Chapter 12

We Don't Always Get What We Wish For

[Kaylee's POV]

2 Days Later

I sat in the living room with my hands in my face crying as Monica tried to comfort me. "Everything is going to be okay Kaylee." She said as she rubbed my back, but she sounds like she's full of lies. What does she know? She gets to choose where she stays. I can't.

Just then I heard the footsteps of my dad running down the stairs with lighter footsteps behind him before they both went outside with the baggage he carried in both hands.

"Why won't you stay here?" I cried to Monica as she held onto me.

"I am. I'll be here and there. I can't leave mom alone."

They both walked back into the house with mad expressions and sweat on their faces from the hot day and all the loading they were doing to Tori's car.

"There, you're packed." My dad said as he reached over and grabbed my mom's keys. He roughly took a key off her keychain before handing them back to her.

"Really? The house key?" She crossed her arms.

"Why would you need the key to my house?" He asked before he turned to Monica. "Do you have everything? You guys are about to go." Monica nodded as she stood up and since I hung onto her I stood as well.

"Kaylee let go. I'll be back in a few days." Monica said as she ran her hand through my hair. "You'll be okay, it's not that big of a deal. It happens everyday."

But why to me!?

I just cried as I let go of Monica and ran over to Tori and wrapped my arms around her tight. "Don't leave me mom."

She gave a huge aggravated sigh. "I'm not your mother." She stated coldly as she pried me off of her.

Even though dad sat down and explained everything to me just the other day about Tori not being my real mother, I still can't say she's not. Of course it wasn't a shocker to me because I already knew the half of it, but….she's…she's still my mother you know? She's always been here even if she's been a little mean. I've always called her mom. She's the one that brought me up. She's my mother and she's leaving me! How can she leave me and not care. She won't even let me come visit!

"Tori please!" I cried as I grabbed onto her hand tight but she freed herself from me.

I cried hard as I felt strong arms pick me up and hold me tight. It's been a long time since dad has picked me up. I might be a little too old but I'm not too big to fit right in his arms and I'm glad I can because I don't know what I'd do right now without his loving arms. "Don't worry about Tori Kaylee, she's not worth it." Dad whispered to me in my ear to where only I could hear, but it just made me cry harder as I rested my head on his shoulder.

She is worth it. She's my mom! I've never noticed how much I actually do care about her until the day she's walking out of my life. All those times I said I hated her I wish I could take them back! I don't hate her, I love my mom! I love her and I don't want her to go!

My mother is leaving me, that's the only thing that is plastered in my mind right now and to top it off Monica is going with her. Dad and Tori kept arguing about who she should stay with and end up letting Monica decide, and she chose just to go back and forth to wherever Tori is staying and here even though Tori will have full custody of her which is another thing they argued about all night.

I watched in my dad's arms as they both got into Tori's packet car, started it up and pulled away without even a second glance for Tori and I couldn't stop the tears from flowing.

"Kaylee it's going to be okay."

Ughhh no it's not! My mother just left me, what does he not understand about that!? It's not going to be okay! She hates me! She doesn't even care how hurt I am that she's just leaving like this and doesn't give a shit about me! All she cares about is Monica and I understand why, but did she never not love me the way I loved her as a mother? Did she not love me as her daughter? Ever!? I mean ever!? Not even a little bit to be a little sad!? To miss me?

"How about we go to your favorite restaurant tonight and maybe catch a movie? Ice-cream for dessert?" He asked as he put me back to my feet.

"No! What's that going to do!? No treat in the world can take the place of my mom! It's not going to make me feel any better! She doesn't even care Dad! She doesn't even care!" I scream before pushing him hard and sprint to my room.

I screamed out as I started to tear things off my walls and kick anything I could over before just hitting the floor and crying with my knees to my chest.

I just want my mom. This is all my fault. If I had of been nicer she would have stayed. She wouldn't have left me. I should have just left her alone when she asked, but instead I was too selfish and begged and begged her to play with me or watch TV with me. I got on her last nerves to the point where she doesn't even love me at all and she wanted to get away from me and never see me again. I didn't mean it. And now it's too late to apologize because she won't listen! It's too late because she's already gone!

I jumped up and into my bed as my face went to my pillow to muffle my loud cries.

I'm so sorry mom, please come back…..

[Monica's & Isis's Text]

Isis: What are you doing?

Monica: Getting things settled in our new apartment. You?

Isis: Playing with Cat's hair.

Monica: Lol what? Why?

Isis: Her head is laying in my lap…why not?

Monica: Why is her head on your lap? Lol

Isis: Idk, ask her. She watching TV.

Monica: Oh Ok lol

Isis: Why do you have to say "lol" after every text? That's annoying, especially since I know for a fact you aren't really laughing out loud.

Monica: lmao!

Isis: I hate that.

Monica: Of course you hate everything.

Isis: I'm coming to help you set up at your new place.

Monica: Alright, c'mon. Need the address?

