Hey guys, as promised, here comes chapter 12! Finally, Peeta's back on the scene. Took him some time, right? Again, KPOV, and I think I'll continue writing KPOV from now on. She's starting to understand so there's no need to fill in with Peeta anymore :D
The response to the last chapter was rather low, I guess the chapter wasn't that good. I understand that you felt disappointed because of the lack of Peeta. I swear, it will get better from now on.

I hope you like that Chapter, I worked really hard to get everything right. Actually it's just part B. Chapter 11 (You are my sister) would have been part A. But seriously, the whole chapter was just too long.

Okay now enjoy the next chapter :) The plot is thickening and I'm giving you 7000 words for celebration :D

Always yours,
Elsterbird

Chapter 12: Three times

A soft knock on my door startled me. No one would ever knock here, except for Peeta maybe. But usually I'd be sedated before that charlatan Sundower would let him in. However, I did not feel tired at all. And in addition, I wasn't restrained. There's no way Prim would send him my way. Prim…

I wondered why she had been crying. I must have done something wrong, but I couldn't figure it out. I was looking for answers but instead I got a whole bunch of new questions. And now I would have to wait till the next day to ask…

"Come in" I shouted hoarsely, when it knocked again. And again.

The door opened then and blond, sunny hair came into my sight, what made my breath hitch.
"Peeta?" I gasped. I was still conscious, why did they let him enter?

"Hey…" he offered weakly, standing in the threshold. His shaking hands were clutching his shirt, his hair was unkempt and his eyes were red-rimmed. He obviously had been crying before. He had a hard time keeping his face straight; he fought against ominous tears and a threatening smile simultaneously.
"Prim told me… Y-You're awake" he stuttered and let out a shaking breath as he ran his fingers through his hair. Then he smiled, as if he couldn't believe it at all. And finally tears came into his eyes. I could tell that he longed to come closer but he was just standing there awkwardly and watching me.

"Yes" I answered scarcely as I sat up in my bed and pulled my blanket closer. Why did Prim request him to come? Him of all people!

"Can… can I come in?" He asked then and fiddled with his shirt while staring to the floor. I could tell he was nervous facing me, what felt really strange since he was the one who would act sovereign all the time.

"Sure" I said. Sure?
I wasn't even sure about if I wanted to see him or not! But I wanted answers and Peeta was the only one who could give me those concerning that night.
His face brightened up once that word left my lips for he didn't expect my consent.

He closed the door behind him and stepped closer. He was careful to take his time and observe my reaction. It made me laugh. It wasn't a happy laugh, though. It was more strain that escaped my throat.
"Sit" I said when he stopped halfway in the room and pointed to the chair standing next to my bed. Now he gave me a relieved smile and closed the distance. His closeness made me shiver, but it wasn't as bad as before the incident with the bombing. He did not make me feel scared anymore, but there was this awareness of his presence I couldn't shake. I couldn't put a finger on this feeling he gave me.
He sat down, calmly, to not scare me away like some wild animal. It made me chuckle again, thinking about how loud his steps were seconds before. He kept glancing to the floor and didn't say anything. I knew he was waiting for me to begin.

"Hi" I offered then, permitting him to speak. "Hi" he whispered back, still averting his eyes. He was clutching his hands so his knuckles turned white. He was trembling.

"Look at me" I ordered. If he came to say anything to me, he at least would have to look me into my eyes. I also wanted to be sure that his eyes were still the same as… before.

He raised his head. Tears were pooling in his eyes and he fought hard not to drop them. I tilted my head.
"Why are you sad?"
He started to smile, shaking his head.
"I'm not sad" he answered hoarsely. "I'm happy."

I frowned at him when he wiped off his tears.
"People must like it very much to be crying around me lately" I remarked drily.

"People must feel very relieved to see you safe and sound" He replied. "Actually, Gale's waiting outside. If you want to talk to him right now, I'd understand… I could call him in."

