eyes shining clearly. His brow was furrowed in a slight frown. Even though he must have known that she was awake too, and looking right at him, he remained staring intently at the ceiling above them.
"Shinji." She said softly. His eyes narrowed slightly, but otherwise remained fixed.
Asuka propped herself up on her arms, feeling the sheets sliding off torso, leaving her bare upper body exposed in the cool night air. She made no attempt to cover herself.
"Shinji." She said again. "Look at me."
His eyes moved down to look at her. Quickly she saw his gaze rest on her face, before quickly flicking down to take in her naked body. Just as quickly he returned to looking at the ceiling again. She could see the fear and shame in his eyes now.
"Shinji… I said look at me!" Asuka repeated in a fierce whisper. She reached forward, clasping his face gently in her hands, feeling her own forearms touch his bare chest as she leaned forward and forced him to look into her eyes. Finally his gaze met her own. She could still feel the anxiety that constantly enveloped him. The continuous fear and second-guessing the world that even here covered him like a shroud.
Asuka let her features soften and felt a small smile form unbidden on her lips. Even now he still doubted…
"So…" She began. "What'chya thinking?"
"I…." Shinji began uncertainly. "…nothing."
"You know, once upon a time, I would have believed that. Not anymore. Tell me."
He held her gaze, but the answer seemed to be still trapped inside him.
"Let me guess." Asuka finally said. "You think that tomorrow morning I'm gonna wake up, see you next to me like this, remember what we just did and completely lose my shit, don't you?
Shinji swallowed loudly, but his eyes never left hers, nor did he attempt to answer.
"You're scared that I'm going to hate you." She continued. "That I'm going to yell and scream, call you a pervert, just like Asuka Langley Soryu always does. You're terrified that now your fragile little world is going to come crashing down around you. Aren't you?"
Finally, Shinji nodded.
Asuka sighed heavily. "Has it ever occurred to you, that just maybe this is something that I've wanted all along too? That maybe I'm actually happy that after all of this time we've finally done this?"
Shinji's eyes widened. "Really?" He answered in a whisper. "You… you always wanted this too?"
Asuka did not speak. Clasping his face even more firmly between her hands she leaned forward and kissed him gently on the lips. Shinji closed his eyes, the cares falling away from his face. Softly Asuka slid her right hand away from his cheek. Then she curled up her middle fingers and flicked him squarely between the eyes.
"Oww!" He exclaimed, his eyes opening in surprise and his hand going to his forehead.
"Let me make one thing perfectly clear, Third!" Asuka said with a grin. "This is not a fluke!"
End Chapter 12
So, this chapter is actually only the first half of the one that I had originally planned. Not to mention it ended up taking a very different direction than the original chapter 12 was going to.
This part kind of grew into something much larger. The upside being that the next half/chapter shouldn't be too far off.
Some might think that Shinji might have been a little out of character in his altercation with the drunk. I disagree. From his actions in the series I feel that he can be brave and resourceful, especially if pushed beyond a certain point. Also, his relationship with a certain time-travelling redhead has changed him more than even he would admit, methinks.
I apologize again for the delay. Sometimes life just conspires to derail your best intentions. Further updates will occur in a much more timely fashion!
Thanks for reading!
Cheers
Donderkind.