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Chapter 12: Donna Noble
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"So what fun adventure are you plotting to drag me along on this time?" the Master snarked, deliberately taking up the entire couch in the control room, and looking incredibly bored. He had been stuck with her for almost three weeks, and so far they had done nothing but get into trouble on whatever planet they visited.
Since the Doctor had done as she had promised, and 'fine-tuned' the restraint bracelet, it was actually possible for him to almost pretend he wasn't a prisoner... until she wanted to go somewhere or do something, and he was forced to tag along. This was never fun, but as she quite rightly pointed out she couldn't trust him to be left alone on the TARDIS, and someone needed to keep an eye on him if he was to behave.
"Something odd going on, on Earth." the Doctor answered.
"There's a surprise." the Master said sarcastically.
The Doctor rolled her eyes at him, and then glared pointedly, "I've already figured out the who and the what, and where they're from. I just need to know why and how."
"That's new." the Master sniped, "You knowing something about a situation before diving into it."
The Doctor continued to glare, "Adipose. Ever heard of them?"
"Nope." the Master said, dismissively. He really didn't care about any of her little crusades.
"Then you know less than I do about the situation. Undercover investigation. Infiltration and sneakery. Just your area of expertise." she said brightly, as if she hoped this would get him interested in helping her.
"Wonderful." the Master said sarcastically. He really did not enjoy being dragged along on these little missions the Doctor took it upon herself to deal with, but he had very little choice in the matter.
x x x
"Health and safety? That's the best excuse you could come up with?" the Master asked, as the two of them walked towards the building.
"You have a better idea?" the Doctor sniped at him.
"Actually, I do."
"Do share, then."
"Simple, break into someone's office and get a look at their paperwork." he said it as if this was perfectly normal, and he had no chance of being caught. In all honesty, he could easily get away with it, if he felt like it, and it would be more fun than actually talking to humans, like the Doctor planned to do.
"Alright, then. You do that." the Doctor said, grinning, "I'm sticking with the health and safety plan. Meet me back here in three hours, or I'll activate that." she indicated the restraint band.
He glared, but nodded, "As you command." he sneered.
The Doctor smiled brightly at him, "And try and have fun, even if you're not allowed to hurt anyone or blow anything up."
"What else is there that I can do that's fun?" he demanded.
"I don't know. Be creative."
And so the Master found his way up to the administration floor near the top of the building. He couldn't help imagining how much better this place must have looked when his little homicidal pets had ransacked it. Blood splattering those far-too-clean white walls. Broken glass everywhere. Computers and paperwork burning. Maybe some screams echoing through the corridors from some hapless victim or other.
Yes, that would be nice.
"I'm sorry, sir, this floor is off limits to customers-"
The Master turned to look the young man who had spoken in the eyes, "You never saw me." he said, forcing that thought into the defenceless human's mind. And the man wandered off in a bit of a daze. Too easy.
He found the most secure-looking office in the department, on which was a shiny bronze plaque that read 'Miss Foster', and easily opened the lock. Finally, he found a use in his adult life for the time Theta had taught him how to pick locks the primitive way, with a hair pin, a paperclip and a bit of plastic. Always wondered where he had gotten that hairpin, in the Academy, though.
He slipped into the office, quickly scanning the room for surveillance devices. Nothing. Confident in herself, this Foster woman. Or maybe she had something to hide from the rest of her employees.
He began looking for anything vaguely interesting. Or relevant, the relevant stuff really wasn't likely to be of interest to him, personally, but still. It was better than tagging along after that self-appointed hero and her failed saving-people complex.
Far from his usual impulsive desire to throw things around and make a mess for someone else to clean up- ok, that had mostly been for Martha's benefit, but still- he left no trace that he had been there as he searched. Some interesting paperwork could be found in the filing cabinets. Most curiously, the fact there were no records of any chemical companies on their outgoing expenses- for a company that existed to sell a wonder-drug, this was suspicious- in fact all the money they had was going into internal computers and telesales. There was a printer/scanner/photocopier-all-in-one... thing... right there in the office, so he just copied what he wanted to steal, and put the originals right back where he found them.