I couldn't help myself, but he started to look like a puppy, silently begging not to abandon him. I gave in.
"No, it's okay. It doesn't have to be right now. Maybe later?" I shrugged. Gale couldn't give me the answers to which I first needed to find questions to, anyway. Peeta was already here; there was no point in chasing him away.
Said boy visibly relaxed in his seat.
"Okay" he whispered.

We fell into silence, but it wasn't uncomfortable, not at all. I felt good that I did not have to talk to anyone. It gave me the time to think about what had happened and what I needed to know. I didn't want to meet anyone at first, but I also didn't want to be alone. He seemed to understand that.
After few minutes however, Peeta decided to break our silence when he noticed that I began to stare at my dresser. I had done that countless times before, just to check if everything was alright. If I was alright. But the flowers were long gone.
"Before I forget it… I want to give you something" he mumbled, pulling me out of my mind. "It's not much, but..."

I tilted my head again. A present? For some reason I didn't like the feeling of being given presents. But I also felt surprised by myself that I got curious about it.
"For me?"
"Yes. I'll get it."
"Okay" I murmured. Peeta stood immediately and crossed the room; his present seemed to be waiting outside. He didn't mean Gale, did he?
He opened the door and vanished for a few seconds, just to return with something that – fortunately - looked like a canvas. Again, he sat down on his chair and while he reached it out to me, he said "I wanted to bring you some earlier, but the pond where I had found them had been destroyed with the bombing. I couldn't find any, so I decided to just paint them for you. I hope you don't mind".

I looked at what he gave to me. There they were again, those soft and beautiful flowers called Katniss banned on a white, sturdy canvas. The painting was stunning. The flowers looked exactly like I'd remembered them; soft, elegant and strong.
Katniss, Sagittaria. Edible.

"You painted this?" I asked in surprise. "You are an amazing artist."

"Thank you" he replied shyly and rubbed his neck while averting his eyes again. "It's nothing…"

He smiled back with flushed cheeks. I realized how boyish he was looking. Sometimes I had some difficulty to decide how I should classify him. He was just a boy, after all. And a killer, I reminded myself.

I put the painting on the dresser next to me and admired it from some distance. He did not only draw my flowers, but also the pond and the adjoining forest. Soft rays of the sun beamed through the trees, letting the dew on the flowers glisten like diamonds. Just like I knew, no, loved the forest. Oh, really? Since when exactly?

He had created this. I've never realized that his hands were this gentle.
"No, it's beautiful. I mean… Thank you. Honestly."

"You are welcome. I was hoping you liked it" He beamed.

"I like it very much! I can't believe you did that… I mean, for me."

He gulped audibly as his cheeks flushed. Flushed!
"For you, always. I … I just regret never taking you out there before the bombing destroyed it. It was my favorite place."
The bombing! I haven't expected him to bring up this topic without me urging, but there we were, right where I wanted us to be. I put the talk about the pond away.

"The bombing. Right. I wanted to talk about that" I said immediately, the painting already forgotten.

The blond haired boy nodded, not at all surprised, and leaned forward. He put his forearms on the knees and rubbed his palms together. Then he let out a shaky breath.
"Alright. What would you like to hear?" He asked calmly, meeting my eyes again.

"Tell me what exactly happened? I'm not very sure that everything my mind tells me is quite the truth. You were the only one with me, so…"

"I understand" he smiled knowingly and somehow I couldn't shake the feeling that he was happy about something I said. He started to describe everything that happened that night. It was a hard conversation for both of us, but he tried to make it bearable and joked here and there. I didn't mind. Sometimes I would even allow myself to smile a little, what would spur him on even more. He was just being him, of course, without forcing to be funny or something. He made me feel better despite all that had happened and all what I had wanted to do to him. I actually was quite surprised how detailed his version of the story was. He could remember just about every word I'd told him and what I had tried to do to him and hey, he even joked about that. I shouldn't feel bad about it, he said, and that his neck was too thick anyway. I snorted.

