Drunk

January 10th, 2024; Floor 51: the city of Vulci

"Are you really okay, Shi?" asked Naomi as she sat down next to me. I turned away, hoping I wouldn't meet her gaze. I didn't want her to see me break down in front of her as I drown my sorrows in another glass of ale.

"Please. I want to know if you are okay." she asked again. I ignored her. I just didn't want to respond. I didn't know how. I had just been getting nightmares recently, bringing back very bad memories.

"I'm fine." I mumbled. I just wanted to be alone. I just didn't want anyone to see me be weak. I didn't want my teammates to see me be weak like this.

"Are you?" she pressed on.

"Yeah, I am." I mumbled a little louder.

"Shi..."

"I said I'm fine! Now leave me alone!" I pounded the table. The tavern got quiet real quick after that. I could feel the daggers of people's stares. After a few tense seconds because of my actions, the people returned to their conversations.

That was the first time I have raised my voice at a woman. I felt sick to my stomach.

Naomi backed up a little bit. She took a cautious step back, with her hands up in surrender. I continued to look away as she walked out of the tavern.

I took another sip of my drink in the city tavern. I felt the bitter liquid hit the back of my throat as I forced it down. I just wanted to be flat out drunk that night. I just wanted to forget those horrible experiences of a soldier. I just wanted to forget Ryan and Taylor and all the other people I let down in that mission a few years ago. I just wanted to let go.

A cacophony of laughter broke into my thoughts.

"I'll meet you guys later! I'll just get a couple more for the road!" exclaimed one man from the table behind me.

"Alright. See ya, chief." replied another guy as he and his friends exited the tavern. I finished the last of my glass.

"Another one, will ya?" I asked the lady NPC tending the bar.

"Make that two." I heard a voice next to me. I saw one guy sitting down onto the stool at the bar. He had red hair with a bandana with the same color on his head. His chin had little speckles of a beard. He wore some sort of samurai get up.

"What happened to you?" asked the guy as he saw my face. I guess I can't be alone here.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Your eyes are red." replied the man. Red?

I looked at the reflection of my face on my empty glass. Indeed, my eyes were red. Tears on my cheeks disappeared in lights. I was crying.

"Fuck." I murmured.

"Language." said the man.

"Sorry. Force of habit."

"Well, this game brings out bad habits."

"Old habits die hard." I looked back at him. He smiled.

"Name's Klein." He stretched out his hand.

"Shi." I shook his hand.

"I know. You're on the assault team. Team D, right?"

"Yeah. Squad leader." Just as I said that our drinks arrived.

"Of course you are. The soldier always leads."

I paused. How did this guy know I was a soldier? Is he part of Laughing Coffin? I know I am marked, but I didn't think they would approach me.

He probably knew that I was having a mini heart attack when he said "Yeah, I remember you from the first-floor boss. You punched 'Cactus Head' Kibaou and gave that whole 'I am a soldier and beta tester' speech. That was awesome." He laughed. I just smirked to be friendly.

"You remember that, huh?" I said, "Oh well, Rangers lead the way."

I took my mug of ale and drank half of it down in one gulp.

"Jesus, are you trying to get drunk?" asked Klein.

"Yeah. 'Cause fuck it, you know?" I took another huge gulp.

I just found out the other day from an informant named Argo that I could get drunk if I drink enough of this cat piss of a drink. This shit tastes disgusting, but I don't care. I'm just gonna let its effects take my mind and memories away from this world.

"Well, what's your damage?" I asked the red-haired man. He clearly didn't know what I meant.

"What do you mean?"

"You're talking to a man who wants to be shitfaced the next day. Why?"

"We're all brothers here. You're my brother. Your brothers are my brothers. Everyone here is brothers to me and you."

Everyone here is my brothers and sisters. Even those that I don't know, they are my brothers and sisters. Back in 'Stan, my battle buddies were my brothers. Ryan was my brother that I never had. Taylor was that perky sister that always seemed to lighten the mood.