Then the computer. Password? That took a while, but the permutations weren't difficult to figure out. Login name, Foster. Password- after a few dozen wrong guesses and no alarms tripped- turned out to be, oddly enough, mother. And now into the encrypted documents. Very interesting indeed. And totally illegal, but that didn't bother him in the slightest. The Doctor would care, but why should he?
To be honest, this was a perfectly good plan Miss Foster had come up with. Earth was full of morbidly obese morons just gagging for a miracle cure for the symptom of their own psychological or physiological problems, she offered the perfect solution, and everyone's a winner. Except whoever thought up the law against it, apparently. Honestly, he'd not be at all surprised if most Earthlings, even if they knew exactly what the Adipose pills did, would still pay for them anyway!
He located a datacard on the table- one of those ridiculously small things that can hold an entire computer's memory on it, and the dumb apes somehow don't believe it was derived from alien technology- and copied all the relevant information. Those datacards were literally small enough to swallow, the odds of Miss Foster believing it was stolen when it was so easy to lose were infinitesimal.
Anything else of interest? No. Bored now.
Oh, a database. And then he figured out a way to make this entirely boring expedition much more fun.
By the time he was done, every search command in the database led to a small collection of false customer and employee files made up of a combination of Earth swear-words for names, impossible locations for addresses (including the Bermuda Triangle, the North Pole, and Number Eleventy-Six Green Cheese Way, The Moon), and other mildly amusing rubbish.
He had also written a virus to eat up space on the system, but just as he was about to start wrecking something else on the computer, he realised what time it was.
x x x
Less than a minute before he would be punished for being late, the Master zoomed down the staircase, literally leaping down an entire flight at a time. He was not going to allow that self-righteous little bitch hurt him, just because he got distracted by a computer. Again.
And he arrived at the exit just in time, too.
The Doctor actually smiled, "Good to see you're learning." she said brightly, "I really don't like using this, you know." she said, indicating the pendant around her neck which the Master knew controlled his restraint band.
He glared at her, "I found something interesting... well, I'm sure you'll think it's interesting, anyway." he handed her all the paperwork he had stolen from upstairs, and the datacard.
"Ah, that's brilliant." the Doctor said, reading over the paperwork.
The Master rolled his eyes, "I suppose you want to stop them. I do know that this whole thing goes against the Shadow Proclamation, even if I don't particularly care."
"You really are learning, aren't you?" she said, brightly. Of course she was going to stop them.
"Don't patronise me." he snarled, before grinning evilly, "Oh, and they've now got at least three different major system errors on their database, because I got bored after I found that lot." At the Doctor's amused half-glare he shrugged, "You're the one who told me to have fun."
She led the way back to the TARDIS, and proceeded to examine some piece of jewellery she had acquired. He didn't bother to ask where she got it, he could tell it wasn't of Earth origin, so it probably had something to do with her latest little mission.
Instead he managed to occupy the entire couch, once more, without laying down, and resumed reading a book entitled 'The Restaurant At The End Of The Universe', of which he had already read the previous novel (stolen from the Doctor, and read while they'd still been on the Valiant, no less), and the first half of this one.
If only he could find where the Doctor had hidden the T.V. remote. It had been his own fault, he supposed. She had warned him not to blow up that building, he was aware that he should probably consider himself lucky that she hadn't used the restraint band that time. But damn, he was bored.
"Ohh, fascinating. Seems to be a bio-flip digital stitch, specifically for-"
"No one cares." the Master interrupted, before she could go into detail of how the irrelevant bit of shiney junk worked.
The Doctor actually stopped talking. This was a first, and when he looked up he saw a slightly sad, distant look on her face. He returned his attention to the book, pretending he hadn't seen that.
x x x
Half an hour later.
"Well between analysing this thing, and your bit of espionage- excellent work, by the way-" the Master couldn't help the smug smile that appeared, however briefly, on his face when she said that, "-I think I know exactly how to stop Miss Foster's evil scheme."