Soon enough the conversation got awkward and serious again and I wished it didn't.

"I've really tried to kill you. That's true, right?"
"Yes." He answered truthfully, but a little bit hesitant. I guess there wasn't any point in lying to me.
"And you tried to kill me back? True?"
"No, that's definitely not true." This time his answer came out of the pistol.

I shook my head.
"I don't believe you. If I'd wanted to kill you, why didn't you try to kill me instead? To protect yourself? It makes no sense to me. You tried. You launched at me. You wanted to choke me."
I frowned. This version didn't seem right either. Shit, everything's so blurry…

"No" he replied more firmly than before. "I'd never do that. I know you don't trust me, but… I wouldn't. Ever."

I bit my lip. His sky blue eyes seemed to be so honest, but I knew that there are a lot of really good liars out there in the world. I wouldn't trust anyone beside myself. But since I feel so dizzy, it might be even better to not trust at all.

I wouldn't trust Peeta. I couldn't. I mustn't. But somehow I just wanted. I wanted to have something or someone I could hold on to. He saved my life and I saved his, although I don't remember why I did it.
Why is it so complicated?
It was hard enough to decide if I should hate him or not. My mind told me it was the best, but my heart did not agree.

I studied him for a second and looked for a sign that would betray him. Actually, he didn't look quite like the one from before the bombing. His eyes seemed to be a little duller and his face and his frame were thinner than before. I remembered him to have broad, muscular shoulders and a pair of strong arms that could lift and throw a hundred pound sack of flour straight over his head. I'd seen it. When?

I shook my head again. Who cares. I don't need to know.
He just looked kind of worn out. As if he'd been doing a lot of hard, exhausting work.

I didn't ask.

"You said you wouldn't lie to me once" I pulled the blanket closer to my chest. "I guess you're still true to your word?"
"Yes. Of course."

I bit my lip again. I had no choice but trust him to keep his promise.
"I wondered why it was you. Prim told me that she and Gale couldn't come, but it doesn't explain why you've come to help me. Not after I had treated you like air that month before."

He shrugged. "It was a rough month, honestly. But I was at fault too, I understand why you kept ignoring me."

"You do?" I asked surprised. I couldn't explain when I'd started to think differently about him. We simply got too friendly, and I couldn't simply allow that. How could he know?

"I guess… Well, I'm sorry that I acted like that around you. I shouldn't have been jealous of Gale just because you are… friends. It was so immature of me to think, that I would be enough for you to get better. It's just… We have a history and I can't forget it."

History? Who? He and Gale? I knew they were fighting about something, but what could be so important that they couldn't get along with each other? On the other side, did I care?
"I don't get it" I confessed, rubbing my forehead. In any case, I decided to never tell him that his behavior wasn't the real reason for ignoring him.

"Mmh. But I do wonder why both of you don't get along, but I guess it's not of my concern. However I think it's good of you that you asked if I wanted to see him"

"It would be feeling bad if I had kept quiet." He replied, averting his eyes again.

"That being said, you didn't answer my question. Why did you come back to my room to save me? There was no reason for you to do that."

"No reason? How I could I possibly have left you there? You would have died! When I realized that Gale and the doctor's weren't close enough to you, I just ran back" He explained, worry in his eyes then he let out a shuddering breath. "That's all."

"But why would you do that? You could have died, too!" I asked again, not able to keep the tone of annoyance out of my voice. I realized that he was trying to hide something.

"That's umm… because..." He shrugged; his expression clearly troubled. He glanced to the door, to the one-way mirror and then back to me, unable to find the right words.

"It's a simple question" I remarked. Yes that it was, yet he refused to answer me.

