"Blake, start wherever you feel comfortable." Nick said, once everyone was sitting down and settled. "I've already filled them in on your service record, so while they have that basic information, you don't need to provide a full background."

Blake nodded, taking those few seconds to compose himself. He had no idea where to start; the last time he had done something like this, the doctor had just asked some questions, given him some pills, and made another appointment for months later.

"So you had 4 combat deployments?" Wolford asked, almost as if he could sense Blake's confusion on where to start.

"Officially, yes." Blake responded, almost on autopilot. Taking a few deep breaths, he looked back up at everyone. "That service record isn't totally complete, and I can't talk about some of the specifics that aren't in that record. It's all still classified."

The officers all nodded. "That's understandable. Sticking with what you can talk about, were all those deployments with line units?" Nick asked, continuing the questioning.

"Yeah. Almost back to back too." Blake said, still watching all of their faces for anything that might show a change in their opinion. "It was a lot faster than the rotation is supposed to go, I know that much, but it was also during the surge, so CENTCOM wanted as many experienced units in the region as they could." He looked down at his hands, then back up. "Didn't do as much as they had hoped, but it probably did keep the casualty figures down."

There was no response for a few seconds, so Blake began to look around the room nervously. The silence began to get to him; eating away at his courage.

Of course I'm worried. After all, they're probably gonna just decide to stop this conversation now. There's no hope for me. They have to know that it's a waste, spending time on someone broken like me.

"Well, considering you made it into ASOC, you obviously did your job pretty well."

Blake just shrugged his shoulders. "Sure, if you wanna say that." He said, not bothering to try and conceal the bitterness and anger in his voice.

He watched as Nick and Judy exchanged a glance, reading the confusion that flowed between them. They still didn't get it. Nobody ever did, and Blake felt the fire slowly start rising in his chest again. He had had his moment of weakness, and now he no longer wanted to have this talk with all of them here. He stood up abruptly, surprising everyone sitting there. "Forget this." He heard himself say as he walked back over towards the table. "I'm going out. Don't bother waiting up for me."

Grabbing his bag, Blake slung it over his shoulder and left the building. Once outside, he threw his hood up over his head and began to walk down the street, lost in his own thoughts.

I shouldn't have opened my mouth. Shouldn't have cried; those tears weren't mine to shed. They belong to those who actually deserve them.

Dodging around several different pedestrians, Blake kept moving further into the city, walking aimlessly towards the slums. He knew that there were plenty of places that he could hide out there, and at this point he knew that he couldn't stay with Nick and Judy any longer.

Least they tried to help, but they don't understand. Nobody does. But they all love to pretend that they do; they love to act like they can help, when really, it's all just an act.

After wandering for about fifteen minutes, Blake arrived at an alleyway that he often spent the night at. Settling down next to the dumpster, he set his bag beside him and wrapped his arm though the straps, leaning back and closing his eyes. It didn't take long for the bittersweet embrace of sleep to take him.

"Looks like I'm not the only person who uses this alley then."

Blake woke with a start, half jumping to his feet as he quickly identified who was speaking to him. Standing in front of him, leaning up against the wall with his arms crossed and tail wrapped around his feet, was Nick.

Blake began to struggle up to his feet, quickly growing angry again.

Why can't they just leave me alone?

Nick shook his head and gestured for Blake to stay sitting, as he sat down in the alley across from him. "Figured I'd find you somewhere like this."

Blake half laughed, and set back down himself, but still wary of any sudden moves from Nick. "Why? Cause this is the only place that I belong?"

"No. I knew you'd come here because this is where I used to stay when I didn't have a home. Doesn't take much searching to find the few alleys where you can sleep undisturbed."

Blake looked at Nick, surprise evident on his face. "You've lived on the streets before?" He asked, incredulous. "But...you're a police officer."

Nick just smiled and shook his head. "Not always. Before all this..I was somewhat of a con-fox." He laughed at the look of surprise on Blake's face. "Yeah, it's true. I lived on and from the streets. Used to hustle for a living, until I got pulled into a case by Judy. That was an...interesting adventure."

Blake raised his eyebrow at the comment, then sighed. "So we're just the inverse of each other then. You managed to get your life together; I let mine fall apart."

Nick shook his head. "You didn't let it fall apart."

Blake snorted and looked away, down the alley. He knew that Nick was just saying that to make him feel better; to try and do the right thing. "Considering I went from a serving soldier to a homeless thief, I'm pretty sure I let my life fall apart."

