Chapter 12

What You Wish For

Olivia dialed Fitz one more time. Voicemail. That was the same result from the countless times she had tried him all day. With each failure to reach him, Olivia grew more anxious in her musings about the reasons for his nonresponse. Is he extremely busy today? Did I miss his call? Did he lose his phone? Is he working late? Is he avoiding me? Has he decided to reconcile with Melody?

Since she had moved to DC last month, they always made contact either by Skype or phone, making their long distance relationship bearable. Their digital connections bookended the day, usually the first conversation for each of them in the morning and the last one at night.

This morning had been different. Olivia overslept, waking in a panic because she was going to be late for an important strategy meeting with the team. She had rolled out of bed with only 30 minutes to spare for her morning routine before she had to leave her loft to get a taxi to the Capital building. Due to Fitz's generosity, she had found a nice loft in the heart of the city close to the Capitol. Since she facilitated the meeting, she had not been able to sneak a peek at her Blackberry all morning. Fitz's missed call from earlier that morning went unreturned until lunchtime when she began calling and texting in earnest to reach him.

The odor of her half-eaten burger wafted under her nose reminding her that she had not finished her dinner from 2 hours earlier. It was after 10. She grabbed the offending smelling food along with the bag of greasy fries and rose from the couch. After throwing it all in the trash, Olivia grabbed a cold wine cooler from the refrigerator, preferring it to the flat one on the coffee table. She popped the top and padded over to the floor-to-ceiling window. She took a long swig, savoring the sweet burn of the sugar and carbon as it flowed down her throat. Olivia had not closed the drapes or dimmed the lights, unconcerned that she was clearly visible to whomever looked up from the street below.

Gazing into the distance at the DC skyline, Ian entered her thoughts. She remembered the sadness in his eyes when the movers carried out her half of their possessions. Despite how he had carried on with Anna, she had hated to see him that way. He looked devastated and close to erupting. Even so, it seemed nonsensical how close she had come to marrying him. Olivia knew she had loved Ian in a way, but that love was dull and twisted with obligation like a braided cord. When Fitz came back into her life, what she felt for Ian wasn't enough. It became muted and paled in comparison to her feelings for Fitz.

Olivia's ringing phone interrupted her contemplations. She covered the short distance to the coffee table to answer the phone.

"Hi," she said, sure the caller was Fitz without checking the caller ID.

"Hi, sweetie," said Maya.

"Mom…H-Hi," Olivia responded. Her mother's voice somehow amplifying Fitz's absence.

"How are you doing? Busy day at work?" Maya asked.

"Mr. Obama has a very ambitious agenda. He's already co-sponsoring a bill," Olivia explained. She could have spoken at length about her new job, which she loved, but she suddenly felt tired and stifled a yawn.

"You're still coming home for Thanksgiving next week, right?" Maya asked, expectantly.

Maya's question jarred her into a realization. She had been so consumed with work that she had forgotten that Thanksgiving was next week. Perhaps this was why it took her longer than usual to answer her mother. "Yes, Mom of course, I'm looking forward to it," she said trying to sound upbeat.

"Baby, is everything okay? Has Ian been—"

"Mom…none this week at all," Olivia said in an attempt to squash a conversation about Ian. In the last month, Olivia had tried to avoid her mother out of anger at what she had revealed about the divorce. She turned down her offer to help her move or the subsequent offers of financial help. But her mother ignored her efforts, calling her regularly and sending money unsolicited.

"That's good. How's Fitzgerald? I saw him a couple of days ago in town. We didn't get to talk. He was across the town square going into the courthouse," Maya said.

Olivia became alert at the mention of his name, "Really? When did you see him?"

"Monday or Tuesday, I think," Maya said, "I'll never forget how he helped you, though I'm still a little worried because it puts a lot of pressure on your relationship…I mean if it does not turn out like you want it to."