"I guess we… We protect each other. That's just what we do…"

"I don't think that's the real reason at all." And I didn't think that It could have been true. I don't simply protect anyone.
I rolled with my eyes. He was supposed to be such a good talker, why did he shy away? I stared at him, demanding to hear a good reason. And he would give me that. I wouldn't let him go before he told me. "That's not a real answer, Peeta!" I protested. "I thought you wanted me to trust you? Well, I'm not sure I could if you're keeping secrets yourself."

He sighed and averted his eyes again. Again! What's wrong with you?
His face flushed immediately. He knew I had a point.
"Well… That's because… It's obvious, isn't it?" His voice was getting quieter with every word.

"It is not." I answered dryly, frowning. I frowned even more when he took my hand in his and squeezed slightly. Then he lowered his head in defeat. It was now or never.
"I did it because I care for you." He whispered. "Because I… I love you, Katniss."

I swore I heard a bomb drop in that very moment. Or a cannon…
But everything was silent

"You do WHAT?" I yelled unbelievingly as I slapped his hand away. I almost stood in my bed, wide eyed.
Okay, wait, what's going on? He was kidding me. Of course he was. Why should he…?

He bit on his lip as his eyes darted back to meet mine. He looked quite disappointed but also adamant. It was too late to hide now.
"I love you. I've told you this before already, but you forgot. I can't believe I'm still that nervous telling you this after all this time" he offered weakly.

"You gotta be kidding me" I pressed through my teeth. He definitely was.
He wasn't.
"You hate me!" I accused and threw my hands around me. "You hate me, and you want to see me dead! You tried to kill me in the Games and you tried in the bombing! …You and Finnick killed Mags, and you were fuckin' laughing about it! You… You and the careers… Why would you…? Why?"

He winced at my words and shook his head. Again and again.
"No. No! Katniss, I swear. That's not true."
It's not true. Not true. Not true. It is. It isn't?

"I can't… I-I can't believe you. I.."
I gritted my teeth. My head was aching again, but even worse than before. I wanted him to leave.

I didn't want to be alone, though. Otherwise the monsters will come back.

"Please go now. I want… I need to see Gale" I choked out, before he could assure me that he had really meant it. For real. That he had a good explanation for me.
As expected, his face fell as soon as I mentioned Gale's name. Good. It served him right for confusing me that much…
The boy looked at me, speechless, his mouth hanging open. I was sure that this wasn't the reaction that he had expected me to give him. It was his turn to look at me unbelievingly.

"What?" he asked, as if he didn't hear me the first time.

"Just… just go. I can't look at you right now."
I have to think.

Before they're coming.

Pain flashed through his eyes as those words rolled over my lips. He looked at me like I'd just hit him. Hard. He stood immediately and buried his hands in his pockets.

"I'm so sorry… I really am" he said. "Don't hate me, okay? I don't know what to do if you did."
His tone changed from disappointment to desperation. "Please don't toss me aside like last time. If you can't handle the thought... then just… Just forget it. Forget that I've said anything!"

You've just told me you loved me. How could I possibly forget that?

I wanted to yell at him. Soothe him. Cry. I wanted to do all at once, but I managed to keep a straight face. The only thing that would betray me was my trembling lower lip.

"Please go" I pleaded. "Just go."

Peeta nodded, his knees slightly shaking. "I'll be on my way then. I… I'm going to leave District 13 this evening. So I won't be back for some time."
Even he did not seem to know why he told me this exactly, that's why he looked rather irritated, hopeless and lost. Maybe he wished that I said something like "be safe" or "I'm waiting for you" to him, but I couldn't.

"Okay" was all I said.

"Okay… Bye then, Katniss."

"Bye."

He turned to leave but I got the feeling that this wasn't the right way for us to part. He had saved my life after all. Probably…

"…Peeta?" I began cowardly, my voice barely a whisper. He whipped around immediately.
"Yes?" he asked with a hopeful voice.

"I … I guess I didn't want to kill… I mean… I didn't want you to die?" I offered awkwardly, trying to say something nice at least.

He smiled weakly but genuine.
"Thank you."

With those words, he's gone.