Isis: No I'll just figure it out on my own. (straight face emoticon)

Monica: Lol shut up. 829 Farth Ave. South Apartment 7.

Isis: SIke, you really thought I was going to waste my time helping you put your teddy bears and toys away?

Monica: I don't have toys! And yes I did! You offered!

Isis: You sure you don't have any toys…(looking up emoticon)

Monica: No lol.

Monica: OH NO! omg you're such a freak!

Isis: Yeah, so what if I am?

Monica: No reply.

Isis: You just replied.

Monica: No comment.

Isis: Whatever. I'm about to go to a session and then I'll come by. Let's hang out tonight?

Monica: Sure. Where?

Isis: Wherever I say.

Monica:…..You're pretty bossy don't you think?

Isis: No….not at all. Actually I think you're the bossy one.

Monica: Whatever haha. See you when you get here. (smiling emoticon)

[Carey's & Isis's Session]

Carey: …Did you have a great vacation?

Isis: It was cool, I mean…nothing spectacular.

Carey: (laughing) But you had fun right? I know you did.

Isis: Yeah, I had fun.

Carey: How did you feel about the family getting together and spending time like this?

Isis: It felt nice. It's been a long time since we could all just get together and laugh, so I enjoyed that.

Carey: How did it feel to be with your whole family without your mother being around?

Isis: (looked down and sighed) It was hard and it hurt I admit that, but I didn't let anyone see me hurt.

Carey: Why didn't you want anyone to see you?

Isis: (looks back up) Because it would have brought everyone down. It was supposed to be a fun thing to get our minds off of it and for me to be all sad the whole time would have just screwed things up you know?

Carey: (nods) I completely understand. Do you think your sisters and Cat had a good time?

Isis: Yeah they seemed….well…

Carey: What is it?

Isis: Ikenzie got all weird and she smoked some weed and got stoned.

Carey: Wow really? Where did she get it?

Isis: (shrugs) Probably some stupid teenagers who think they are cool.

Carey: Why do you think she took it?

Isis: …I think Ikenzie is hurt. I really do. Even though she doesn't act like it, I know she is and she's trying to hide it but I'm not sure why.

Carey: Do you think she was trying to hide it the same way you were?

Isis: No…it's a different type of hide. Like even when we are at home, no one can even speak Jade's name or she's gone. She's like trying to pretend it didn't happen or something. I'm not sure what's going on in her head.

Carey: How about you try talking with her? That way you and her can both let out some feelings.

Isis: Yeah I guess.

Carey: So how are you feeling today?

Isis: I'm good. She's not really on my mind to much today. I mean she's always on my mind, but not just tugging at it you know? I'm doing okay.

Carey: (smiles) Well that's very good to hear. That means you are healing very well. It's a big thing that you can sit and talk about her right now without feeling the need to run away or cry hysterically.

Isis: (shrugs) yeah..

Carey: So what are your plans for the rest of the day?

Isis: Well I'm going to hang out with Monica tonight. Catch a movie and stuff.

Carey: You really like this Monica girl. Will you ever forgive her? Last time she was brought up you told me you wouldn't, but your whole face just lit up at the mention of her name.

Isis: (blushes) Of course I forgive her. I just haven't let her know that. I like to mess with her mind. I'll let her know tonight that I forgive her.

Carey: Do you think you two will get back together?

Isis: (shrugs and smiles) Maybe.

Carey: Well Isis, that's all for today. You seem to be doing great! I love the improvement you've made and I actually think that our sessions will have to continue no longer. Only if you need to talk. How about that?

Isis: Sounds good to me (laughs) I hated talking about my feelings anyways.

Carey: Well it feels good to let them out sometimes. You are free to go Missy. And promise me if you ever need to talk call me. I'll make a check up appointment with you for next month just to see how you're doing. It was so nice talking with you Isis. You are a very sweet and beautiful young woman, you just have to show that more often. Don't be so stubborn. Smile, keep your chin up, your beautiful.

Isis: (smiles) Thank you for everything Carey. (stands up)

Carey: Promise you'll call me whenever you need to?

Isis: I promise. Bye.

Carey: Bye Love.

[Cat's POV]

That Night

KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK

"Ikenzie….I'm coming in okay?" I said to her door softly before pushing it open.

She sat on her bed Indian style with headphones in. She immediately spotted me and removed her headphones before reaching over and putting her hearing aid in her ear. "Yes?"

"Can we talk?" I said walking all the way in.

She gave a huge sigh. "Look I'm sorry okay. I know it was wrong, I won't do it again." She said turning away from me.

I've been trying to talk to her since we came home just the other day, but I haven't gotten the chance. I keep putting it off, but I can't anymore and I'm not going to let her push me away this time.

I sighed as I closed the door behind me and walked over to her before sitting down on her bed.

"Mommmm, I get it. Okay it was wrong. I won't do it again. I don't want to talk about it. I'm sorry." She wined as she kept her face away from me.