Olivia's resolve crumbled under her mother's words. She returned to the sofa and plopped down. "There is no pressure, Mom. No matter what happens we will always be friends," Olivia said, half-heartedly.

"Is everything okay?" Maya asked, sensing something in her daughter's voice.

"Not really…well…I haven't been able to reach Fitz today," she said softly.

There was silence as Maya tried to make sense of her words. "I'm sure there is a good reason why he is unreachable," Maya said.

Olivia sighed. "Yeah, I guess." A mental tiredness consumed her. Worrying about Fitz and now analyzing whether her wondering warranted such thoughts was wearying.

"Baby, I can tell it's bothering you. It will be fine," Maya said trying to reassure her, "I've never known you to be anxious about a man like this. Even with Ian, you lacked a certain—"

This observation by her mother made Olivia all the more anxious. "Mom, I'm really tired," Olivia said, eager to end the call, "I'll call you tomorrow with my flight information."

"Okay, baby. I love you." Maya said.

"Love you, too, Mom," Olivia said and then ended the call.

Olivia headed straight for the shower, standing under the soothing spray trying to empty her mind of Fitz. It did not work. Thoughts of him flooded her mind, his voice, the feeling of his arms folding her into a hug, and the last time they had kissed. They hadn't seen each other in more than two months. So much had happened in that short time, the beginning of a new job, moving to a new apartment, putting the final end to her relationship with Ian, and trying to navigate a long-distance relationship with Fitz.

The longer she stood under the spray, the more the doubts began to set in like the wrinkling of the skin on her fingertips. Did Fitz love her or was she just an easy out for him to end his relationship with Mellie? Could they endure a long-distance relationship? Was he having second thoughts?

This exercise was not helping. Olivia needed something to make her go to sleep. She poured a glass of red wine and drank it in three gulps. She slid into her bed between the crisp cold sheets, without glance at her Blackberry on the nightstand. Motivated by her irritation at Fitz's silence, she did not check the screen as she usually did when away from it for an extended period. For the first time tonight, she accepted that she would not talk to him. She tucked the covers around her and drifted into a deep sleep.

Her heart was pounding. She held her breath waiting for the point of impact, but she could not see where she would land since she was falling face up. Then she heard the buzzing. She slapped at her ear. Then there was a ringing. It was familiar, but she did not know where she had heard it before. Olivia swung her arm. It was the cold wet liquid on her arm that wrested her from the dream. She flipped on the bedside light. The glass of water was overturned on the table. A puddle of water was dripping on the floor. Her phone was dangerously close to the water so she grabbed it, inspecting it for water. It rang.

"Hello?" she mumbled as she trudged to the bathroom to get a towel for the spilled water.

"Livy, it's so good to hear your voice," Fitz said.

Olivia stopped, the fog of sleep rising, she turned and walked back to her bed, the spilled water and towel forgotten.

"Fitz, it's good to hear your voice," she said, before exhaling, "I've been trying to reach you all—"

"Yeah, I know. I'll explain, Livy, but first could you open the door?" he said.

Olivia frowned. "Open the door?" she parroted, almost to herself as if trying to make sense of his words. Then realization flooded her all at once. She sprang off the bed, "Are you…?" Olivia dropped the phone on the bed and sprinted to the living room. She opened the door without looking through the peephole. Fitz stood on the other side. Seeing him there made her breath catch in her throat and rendered her speechless. She stared at him for an undetermined amount of time. He stared back breaking into a full smile. And then she was kissing him like a woman receiving her man from war. His leather jacket was cold on her skin through the cotton night shirt she wore. He kissed her back with equal intensity, lifting her off the floor.

Olivia pulled back first. "What are you doing here?" she said breathlessly.

Fitz set her back on her feet and turned to collect a duffel bag and rolling suitcase.

"You are here," he said, shrugging off his coat.

Olivia smiled involuntarily and took his jacket. She had planned to hang it up, but draped it over a chair.