And the monsters are back.

-.-

I had tossed and turned in my bed for hours so it seemed, but it couldn't be later than afternoon. I checked my eyes and my ears; they were still there and actually working.

I hate those mutts.

The dream wasn't scary at the beginning. I was swimming. Not the pond that Peeta had painted for me; it was considerably bigger. It was a lake. I've never seen a real lake, let alone gone swimming before, but I knew it was a lake. My body remembered how to move in the water so I wouldn't drown. I tried to follow the ducks that fled through the water; of course it was impossible to reach them for they simply were too fast.
After several attempts, one of ducks flapped its wings so the water splashed into my face. I coughed and splashed back. I heard a familiar voice behind me, laughing, but I couldn't see his face clearly. I thought that I knew his jacket from somewhere…
Then, suddenly, I knew the good part of the dream had ended. The sky got dark and the water icy. I stepped out of the water, but I couldn't run. It was as if something had stopped time. I cried for help, but the man was already gone.

Then I heard their howling.

The mutts got me again before I even knew where they had come from. This time, they were blue eyed and their fur was blond. They were Peeta, I just knew it, and they were tearing me apart. And while they were biting and shredding my skin and flesh, they wailed that they loved me. I was delicious.
So delicious.

The doctors had injected me some morphling so I was getting better, calmer immediately. It still made me numb, though. When Gale had entered my room, I wasn't even able to process that he was actually there. He had looked at me like Peeta and Prim did – relieved and happy. And also teary eyed. But I did nothing in return.

I guess I also was getting better at ignoring.

As the morphling subsided, I found myself in conversation with him. I just nodded at first. After some time I became able to reply to him. He apologized for not being there when I had needed him the most. I thanked him for saving Prim.
The monsters did not come again.

"Are you okay? You're so absent minded" Gale asked me later. We've been talking for quite some time, mostly about Prim and how he had been working in the kitchen lately. He had been helping out with the food supplies, he went hunting and he was the only reason why the people of D13 sometimes got meat to eat at all. It's not that I cared; I didn't get any food anyway. I hoped they'd change that, soon.

"I guess" I answered confused. "It's been a weird and exhausting day."

"Mind to tell me what happened?"
Of course he wanted to know. He wanted to know everything about me. I sighed. I wasn't sure if I should tell him, but what would it matter?
"It's Peeta. He said that… you know…" I mumbled. And I frowned again when I remembered his blushing cheeks. Gale on the contrary looked at me expectantly. I took a deep breath.

"Hesaidhelovedme" I got out in one word, pressing my eyes together. "I don't understand."

If I thought that I was the only one that did not like the situation, I was wrong. Looking at Gale after this let me know that he was the same; very upset. I've never seen him like that. Suddenly he was like on fire.

"He told you?" he threw his hands in the air. "He just told you?"

"You knew?" I asked him back, my eyes wide.

"Of course I knew! We all knew!" He replied angrily.
"And you didn't tell me?"
"Why should I have told you? I wasn't going to do him this favor, Katniss!"

"Don't call me like that!" I hissed, suddenly so very disturbed by that name. I didn't want him to call me like that. He wasn't allowed to. And it did not improve our situation and trust when he said that he had known. Did he lie to me? He never told me, so he did lie, right? I was right thinking that I couldn't trust anyone. "I can't believe it!"

"You don't have to get angry" he tried to calm me down, but it's too late already.

"No? I'm not allowed to? And you are? Don't tell me you are allowed to be angry and I'm not?!" I spat, throwing my pillow at his face. My head ached again. My mind got fuzzier. I was weak from my earlier episode. It wouldn't take long before the monsters came back to see me. Monster monster monster. Would there be Gale-Mutts now in the midst of a pack of Peetas?

"No, you're not! I don't even know why you're being upset! You're not the one who's being shitted right now."

"Oh and YOU are?" I snorted. Of course! I'm the one who's been confessed to, not him.