"Amen, brother." I picked up my mug and Klein did the same. A clink was heard as we tapped each other's glasses. I finished the rest of my drink as Klein barely got it to his lips.

I ordered another drink as Klein finished his.

"Anyways, I'm gonna go meet up with some friends. Just promise one thing, will ya?" Klien said as he set down his mug.

"What?" I asked.

"Don't get too drunk that you're gonna do something stupid, alright?"

"I can't promise you anything, brother."

"Man, I hope you can get help."

Get help. That's all they ever say to me. Get help. It's fucking annoying. I don't need help. I got here just fine. I don't need help.

"Whatever man." I say as my third glass comes to my table. Just as Klein was about to stand up, he paused to ask me something.

"Oh, and that chick? The chick you were talking to earlier?"

"Yeah? What about her?"

I noticed he started to turn a little red. What the fuck is he gonna ask me?

"Is she, like, seeing someone at the moment?" he squeaked.

This boy's tryna hook up with Naomi. Okay... then. Is he one of those guys who tries to get laid but never does?

"Uh." I muttered.

"I mean, if she's going out with you, that's fine. But if not..."

This son of a bitch already fell in love with Naomi. I just love to mess him up with this by giving a vague answer.

"She probably is seeing someone. I never really know. All she does is go on boss raids with me, goes to the bar with me. We sleep in the same bed. But, she might not be seeing anyone. Who knows? Tell ya what. How 'bout you ask her yourself?"

The look on his face was funny as hell. It was hard to keep a straight face.

"I... uh..." Klein pointed to the door.

"Oh yeah, go ahead! If you want, you could try to find her and ask her!" I taunted him. It was either me or the alcohol talking at that point.

Klein stood up unsteadily and tried to walk out of the tavern. Finally, some alone time.

Two hours later

"Ugh, fuck." I said as I rested my head on the bar. I had a splitting headache. My brain felt like it was spinning and I felt like shit. I don't know how many mugs I've had. Maybe three or four? I'm not really good with alcohol.

I stumbled outside to the cobblestone streets of Vulci. Streetlamps dotted the city like the night sky above. The whole world was spinning.

Where was the inn? I walked down the streets that seemed to curve and bend every which way.

I don't know how, but I somehow got to the inn without falling flat on my face. I shuffled upstairs to my room. At least, I thought it was. Naomi was supposed to bunk with Hana tonight because she was having nightmares of her own and Haru was staying back at the base in Grandzam for some therapy about his sister, so I was supposed to have my own room.

I felt my face hit the bed and my back hit the floor. I heard a muffled voice, but I don't know who it was.

"Fuck me." I mumbled. I was really dizzy. My vision blurred and contorted. Damn, my head hurts.

I opened my eyes to see a figure crouched over me. Miya's red hair flowed over her shoulders. Her eyes still sparkled in my murky vision.

"Shi?" asked the young woman, although her voice sounded a little muffled. My hearing was jacked up, but my vision seemed to come back a little bit.

Miya started to look a little... cute. Like really cute. Ryan would say kawaii.

"Miya?" I asked.

"Shi, what happened? Are you okay?" She lifted me up and rested me on the bed. My head rested on a pillow. At least, I thought it was a pillow. Miya ruffled my hair a little.

"I am goooood." I slurred, "I jush drunk some beer an' I feel happy." God, I mumble like a moron when I'm drunk.

"Oh. He's drunk." I heard Miya say under her breath. I don't really care at this moment though. But seriously though, Miya's lookin' kinda fly.

"Heyyyyyyy... Warsh cookin', good lookin'?" At this time, I didn't know what I was doing.

"Uh, Shi? Are you good?" I felt Miya's hand stop midstroke as she looked at me with inquisitive eyes.

"Yeah! I'm 'n the pwesence of a pwetty woman! Why wouldn't I?" I asked, my speech slurring. God, she looked, even more, prettier than usual. I just wanna touch her porcelain face. I reached my hand up to her face to touch it, only for it to be slapped away.

"Stop it." asked Hana.