They sat close together on the sofa. "Is this why I couldn't reach you all day? You were traveling?" she said.

"Yes. That's about it. I had court this morning, some errands to run, and some loose ends to tie up before my flight," Fitz explained, rubbing her shoulder.

"Why didn't you tell me you were coming for a visit? I would have taken off today. I could have picked you up?" Olivia said, wanting to kiss him again. She hesitated because she wanted to hear more from him.

He intertwined his fingers with hers and looked at their joined hands as he spoke. "I wasn't sure how you would feel about me coming, Livy because this is not a visit. I accepted a job with a firm in DC. I rented a place a couple of blocks from here to live. I am here to be with you…to give our relationship a real chance," he said.

A rush of emotions flooded Olivia, mostly glee and happiness. It was hard to catch her breath, though, from all appearances she was breathing normally. It was surreal, this moment. It was a dream in an experiential sense. She was not sure if she was under the influence of the wine or still groggy from sleep, but she felt like she was airborne and floating.

This was exactly what she wanted. Fitz was the one she had longed for since high school. Though they had finally connected months ago, distance became a barrier to their relationship, preventing them from fully being together. Now he was here breaking those barriers and giving her what she wanted. Fear was mixed in with her giddiness as if she had been granted a wish that she never thought would come true. Olivia reached for him to see if he was real. When a hug was not enough she kissed him with an urgency that surprised her, especially since they had not yet consummated their relationship. When kissing him was not enough, Olivia reached for his belt buckle.

Fitz stilled her grasping hands. "Livy…are you sure?" he asked.

She could see it in his expression that he wanted her with equal intensity, igniting her passion even over. Nodding her head, she resumed her attempts to undress him. Fitz obviously took that as a cue and stopped holding back. He flipped her over and they inhabited each other.

If she were honest with herself, this was not how she had imagined their first time. Her fantasy about their lovemaking had changed overtime, but her most recent idea of them being together included a fire place and falling snow. Her lips would be painted candy apple red and she would wear silky lingerie. The color had been white when she imagined it in high school. Now she dreamed she would wear black. Tonight, she couldn't remember the color of her underwear and she wasn't wearing a bra. In her imagination, their love making would be slow and steady. In reality, they were going at each other like black folks finally getting food at a cookout after waiting all day to eat. Now that she had assured him she was all in, Fitz was a full participant. It was noisy, messy, and cramped on the sofa, but the pleasure was not compromised. In Olivia's bed was where they made love the second time. She frowned when she stepped on the wet spot beside the bed just before she remembered the cup of water she had tipped over earlier that night. The third time in shower was closer to what she had imagined, slow and long, just until the water ran cool.

Olivia awoke trying to remember why she felt so good. She shifted in bed and felt something behind her. It was Fitz and his manhood pressing against her back.

Olivia turned around and said, "Good Morning." She smiled and scooted closer to him.

"Good Morning," he said, caressing her cheek, "I'm sorry for waking you up."

Olivia leaned into his caress. "I'm so glad you are here, Fitz."

He looked at her but did not respond.

Olivia stroked him under the covers, initiating their fourth time.

"How's your mom? I was at the courthouse on business and I wasn't able to stop and talk," Fitz said, before he took a sip of coffee.

They sat at a tiny round table at the coffee shop a couple of blocks from Olivia's loft. She loved this coffee shop that was locally owned. Christmas decorations, soft music, along with the delicious smell of baked goods and coffee made up for the cramped space filled with eager patrons. They had been lucky to find a table. Olivia snapped it up just as a woman with a stroller got up to leave. She situated Fitz's rolling suitcase between the table and the wall. She had watched him standing in the long line to get their orders. He held his other piece of luggage on his shoulder. As she had watched him standing there in his dark blue suit, scenes from last night invaded her thoughts. She shivered. For the first time since she had moved to DC, she was not looking forward to work. She wanted to talk to Fitz in depth about his plans since they had not done much talking last night.

