Disclaimer: Nothing you recognize is mine.
Rhett stopped the carriage at the Hamilton house and tossed the reins over the hitching post. He climbed down and opened the carriage door and lifted Wade out asking, "Wade, go up and ask Uncle Peter to come help unload the carriage."
"Yes, Uncle Rhett," Wade raced up the walk to the door.
Rhett took out the baby carriage and was reaching up for Scarlett to hand him Ella when Prissy appeared at his side. Rhett handed the baby over to Prissy and then reached in to hand Scarlett out.
Uncle Peter finished unloading the carriage and as they walked up the walk arm in arm, Scarlett smiled up at Rhett. Rhett smiled back down at her, "Are you all right?" Scarlett had looked a little dazed since their conversation by the tree.
Scarlett nodded and squeezed his arm, "I wish you didn't have to be gone so long."
"Me too, my dear."
Scarlett led Rhett into the library hoping for a long goodbye kiss without all of the servants watching, but Wade trailed by Mammy followed them in.
"Wade, say goodbye to Uncle Rhett, darling, and then go on upstairs with Mammy, I'll be right up."
"No!" Wade shouted as he ran over and grabbed Rhett's leg.
"C'mon Mr. Wade, give your momma a minute with Uncle Rhett." Mammy cajoled.
"No! Uncle Rhett you can't leave!"
Rhett bent over and pulled Wade up into his arms. "Wade, son, do you remember what we talked about at the park?"
Scarlett pushed Rhett in the direction of the sofa and he sat, pulling Wade into his lap. Wade buried his face in Rhett's neck and grabbed small fistfuls of his jacket. Scarlett directed a "get out!" look at Mammy and then sat beside them putting her hand on Wade's back.
"But, Uncle Rhett, I don't want you to go."
"I don't want to go either, but part of being a man is doing things you don't want to do."
Scarlett realized they would not be able to say a private goodbye, Wade wouldn't go upstairs with Mammy, Scarlett would have to comfort her crying son. "I'm sorry" she mouthed to Rhett.
Rhett placed his hand on top of hers over Wade's back and squeezed her fingers.
"Wade, can you be a little man and care for your mother and sister for me? I will miss you all very much, but I will be home as soon as I can."
"It's a long time."
"It is a long time, son, but it will go by quickly, you'll go to Tara and then come home and play with Beau and before you know it I'll be back."
"Uh huh," Wade sniffled not removing his face from Rhett's neck.
"Good boy, look at me and promise me that you'll be my brave little man and help me."
Wade looked up, "I promise."
Rhett kissed his cheek, "Good boy, now go to your mother and let her take you upstairs. You've had a long day."
Rhett placed Wade into Scarlett's arms and briefly hugged them both. He smoothed the hair off of Wade's forehead and whispered, "Goodbye, son, I love you very much and I'll be home soon. Be a good boy for your mother." Then he kissed Wade's cheek again. Leaning over he kissed Scarlett's too. Scarlett blushed. Wade was right there and Mammy was probably spying. He caressed Scarlett's cheek and said, "Goodbye, Scarlett, I'll see you soon."
"Goodbye, Rhett," Scarlett whispered. Wade whimpered. Rhett ran his hand down the boy's back and over Scarlett's arm then stood and left.
§§§
On the train to Jonesboro Monday morning Wade sat in Scarlett's lap and whimpered, "Mama, when is Uncle Rhett coming back?"
"As soon as he can," Scarlett answered smoothing her hand up and down Wade's back the way she always saw Rhett do it. Wade had been up in the night three times with nightmares and Scarlett and Wade were both exhausted.
Ella babbled to herself happily in Mammy's arms while Prissy stared out sullenly the window. Scarlett yearned for the time to pass quickly. She wanted Rhett to come home too. Scarlett leaned her head back and closed her eyes. She could feel Wade's head against her chest and his small hand closed over her arm. She wondered what it would be like if Rhett were sitting next to her. What it would be like if she'd married him and they were on their way to England with him. Scarlett's head snapped up, "No!" she thought, "I can't think about this now, I'll think about it later at Tara when I can stand it better."
§§§
At breakfast Tuesday morning Wade asked something about Uncle Rhett and Suellen sneered at Scarlett, "are you going to steal a third husband from someone the way you stole your second husband?"
Scarlett threw down her napkin and leaped up to begin shouting in her own defense as Will stood and shouted, "Quiet! Mammy, please take the children out."
Once the children were out of the room Will turned on the sisters and exclaimed, "You will not do this, especially not in front of the children. Sue, Scarlett didn't force Frank to do anything. He was a grown man with his own free will and you don't get to act like he didn't have a choice."
"But she tricked him!"
"Maybe she did, be he still chose her and it saved you and that's enough. I will not hear of this again. Frank is dead. Your sister is here to mourn and you will not behave in this manner."
