[ Please don't worry if the title is a little confusing. It's referring directly to the lyrics of the song 'The Hunter Gets Captured by the Game' (Massive Attack does the best cover for it), of which this story is named for. I'll explain it a bit more in the next chapter, but please feel free to google the lyrics before then. =)
OMG READ THIS PART: Okay, there is a short scene in here that you may or may not want to read. Sounds familiar, right? Kind of like the warning in chapter 8? This is a relatively tame one, actually, so don't get too flustered. And, as always, here is your ever-so-helpful installment of The Friendly Neighborhood Yaoi Survival Guide!
Here's what you do: When you see the word 'tangerine', start reading with caution! I know, I know, it's a ridiculous key-word, but just roll with me on this. The scene is only a few paragraphs, and it's not too graphic, so escaping trauma should be relatively simple. Good luck trooper! =D ]
Book XII: And is the Game the Rabbit That the Fox was Chasing, or the Trap That the Man Set?
Kakashi's eye snapped open in wild alarm and he swallowed a gasp, blinking at the shadowy half-lit forms of tree trunks a few feet away as he struggled to untangle his mind from the vivid nightmare. Pushing himself up to sit on his bedroll, he twitched his cloak open so it was off his legs and draped behind his shoulders. With a silent sigh he kneaded the back of his neck and willed his headache away as the lingering images of an old forgotten mission flickered behind his closed eyes and the whispered memories of screams echoed in his ears.
"Senpai?" Tenzou's voice asked quietly from Kakashi's left.
"Hmm?" When there wasn't a response, Kakashi opened his eye and turned a lazy inquiring gaze to the man sitting watch for the second half of the night.
The shade of understanding and concern in Tenz-Yamato's somewhat guarded expression made Kakashi cringe inwardly. Every night for the past week he'd woken up from a nightmare, and it was starting to wear on him. Bad dreams weren't uncommon for shinobi, especially if they'd worn an ANBU mask at some point. In actuality, it was much more surprising if a shinobi didn't have them on occasion. However, suffering from them night after night was never a good sign - particularly while out on a mission -, and Yamato had every right to start hovering around the taboo subject. One does not simply come out and ask a man about his nightmares.
Kakashi shrugged in mute response and leaned back on his hands, looking up at the low canopy of leaves illuminated by the small fire Yamato was tending. He idly contemplated coming up with a blatant lie if Yamato pressed the issue, but that would probably just make things worse. Then he toyed with the idea of telling the truth, but the notion was rejected as soon as it formed. Barring the fact that he couldn't speak about the root of his troubles with anyone, he honestly did not want to see that look of horrified shock and disbelief quite yet. Even if it would only be fleeting before the anger kicked in and Yamato went Scary-face Mode on him for making such an absurd and tasteless joke.
No, he'd get enough of that when he returned to Konoha. He'd gotten lucky so far, having this assignment dropped in his lap by a familiar and oddly skittish ANBU agent while he'd been doing laundry shortly after Naruto had left his apartment. He hadn't had to face anyone in the village, and he'd used the day and a half it had taken him to reach the outpost that was directing the mission to steel his nerves and bury any outward signs that something was different. Unfortunately, his subconscious wasn't playing along, and he couldn't stop the nightmares.
He also couldn't stop coming up with reasons against the as yet unknown relationship between himself and Naruto. They piled themselves on top of each other in a twisted snarl, all linked in some way or another. He'd started off with one, and that had led him to another, which led him to two more, which both led him to more, and more. The nightmares added to the weight, gnawing at his patience and composure. He couldn't wall everything off like he used to, and he could feel his temper getting shorter by the day. The internal structure he'd built and maintained so painstakingly over his lifetime had crumbled, leaving everything in a scattered disarray that he couldn't do anything about because he had to wait.
He'd destroyed the original cornerstone holding the walls up himself and allowed Naruto to replace it, but that was all Kakashi had. Just a single new and excruciatingly unfamiliar cornerstone. Just one warm block he could lean against to ease the screeching itch in his blood that ached for Naruto's company. It provided a small island of serene calm within the turmoil battering around in his head and chest. It kept him quiet when the urge to spill his guts clawed at the back of his throat. It was almost easy to forget the bad memories and guilt when he was there, to ignore the suffocating pressure and simply...breathe for a little while.
"You know, Senpai," Yamato said thoughtfully, breaking into Kakashi's musings. "It probably isn't any of my business to say this, but-"
"Then why are you saying it?" Kakashi drawled pointedly, not turning his gaze from the undulating waves of motion the cool breeze was stirring in the treetops. He really did not want to maneuver his way through an unwanted conversation with a man who knew too much about him.
"Well, lately you've been looking..."
As Yamato trailed off, searching for the right word, Kakashi started scrolling through the likely possibilities that would finish the sentence. Tired? Conflicted? Distracted? Guilty? Irritable?
"...happy."
Wow, that was definitely unexpected. Kakashi turned a startled expression to the younger man watching him with a mixture of curiosity and embarrassment in his dark eyes. Surprise quickly shifted to suspicion, but for all his scrutiny he couldn't pick up the baited lie in Yamato's features.
