I do not claim ownership of the Twilight Saga. I will update weekly. All mistakes are my own. I am looking for a Beta.
Chapter 12
Esme
The Swan family house was rented and handled by the law firm in Port Angeles, Jenks & Jenks. Calvin Jenks Sr. the lawyer handling the Swan estate would give no information on his client. Bella had not left a forwarding address, not that I accepted what he said. I looked for her, called Jenks repeatedly and finally after 5 months he simply told me, Ms. Swan was very specific with her request, the house was to be rented to cover the mortgage any excess was to be put into an account for repairs and all information about his client was privileged information and he could not share it. I had asked him to pass on messages to Bella previously. I wanted Bella to know that I was looking for her, wanted to find her.
I asked if he had passed on my messages and it was then he stated that if "Ms. Swan wanted to contact me she would and could, but his office would not provide any information and to stop calling and dropping by unannounced. Only then did I fully understand that Bella was aware I was looking for her and she was choosing not to make contact. I was deeply hurt, devastated, consumed with anger and frustration. What in the name of hell did Edward do that would cause her to end all ties with us.
Edward had returned home the following the summer after much persuasion from his father, having spent the previous holidays apart, refusing to come home for Thanksgiving and Christmas.
I was angry with him, I wanted to know what happened and he refused to say anything, the first couple of times I asked, he just froze, would say I don't want to talk about it and would leave, once he just stared off into space, took a deep shuddering breath and said "Can you please just let it go" then he started avoiding me staying away, coming late, only in my presence when his father was around. Carlisle had forbidden me on questioning Edward; he had said I needed to let it go and my probing only seemed to upset Edward. I just needed to accept they were no longer together.
I refused to accept or listen his reasoning. I wanted to know, needed to know. I made a plan deciding to act when Carlisle had a night shift. Taking a seat in the living room, I waited, knowing Edward's ploy was avoidance. He would return home each evening after I had gone to bed, but not this time.
Looking back today, I could see how focus I was on what had happened. I never really saw/looked at Edward. He had changed, had emptiness around and in him; as if he was on autopilot. Sleep, wake, eat, talk about mundane things , like weather, hiking trails, go hiking all day, back home, eat, sleep repeat.
I had missed it all. I was only focused on what happened, not about him or about Bella, only what happened. I really don't know why I was so focused on the "what". I have rationalized my behavior at that time by thinking it was because I am a mother; believing that as a mother if you have all the facts, you can fix what ails your children. I needed the facts so could fix what had happened and all would be well. Instead I would forever remember that night.
Edward refused yet again to say what happened. I was angry, yelled at him, told him he was selfish, made of stone and that he was deliberately hurting me by not telling me and who know what else I may have said to him. I was so angry. To tell the truth I felt out of control that night, his responses became angrier and angrier telling me he didn't want to talk about it, finally, I had responded in a bitter sarcastic tone telling him I was happy for him that he could just move on as if nothing had happened, but not all of us were that lucky.
In that moment a side of Edward I had never seen emerged, he stood up, dashed over to the fire place where there were photos of him and Bella, in a sweeping movement he shoved then off the mantle with an angry swipe of his hand, did the same to the table lamps, upturned the end- tables, all the while yelling and screaming, it was if he was out of control, anything he could reach, move or throw became airborne. I could not even understand what he was saying, he swore and screamed as if he was in pain all the while tearing up the room. Then he stopped looked around the room his eyes dark and vacant , he appeared to be looking for something and smiled , it was a sad, vacant smile, but in that second he looked at peace and it scared me . He started moving, made about 3 steps, stopped suddenly again, looked down , crumpled to his knees, picked up a photo of him and Bella, that he had stepped on, the glass shattered in the frame, he looked at it, rocking back and forth on his knees, started sobbing and saying " Sorry" over and over again. I sat there stunned, almost unable to process what had happened. I watched him rocking back and forth crying and clutching the photo, saying sorry over and over again.
I don't even remember how I made over to him, but I will always, always remember the pained look in his eyes as he looked at me and in that moment I saw his despair, his hopelessness and I knew that he still loved her and she had left him, "O my god, she broke up with you", I had said my voice cracking, trying to hold back my own tears. I wrapped my arms around him; my heart breaking, my baby boy, my baby was in so much pain.
It was hard for me to imagine she had. Bella had loved Edward; she was madly in love with him, just as he was madly in love with her. You had to be around them to understand, it was if they were magnets, he moved, she moved, she moved, he moved, their eyes always connecting, the music they created, singing and writing it, the plans they made, they brought the best in each other, it was inconceivable at times, they had started dating freshman year, I don't even think they ever had a fight or spat over those four years. I myself had not expected it to last, they were teenagers after all and they had proved me and many wrong. He collapses in my arms and say " I fucked up Mom, I fucked up, I lost her, I lost her Mom, I don't know where she is" hugging me as if I am his lifeline , We slip flat to the floor somehow, his head in in my lap , his arms wrapped around me and he says" I hurt her Mom, I hurt her, I don't even know why, I hate me ,I hate everything about me" I had held my son that night and cried with him, for him, for a girl that I considered my daughter who must have been hurt beyond words.
Edward left 2 days later, returned back to NYU, after only spending only 9 days. What I had not seen before I saw in those 2 remaining days, maybe he had let his guard down after that night. He was thinner, pale, dark circles under his eyes, withdrawn. He would sit so still for hours, staring off into space. He neither played nor listened to music and I would hear crying at night as stood outside the bedroom door. I was afraid he would commit suicide. I had called him every day after he left. Sometimes, he answered, sometimes a whole week went by before I heard from him. I was angry at Bella for hurting him like she did, for hurting us. She was selfish and self-centered, but knowing deep inside she was never any of those things. I wanted to be mad at someone and all I could do was be mad at her.
Edward went back to school took summer classes , day and night classes, completing his 3 remaining years of college in just under 2 years, he avoided the graduation ceremony, completed 4 years of Medical School and was about to start his residency soon . Today he was coming home after almost 6 years. He had moved on with his life, he appeared to be happy and had a fiancée, who am I to deny him happiness. I would be happy for him. I would always miss and love Bella, but she has made a decision not to include us in her life and I had accepted over the years, no longer angry at her, just saddened. Looking at the car clock, I am reminded that my trip down memory lane was a bit too long.
Grabbing the Ice- Cream, I head to the check out
"Hi Lauren, how are doing?"
"Oh! Hi Mrs. Cullen, I just saw Bella and your grandson, Oh my god! He is the spitting image of Edward, so cute; I didn't know you had a grandson"
"You saw Bella? Bella Swan" my mind in a whirl
"Yes and your grandson", she says slowly. "Your grandson Charlie"
I am sure my heart is beating in my head, Bella, grandson, Bella, grandson, Bella,
"When" I ask
Lauren looks puzzled, "about 3 hours ago, she was grocery shopping"
I grab the ice cream leaving… Bella was here and she has a son, she and Edward had a child "Mrs. Cullen, you didn't pay. "
I turn around, hand her my card, I feel like I am in dream, aware of what I am doing bit not really aware of what I am doing…. Bella is here in forks and has a baby.
Pulling out of the parking lot, I start for the Swan house, when my phone rings, I answer automatically
"Hello"
"Honey, Edward and Tanya are almost here he just called they are 15 minutes away. Where are you? "
"I will be right there; I have another errand to run." I say
"Esme, sweetheart, come home, come home now, it been six years, we should both be here when they arrive"