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Chapter 12

Clara dragged herself upstairs after her shift had finally ended. She knew she had promised John to pick up her motorcycle today but after working overtime the garage and car shop had both already been closed and all she really wanted to do was sleep. However a surprise was waiting for her when she reached her doorstep. Clara groaned when she saw it. John had placed a huge bouquet of flowers on the floor in front of her door, or at least she highly suspected them to come from John. Clara picked them up and took the next flight of stairs to his apartment, knocking on his door furiously.

"I'm gonna take a wild guess and say these are from you?" Clara spat at him when John opened the door.

"Yes," he replied with a smile, "Do you like them? I didn't know which ones were your favourite so I had the florist pick them."

"Whether or not I like them is completely beside the point. This," she held the bouquet in his face, "Is romance. And I said I don't want that. I told you I don't do romance."

"Well," John cleared his throat, "I don't do sex friends or whatever you would like to call it. That part only comes with romance."

He grinned at her. This stupid, idiotic grin as if he was utterly sure of himself. Clara rolled her eyes and sighed.

"John, I want your friendship. I want what we had that last month, you and me being pals, hanging out, having fun. The rest doesn't matter to me."

He shrugged. "Didn't seem like it last night."

She groaned at him. "I just was in the mood, okay? Next time I'll find someone else."

"And why would you wanna do that?" he smiled kindly and placed his hands on both of her upper arms, "Last night was a huge surprise to me but I thought we worked. And I think if you just let me I could prove it to you that a real relationship is nothing to be afraid of – or to feel guilty about."

"We work as friends," Clara insisted, struggling free of his grip, "Unless you keep thinking that there will be more. I don't want to lose you because of last night."

"There's an easy solution. Give me a chance."

"Never gonna happen," Clara replied and pushed the flowers up against his chest.

"No, you keep them. They were a gift," he told her.

"Fine," she agreed with a sigh but glared at him, "But that's it. No more gifts. Promise me that!"

He seemed to consider it for a moment and finally nodded. "Okay, no more gifts."

"Good," Clara concluded, "I'll pick my motorcycle up tomorrow after my shift."

She was about to turn around an leave when she looked at the flowers in her hand. It really didn't matter now, so she could just as well say it.

"Sunflowers," she said.

"Excuse me?" John raised his eyebrows at her.

"Sunflowers. I like sunflowers," she added, "They're my favourite. But these are really lovely, too. Thank you."

John smiled at her. "You're welcome."

Back in her own apartment Clara placed the flowers in a large vase and set them down on her coffee table. They were a lovely gesture and Clara really couldn't hold it against him but if he kept thinking that they could be involved romantically she was going to lose John as a friend.

It wasn't so much that she still held on to her previous engagement. Daniel had died a long time ago and Clara had come to live with that even though the thought of it still made her sad. She missed it. She missed waking up next to the man she loved, she missed surprise kisses and a hand that held her own. Clara knew that she could easily have that again but the price seemed too high. She wouldn't give her heart away only to have it ripped into pieces again when it was still healing from its last wound. John was right – they probably would indeed work as a couple, or at least she could well imagine it. But when her imagination moved on to falling in love and marriage and kids all she saw was that by pure reasoning he would be the one to die first and he would leave her alone all over again, probably while she was still raising their children. It would tear her apart.

All of her dreams about becoming a mother and a wife to a loving husband included the possibility of loss and that was something Clara would never put herself through again. She was safer this way.

OOO

After working overtime the previous day Clara got off work earlier and headed directly towards the garage only to find Raymond tinkering with the engine of the car. Clara cleared her throat to announce herself, brushing the memory that was connected to the car aside.

"Oh, hi Clara," he said happily, "Come to pick up your motorcycle?"

"Yes. Is John around?"

"Talking to Lonny in the office. He'll be back in a few minutes," he pointed at her bike, "That was quite a piece of work, you know?"

Clara frowned for a second, knowing that John had fixed it all on his own.

"Oh?"

"Yeah," Raymond let out a sharp breath, "But I fixed it. It's good to go now."

A knowing smile spread on Clara's face but she decided to play along for a moment to see where it would lead.

"So, you fixed it on your own then?" she asked innocently.

"Well, John tried to help of course, but, you know, he's not really an expert when it comes to engines," he grinned at her playfully, "So, what do you think is a proper way to say thank you? You could. . . maybe. . . invite me for a drink? What do you say?"

"Oh, I don't know," Clara said mockingly as she stepped closer, trailing the hood of the car with her fingers, "Cause I thought I had already said thank you to John two days ago when we had sex on this car."

She turned her smile in Raymond's direction and saw the realisation strike him.

"Come on, we both know you didn't lift a finger to fix it, so let's just forget this conversation ever happened, okay?" Clara suggested coldly.

She watched his eyes wander from her to the hood of the car, probably trying to imagine what had happened on it when he quickly looked away again.

"Sorry," he mumbled.

Luckily John entered the garage at this moment and he seemed to be in quite a good mood.

"Hey John," she greeted him with a smile, "Came to pick up my bike at last."

"Oh, yeah, sure," he said and turned around to retrieve her key from the key rack before he handed it to her, "If anything else breaks or sounds suspicious or doesn't seem right, you come straight back here, okay? We've got all the spare parts we need now."

Clara nodded with a smile. "Thank you."

"Drive safely," John told her.

"I will," Clara replied and only now noticed that their fingers were still touching around the key. She quickly pulled her hand away, "Thank you."

She turned around to leave before John had a chance to say anything else. Clara hated how awkward it was when they touched now and hoped that he would soon forget the idea of dating her so they could go back to normal.