"I mean it," Yamato chuckled, pulling his cloak a little tighter around his shoulders and stirring the small campfire with a thin branch before leaning back against the tree trunk behind him. "It seems like everyone's been getting some kind of good news. Sai said something about having his first 'epiphany' the last time I saw him."
"Now there's a disturbing notion," Kakashi said, trying to steer the conversation in a safer direction. He was starting to feel a bit uncomfortable at the way his head was still reeling from Yamato's honest assessment of his apparently unconscious display of a cheerful demeanor. Shit, he needed to fix that fast.
"A little, yes," Yamato conceded with a touch of humor. "He was practically buried under the strangest assortment of books at the library, saying he needed to do more research on bonds and relationships. Then Sayako got good news. Then you."
"Who?"
"She's the kunoichi you're filling in for. Didn't they tell you why you were sent out here?"
"The ANBU who practically threw the mission scroll at me from across the room didn't really stick around to chat," Kakashi replied, stretching out on his bedroll and lacing his hands behind his head.
"Senpai..." Yamato sighed in exasperation.
"So? Tell me this delightful reason why my day off was so rudely interrupted," Kakashi continued blithely.
"If you'd stop torturing the current ANBU agents, you might find yourself with more free time," Yamato retorted.
Kakashi simply shrugged and remained silent as a smirk tugged at his mouth.
"Sayako had to step down from the mission so she could go on maternity leave."
Kakashi's stomach sank and twisted, but he still gave the canopy a genuine smile. "That is good news," he said truthfully.
A comfortable silence fell between the two for several minutes, and Kakashi was thankful for the reprieve so he could swallow the pang of regret churning up his insides. It was both ridiculous and logical to be letting his mind travel way too damn far into the future of a relationship that couldn't even be called a relationship, yet. Naruto and he were stuck in the grey area of the borderlands, the thing between them remaining undefined until they could get together and talk about it. They weren't actually together, yet.
He sighed at his brain conjuring up the word 'yet' twice, and slung his arm over his eyes. Still, that's what made the train of thought logical; children were an issue that would inevitably come up, and he had a depressing lack of answers for it. He'd been on his own since he was six, and he'd never wanted kids. Or anyone else crowding his personal space, for that matter. Naruto had been orphaned at birth, and he was every bit the open-armed family type that Minato and Kushina had been. He latched onto people like a limpet and hoarded them like treasures, especially children.
Konohamaru had been the first, then Inari, Moegi, Udon, and the list just kept on growing. Nearly every kid in Konoha viewed Naruto as an older brother of sorts, and why wouldn't they? He was the village hero! Even if he liked to make an annoyed fuss when some of the bolder youngsters swarmed him with demands to tell stories or play, it was so heartbreakingly obvious the blonde craved it that it made Kakashi want to shrivel up and disappear. It didn't help matters that the remembered glimpses of those interactions were unbearably adorable.
Seriously, he needed to talk to Tsunade about fast-tracking Naruto through Jounin status so the idiot could get his greedy mitts on his own Genin team in a few years. If she was hesitant, he would volunteer to co-lead the team. That should dissuade any reservations on her part, and then they...could...do what, exactly?! Raise a pseudo-family of other people's kids?! What kind of bullshit was his mind even concocting?!
Yeah, he was a SHINING example of parenting! After adopting his first - and only - three children, he soon got one of them 'killed' due to his own over-confidence. He had known the fight against Haku would be tough, but he'd honestly thought Naruto and Sasuke would persevere if they worked together. They'd both had so much potential at that time it wasn't funny. But it hadn't been enough, and he'd failed as a guardian. His putting an end to the fight with Zabuza had come too late, and only the luck of having an opponent with a merciful heart had saved the teens.
It just got better after that, though! He'd entered them in the Chuunin exams, unknowingly offering up Sasuke to Orochimaru on a silver platter. He'd put his faith in the boy's willpower when he'd sealed the curse mark. But it still hadn't been enough! After Orochimaru's appearance and Kabuto's attack, he'd had no choice but to train Sasuke himself out in the middle of nowhere in order to protect him and everyone else. The location would have left Kabuto at a severe disadvantage in a one-on-one fight. The spy relied more on deception and cunning than sheer combat prowess.
It had also been isolated enough to spare Konoha any danger if Orochimaru had decided to show up, but it had still been within reach of swift reinforcements if it had happened. Sakura would have been safe within the village, and Naruto would have been safe with Ebisu. Sure, the other Jounin was something of a stick-in-the-mud, and Kakashi had been reluctant at first, but the Sandaime had been right when he'd said Ebisu's perception of Naruto had changed over the last several months. Plus, the man was a good teacher as well as strong and trustworthy enough to keep watch over the Hokage's grandson.
Oh, but wait, things just kept getting better and better! Teaching Sasuke the chidori, and training him how to fight so the boy could have the means to protect himself and his 'siblings' had backfired in the most horrific way imaginable. He hadn't been able to talk sense into Sasuke after his run-in with Itachi, and his need for revenge had consumed him to the point of leaving Naruto half-dead next to a river while he ran off to gain power from a serial killer. In the blink of an eye he lost custody of both remaining children, and was shuffled back into the fold of the unworthy because he couldn't abide his own failure. Because nothing he'd done had been enough!
