12. Jars of Clay - Frail
(beginning of second verse & chorus)
When she learns she can never return, Susan cries for hours each night when she thinks everyone else is asleep.
They don't understand, she thinks to herself. They don't understand how hard it is to be ripped away from everything you loved, shoved back into a body and a world that's just a bit too tight, too small, and pinches when she moves.
She can't maintain this fiction for long; she knows they understand it perfectly well.
It's easy for them, she thinks to herself. They were closer to Aslan and each other and they support each other better. She is disadvantaged in this un-battle that is her daily existence. She doesn't have Peter's strength, Lucy's faith, Edmund's determination.
At night she privately admits to herself that this is no excuse; she is only as alone as she allows herself to be.
It's not worth it, she thinks to herself. Narnia was beautiful and magical, but England can be just as wonderful. Her siblings are just closing their eyes to the possibilities. There are dances and music and adventures to be found in London too.
A tiny corner of her mind whispers that England could never match up to the beauty of a golden mane and the majesty of an echoing roar forever in her memories; she slams the door on the whisper, and it trembles from the violence.
Susan doesn't let herself cry at all now; she isn't sure she could dam the flood once the gates were opened.