"Yeah, actually I am! Mellark told me… he promised me he wouldn't take advantage of your situation! He said he would be playing fair."
He clenched his fists.

"Playing fair?" I shrieked; my head got worse with every word. It was a matter of seconds before Dr. Sundower would come storming into my room. "What does that mean?"

"He said he wouldn't tell you before I did."

"WHAT?" I yelled, suddenly realizing what this was all about. He didn't need to tell me anymore but he did anyway.
"I love you, too."

Fuck.

Before I could say anything, Gale turned to the one-way mirror and started yelling and gesturing furiously.
"No shut up! I'm not leaving right now!"

It startled me for a second, until I realized that he was wearing a tiny earphone. Not even a second later, Dr. Sundower burst into my room. And yes, he was angry. Really angry.

"You. OUT!" He yelled and grabbed Gale by the collar. Gale just stood still and didn't even look at the doctor. He was taller and stronger than him and it would have needed two guards at least to get him out of the room already. He didn't budge.
"Look what you're doing!" Sundower shouted at him and pointed in my direction. "You're not helping her at all!"

And oh, how right he was. My head was about to explode. I closed my eyes and ears and started to rock my body back and forth. The monsters were creeping up on me again. Katniss, Katniss, Katniss…

When Gale refused to leave the room, I started to cry.
"Get out! Get the fuck out!"

I don't remember what happened after. The world grew black again.

-.-

This time, the nightmares were about Gale and Peeta, killing each other. Then turning into mutts. Then killing me. Then killing Prim.

Everything was full of blood. It was everywhere.

-.-

I thought this day couldn't be getting worse. But it did.
When I finally came to again, Gale was gone already. Instead, Haymitch sat on the very same seat.

"Oh no… Please no" I groaned. "Don't tell me that you've come to tell me that you're in love with me, too."

Haymitch actually roared with laughter. "You? Of all people? Are you kidding me?"
Always honest, that man, and that was one reason why I disliked him. At least, he wasn't obsessed with me and I appreciated that fact very much.

When he started to get teary eyes because he was laughing too much however, I thought he was going overboard.
"It's not that funny" I remarked dryly.

He obviously had a different opinion, though.
"Oh you're wrong. I find it very funny, Sweetheart. But don't worry, I won't tell you such a stupid thing like 'I love you'. I don't want the others to think that I'm a pedophile or something."

"I'm not a child" I grumbled.
"Oh yes Sweetheart, you are. Right now you are."

I glared at him when took his flask out of his pockets and took a long swig. When he placed it back into his pockets, he seemed to have calmed down again.
"Why are you here then?" I asked him nervously. Every time I saw Haymitch, something bad happened or was going to happen. He was like a dark raven, always following me through the shadows. Or a crow that brought me evil tidings…
Anyway, I didn't feel that he was the best company that Prim could have sent my way. Not that Peeta and Gale would have been better. I suspect that she didn't send anyone at all, not because she did not want to but because they wouldn't let her. This was some doctor's doing.

Haymitch looked at me closely.
"I'm here to judge your progress" he said with a smirk. "I want to find out if you're ready for the next step, since I know you best."
"Define 'best', would you?" I answered dryly. "I don't think that you know me at all."

"I wouldn't say it like that" he said, leaning back on his chair. "We are just the same, you and I. We are the same… type of person, I guess."

I snorted loudly. It was true that he could look into my head like no one else but… really? The same type? It made me laugh because it sounded so ridiculous. "Of course" I replied rather sarcastic and rolled my eyes. I bet he saw this coming for his grin grew even wider. I give up.
"What do you mean with the next step?"

The old drunkard just shrugged and leaned forward like Peeta had done it before, arms resting on his lap.
"They're at it again, aren't they? The boy and …the other boy?" he began, addressing the earlier confessions.

I narrowed my eyes at his words. He didn't even bother with names.
"So you knew, too."
"Of course! What are you thinking Sweetheart? We all knew. You knew. The entire country knew. You are just the one who forgot."