And he had the unmitigated gall to think he was remotely qualified to make a second try at taking care of someone's kids?! Fuck, he couldn't even take care of himself! He was pathetic. Here he was, lost and floundering because after 27 years of being perfectly fine with his isolated life he suddenly didn't want to sit alone in the dark anymore. The man that impertinent, caring, irreverent blonde punk had grown up to become absolutely refused to let Kakashi unwind himself from around that stubborn finger. He was weak. He'd let Naruto in, and everything was in shambles after just one day. ONE DAY! One stupid impulsive day that...damn it...he was smiling. He really hated Yamato at that precise moment.
"While the subject of torture is still relatively fresh, I heard a rumor that you're teaching Naruto an old ANBU code," Yamato said, cutting into Kakashi's spiraling thoughts again as if on cue.
The Jounin grunted in reply, and he could almost hear the lifting of a dark eyebrow.
"So...how's that going?"
Kakashi felt the bark of laughter escape his mouth before he could even attempt to hold it back, and it was like the breaking of a dam. The mirth bled out of him in raspy tired chuckles as he let his arm flop off his eyes so he could see the wind play in the leaves above him.
"Awful," Kakashi grinned, the laughter still vibrating across his skin. "I told him to write a simple message requesting reinforcements. He handed me a request to assassinate the Hokage's seven wives...and their cats."
"Ouch," Yamato snerked. "How did you even get roped into trying to teach him?"
"I don't know," Kakashi sighed, rubbing his face. "Temporary insanity?"
"Ah, so you're not preparing him for-"
"He'll join ANBU over my dead body," Kakashi snapped darkly, a chill making his spine go rigid as bloody snapshots of his most recent nightmare flashed through his head. "And even then I won't let him," he said quietly.
"Can't blame you, there. He honestly isn't cut out for it," Yamato said, taking a deep breath and letting it out as if relieving pent up tension. "He really grows on you, doesn't he."
"Like a fungus."
"Shikamaru's on the exam board now, anyway. I don't think Naruto would be able to pass the written test."
Kakashi snorted, a smile curving his mouth again. "Shikamaru would make up a test to fail an entire squad to keep Naruto out of ANBU."
"True," Yamato chuckled. "Still, I doubt Tsunade-sama would even let him get that far, she cares for him too much."
"Ah, but that's the problem. She loves him too much," Kakashi said, slipping his hand back under his head. "You remember that whole Hiruko incident?"
"I was away at the time, but I do remember hearing about it when I got back..." he growled angrily.
Kakashi ignored the furious glare he could feel boring holes into him, resisting the urge to scratch at his forearm where he'd had Tsunade put the suicide seal on him. "She sent Naruto's friends after him. His friends. If she'd sent an ANBU squad or two she would have had him back in the village in a snap, but she didn't. She couldn't stop him from joining the war, either. She can't say no to her little brat, regardless of how many times the word leaves her mouth."
"He does have that effect on people."
"To an astronomical degree..." Kakashi grumbled.
"I'll be honest," Yamato said, poking at the dying fire again to stave off the chill in the night air. "If you hadn't come back from your mission when you did, back while I was stuck getting Naruto into shape, I don't know what I would have done. He was pestering me about you every day, and just would not stop."
"I've been wondering about that," he mused. "What did he ask you?"
"He wanted to know what you were like in ANBU."
"And you didn't tell him?!" Kakashi asked, turning his head to give his companion a dramatic astonished look to cover the ice writhing in his gut. "Tenzou, my respect for you grows by the day! How did you manage to resist such a golden opportunity for revenge?"
"I'm a glutton for punishment, apparently..." Yamato grated, his right eye twitching as he glowered at the Jounin. "And stop calling me Tenzou."
"There's no one else here, and you're still in the ranks," Kakashi shrugged.
"I don't get sent out much anymore, though," Yamato said, stretching his arms over his head. "The Hokage's been giving me more civilian missions than anything, lately."
"Are you going to take the hint?"
"I was thinking about it," he sighed, dropping his arms and letting his hands slap on his knees. "Maybe at the end of the year."
"How auspicious of you," Kakashi chuckled, looking back up at the closed canopy. "So, you'll be starting the new year with a clean slate, eh?"
"That's the general idea, so don't go trying to jinx it for me."
"I wouldn't dream of it, Yamato-taichou," Kakashi said with sweet innocence.
"Yes, you would," Yamato said wryly.
"Hey, Yamato?"
"Hmm?"
"Congratulations on your retirement."
There was a heavy pause before Yamato replied, his voice thoughtful and curious. "Was there an announcement for the release of an unpublished Icha Icha novel?"
"Sadly, no," Kakashi droned coldly, rolling over onto his side to face the trees again as he pulled his cloak around him.
Crap, he needed to start acting more like an asshole to throw Yamato off, because it seemed he couldn't keep himself from leaking some weird aura of glee that the other man could detect. To make the situation worse he could feel the itch at the back of his throat urging him to talk, gagging with the need to confide in someone. To say it was an unpleasant feeling was an understatement. It scraped across his nerves like a broken knife as every instinct in his body railed against that damnable sensation he was not at all accustomed to dealing with.