"I wanna touch your face..."

"You're drunk."

"So?"

"You're not thinking straight."

"Yeah, I am."

"No, you are not." she insisted.

"Shure I am."

She rolled her eyes in defeat. "Whatever."

I struggled to sit up, but I ended up sitting on the edge of the bed, my hand steadying my body so that I don't fall off the bed. Miya got up and went to the desk at the wall to adjust some things.

"I want to go for a walk." I tried to stand up but tripped and fell. I'm way to drunk for this. Looking back on it, it was pretty fun at the time. I didn't give a shit about anything. Miya begged to differ.

I clumsily opened the door that was in my way of getting out of the room. By the time Miya was aware of what I was doing, I was already halfway down the hallway.

"Shi!" Miya called out from the door. Me, being too drunk to pay attention, ignored her. When I got to the stairs, I heard the sound of footsteps running to meet me. I took a step forward onto the stairwell and fell down. I fell face first onto the carpeted floor. I heard Miya's footsteps going down the stairs.

"Oh look. I fell." I said as I pushed myself off the ground. I stood up straight and started walking to the exit as Miya got in the way.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. You are in no shape to go out. At least, not by yourself." she scolded me. Miya placed her hands on my shoulder as we gazed into each other's eyes. Damn, she looks pretty right now.

"Well then! You're gonna go with me!" I exclaimed.

She seemed to think about it for a bit.

"Fine. Let me just get something." Miya ran back upstairs to her room. Finally, I can go.

I stumbled out into the street, which was deserted by now. The inn that I stayed at was near the city entrance. I could easily just go out of the city and mess around in a kill zone. My drunk ass made me go to the woods outside of the settlement.

The dirt path that I walked on bent and curved as if I was going in a circle. I could barely walk in a straight line. The trees seemed to sway, even though there was no breeze out. The stars above seemed to appear as if they were lines of light. The hills seemed like mountains.

"Shi! Wait!" I heard Miya call back to me. I just shuffled along. "Shi! Wait a freaking minute!" She ended up catching up with me. "Shi! Oh my God!"

"I'm fine. I am not hurt."

"It's dangerous to be alone out here, Shi! What were you thinking?"

"I thought no one will attack me."

"Right. He's too wasted to think." I heard her whisper under her breath.

We walked forward. We must have walked for about an hour or so before I drunkenly decided to climb a hill. That wasn't a good idea.

I fell face first onto the tree roots, jarring my head. I sort of felt that.

"Ow." I said. I didn't slur that time.

"Shi! You okay?" Miya bent down over my head. "God, this was not a good idea." I heard her loud and clear. I felt her flip me so that I lay on my back.

"Ugh, what happened?" I asked groggily. My vision was still sort of blurry, but it was clearing up. I saw Miya's face over me, watching with wary eyes. My head still swam and spun like a carnival ride. I tried to stand, but a wave of nausea forced me back down.

"You fell. That's what happened." Miya sat down next to me and lifted my head. She placed my head down onto something soft. It felt like a pillow. What the hell?

I tried to rub my head and felt something smooth. It felt like skin.

Skin. I swear if she's using her lap to rest my head, I'm gonna run if I could. I didn't want Naomi to see me here. To be honest, Miya has been showing more and more signs of God knows what. I still have my heart set on Naomi, not Miya.

Wait, I just had my first reasonable thought of the night. Is the alcohol clearing up? Also, does Miya still think I'm still drunk? Hell, I could use that to my advantage.

My head was pounding like a sledgehammer to a wall. When I said that I wasn't good with alcohol, I really meant that I'm not normal. I chug a shit ton of alcohol and I'll be drunk. Usually, it takes the average person to have a hangover. I get hangovers an hour later, giving me headaches and lots of fucking nausea. Then I keep those hangover symptoms for about another day.

But, I can still think somewhat clearly considering. I'm probably having a hangover now. I just want to hurl because of it. But at least I can think.

"Hey, Miya. I got a question." I said to the girl.

"Yeah? What is it?"