"Is it really that evil? I mean, compared to mine?" he asked, looking up from his book.
"No, compared to your evil schemes, this one is positively cute and cuddly." she retorted in total honesty. The Master actually laughed, "But we still need to stop her."
"Who's this 'we', then?" the Master asked, glaring at her.
"You are not staying in the TARDIS. Come on." she said, offering her hand to lead him into more danger.
"Well, I'm not going with you." he said, refusing to even look at the offered hand, "I am not getting into another explosion, fight, or political incident just because you want to play hero."
"Then you can wait outside the TARDIS." she said, grinning brightly. She held the door open, and waited. With a very dramatic sigh, the Master left his book on the couch, and stepped out of the TARDIS into the cold air. Lucky it wasn't raining, really.
She closed and locked the door behind him, and then ruffled his hair- he'd swear she was tempted to say the words 'good boy'- before laughing and running off. Oh how he hated when she did that. He was tempted to give chase, but how could he wreak vengeance on her with this infernal restraint band?
Instead, he sat as impudently as possible on the front of a blue car that was parked not far away, and waited. Give her an hour to play, and if she wasn't back by then, he could go and save her from mortal peril. Again.
x x x
Donna Noble was on her way out of the Adipose building, with a nice armful of potential leads in the latest mystery, and a shiny necklace she'd got as a free gift for loitering in the right place. Just as she had passed the elevators on her way from the call centre, she ran into a stick-insect of a woman, who had the strange notion that denim went well with a proper suit-jacket. And the trainers? Ugh!
"Oh, sorry." the woman said, before doing a double-take, "Wait... Donna?"
"Do I know you?" she asked, edgily. If this random most-likely-employee actually knew her, she could be in trouble.
"Oh... right." the stranger said, sounding embarrassed, before pressing the button to call the elevator. "Very long story, but, um... I'm the Doctor."
"No you're not."
"Yes I am."
"No. I'm pretty sure the Doctor is a bloke."
"Was. Hope to be again. Minor accident. Like I said, long story."
"I don't believe you." Donna said, putting her free hand on one hip, and getting ready to raise her voice.
The woman who claimed to be the Doctor shook her head, "Too many people might try to listen here." she said softly, before gestured to the lift, which had just arrived. Donna gave her the evil eye. The ominous threatening one she had learned from her mother. But then she nodded and stepped into the elevator.
As soon as the doors closed, the woman began to speak, very fast, "You showed up on the TARDIS in your wedding dress, because your fiance had spiked your coffee with huon particles for six months, which he did because he was working for the Empress of the Racnoss. Now do you believe me?" And yes, now Donna really did believe her.
She covered her mouth with her hand, to stop herself from squealing, whether from delight or shock she wasn't sure, "Oh. My. God. You are the Doctor!"
"I told you."
"But how? I mean-?" Donna couldn't quite find the words. The Doctor was an alien, she knew this. A freaky alien with a space-time-ship that's bigger on the inside than on the outside. But she had not expected him to suddenly become a her.
"I'll explain it later. We should probably deal with this threat to the Earth, first. What do you say?"
Donna grinned, "Sure thing, Doctor."
In the end it was so incredibly simple. The Doctor sent some sort of signal, and some half-rhino-half-man aliens showed up and took the company owner away, rather discreetly.
Apparently, however, "This isn't how it usually goes. This is what I like to call a miracle. Because I didn't get into enough trouble to need a real miracle to get out alive." the Doctor explained as they walked away from the building.
"So it's usually just like last time, then." Donna had joked brightly.
"Oh, almost always."
x x x
"Oi! That's my car!" a woman shouted. An angry red-haired woman who just happened to be with the Doctor.
The Master had not moved from his original spot, but now he was looking more than a little bit annoyed. It had been precisely fifty-nine minutes and forty-two seconds, since he'd decided to give the Doctor an hour before he'd follow her. Sometimes he wondered if she was able to know when he thought things like that, and to purposefully work against even his more benign plans. But that was a totally ludicrous idea, really. Not possible.