Thankfully, the sound of small wings forestalled any further undesirable conversation, and Kakashi sat up as the dove landed on Yamato's outstretched arm. That was their signal, the enemy had moved into position. With the three other two-person teams hunkered in the area, they had the thieves surrounded. As disconcerting as the previous talk had been, Kakashi was glad he was partnered with Yamato. They fell into a familiar and seamless rhythm working together, and with the other teams cordoning off their own targets in an equally efficient manner, the hostages were kept safe and the fight was ended before dawn.
After the local officials came to bundle the criminals off to face their trials as well as escort the hostages home, the tired shinobi headed home themselves. There was again a blessed lack of opportunity for Yamato to bring up uncomfortable topics since all eight of them traveled back to Konoha together. A slick compliment to the younger man got Kakashi out of writing up and handing in the report, and he strolled leisurely around the village in the vague direction of his apartment while he searched for a chakra signature and a scent that was nowhere to be found. If that wasn't disappointing enough, then the scattered bits of late afternoon gossip he heard as he pretended to read his book were the nails in the coffin.
Fuck...the whole damn village knew! The only consolation - if it could even be called that - was that no one had any idea who had snatched up Konoha's most eligible bachelor. By the time Kakashi stepped into his apartment he was gritting his teeth and vibrating with the effort of keeping himself from just punching his fist through the wall. He'd been expecting this. He'd been anticipating this. There had been no way in hell that people wouldn't have noticed a change in Naruto. He had known that! So, why was it so infuriatingly gut-wrenching to listen to things he'd known he was going to hear?!
Shucking off his clothes, he stomped into the shower to wash the dirt and grime away. The tittering giggles of starry-eyed teenage girls playfully claiming to be the one Naruto was coming home to had him scrubbing himself raw with disgust. If only they knew! The whispers of the young women - jealous, regretful, envious, excited, calculating - with their sharp eyes searching, picking apart, and examining everyone around him to find the girl who'd snared the blonde prize had him toweling his hair till he felt bald. If only they knew! The chuckles and leers of the men making bets on which girl the Hero of Konoha had bagged, patting each other on the back and arguing good-naturedly over who was going to take Naruto out for sake first had him slamming his dresser drawer closed with enough force to thump the heavy piece of furniture solidly against the wall. If only they fucking knew!
Kakashi stood there for a moment, trying to calm the irrational bout of fury as he carefully and deliberately put on his clean clothes without rushing. What the hell was wrong with him?! He should be feeling relieved that he wasn't even close to being in the realm of one of the suspected. It meant their secret was absolutely kept, and they'd be able to get together to talk without anyone being the wiser. IT WAS A GOOD THING, GOD DAMN IT! So, why couldn't he stop wanting to stalk the streets like a villain, shutting the whole fucking village up with a wave of raw killing intent?!
He could do it, too. He'd get his ass handed to him by Tsunade before she tossed him into a holding cell, but he wouldn't hear the gossip anymore. A thought broke through the whirling mass of nonsensical ire, clicking into his brain and wiping everything away with an eerie clarity. He was insane. He looked down at his hands in awe. He had finally gone over the edge and come completely unglued. It was strange, though. He'd always thought the moment he realized he truly had gone crazy would feel less...peaceful.
The peace molded into a disheartening truth that left him feeling hollow as he continued to gaze at his hands. They were all assuming Naruto had found himself a girl, and there honestly was no reason they shouldn't be thinking that. Why should they think otherwise? Even if there were a few somewhere that quietly rolled the dice in the other direction, they wouldn't be putting Kakashi's name in the hat.
Not him. Not the man who walled himself off from personal intimacy like it was the plague. Not him. Not the man who was once Naruto's sensei. Not him. Not the man who was...responsible...for...
Kakashi squeezed his eyes shut, clenching his fists till the nails dug painfully into his palms while he wrapped his arms around his violently churning stomach. He sucked air through his teeth, fighting back the urge to vomit as the acid burned his throat. This was worse than the last time, it was getting harder and harder to swallow it down. The strongest reason why he never should have crossed the line toppled the mountain of others down on him in a crushing wave, forcing him to yank his mask down and clamp his hands over his mouth as he gagged.
The walls weren't there anymore to hold everything back. The only thing that stood against the flood of repulsiveness and bile was a single cornerstone, and he leaned into it frantically. He still had that. He could still hold onto that. The warmth slowly trickled down his spine, and he let the howling ache in his blood dampen the shrieking in his ears. The battle for dominance over his tumultuous insides was harsh, dragging the strength out of him as his knees threatened to buckle. But he held firm until the nausea passed, taking refuge in that small oasis until the serene wash through his senses made him feel numb and light-headed.
Stumbling the few steps to his bed, Kakashi flopped onto his side with his hands dangling off the edge of the mattress as he gulped in deep breaths of air. He wouldn't have to wait much longer, he could hold out until then. He closed his eye, forcing himself to relax the tense muscles in his neck and shoulders so the throbbing ache in his head faded. This was ridiculous, he was stronger than this! He could endure this, he just needed to focus! He just needed to shut everything off and stop thinking so much!