Oh great. Tell me.
"I'm sure I would remember if this had happened before, wouldn't I?" I asked him and yes, I was pissed.
"Well, do you?" He asked ironically. "I'm afraid but you don't have any clue about the situation you're in right now. How and what would you know?"

I scoffed and crossed my arms. "I'm not stupid. I know I can't trust you all. Everyone's just messing around with me and lying into my face. I don't know what you did to Prim or Delly or the others. But I'm pretty sure that they don't know what's going on. You all play with them. Even the people of D13 aren't aware of what they are doing. You just have manipulated them all, haven't you? Defying the Capitol is just the worst. They wouldn't do it if they were in their right mind."

Everything was just one fucked up game. They wanted me to give up on myself and play along, play their little dirty games. I did not plan on being a part of it. I wouldn't be lulled with their empty promises…

Haymitch rolled his eyes.
"You're hopeless… We all hoped that you'd come to your senses after the bombing. But I'm starting to lose my patience. You're just too stubborn; you always were."

"I'm telling you again: Don't talk as if you knew me" I muttered. "You don't know anything."

"Huh, that's funny. There's a crazy girl sitting in front of me, telling me that she knew more than I did. A crazy girl that doesn't even recognize her own name. And to top all of it, she thinks that everyone's lying to her about just… everything. That everyone is trying to trick her. And of course that everyone's manipulated and corrupted."
He brought out his flask again and took another mouthful. "You're expecting that everyone around you got hijacked, but you never think about the possibility that it's just you? Why should hundreds of people be manipulated, if it could have been just you the one who had been modified? Don't you think it's easier to just change you instead of all the others?"

"What are you talking about?" I asked; my eyes wide. It's the first time that I was told something like this. "I- I'm completely fine!"

"Fine, my ass!" he burst out. Time for joking was definitely over; he was being dead serious.
"I could tell you now. Everything." Our eyes locked. "But are you even ready for the truth? As I told you earlier, I've come here to test you, and I'm still not sure about what I should do with you. I know you've started to realize that something's wrong. Your body does without any doubt. But what about your mind? Are you truly ready to hear it?"

I narrowed my eyes. "Tell me and I'll judge."
Because everything he says are just lies. Filthy lies.

"Okay. But I won't stop. Listen and think about it. Do you remember the Quarter Quell?"
I simply nodded.
"There was a plan to get you out of the arena. To save your and the other victor's lives. I've never told you in advance in case the rescue mission failed."
Oh, that's news.

"Unfortunately, we did fail. We got Finnick, Beetee and Peeta out, but you and Johanna were captured by Snow's men."
What?

"You've been a prisoner to the Capitol for a few months. You were tortured and hijacked."
No way.

"They've used drugs and Tracker Jacker venom on you to mess up your mind. They changed your memories and implanted you new ones."

No.
"They tricked you into believing that they were your friends. That you were a killer before. They let you forget about your family and your very own sister, Prim."

NO.

"They made you believe that the Rebels tried to kill you. That Peeta tried to kill you. They made you think that the Hunger Games were our doing."

NO!

"And everything because you were our symbol of hope. Our Mockingjay. Snow did his best to destroy you, to break you, so you wouldn't ever defy the Capitol again."

STOP!

"You wanted to hear the truth, didn't you? Here you go, that's all I can do for you, Sweetheart. It's time to judge." He finished wary, leaning against the back of his chair.

No. No he's lying again.
Is he?

Isn't he?

He must be. Everyone Is lying. They are so skilled. Good liars, really.

A lie. A lie. A lie. Before the day is over, they'll paint the cornucopia anew.
And then the monsters are coming back..