"Do you love me?"

"You're drunk and you'll probably forget it in the morning."

"Still. Do you love me?" I asked.

Miya's cheeks turned red. She was blushing like a tomato now. She seemed to be thinking about a response for a second or two. She looked down in embarrassment.

"I... Yeah, I do." she finally said. Yeah, now I confirmed that she loves me. Wow, I've never had anyone like me that way. Damn. Do you get that feeling?

"Why? Why do you love a man who is fucked up in the head?" I asked. My PTSD from Afghanistan had made me do different fucking choices here. Some of them good, some of them dumb. My therapist told me to avoid as many PTSD triggers, but this whole game is like a machine gun of triggers.

"Because, deep down, I know you are determined to get us out of here, even if you yourself will end up dead. I just want to know why. Why do you care about other people enough to put your life on the line for them? And I'm not talking about me, Naomi, Haru, and Hana. I'm talking about those people you don't know. Why?"

It was my turn to answer.

"It's because I'm a soldier. It's my instinct to protect those who cannot protect themselves. It is my duty to put my life on the line to save others, even if I end up dead by daylight. I failed my friends in Afghanistan, I will not make the same mistake twice." I gave her my answer to that difficult question.

"Just promise me one thing."

"What's that?" I asked.

"Please, just don't get yourself killed in the process. Don't try to be the hero. Please. I don't want you to die." I saw tears streaming down her eyes.

"Please. I want to just get out of this game alive. I want to spend my life with you. Please. Don't die. Please." Miya started sobbing.

I reached my hand up to her cheek. I put it on her jaw. She leaned her head on my hand as if it was a phone. I felt her shoulders rising and falling from each harsh breath. I felt the tears landing on my hand just before they disappeared into sprinkles of light.

"I promise." I said. I know I can't make promises. I've made a promise to Ryan that I would get him out of Afghanistan even if I wouldn't. I failed him. I failed Taylor. I just didn't want to see Miya cry like this.

"I promise."

After that, she lifted my head once more and set it down onto the wet grass. She was giving me a lap pillow! God, I see more anime cliques the longer I've been here. She laid down next to me. She put her arm on my chest and went to sleep right away. Might as well get some shut-eye as well. I'm testing my luck and praying to God that some fucker won't kill me or her here.

Morning

"Ahem." I heard someone cleared her throat, which woke me up. I open my eyes slowly. Sunlight stung my eyes way too much. I still have that splitting headache and that feeling that I'm gonna throw up my lunch. Light sensitivity is a bitch in the morning.

But finally, I opened my eyes. I saw the pissed face of Naomi and the watchful eyes of Haru and Hana behind her.

"Shi? Can you explain this?" she asked as she gestured to Miya's arm on my chest and my arm on hers. Oh fuck. She caught us. Miya stirred in her sleep and woke up.

Miya rubbed her eyes and yawned. She did not open them though and didn't notice Naomi and the two standing there. She started talking.

"Shi, thanks for last night. I needed that." Miya murmured under her sleep. Now, Naomi's eyes were aflame. Oh, I'm in it for life now.

I saw Haru snicker, trying to suppress a laugh. Hana's lips tightened as if she was trying to smile.

"She doesn't mean it that way!" I exclaim in a panic.

"This ain't it, chief." Haru ended up laughing. Naomi still glared at me.

I felt my face turn pale as snow as Naomi's turned red as fire. She raised her hand to slap me. Fuck me. Wack! The side of my face turned red from Naomi's hand. Haru doubled over and laughed as hard as he can. I give a nervous chuckle and quickly ran back to town. I just let my legs take over.

Back in Vulci

"Oh. My. God. I'm an idiot." I said as I pounded my head against the bridge that gave people a pathway to get across a little stream. Why did I fall asleep next to her? Why did I let her put her hand on my chest. Why was mine on hers? Why?

"Lemme guess. Got a little too drunk?" asked a voice next to me. I turned to look. It was Klein, with a smug smirk on his face. I guess that's his whole persona. He's very friendly.