He didn't realize he'd fallen asleep until his cramping empty belly roused him the next morning. There wasn't any need to check his cupboards or fridge, he knew they were woefully devoid of edible goods. He needed to go shopping for food. Come to think of it, he needed to replenish his tea supply as well. Rolling out of bed, he got properly dressed before dumping a bit of water into Mr. Ukki the Second's pot and steeling his nerves as he headed out into the noisy populace.
Not wanting to risk possibly reaching his tolerance level, he stopped at the nearest available stand in the market district and bought just enough for a light breakfast before beating a hasty retreat from all the irritating chatter. The bench under his favorite tree was unoccupied, so he settled on the wide branch above it and went about making himself 'invisible'. It was a terribly handy trick, dimming his chakra and suppressing his presence till he might as well have been part of the tree for all anyone walking by took notice of him.
Pulling out an Icha Icha book, he spent the better part of an hour taking bites of his food when no one was around, and the remainder of the morning finally getting himself simmered down enough to where he was reading the words in front of him and enjoying it. When he saw Shikamaru pass by out of the corner of his eye, he paid it no mind. When the young man passed by again a few minutes later, he was slightly curious but continued to ignore it. When he came back a third time and plopped down on the bench below with a heavy sigh, Kakashi was forced to acknowledge the ominous sinking in his gut, but he still didn't look away from his book.
"Ah! There you are," Shikamaru said with lazy accusation. "I've been looking all over for you, Kakashi-sensei."
Kakashi lowered the book with a silent grumble at being thoroughly interrupted, and looked down at the Nara youth. He'd slumped himself into a boneless slouch on the bench, tipping his head back so it rested on the wood backrest.
"You've got good intuition," Kakashi said. "You kept circling around me."
"Meh, I've been hanging around the Hokage tower too much," Shikamaru shrugged with a wry grin. "You ANBU types are always popping out of the woodwork like ghosts. Troublesome lot."
"Can't disagree with you on that one," Kakashi chuckled quietly. "So?"
"I'm on an intelligence gathering mission," Shikamaru sighed noncommittally, his gaze wandering away from the Jounin so he could watch the clouds drift by. "It's more of a pain in the ass than usual, too. I don't know why they've got me wrapped up in this nonsense."
Kakashi felt the ominous sinking in his stomach begin to turn icy with dread, and resisted the urge to rub his temples. Damn that Shizune!
"Well, you've been in the village for longer than thirty seconds," Shikamaru continued. "You've heard the gossip topic of the month."
Kakashi gave a grunt of affirmation, turning back to his book as he concentrated on keeping his posture loosely reclined and his features neutral. Damn it, he did not want to be having this conversation! And yet...another part of him was itching to hear what the shinobi contingent suspected. He felt idiotic. It was like he was battling his inner teenager, except he'd never felt this way when he had been a teen in the first place!
"Shizune-san's tearing her hair out trying to find the person Naruto hooked up with before things get too catty while he's away," Shikamaru said, draping his arms over the back of the bench.
"When will he be back?" Kakashi asked, swallowing the urge to correct the 'hooked up with' label. It was aggravating that the term rankled him so much, and he knew Shikamaru didn't mean to imply the relationship might be a temporary fling. And it hadn't been! It had been-GOD DAMN IT! Crap, he needed to focus...
"Another week and a half," Shikamaru shrugged. "Though I'd bet closer to a week. Naruto's never been known for his patience."
"It's not that long to wait." ...WAY TOO FUCKING LONG TO WAIT...
"Easy for you to say, you've been gone the whole time," Shikamaru groused. "This is just like him, too. That idiot's all the way in Iwa and still causing trouble here."
"Gossip will be gossip, there's no point in trying to stop it when half the subject matter isn't even in Konoha."
"Heh, normally I'd agree with you. Unfortunately, the other half is about as good at hiding as you are, and three days ago there was a demand for a written marriage contract from a family outside the village."
"WHAT?!" Kakashi snapped his eyes away from the words he wasn't reading to stare furiously at the dark haired young man. Shit, that came out a lot more forcefully than he'd wanted.
"I know, it's unbelievable," Shikamaru grimaced, meeting the taller man's gaze with an irritated wrinkle of his brows. "They claimed Naruto had courted their daughter while he'd been on one of those low-ranked missions with you, and then...how did they put it? 'Took advantage of her pure-hearted nature with promises of marriage' when she was in Konoha right before Naruto left."
"Never happened," Kakashi said frigidly, turning back to his book and wishing he didn't have the sudden desire to go beat the hell out of a pompous civilian.
"Yeah, the Godaime sent them packing with a few choice words about trying to manipulate their own status by using archaic outdated traditions when a little research proved they were lying. I didn't think we needed to research it at all, the whole thing was ridiculous. But they were something of a well-connected family, and there was an old law that stated they had a valid claim if it couldn't be refuted with substantial evidence."
"How'd you get it overturned so quickly?" He asked, shifting a bit to ease the angry tension that had built up in his lanky frame.