Suellen stormed out of the dining room and Will turned to Scarlett, "Scarlett, I know why you did what you did. I do. And I know why Suell's hurt about it. It don't make it right, but she is." Will nodded sternly, then continued, "I'm sorry for your loss."
"Thank you, Will."
Scarlett didn't know what Will said to Suellen later but Sue didn't speak of Frank or of Scarlett's marriages for the rest of Scarlett's visit.
§§§
That afternoon Scarlett went into her mother's little office to write a letter to Melly. Scarlett wished Melly and Beau could have come to Tara with her, but she hadn't asked. Melly wouldn't leave Ashley while his shoulder was healing.
"Dear Melly" Scarlett began and then crossing it out wrote, "My Dearest Sister." Scarlett began writing about the argument with Suellen in the morning, then paused. She wanted to write Melly happy news. What could she write about? Scarlett's mind drifted over all of the things she needed to think about while at Tara, if was in love with Ashley, how she felt about Ashley not being in love with her, Rhett being in love with her, if she was in love with Rhett, Wade's nightmares, if she wanted to marry Rhett. Somehow Scarlett knew her feelings about Ashley were tangling her feelings about Rhett. She needed to work out her thoughts about Ashley before she could work out the mystery that was her feelings for Rhett.
Scarlett's eyes drifted over the pigeon holes, some still stuffed with papers and reminisced about sitting on the sagging sofa and watching as her mother wrote at this desk.
Scarlett's mind skimmed through happy childhood memories and then landed on the day Ashley returned from his grand tour. Ashley rode up to where Scarlett was sitting on the porch looking like a young blond god. He'd dismounted and kissed her hand teasing her for growing smiled to herself, that memory always made her smile. Then Scarlett frowned, she hadn't felt a swell of joy in her chest and her heart was beating calmly.
Then she thought of Rhett's voice saying "Scarlett, you know that there's a difference between loving an old friend and being in love with them?"She thought of how she'd stared at his arm then, trying to will Rhett to draw it about her. She thought of sleeping against his chest even while they were arguing. She smiled to herself as she thought of leaning back on Rhett's chest enclosed in his arms against the tree the other day and realizing the difference between love and being in love. Scarlett could feel her heart pounding into her rib cage. She smiled. She wasn't in love with Ashley. She loved him dearly, almost as much as she loved Melly. She and Ashley had been children together and they would always remember the same world that disappeared in the war. There was a bond between them, but that wasn't the same as being in love. Scarlett took a breath as deep as her stays would allow; she felt lighter somehow.
Scarlett smiled and looked down at her letter to Melly. It was ruined with ink she had let drip all over while she was woolgathering. Scarlett tore the parchment into shreds. Then pulling out a new parchment she began:
My Dearest Sister Melly,
Tara is beautiful. So many flowers are blooming and the air is crisp and fresh. I feel renewed already.
§§§
"DADDY!"
"DAAAAADYYY!"
Scarlett sat upright and cocked her head. Was that screaming?
"MAMA!" Yes! It was Wade. Scarlett sprung from her bed, grabbed her wrapper and headed down the hall.
When Scarlett entered the nursery Suellen was standing in the middle of the room holding a crying Suzie while Ella cried from her bassinet and Wade sat up in his little bed with his arms outstretched. "I'm sorry," Scarlett said as she sat on Wade's bed and he clasped her around her middle.. His face was red and mottled and covered with tears. "My room is all the way at the other end of the hall and I couldn't hear him."
Suellen snorted. Prissy finally entered the room rubbing her eyes. "Prissy, put Ella back to sleep, Mr. Wade is going to sleep with me tonight and then tomorrow get Careen's room ready, Mr. Wade will sleep there while we are here."
''Yes'm," Prissy mumbled reaching for Ella.
"C'mon, Wade, darling. Let's go to Mama's room."
Wade lifted his arms for Scarlett to carry him and she groaned as she lifted him out of the bed. He was going to be too heavy for her to carry soon.
Once they were in Scarlett's room she laid them both down on the bed and pulled the blankets over them. She smoothed her hand up and down Wade's back whispering, "Shhhh, shhhh darling, Mama's here, shhhhh," until his sobs quieted.
"Mama?"
"Yes, baby?"
"Where is Uncle Rhett?"
"He's going to England, but he will be home as soon as he can, remember?"
"I want him now."
"I know, darling, but we have to wait. What happened in your dream?"
"I was calling him and calling him, but he didn't come. He promised he would come." Wade said burying his face into Scarlett's neck. Wade had been screaming "daddy" in the night for Rhett. What would she do?
