It seems you can't hear me
When I open my mouth you never listen
You say stay, but what does that mean
Do you think I honestly want to be reminded forever?

Chapter 12

Bella

Breathe. Just breathe.

But I couldn't. Not when he was staring at me with those startling, impeccable golden eyes that froze me exactly where I stood. I didn't dare think about how much I had missed those eyes; night after night I had dreamt of them, and of that devastatingly handsome face that was staring at me now, expecting a reaction. A response.

However the only possible thing I could do at the moment was stare right back, losing myself in his presence; in him. It felt like years have passed since I have last glanced at his familiar, beloved face. So many memories rushed through my mind in that moment – memories that for so long I have been trying to push to the back of mind; perhaps even to erase. And it was these painstaking memories that made me cry out in anguish.

Pain. Pain, pain, and more pain.

That was all Edward had left for me when he had decided to abandon me that night. What good had it ever done for me? What good could have possibly came to me that night he had vanished from my life?

Jacob.

All trace of torment fled from my body the moment I thought of Jake. Of course. Of course. Jake was the one good thing that had been given to me after Edward had left, again, for the second time. But then...hadn't he been here all along? Each day Edward had been missing from my life Jake had reached out with his hands, as well as with his heart, and had taken a hold of mine without hesitation, without a second thought as to how it could have affected him. He didn't realize just how much that little deed had done for me, how even those small signs of affection had meant so much.

I was so deep in thought that I didn't notice Edward starting to walk towards me until I heard Leah bite back a low, harsh growl. I blinked out of my little daze and instantly became alert, my eyes narrowing and my body boldly becoming tense. I caught the subtle look of confusion in Edward's gaze, before his expression quickly became dominated by a noticeable hurt.

"Bella?" He murmured uncertainly, stopping about three feet away from me. His one hand reached out just slightly, as if he was expecting me to walk forward and fall into his arms. His eyes were yearning, his mouth formed in a hesitant smile. A soft beam of sunlight shone down through the tree tops, shedding a brilliant gleam of gold onto Edward's auburn hair and causing him to sparkle.

My breath caught sharply in my throat. What do you want? I wanted to shout; to desperately plead. I've already given you my heart, twice, and both times you've treated it like it meant nothing. What more could you possibly be asking for?

But instead of giving him that well deserved, heated exclamation I so wanted to scream in his face, I lifted my chin and whispered softly something a little bit more polite.

"Yes?"

Edward's smile widened gently as I spoke, and with an eagerness that had my heart almost splitting into two, he stepped forward to supposedly wrap his arms around me.

Like a twig that had just been snapped, I jerked back, almost colliding into Leah in the process. She let out an even louder growl than before and stepped in front of me in a protective crouch, her seemingly human lips pulled back in an angry snarl.

I blinked in shock. Leah was defending me?

What has gotten into her? I thought, staring at her in surprise.

As if she had read my thoughts, she spat out a fiery retort. "Don't look so flattered. I'm just preventing this filthy bloodsucker from coming anywhere near you and Jake's relationship." She turned her head towards Edward and snarled. "Back off, moron, before I shred you into a million pieces and toss you into the flames."

Edward looked just as shocked as I did. He stood there calmly, staring past Leah's shoulder to gaze questionably at my face. I gulped loudly and tapped Leah lightly on the shoulder.

She whipped around to glare at me. "What? I'm only doing you and Jake a favor! Try being grateful for once."

"I am grateful," I stated almost immediately. "But...I think I need to handle this by myself. Please, Leah? Edward and I need to talk. Alone," I added, uncase she hadn't gotten the hint.

Leah stared at me briefly, disapproval written all over her face, before she let out a snort and turned one last time to Edward. "If you so as to even think about taking Bella away from Jake, I will take you up on that threat. Understand, bloodsucker?"

Edward glared at her silently, his hands clenched into fists. She smirked smugly and muttered, "I thought so," before walking away from us and disappearing deeper into the woods.

I shuddered. Alone.

I was alone in the woods with Edward. Oh, please let me have the strength...God knew I needed it.

So, did I have it? I guess I was about to find out.

"Bella," Edward whispered softly, and I felt chills shoot down my body from my head all the way down to my toes. Just the sound of him murmuring my name had me shivering with warmth. Oh God, how I had missed that feeling...

No. No. I couldn't give in...I mustn't give in.

"I suppose you've read my letter?" Edward remarked gently, making it sound more like a statement than a question. Oh but of course he would know that I've read his letter – he knew everything.

Or so it seemed.

"I did," I replied formally, straightening my posture and crossing my arms to gaze blankly at him. I couldn't help but notice that my body was shaking; not visibly, of course, but just so that I could feel the slight vibration shooting painfully along my body, making me aware of what Edward was, and still, capable of doing to me.

He seemed confused at my lack of verbal communication within our conversation, but I could tell by just the look on his face that he was relieved to be speaking to me. I felt anger flash through me the moment I realized this – how could he possibly be so selfish? He decided to leave me, and then he thought it was just okay to come back every now and then to say hi in able to hear my voice? That was even worse than when he had first left me! I bit down on my bottom lip, hard, and tried to remain calm.

"I'm so sorry Bella, for coming back like this. I honestly had not intended to, because I knew it would be hard for you."

I raised my eyebrow. You think?

"...but I realized now what a horrible mistake I've made. Because Bella, whether I like it or not, we are meant for each other. I know now that there is nothing I can do to change that. Please...will you give me another chance?" Edward took my hand softly, brushing his thumb rhythmically against the palm of my hand. "I love you Bella. Tell me you haven't forgotten that."