"Have fun?" he asked coldly, stepping away from the car and brushing imaginary dust off his clothes. He then directed a glare at the woman who had shouted about the primitive vehicle as if it was actually valuable. "Not another stray?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Oi, watch it, you!" then she turned to the Doctor, "Who's he, then?"
"Um... long story." the Doctor muttered.
But the Master decided to do his best to try to scare the Doctor's newest pet human, "I'm an evil genius who wants to take over the universe. The lovely Doctor here is holding me prisoner, so I can't kill you all and blow up the Earth."
"When did you ever want to blow up the Earth?" the Doctor asked, her tone half teasing, half incredulous.
"Since I read Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Sounds like much more fun when it's described by someone who was obviously intoxicated at the time he wrote it. I get very bored being locked up all the time with no T.V." he added pointedly.
"You're hardly locked up. It's only a neural restraint band. No bars, or anything." the Doctor said, grinning.
"True." the Master said, shrugging nonchalantly, and rubbing his wrist where the silvery band glinted in the light, "So are you going to introduce me to your new pet human?"
"Oi! I'm nobody's pet!"
"Right." the Doctor said, "Donna, this psychopath here likes to be called the Master. I wouldn't address him by that title too often if I were you, his ego does not need the boost." the Master pulled a face at this, and the Doctor grinned at him, "He's from the same planet as I am. 'Master'-" there was a sarcastic and amused tone in that word that made it clear he was anything but the master of her, "-this is Donna Noble. She just helped me deal with the Adipose situation, since you refused to pretend to be useful."
"I found all those files." the Master complained.
"Yes, you did, that's true." the Doctor said simply, before continuing, "She also helped me about a year ago, with the Racnoss thing."
"You're welcome." the Master hissed angrily, "I had their ship blown up, if you recall."
"Not before I drowned the Empress." the Doctor countered.
"What is this, a 'who's the best at genocide' competition?" Donna sniped.
"No competition, she wins." the Master growled.
"Do not bring that up again." the Doctor snapped, her hand moving to the pendant that controlled the restraint band, in a silent warning. The Master backed down, raising his hands defensively. That bloody restraint band really hurt, and he wasn't about to test the Doctor's patience right now.
"You look kinda familiar, y'know." Donna noted, still looking at the Master.
"Amazing how easily people can forget a face." the Master pointed out, smiling a bit too brightly. He had actually been trying to use the Archangel network to stop Donna from recognising him. He really wished it had worked on her.
"He was Prime Minister for a while." the Doctor supplied helpfully, "Part of the whole trying-to-take-over-the-galaxy thing."
"Saxon, right?" Donna asked. "I voted for him. Can't remember why, now. Thought he was dead?"
"That's what I want people to think." the Master said, smirking. Donna shrugged. She clearly trusted the Doctor far too much, easily accepting the fact that the Master was unable to harm her, just because the Doctor had said so. She appeared totally at ease in spite of his obviously evil attitude. He would have to try harder, if he wanted to scare this one.
Finally, Donna turned her attention away from the two Time Lords and to the vehicle the Master had deemed only worthy of existence as a makeshift park bench, "I've been ready for this." Startled by her obscure statement, both of them looked at her as she opened the boot of the car and began to unload a vast amount of luggage.
"She is not coming with us." the Master said suddenly.
"You have no say in the matter." the Doctor retorted.
"I packed ages ago, just in case." Donna was saying, brightly, "Cause I thought, hot weather, cold weather, no weather-"
She looked from one Time Lord to the other for a second, then handed the largest and heaviest suitcase to the Master. He was tempted to deliberately drop it on her foot, but decided it was best not to test the limits of 'causing harm to living beings' that was expressly forbidden as long as he wore the restraint band. Instead he simply glared, and if looks could kill...
"-the Doctor goes anywhere, I've gotta be prepared." Donna continued as if she wasn't being glared at by the homicidal maniac.