"Perhaps." Nick shifted, looking straight at Blake, who watched him out of the corner of his eye. "Or maybe they let you down."

Blake turned his head to look at Nick, tilting his head in a questioning way. "You did go to them for help, Blake." He continued, locking eyes with the younger fox. "And then they cast you aside for it. As you put it, you were 'broken'. I disagree."

"And why is that? After all, I am a homeless thief. Hell, I couldn't even manage to get away from the police without causing an incident."

"If you were so broken, you wouldn't be here." Nick said flatly, his voice carrying the pain of knowledge along with it. "You would be dead. Last I checked, you were still breathing."

Rocking back slightly, Blake tried to absorb what he had just said. He had just straight up called him out, and he didn't know what to say. Shifting in the silence, Blake just watched his his eyes, the green piercing into him, reading him.

"I...Nick, it's my fault that they're dead." He finally managed to say, shaken.

"Really? Were you the one that put the muzzle to their head and pulled the trigger? Did you shoot them?" He asked, eyes still locked on Blake's.

"No, but-"

"Did you stab them? Did you slice them open?"

"No! That's not-" Blake's voice began to raise slightly, some anger creeping into his voice.

"Did you order them out there to die? Did you shoot them? Did you-"

"No! But I was their medic, damnit!" Blake shouted suddenly, sitting upright and glaring at Nick. He hated that look on his face, the eyes reading into his soul. Worst of all, he hated how he just kept asking and asking and asking if Blake had been the one to injure or kill them. "I was their medic! It was my job to bring them home!" His voice growing louder, Blake began to pour all his energy into screaming at Nick, who simply sat there at listened, watching, his face unchanging. "They trusted me to save their lives when injured! All of them looked to me when they needed help, and I failed them!" Saying the words aloud hurt even more, and Blake suddenly felt wetness on his cheeks as tears slowly began to fall, staining his fur to a darker white. "I was supposed to bring them home!" He screamed, tears now streaming down his face.

"And you did, Blake." Nick finally said calmly, no trace of anger or frustration in his voice. "You brought most of them home."

"But not all!" He sobbed out, clenching his hands into fists and pressing them into his face. "I didn't bring them all home." Blake cried, curling in on himself. "They all didn't make it." He said softly, tears still streaming down his face. "I failed them." he said even softer, feeling the weight of the truth finally slip out of his chest. "I failed them."

Nick sat there for a few seconds, thinking and watching, before he shifted himself closer to the crying fox. "Blake." He said softly, gently resting a hand on his shoulder. "You didn't fail them. I know that you know that."

"They're dead because I wasn't good enough." Blake managed to get out, as he sat there, trying to regain control of himself. "I wasn't a good enough medic, and they died because I failed to save them."

He heard a heavy sigh on his right, the sigh of someone who knew all too well the pain he was feeling. "Blake, you know this better than I do. I know you know this. You feel like it's your fault, but you know that you can't save everyone. There are people who are going to die, no matter what. There always are people who will end up dying of illness, wounds, old age. You cannot stop death forever." Blake shook slightly, still listening. "I blamed myself for my mother's death for a long time, Blake." Nick began, sitting back against the wall. "For a long time, I thought that if only I had made more money, worked harder, done something better, I could have been able to help save her." He laughed bitterly. "It took me far longer than it should have to realize that no matter what I had done, terminal cancer is terminal cancer. You cannot undo something like that, no matter what you do."

Blake felt a pat on his shoulder, and lifted his head to watch Nick stand up. "You know, keeping it bottled up, hidden from the world, it seems like a good idea." Nick locked eyes with him again. "It feels like the safest thing in the world. Blake, it's not. You need to talk to someone, anyone. Find someone who you can tell the stories too; that you can work the problems though with." He turned and began to walk out of the alleyway, before he paused and looked back at Blake one last time.

"Otherwise, it's going to destroy you."

I think this is my longest chapter to date, so hooray for that. Also why this post is so late, so I apologize for that. This chapter is going to set the stage for some big things that happen, so hopefully everyone enjoys this one here.

Since the responses towards the posting schedule are ok with me keeping it the same, I'm going to keep it the same. Since I have to be awake at odd hours, this is the best time for me to write and post. Thank you for the responses. Thank you for all the views as well, and all the support for this story. Outside of that, everyone enjoy, and happy reading!