How could I ever forget that? I thought with a frown. But there was something else that stuck in my mind – something that Edward had said. "Whether you like it or not?" I repeated, tilting my head slightly to the side to stare at him. The stare was in no way warm. "Edward, have you ever once thought about my feelings, ever considered what I might be feeling, instead of you?" I didn't stop to analyze his expression. "I understand that you wanted me to have a healthy, normal life. I get it that you thought I'd be better off that way. But Edward, those were all your assumptions. Yours! Did you ever stop to think about what I might assume? No, you didn't. And because of that you ruined the relationship that for so long I've cherished."

"Once?" Edward whispered hoarsely. His grip on my hand tightened, and it was as if he was almost afraid to let me go. That if he did, he'd never get a chance to have that hold on me again. Little did he know that he had already lost that hold. He had lost it a long time ago, when Jake had reached out and taken a hold of my broken heart, strengthening it and making it new.

"Yes, once," I whispered back. Slowly, I pulled away from Edward's grip on my hand and managed to have the strength to not look away when I saw his pained, tormented expression.

"It was you on the phone the other night, wasn't it?" I questioned, knowing for sure that I was right. Who else could it have possibly been? Only a complete idiot would prank call a chief of policeman's daughter in the middle of the night and think he'd get away with it the next day. That's how I knew it had to be Edward, once I had started thinking rationally about it. I knew then that he had just wanted to hear my voice.

Edward nodded silently, his eyes glazed over and staring blankly at the tree in back of me. He looked, I mused thoughtfully, as if he was in shock. A vampire in shock...was that even possible?

"I'm sorry Edward," I didn't dare step forward and comfort him, even though half of me desired to. I knew that the moment I would touch him, it would be over. All of the strength would drain from my body, and I would be forced to surrender. I couldn't risk that, not when Jake needed me. Not when I needed him. I loved him too much now to even think about letting him go.

"Jake...he's..." I struggled to explain. "He's always been there for me. I love him, Edward. He's never done anything to hurt me...not one thing." I decided to ignore Edward's flinch, and instead continue. "I believe more than anything that he's the normal path I should take...that I need to take. He's given me the happiness that you've wanted me to have, Edward. Do you honestly think it best to take that away from me now that I have it?"

Edward looked up at me, his fierce golden eyes still glazed over with pain, "I thought we belonged together," he whispered, his voice cracking.

"I once thought that too," I answered smoothly. "But that was before you broke my heart...twice. I can only believe in one thing for so long, Edward. My love for you could only have lasted for so long," I ended with a barely inaudible whisper. I braced myself for Edward's reaction.

Edward's whole body became stock-still. I could tell that he was in excruciating pain by the way he gripped the tree, crumbling bits and pieces of birch in his hand. I willed for the familiar tears to transpire, so that he could grasp just how sad I was for seeing him in so much pain...but none threatened to fall.

It was in that moment that I realized I was done with the tears. Done with the pain.

And most significantly, I was so done with Edward Cullen controlling my life.

"If you want me to be happy Edward," I whispered firmly, "If you still love me...leave. You've done it twice; it won't be so hard to do it again. I know in my heart, Edward, that this is how it's supposed to be. My heart for the longest time has been asking me to love Jake, and now...now I've decided to listen to it. I hope that, someday, you'll understand that."

It wasn't long before Edward spoke once more, however this time I had to lean a little forward to hear. His head was hanging low against the tree, and as I got closer, I realized with surprise that he, too, was shaking.

"I understand. Jake has always been good to you. I can't compete with someone who mends hearts, when I myself only tend to break them."

"I don't regret the memories we still share, Edward," I murmured softly next to his ear, leaning my own head against the tree beside his. He glanced up, and ours eyes met. So beautiful, I thought to myself, and smiled. "I'll never forget you Edward, no matter how hard I try. I just can't...love you anymore, when it hurts so much. I hope you understand that also."

Edward's expression didn't change. Pain was still clearly evident there. "I know. As I'll never forget you, Bella. My Bella," he murmured, reaching up and trailing his thumb heavenly down the line of my chin. I still shivered at his touch, still yearned for his body like I always have – but no longer did I feel the passion.

Edward seemed to notice, because suddenly he sighed. "Oh, Bella...what's happened to us?"

"Distance," I whispered. Distance has set us apart.

"And Jacob," he added unfeelingly.

I nodded. "And Jake," I murmured.

"Well..." He stood up straight, and stared me straight in the face. "I guess that this is good-bye."

I nodded again, my heart thumping loudly inside my chest. "I guess it is."

He looked like he was about to reach out and hug me, but I stepped back quickly, knowing that if he did it would only make the situation harder. He stopped short, understanding, and I knew that he was trying his best to obey my wishes, when most of the time he had not.

But he couldn't make anything up now. It was too late.

"Good-bye, Bella," Edward whispered. "I love you."

"Good-bye, Edward," I whispered back, unable to return his last comment. Instead, I murmured a different one. "Tell Carlisle, Esme, Rose, Emmett, Jasper, and Alice that I love them...and that I'll never forget them."

"I will," he murmured.

And then, just like that, he was gone. Out of my life, once again.

Except this time, everything felt different.

The woods, peaceful. My heart, light.

And my life, begun.

I smiled and began walking towards Jacob, who I knew would be waiting for me back home.

Home.

Never had a word felt so right.

You held me
You felt me
You left me
But it's over, it's over, it's over
You touched me
You had me
But it's over, it's over, it's over my friend
Don't waste my time


Yay! Edward is finally gone, w00t! *parties* Don't be expecting any more of him in my story, because as you can see in this chapter, he's obviously not going to be making another appearance. So...say bye bye to Eddie, and hello to Jakey! I love you Jake! *cuddles him* Anyways...*cough* what did you think? Was it good? A bit angsty? Was it...sad? Tell me with a review. :)