I reached over and ran my fingers through her naturally curly brown hair as I sighed. "I don't want to talk to you about what you did. I want to talk to you about why you did it? Can you answer that one thing?"

"Because I just wanted to okay? I wanted to experiment. That's it. Some other kids had it, they asked if I wanted to try, and I did. I didn't even like it. I won't do it again. Okay?"

I reached into my pocket before pulling out a small pack that contained a small amount of marijuana. "Then why do you have this?" I asked putting it on the bed beside her.

She looked at the weed then look back at me with wide eyes. "How did you get that?"

I shook my head. "That's not the point." I said grabbing the drug I found today under her mattress and putting it aside.

I crawled on her bed more so that I was sitting directly in front of her before I grabbed both her hands in mine. "What's going on with you Ikenzie? Please talk to me. Why are you doing this?"

She looked away from me as she put her head down.

"Look at me!" I yelled louder than intended which made her jump and turn her gaze back to me.

She shrugged as her eyes brows furrowed. "Because it feels good."

"But why do you need to feel good? Why would you need that?"

"So I won't have to think."

"Think about what?"

She started at me for a moment before her face turned angry. She ripped her hands away from mine before standing to her feet. "I don't want to talk about anything! Please just leave me alone! Here, take the drugs. I don't need them!" She said as she grabbed the small pack and threw it at me. "Please leave." She said in a calmer voice as she pointed to her door.

I shook my head as I put the drugs down and walked over to her grabbing her face in my hands. "You miss Jade."

Suddenly her breathing started to deepen and she shook her head in my hands. "No! I don't care about Jade! I don't miss her! She used to hurt you mom, and you let her! Why would you let her do that to you!? She was mean, she was cruel. She had no business hurting you. And I don't miss her! I don't!" She said with tears filling her eyes.

Tears filled my own eyes as I looked up at the celling to keep them from falling before bringing my gaze back to her. "Ikenzie, you won't understand. Jade was not a bad person. She wasn't. She treated me the only way she knew how; the best way she could. She loved me, she loved you. She didn't mean the things she did baby and you wouldn't understand that. She's so sorry baby, she really is."

"She's not sorry! She didn't care! She didn't care that she hurt you physically, that she hurt me mentally, that she hurt us! Jade was selfish! She only cared about herself! And it hurts me so bad that I do, I do miss her Mom! I miss her more and more everyday and it's eating me alive, I don't know how to feel! Because I'm soooo mad at her….I'm so mad, but I'm so hurt….I can't." She said before she started to cry. I wrapped my arms around her tight as I let her cry into my shoulder. "I just don't want to think about it!" She cried. "I want to forget about it all!"

I took a breath as pulled her away from me. "I want you to listen to something okay." I said as I lifted my shirt to wipe her tears.

"I'll be right back."

I walked from her room and to my own before retrieving the recording from my drawer. I really wanted the whole family to sit down and listen to this together, but everyone isn't here and this is the best time for Ikenzie to hear.

My heart ached became worse and worse with every step that I took as I walked back to her room with the disk in my hands. I have no idea how she'll respond to this, but she has to hear it. Beck's right, they have to. She needs to know Jade is sorry. Jade wasn't selfish. Jade wasn't cruel. Jade loved.

"What's that?" Ikenzie asked as she watched me put the disk in her CD layer.

"I want you to listen to this, okay." I pushed play before sitting down on the floor. "Come sit with me."

She did as she was told as the first silent minutes of the recording played before my love's hurt voice filled the room.

"Is….is that Jade?"

I just nodded as I wrapped my arms around her. "Listen to what she has to say." I whispered before my chin went to the top of her head and my eyes closed as we both listened quietly.

Before long the recording had come to an end and the entire time Ikenzie hadn't made a sound or a movement. I let go of her and lifted her face to me.

She didn't look me in my eyes but passed me. "Ikenzie…" I said softly and she just shook her head.

"….C….can I be alone for a minute….please." She said in a voice that stabbed me in my heart. It was so full of hurt, I've never heard anything like that come from Ikenzie.

I just nodded as I gave her a kiss on her head and stood to my feet. I walked over to the door and gave a second glance to see her still sitting on the floor leaned up against her bed. Her eyes closed and I watched a few tears fall down her face slowly before I went into the hall and closed her door. Immediately I broke down into tears covering my mouth so that she wouldn't hear me crying. I slide down the wall beside her door and within seconds her door busted open and she fell into my lap crying hysterically.

We sat like that for what felt like hours and in reality I believe it was. It was a miracle my other daughters weren't home because I don't think I can deal with everyone all at once. I would have a breakdown. I just wish I didn't have to go through this. I wish none of this ever had happened, but we don't always get what we wish for so I have to be strong for my family and we will make it through together. We've made it this far and soon enough we will all be back on solid grounds. We just all have to be patient and take things slow.

Thanks for reading! PLEASE REVIEW!

So I've noticed when I update everyday I loose reviewers... how much since does that make :\ Come guys, I'm going all out updating everyday for more feedback! lol. Let's see those reviews!