Chapter Twelve

"Moony," Sirius said, sliding into the seat across from him.

Remus looked up. "Padfoot," he said.

Sirius was relieved. At least they were on speaking terms.

"I missed you," he said.

"I missed you too," Remus said, looking up at him again.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"A lot?"

Remus nodded.

"Me too."

Remus smiled a little bit and turned back to his empty plate.

"Listen," Sirius said suddenly, causing Remus to look up again. "I…really. I'd really like to just take some time and talk to you. Will you do something for me?"

Remus's expression was hard to read.

Sirius took a deep breath. "Will you have dinner with me in Hogsmeade on Saturday? Please? Just…to talk?"

Remus thought for a minute and nodded. "All right," he said.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Brilliant," Sirius said, relieved. "Thank you." He let out a sigh and smiled at Remus. "I love you," he said.

"I know." He smiled, but for once did not blush. "I got your letters."

Remus had missed Sirius a great deal, both before and during the summer holidays. It was very good to see him again, and good to see he seemed different, calmer and more mature, less depressed than last year.

He looked forward to their dinner, though he wasn't sure if anything would become of it. he didn't know if he wanted it to or not. He didn't think he would be able to stand it if they went out again and he found out that Sirius was still in love with James. But he loved him and missed him enough to give him another chance. And he wanted to hear what he had to say to him, too.

During the week, they were polite to each other but did not discuss their plans for the weekend or anything that had happened last year.

On Saturday evening in the common room, as many people began to go down to eat, Sirius approached Remus. "Are you ready?" he said.

"Yes."

"Let's go then," Sirius said cheerfully.

Remus was pleased with his tone of voice and attitude as they snuck through one of the secret passages into Hogsmeade. They went down to a little restaurant to eat and talk.

"So," Sirius said.

"So," Remus agreed.

"How was your summer?"

Remus shrugged. "All right. A bit lonely, I guess. But it was good to see my family. I told my parents about…you know…you."

Sirius was surprised to hear this. "Really?"

"Yeah. I figured it was about time they knew. And it felt really good, you know, to talk about it to someone. All these things I've been feeling and all that's been going on with you."

"Yeah," Sirius said, nodding. "Yeah, I wanted to talk about it, too. Tonight. Talk about…what's been going on. What I've been feeling and thinking about."

"Shoot," Remus said.

"I figured something out this summer. Well, also on the train on the way back to school. I don't need James as anything but a best friend. I still love him; I'm not gonna lie to you. But I'm okay with that. I'm over it. I'm not jealous when I see him with Lily. I'm not gonna stare at him from across the room. I'm not gonna think of him as something I want but can't have. I think of him as a best friend, and that's enough." He paused for a moment to just look at Remus. "But I do want you," he said. "These months without you have been awful for me. I still love you as much as I ever did. I know that you might still be mad at me and might not want to take me back, but I want you to understand that if you do, you'll get all of me this time. It will be different. If that's still not enough, or if you don't want me anymore, I'll understand. But know that I love you, and even after all this time and a summer with James, I haven't been able to get over you. I…I took you for granted while we were going out, and I shouldn't have done that and I apologize. But it won't happen again, Rem, I promise. If you give me another chance." He looked at Remus hopefully.

"I do still love you," Remus said. "I always have and I think I always will. I want to get back with you, Sir, more than anything."

"But?"

Remus sighed. "I guess it's okay that you still love James. Just…don't be so bloody obvious about it."

"I won't," Sirius said quickly. "That's what I'm saying. I don't…I'm done with wanting him that way."

"Really? Because I only want to get back with you if you want me most. If I can be your number one."

"You're my only one," Sirius said. He smiled. "I'm over James, Rem, honestly. I still love him, but…" he shrugged. "I don't care. He's my best mate. I'm not gonna get jealous or upset or lovesick over him. I don't need to. You're an amazing person, Rem, and if you'll have me…you're all I want and need. Honest."

Remus paused. "You're really over James? You're really not gonna watch him and Lily from across the room all the time and barely notice me when we're both in the room?"

"Moony," Sirius said, looking at him. "I haven't thought about him in that way all summer. I think about you all the time, every day. I didn't realize how much I loved you until I lost you. But it hurt me so bad, it won't happen again. I've learned my lesson. I've grown up. I'm just fine not being with James, but I can't stand not being with you."

Remus sighed, and then he finally smiled. "All right," he said.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

Sirius beamed. "Brilliant," he said. "Thank you. Thank you billions."

"You're welcome," Remus said, smiling.

"Waiter," Sirius called. "Waiter, some champagne, please."

"Champagne?" Remus said.

"Yeah, we're celebrating," Sirius said.

Remus smiled. Then he grinned. He held Sirius's hand on the table and looked at him while he ate. When they were done with dinner, Sirius put his arm around Remus's waist while they walked, and Remus put both his arms around Sirius's waist and rested his head on his upper arm. They went back to the castle but just snuck out again to go down to the Shrieking Shack.

As soon as they were inside, they pressed each other against the wall, kissing. Remus's breathing became heavy fast, and he closed his eyes, feeling Sirius, barely daring to believe he was with him again. "I've missed you," he breathed. "I've missed you…missed this…so much."

"I know," Sirius whispered. His trembling hand touched the side of Remus's face.

Remus pressed his forehead to Sirius's, listening to their breathing. His lips quivered, opened and closed, and he resisted the temptation to press them against Sirius's. "I love you," Remus whispered.

"I love you," Sirius whispered back.

"Let's go…upstairs…the bedroom."

Sirius nodded, his mouth open, and took Remus's hand as they went upstairs.

They didn't bother returning to their dormitory that night. They woke up late in the morning, put yesterday's clothes on, and went back to the castle for breakfast, where they met James and Peter.

"You have no idea how worried we were about you," James said. "Where the hell have you been?"

"Relax, Prongs," Sirius said, pouring orange juice. "We're big boys. We can take care of ourselves."

"Hogsmeade," Remus answered.

"All night?"

"Why not?" Sirius replied.

"Thanks for letting me know."

"Hey, I thought it was just gonna be dinner, two hours tops. I was not counting on getting lucky."

"Sirius," Remus said in a warning voice.

"Moony?"

"I probably should have told you this a couple years ago, Sir, but I would really appreciate it if you didn't discuss our sex life with other people. I know Prongs and Wormtail can add two and two (well, Prongs can, anyway), but you don't need to explain to them that the answer is four."

"All right," Sirius said, smiling. This was the second time Remus had said something potentially embarrassing without blushing. He was growing up. Sirius reached over and played with Remus's hair.

It was different now, between the two of them, than it had been before they broke up, but it wasn't in a bad way. Sirius and Remus weren't as obvious as they were before. They lied in bed together again, but didn't kiss in front of anyone or hold each other's waists anymore. They exchanged glances sometimes, secretive glances, and smiled at each other in a special way when they spoke.

The best part for Remus was that Sirius wouldn't spend his time staring at James anymore. He only looked at him when they talked. And when James finally started going out with Lily, all Sirius did was smile and congratulate him, and then turn to Lily and say "My deepest sympathies."

Remus was thrilled with this new change in Sirius. He felt more in love with him every day. Once again, things finally seemed to be going right. Sirius loved him and was in a comfortable place with James, his transformations were better with his friends' help, his parents knew about him, he was doing will in school, and it was his final year. Everyone was happy. Everything seemed to be going right.