"Yeah. And I got a bad hangover right now." I replied.

"That's what you get for drinking too much."

"Yeah, that wasn't a good idea to drink."

"What happened?"

"I ended up hitting on one of my friends and another caught me with her."

"How drunk did you get?" asked Klein.

"I told you. I got drunk as hell."

"I told you not to do anything stupid."

Klein leaned against the bridge and casually propped his leg up. I opened my inventory and started messing around in there.

"Did you apologize yet?"

Apologize? What is he talking about?

"That chick in the bar you yelled at yesterday. Did you kiss and make up yet?"

Right! Naomi! Oh, I forgot!

"No, I didn't. I forgot."

I tapped on one of the items on my list. A piece of black cloth with a sort of white pattern appeared in my hands. What I was holding was folded into a triangle. It may seem like a bandana, but it was actually something that I kept safe. I wore something like this in Afghanistan, so I kept this thing. It was the only item that reminds me that I have survived 'Stan. This thing that I was holding was a shemagh.

I put the shemagh on my face and put it down to my neck, letting it hang like a scarf.

I kept it as a reminder. It was supposed to remind me that I was a survivor. That I have survived a war zone. If I can survive that hell, I could survive this hell. I just feel guilty for those who didn't.

I put it on in honor of my fallen battle buddies. I guess this is a better alternative to remembering Ryan and Taylor then getting drunk.

"Well, there she is now. Go ahead and do it." Klein got up and walked away. He walked past Naomi, who was approaching me.

"Hey..." Naomi waved a loose hand.

"Hey. Look, I... um... about last night..." I stammered.

"What about last night?" she asked.

"I... uh... I am sorry. I'm sorry for yelling at you. I shouldn't have."

"No, you shouldn't."

"I've acted inappropriately. It's just that... I dunno. I just wanted to get drunk. I'm sorry. I shouldn't do that. I just-" I paused.

Naomi took one step closer to me. I took one step closer to her. She took another step. I took another step. We were now face to face, just staring into each other's eyes. Her light brown eyes surprisingly went well with her blond hair. She tied up her hair up into a bun, with strands of hair sticking out like spider legs. Her rosy cheeks contrasted very well with the rest of her face.

"It doesn't matter now. All that does is that you're here now, and I'm here with you." Naomi reached in and hugged me by my waist. I did the same.

"Remember," she continued, "we're here for you. I am here for you. And I will stay with you until we get out of here. You should never go back to the tavern. At least, not without us."

She put her head on my chest. I put my head next to hers. She was my shoulder to cry on. And so I did. And there went the waterworks.

"There's my baby soldier."

I cried for a solid minute or two.

"You know, you've changed. When I met you, I thought I had to protect you. But now, look at you. You don't need me." I said as I tried to calm down from crying.

"I know that I don't need you, but I know you need me. Even if I had the chance to abandon you for myself, I wouldn't take that chance. I'd stay with you till the end of the line."

"You're not a soldier. You don't need to make these sacrifices."

"You don't need to be a soldier to make these sacrifices. You just have to make the right choice, even if the right choice is the hardest one."

Even if the right choice is the hardest one.

"What made you leave Afghanistan and make it back home was the hardest choice you have probably had. Making it back into society was the right choice, and it was probably the hardest one."

"The hardest part was leaving my only friends behind. I left her in the middle of the street, bleeding out and dying. I left him in that ditch, destined to rot. I regret that decision up until this day." I hugged her tighter and cried harder.

People say that the battlefield is hell on earth on the soldier. That ain't the case, though. Hell on earth is found in those trying to move on from the battlefield. Hell on earth is found in those trying to forget the past. Hell on earth is found in our souls, hearts, and minds.

I may have come home alive, but I came home broken. I try to forgive myself, but I can never do that. I guess some mistakes aren't meant to be forgiven.

A/N: Hey guys! Remember when I said I would try to post weekly? Well, I probably ain't gonna do that. School's a bitch and all. So yeah, expect the chapters to be uploaded a little slower.