"Tsunade-sama sent a photo of the daughter to Iwa, and asked the Tsuchikage to have one of his ANBU agents transform into her. 'She' bumped into Naruto while he was in the village, and he didn't recognize her at all," Shikamaru chuckled, turning his dark eyes back to the sky. "Apparently, when she tried to ask him out on a date he turned her down flat, and said something about being involved with someone else. With the Tsuchikage's seal of recommendation for the ANBU's report, the Daimyo and Hokage rejected the claim without a chance for appeal."
"It helps to have friends in high places who like the idea of peace between rival Countries," Kakashi smirked, looking up at the branches above his head and hating the foolishly warm feeling threading its way through him. God, he was so fucking pathetic!
"Not when they use the friends in low places to clean up their mess."
"Gossip is only interesting for so long, it'll die down sooner or later."
"Not soon enough," Shikamaru grumbled. "This crap is a serious drag, I don't know how women gush over it every day for hours on end. Naruto is Naruto, and he'll be with whoever he wants. I can't understand why there's such a rush to find out who it is."
"You're not curious?" Kakashi asked, regretting the thoughtless question even as it left his mouth.
"I suppose I am," Shikamaru mused placidly. "But it doesn't matter that I don't mind waiting."
"Hence why you were sent to mine me for information..." Kakashi drawled, turning back to his book with a subtle scowl.
"So?"
"So...what?"
Shikamaru gave him a flat look, and Kakashi closed the book before tucking it into the supply pouch at his back.
"All right, all right," he sighed, schooling his features into a neutral expression as he slid off the branch to stand in front of the young man. "Naruto didn't say anything to me while we were on those missions, and I didn't see him courting any young ladies," he said honestly, shrugging his hands into his pockets while the back of his throat started itching with the need to tell the whole truth so everyone would lay off the subject.
"He didn't seem interested in anyone?" Shikamaru asked dubiously.
"I wasn't with him 24 hours a day," Kakashi replied, trying not to grate the words out. He couldn't outright lie to the Nara youth, the damn kid was too smart for his own good.
"You two are pretty close, though," Shikamaru said with a touch of idle disappointment. "I was sure he'd have told you something."
"He didn't," Kakashi said a little too curtly, and started walking away in hopes of ending the conversation there so he could calm his restless nerves a bit.
"You never noticed any change at all?" Shikamaru asked. The question was phrased lazily, but there was a sharpness beneath it that set Kakashi's teeth on edge.
"I noticed a change, yes," he said somewhat dismissively as he paused and turned to look back at his interrogator.
"And?"
"And nothing," Kakashi replied with a lift of his shoulder, biting back the rise of his temper as he felt himself bristle. "He didn't tell me why he was acting a little different, and I didn't ask."
"So, you didn't see him eyeing up any women."
"No," Kakashi said flatly as he started walking away again. "It could be anyone."
"What about men?"
The soft question halted him before he'd taken two steps, and his spine went stiff as a board.
"You said it could be anyone, right?" Shikamaru's voice was almost indolent, and Kakashi could feel those dark eyes watching him curiously.
"And here I was under the impression you were trying to suppress the gossip, not add more rumors to fuel the fires," Kakashi said, the sweetness of his tone holding a vicious cutting edge as he smiled poisonously over his shoulder at the lounging young man. "I never saw him courting, nor 'eyeing up' any young men, either," he said with cold truth, the words leaving a bitter taste in his mouth.
"I got it, I got it," Shikamaru said, lifting his hands in surrender before sagging back into the bench to watch the clouds. "It was just a thought," he shrugged. "No one's really going down that road, and I sure as hell don't intend to make things extra troublesome for myself by putting more goofy ideas into other people's heads. Ino's already got all the flower arrangements planned out for the wedding, and Chouji has a detailed menu for the reception you wouldn't believe. It's getting absurd."
Kakashi shook his head and forced out a chuckle because he was starting to feel ill.
"I'm not looking forward to going back to Shizune-san empty handed, but it can't be helped I guess," Shikamaru said with lazy melancholy.
"She'll survive," he said blandly, turning to walk away.
"It's not her survival I'm worried about..."
Kakashi simply lifted his hand in apologetic farewell and didn't look back. For a few hours, he let his feet wander aimlessly through the village to try to settle his nerves again. After making his way to the store that sold his favorite tea, he stopped at a few vendor stalls to buy food and found himself purchasing more tangerines than he really needed. Sighing helplessly, he finished his shopping and did his best to tune out the surrounding chatter.
When he stepped into his apartment, he didn't think the tangerines were going to present a huge problem. Yes, he was very much aware of what they reminded him of as his gaze lingered on his bed while he slipped out of his sandals, but that wasn't why he'd bought them. He liked tangerines. It was just fruit, damn it, and he was hungry!
Stowing the majority of his purchases away before relieving himself of his forehead protector, vest, supply belt, and kunai holster, he sat down on his bed and scowled at the bowl of orange fruit in his lap. The afternoon sun was pleasantly warm on his back as he broke one of the tangerines in half, and he expected the warmth to pool in his gut at the images the citrusy scent evoked. What he wasn't expecting was for that warmth to have a growling, insistent, burning underscore to it that had his breath coming quick as his heart sped up.
What the fuck! It was a god damn TANGERINE! ...that he just so happened to be trying to eat on his bed, where he had last indulged in eating that particular fruit along with someone else that had been half naked at the time and crawling up his lap as Naruto slid his tongue- STOP!