I burst out laughing. I laughed hard; hard and unintended. Maybe because I didn't know what else I could do; because my mind was going berserk. Haymitch simply stared at me while I was going crazy. The laugh got hysterical, and then, slowly, it ebbed down. I came back, from nowhere. Wordlessly.
My head ached even more. Hopefully it's going to burst. I've never wanted to go back home as much as I wanted now. Now the real torture would begin. They would try to change me. Turn me into something I was not. It's already happening. Haymitch just took the first step into something I didn't want to think about. I inhaled sharply, still trying to suppress another outburst.
"That's… That's…." I finally stammered. It couldn't be true. "You're just making this up, aren't you?"

"Why should I? I know that you've realized already that some things are not right with you, too. You're just trying not to think about it. I know you – I know that you're just ignoring all the signs because you're afraid of facing it."

Was he looking into my head? I didn't want to admit it, but… he was good. Really good. As expected, he just knows how I tick…

But he had a point. Why would he make it all up? Why would Peeta tell me he loved me? Why would Gale?

Why would Delly look at me, shocked, because of what I said sometimes?

Why would I protect someone like Peeta when I needed to kill him? Why would I dream about bread and his eyes? Why would I see caves and why would I smell the sweet steam of sleeping syrup?
Why the hell would I be dreaming about a lake I've never seen before?
Why would Prim cry when I said I wanted to have her as my sister?

I started to laugh again, bitterly. He had some point. I had noticed strange things for some time now… The pieces were coming together little by little. Again, my laughing ebbed down just to be drowned in suffocated sobs. There was something. Voices, images, sounds… But I was too scared to think about the possibility. I was the only one I could trust. Ever. Have I lost myself, too?
Hot tears were streaming down my cheeks before I'd even realized it. Shit.

I felt my throat tighten. Was it time to fight? To show my loyalty, like President Snow had told me? I had to protect my friends and my convictions, like he said I would. He trusted me I would…
"No… No, no, NO. This is definitely not true! And I'm not afraid! I'm never!" I yelled at him furiously, not sure what I wanted to tell him exactly. "You… you're just saying things. Things that make me irritated… But I won't betray them. You… You can't make me betray them..! I promised… I promised President Snow that.. That I'd…"

I clenched my teeth. I didn't know what to think anymore. I felt like my heart just got ripped out.
"I'm not... I'm not..." I sobbed. "Prim… Prim is not my sister. There's no way she was… She's got a mother and a father. They… They.."
They what?
I shut my mouth. I had never met them, had I?

In the very same moment Doctor Sundower came into my room, too. Haymitch held his head high as he nodded in silent agreement with the blue eyed doctor.
"It is time" he simply said as he stood. "Start the treatment and bring her back. I know she's starting to understand. She's ready."
The Doc nodded. "Let's hope it's not too late."

I was ashamed of my tears and hid my face behind my palms. Haymitch knew. He had looked into me again. That's why he felt that I was ready for the treatment. I didn't want to face it. I wasn't really ready for the truth, whatever it was. I just wanted to go back, to whatever place I'd been happy before. Whatever place I'd been safe before.

I cried harder. There was no holding back anymore.
Too much memories. Too much memories I couldn't stand. Too much memories I couldn't understand.

"Tell me, sweetheart. Why are you crying right now?" His voice sounded so calm and soothing all of a sudden. And all I knew was that I wanted to give him an honest answer.

"Because both of them said they loved me. And I… I know it's true."

She's hopefully starting to get it now. Thoughts?

I'd be very happy to hear from you all. I really like this chapter and I'd be disappointed if it didn't make you feel anything at all.
Also, if you notice heavy mistakes, please do tell me (Bad English destroys the best stories, even I can tell. Especially when it's a crucial part of the story, so... I need your advice, lol.)

Again, follow me on tumblr.: Elsterbird for the latest drawings of my "Growing Back Together Series". (Drawings of Katniss and Peeta, slowly growing back together as the title says. lol.)

(Also add tumblr.: ToastedBird if you want to see smutty everlark pictures, coming soon.)

Love you all :) Thank you very much!

Elsterbird