She then handed the last piece of luggage to the Doctor, who stared at it in mild shock, "You've got... a hatbox?"
"Planet of the Hats, I'm ready!" Donna said too cheerfully. Maybe she wouldn't be so bad to have around. She'd certainly drive the Doctor insane. That could only be good from his perspective. And she was still prattling, "Do I need injections though, do I? Like when you go to Cambodia, is there any of that? Cos my friend Veena went to Bahrain, and-" finally she noticed the stunned look on the Doctor's face. "You're not saying much."
"I think she's in shock." the Master supplied unhelpfully, grinning as he said it.
"Yeah, well you can shut it and all." Donna snapped, before returning her attention to the Doctor, "I mean it, are you ok?"
"Yeah. It's just." the Doctor seemed at a loss for words, but finally she shook her head, and smiled, "I'd love to have you on board, Donna. I could use a friend." she emphasised that last word with a pointed glare at the Master, who feigned shocked indignity at the insinuation that he was not the sort of companion she needed right now.
"So I can come?" Donna asked hopefully.
"Of course." the Doctor answered, smiling.
Donna's eyes suddenly widened, as if she had just remembered something important, "Car keys."
And she ran off, ignoring the Doctor's confused exclamation of, "What?"
The Master dropped the suitcase rather suddenly, as soon as Donna was too far away to notice, and turned on the Doctor, "I hate you, you know that? I do not want anything to do with that harpy!"
"Too bad." the Doctor said, smiling brightly. She then added, "Oh, I got you a present."
"If it's anything like the last two gifts we exchanged, no thank you." the Master retorted coldly, referring of course to the neural disruptor collar and the restraint band.
"No, I think you'll like this one." the Doctor pulled out what looked very much like an ordinary pen, "I've modified the settings, it'll only manipulate primitive computer and locking systems, several scanning options, and a healing setting."
The Master took the pen warily. When he opened it he saw a faint blue light, and the evidence of much more complicated technology than Earth had a hope of making, especially this compact, "Sonic." he muttered, half-smiling, "A sonic pen?"
The Doctor shrugged, "Miss Foster- also known as Matron Cofelia of the Five-Straighten Classabindi Nursery Fleet, Intergalactic Class- won't be needing it anymore."
The Master genuinely smiled now, and pocketed his new toy, "I suppose I should thank you?"
"You're welcome." the Doctor said, grinning brightly, and picking up a couple of the suitcases, "And now you're going to help me with these. That is, if you ever want a chance of finding the T.V. remote again."
The Master swore under his breath, and reluctantly started helping with the suitcases.
x x x
Donna sauntered into the TARDIS as if she owned the place, grinning brightly at the Doctor, and shooting the Master a wary look, before speaking, "Off we go, then!"
"She's been here before, hasn't she?" the Master asked.
"Yes." the Doctor said, nodding.
"You can tell. No shock and awe at the dimensional displacement."
"Oi, what're you two on about?"
"He was surprised that you weren't surprised that the TARDIS is bigger on the inside than the outside." the Doctor explained.
"Oh, that. Yeah, seen it before. Although frankly, you could turn the heat up." Donna noted.
"Good luck with that." the Master sniped, "I've been trying to get her to change the colour scheme for weeks."
"So, whole wide universe, where do you want to go?" the Doctor asked brightly.
Donna grinned, "Oh, I know exactly the place."
The Doctor raised an eyebrow, and asked, "Which is?"
"Two and a half miles, that way." Donna said, pointing.
The Master did his best to ignore the ludicrously cutesy and generally sickeningly sweet goodbye that Donna bade to some relative or other who was, apparently, mad enough that no one would believe if he talked about a flying blue box. The man in question was also, apparently, intelligent enough not to tell anyone, anyway.
What really mattered to the Master was that he was hoping this woman would drive the Doctor up the wall. It would be fun to watch, and of all the companions of the Doctor he had met in the past, this one seemed the most likely, in his opinion, to be interesting and maybe even entertaining.
x x x