Okay, maybe the location was the problem. Scratching his fingers through his hair, he picked up the bowl that was kind of brushing up against what he was trying not to think about as he shifted somewhat uncomfortably, and moved to kneel on the floor. Except the wood was warm from the sun, and it only reminded him of the sensation of lingering body heat laid out on the floor writhing beneath him with legs wrapped around his waist and fingernails digging into his shoulders to pull him closer- AND WHY THE FUCK DID HE HAVE TO BE SO HARD RIGHT NOW?!
Kakashi set the bowl aside and doubled over till his forehead tonked a bit harshly on the floor. The things Naruto was doing to him weren't humane, they were downright diabolical! Just a flicker of recollection, a few brief images, and his hand wandered over the warm floorboards, slipping over cloth to slide his knees apart as his hips twitched and his toes dug into the floor.
Everything was speeding up and getting muzzy in the heat of the sunlight spilling over him, and he licked his lips because he could still smell the tangerines mingled with the scent of sweat. That was all it took, and he could feel his muscles shivering and straining, screaming and roaring in his ears to relieve the tension. No long fantasies needed. No wasted time. Just flashes of that impish smile and hungry blue eyes, the taste of his mouth, the smell of his skin, the feel of nails scratching down his own back and teeth skating at his throat, the weight of legs clenched around his waist, and he was already dancing the edge of oblivion before he'd even gotten his trousers unbuttoned.
His fingers were cool, but he was used to it as he quickly freed himself from his now-restrictive clothing and gripped the rigid muscle between his thighs. They'd warm up soon enough, tacky and sticky-slick as he pumped hard because his blood was racing with a wildfire of lust and the head was already weeping. He bucked his hips into his hand, sprinting toward a release that was rushing through him way too fast for any kind of coherent thought as he buried his face in his arm braced against the floor.
A moan rattled past Kakashi's tongue, and he bit his lip to keep any other sounds contained. He was already trembling and tensing, his pace as ruthless and swift as the desperate need snarling under his skin and snapping through his bones. His breath was harsh in his ears, panting and gasping and finally choking back a cry as his body jolted and exploded in a mindless wave that had spots dancing behind his closed eyes.
His shoulders sagged as his senses calmed with each breath he took. Well, shit, that hadn't taken long at all, had it. Maybe it was a new record. Not that he was perverse enough to actually keep a record. Coughing out a chuckle, he pushed himself to his feet so he could wash himself and get a cloth to clean up the bit of mess on the floor that had escaped his fingers.
Feeling languid and a great deal better about the world in general, Kakashi scooped up his bowl of fruit and proceeded to finish his meal. As he dumped the peelings in the rubbish bin, he fervently hoped that his...enthusiastic...reaction would be a one-time thing. It would be beyond awkward if he had spontaneously developed a kinky fetish for tangerines, only to be faced with having to eat them in mixed company out on a mission some day.
He might have to get creative in how to blame Naruto for his aversion to the fruit. Although, since the blonde was infamous for being a prankster and getting himself into the most bizarre predicaments, he'd really only need to drop Naruto's name and add a few carefully worded vague phrases for others to nod in understanding sympathy. The fallout would be fantastic once the wheels of the rumor mill got hold of it, and Naruto would be livid.
Kakashi laughed in wicked delight as he flopped onto his side on the bed with a book in hand, scratching his stomach and filing that little idea away for possible use later on. Tapping the spine of his book idly on his blanket, he mulled over the events of the day. There would be a lot of disappointed people when they found out who Naruto had been with. And they would find out. The young man was far too expressive, and his friends knew him well. Even if Naruto contained himself above and beyond all expectations, Kakashi figured it would take two days maximum for someone to catch on.
He scowled thoughtfully at the well-worn cover of the blue-green Icha Icha Tactics book. It was surprising that he was only mildly disconcerted by that fact. The underlying guilt was familiar and uncomfortable, but he didn't anticipate being relatively okay with the idea of his personal life being broadcast throughout the village. He didn't necessarily like the notion, but there was a part of him that wanted everyone to know precisely who Naruto turned his attention to. They could make up the details on their own as long as they understood-
Sighing, he rolled onto his back and scrubbed his face. There was nothing to understand, yet! He had to stop with the irrationally possessive thoughts, they were driving him up the wall. Half of his brain was clawing at the inside of his skull shrieking 'He's mine, he's mine, he's mine!', and the other half was riddled with disgust because Naruto wasn't a piece of property to be claimed! He was an independent young man. An adult. He would make his own damn decisions.
The reality that there was a chance those decisions may not include Kakashi being in the picture was painful, knotting and crushing his insides till he found himself unconsciously rubbing his chest with the heel of his palm. Somewhere in the back of his mind the shadows whispered that it would be better that way. Naruto should be with someone closer to his own age. Someone who wasn't two years away from becoming a washed-up broken tool. Someone who would move into a big house with him, have a gaggle of kids, and give him a perfect life. Someone who had not once been his sensei.