"Mom is doing well. I talked to her last night. She told me she saw you on the square. Why would you be at the courthouse in Monticello?" Olivia asked.

"There were some documents I needed there for a case I was closing out. The last several weeks have been extremely hectic with interviewing, handing off all my cases, and making the transition to DC," Fitz explained.

Olivia reached for his hand across the table. "I wish you would have told me you were moving here. I could have helped you," she said.

He covered her hand with his and smiled. "I wanted to, Livy. I really did, but I…well it's difficult to say this, but I was not sure how you would respond…if you would think this move was…that I was moving too fast. So I—"

Olivia shook her head and crinkled her brow as she interrupted him. "Secretly plotted and planned to insert yourself into my life without checking with me first," she said.

Fitz's expression did not change except for a slight narrowing of is eyes. "Livy…I…," he began.

Olivia smiled broadly. "I couldn't care less how you got here," she said, "I'm just happy you are here. I'm glad we can finally be together. You didn't have to keep this from me, but now I know you did because you thought I wasn't serious about us. I am, Fitz. In fact, I think you should move in with me."

Olivia felt the buzzing of her Blackberry in her pocket. She hastily glanced at her watch. She was already an hour late to work.

"Really?" Fitz said, but not as if he were asking a question. It was more like a statement.

"Yes, it would be much easier, don't you think? Have you signed your lease? I'm sure you can find a loophole to get out of it. The loft is practically yours too since you gave me the money—" she said.

"Livy, the money was a gift so I am not entitled to what you chose to buy with it," he said, "I'd love to spend the rest of the day with you, but you are late for work and I only have thirty minutes to drop this luggage off at my apartment before I have to meet with the partners."

Olivia didn't try to hide her irritation. "But I don't want to go to work today. I should help you get settled."

Fitz smiled broadly. "I'll be at the firm all day, Livy. The movers won't be here until the weekend. Let me take you to dinner tonight? I'll pick you up at 7?" he said, standing beside their table and grabbing his belongings.

As soon as Olivia stood, a woman who had been eyeing their table started making her way to them.

"Of course, but maybe I should pick you up. You don't have a car," she said, grateful for a segue to her next suggestion, "Besides we should go back to my place now and get my car. You can use it or I can drop you off at your firm so you won't have to carry all this on the metro."

Fitz smiled again. "Thanks, sweetheart, but I'm getting a car later today. I've kept you from work too long if that all those phone alerts you are ignoring is any indication. You should sit and finish your coffee and muffin. I'll call you later," he said, before leaning down and kissing her gently on the lips.

Before she could respond, he was already pulling back and maneuvering his rolling suitcase toward the door. Olivia watched his retreating form across the dining area and through the door.

"Take my advice those types of guys never leave their wives," said an unfamiliar female voice that broke Olivia's concentration.

Olivia looked into the face of a white woman of undetermined age holding two coffees and giving her a knowing look. She was already placing the coffees on the table, an indication she intended to commandeer the entire table. Her brown hair was pulled into a loose ponytail and she was dressed like she was headed to or from the gym. Olivia grabbed her coffee and muffin and headed for a high top standing table by the pastry display case. Any other time, she would have shooed the woman away after giving her a mild tongue lashing for her ignorant assumptions. Obviously, this nosey woman had been watching them and assumed she was Fitz's mistress. Maybe it had been her disappointed expression that made this woman jump to these particular conclusions. Another possibility was that she assumed this white man and black woman could only be together under indecorous circumstances. Had Olivia been up to it, she would have told the woman that Fitz dropped everything to be with her. She would have castigated her for not recognizing they were in love. Even though Olivia knew all that to be true, she still felt uneasy and she wasn't sure why.

Just then her phone buzzed again. She inhaled impatiently and reached for it.

I love you, appeared across the screen.

Olivia's expression remained stoic as she texted back, I love you, too.