§§§
The next morning after making sure Wade was calmly in Mammy's care and that one of the small beds from the nursery would be put into Careen's room, Scarlett rode out alone with a basket of dinner, a jug of coffee, and a blanket. She rode to a hilltop that let her look over most of Tara and a large portion of Twelve Oaks. When she arrived, she tied the horse to a tree branch with saddle rope and let her graze. Then taking her basket, Scarlett spread the blanket and sat with her back against the tree at the top of the hill.
She watched the Flint River glinting in the distance and looked over the planted and fallow fields. Then sighing deeply Scarlett pulled her knees up and hugged them to her chest. Laying her head on arms she found herself weeping. She wept for her lost youth, she wept for Charles and Frank and Wade and Pa, she wept for the Tarleton twins and all of the other boys who never came home, she wept for all of the time she lost thinking she was in love with Ashley, she wept because she wished she'd married Rhett during the war, but then she wouldn't have Ella. When she had that thought she stopped weeping and picked her head up. Melly was right, Scarlett was in love with Rhett and she had been since during the war! Scarlett thought back over all the times Rhett had called on her during the war. Scarlett hadn't realized that the quickening of her pulse when Rhett walked into a room or her jealousy when he paid attention to or danced with another girl were signs that she loved him. She hadn't known that her love for him was why she accepted his calls him every time he came back after being gone or being mean. Scarlett wished Melly had told her much sooner. Then Scarlett frowned, realizing she'd wished her mother had told her the difference between love and being in love and infatuation when she was fourteen and thought she was in love with Ashley. Think of all the trouble that would have saved! Oh, but then Scarlett wouldn't have Wade either. Scarlett smiled, she loved Wade fiercely and was very glad she had him. She also wouldn't be Melly's sister. Scarlett smiled at the first real affection she ever felt for Charles Hamilton and his place in her life. No, she would never want to change marrying Charles. Besides, what was done was done. Scarlett knew she loved Rhett now and she couldn't wait for him to come home so she could tell him.
Scarlett spent most of that day sitting under the tree thinking. She looked back over her life and Rhett and saw how he'd loved her and how she loved him. Ellen Robillard had once laid down a girl and after a dark night of the soul rose up a woman. Scarlett had experienced such a change when she'd come home one September evening to find her mother dead. Mother and daughter had made sacrifices for family and neither had been fully satisfied with their lives. But Scarlett Kennedy rose up from her tree a changed woman, a woman at peace who was able to see her past for what it was and able to look forward to the future.
As the sun started dipping over the horizon Scarlett packed her basket, blanket, and jug and untied the horse, then stopping she laughed out loud. How had she changed so much that she spent a whole day thinking to herself? Frank's death had set her free in more ways than she'd realized at the time. She knew when she married Rhett he'd let her keep as much freedom as she needed. He'd even told her he'd drive her to the mills if they made her happy. She took a last deep breath of the fresh air before mounting the horse and riding back to Tara.
When she arrived and walked back from the barn, she swept Wade into her arms, "I am so proud of you my little man. You have been such a help to me, would you like to go on a picnic just the two of us tomorrow?"
§§§
Wade continued to wake in the night. Sometimes he screamed "Mama!" and sometimes "Daddy!" Scarlett knew he was crying out for Rhett but she didn't know what to do. Wade's nightmares seemed worse at Tara.
Scarlett wrote to Melly about Wade's nightmares and how he woke up screaming for Rhett. Melly wrote back suggesting Wade write Rhett a letter. Wade loved this idea and Scarlett wrote as Wade dictated. She'd figure out where to send it to Rhett when they got back to Atlanta.
Wade's nightmares were the only dull spot of Scarlett's stay at Tara. Scarlett spent the mornings riding around the old bridle paths she'd ridden with Ashley. One morning she even brought Wade with her. It was awkward with the little boy riding astride her hip on the side saddle, but Wade's bright smile was worth it. Scarlett spent the afternoons rocking on a chair in the front porch with Ella at her feet trying to crawl and watching Wade chase geese across the lawn and dig for worms.
At night she laid in bed and listened to the wind whispering in the trees and thought of Rhett. She developed a habit of turning onto her stomach and imagining he was there with her. She imagined her own arm was his chest, she imagined she could hear his breathing and his heart beating, she imagined she could smell him and feel his warmth. Each night she drifted off to sleep pretending he was there.
Author's Note: My heart is broken watching Notre Dame burn. It is an unfathomable loss to humanity.
On a much less important note than the tragic loss of our human heritage and culture, THANK YOU so much to everyone who has read and reviewed. Your reviews bring me such joy. I have always wondered about all of the things that would have been different if Scarlett had ever understood her own feelings or anyone else's. I know Rhett Butler visited Notre Dame, probably more than once, and while this story has two chapters left, if I ever write a sequel who wants to guess where Rhett takes Scarlett on their honeymoon?