He groaned at the twinge spiking up the base of his skull, massaging his fingers at a few pressure points to try to forestall the headache. Unfortunately, his brain was already throbbing in time with a petulant childish mantra; 'Mine, mine, mine, mine, MINE!' Fabulous. Not only was he stuck battling his inner jealous teen, he was also stuck with a shrill selfish two year-old. HE WAS 33 FOR FUCK'S SAKE! When had his brain decided it was a good idea to see just how it felt to be young and insufferably obnoxious?!
Grabbing the book that was laying next to him, he whacked it repeatedly against his forehead until his mind shut off and focused solely on the steady rhythm and discomfort. Having a distraction literally within his grasp, he opened the book and forced himself to read and acknowledge every single ADULT-ORIENTED word.
He read until he fell asleep, and he awoke flinging his arm out wildly as his fingers grasped at empty air. The early morning light filtered through his open window, and it took him a while to blink his way out of the after-images of the nightmare. The cynical side of him stirred first, idly noting that he couldn't even correct his mistakes in a dream. He hadn't been able to catch her then, so why should he be able to do it now?
Not enough chakra left. Too weak. Too slow. Too injured to get there in time. A thousand excuses scrolled through his mind as he let his hand fall to the mattress, and none of it mattered because he could still feel the ghosting whisper of her fingertips against his own as he reached out too late. He could still hear the silence roaring and echoing across the canyon walls as a flash of green light illuminated the darkness for a brief moment. Her body never hit the jagged rocks below, and he could still smell the acrid stench of dissolved flesh and clothing that always accompanied an ANBU disposing of themselves before the outside world could do it for them.
Another successful mission. The loss of a comrade in ANBU was only a failure if the mission failed along with them.
Taking a few minutes to inhale the crisp fall air and clear the memory of that horrid smell, Kakashi rolled wearily out of bed and rubbed the tender spot on his forehead to try to dispel the headache behind his ears. He trudged to his washroom as he shoved all thought aside, mechanically turning on his shower to start his day. Thinking was not allowed at that moment, because he could feel himself starting to tear at the seams from everything that had happened over the past several days. All that needed to be considered was water temperature, soap, shampoo, towel, clothes, shoes, door.
By the time he reached the Mission Assignment Desk three hours later, he was feeling clear-headed but tired. Cripes, he just wanted a mission that would drive him into a duty-bound stupor and eventual brain dead exhaustion. Something that wouldn't give him the opportunity to focus on anything but the task ahead. Something that would last just over a week.
"You look haggard, Kakashi," Tsunade said crisply after a long moment of silent irritated glowering between him and the clock on the wall.
Kakashi sagged and returned her scrutinizing gaze with a dirty look. He was going to kick Yamato's ass if that man had ratted him out because of a few nightmares.
"I've never felt better, Hokage-sama," he said with a cheerfully false smile, easing back into his customary lazy slouch as he slipped his hands in his pockets.
Tsunade pursed her lips and scowled thoughtfully, shuffling the papers in front of her as if trying to decide what mission to send him on. It was somewhat uncomfortable, though he showed nothing but neutral disinterest. Normally, she had an assignment already picked out for him, and Shizune's look of subtle confusion only made the situation more suspicious.
"This scroll needs to be delivered to-"
"Tsunade-sama," Shizune interrupted softly with a strange mixture of shock, exasperation and concern. "That's a C-Rank mission. Kakashi-san can't waste his time with that."
Oh yeah, Yamato was definitely going to be coming home to a bed filled with senbon needles...
Tsunade gave Shizune a somewhat aggravated glance, then looked dead into Kakashi's eye and tapped her fingernail on the end of the scroll resting on the table. The Jounin simply looked back at her with placid inquiry, as if nothing was wrong. It was slightly unnerving being subject to her sharp gaze, and after a few seconds she made an irritated noise of defeat and snatched up another set of papers.
"This is a two week assignment," she said briskly as she held the papers out, and it took every ounce of willpower Kakashi had not to fold over in frustrated rage. "I want you back in Konoha in half that time."
"Eh?" Kakashi heard himself utter, blinking at her in befuddled astonishment as he took the papers and scanned them quickly.
"You look tired, I don't like it," she continued, flicking her fingers dismissively and pointedly ignoring Shizune's silent mental crisis at the obviously spontaneous altering of the mission. "I'll send someone to replace you in a week."
"I do the work, and they get the glory," he said with dark amusement as he finished reading the details of the assignment. "I think I can handle that," he chuckled, turning on his heel to leave with a much lighter feeling in his chest.
Of course, the brightening of his mood wouldn't save Yamato from a world of hurt, but that was beside the point. It would take him a day to reach the location for the mission, a week of busting his ass to get everything set up for his replacement, and a day to get back to the village. Depending on when his relief showed up that was eight or nine days till he'd return home, and after Tsunade's comment he allowed himself the tentative fantasy of having two full days off when he returned.
Folding the papers and slipping them into his pocket, he hummed pleasantly to himself as he darted back to his apartment to gather the necessary gear. His chances of catching Naruto when he got back from Iwa were rising into the stratosphere, and he had landed a mission that would swallow his focus completely. It was like a little gift, and he tossed an amiable wave to a very bored looking Izumo and Kotetsu as he passed through the main gate. He just hoped he could pull everything off without dropping into a coma as soon as he saw that gate again.