*OOHH look it's Chapter 12! I think it's the longest chapter in this story. I couldn't find a good place to break it off, so it's like two chapters rolled into one. Enjoy! As always please read and review.*

Chapter 12

Abby's Apartment

McGee walked down the hall towards Abby's apartment. He had stopped by his place, took Jethro out and fed him. Then he packed a bag with some clothes for the next few days. Gibbs had pulled McGee into his 'office' when McGee was leaving NCIS and told him that if Abby asked him too, McGee could take the next few days off work. McGee wasn't sure what Abby was going to say or ask, if she said anything or asked anything at all. He was so worried about her and scared for her that it almost made his stomach twist in knots. On his way to her apartment he picked up a pizza, and some two pints of Ben and Jerry's ice cream. He was pretty sure Abby would be hungry and she always loved a pint of Half Baked when she was feeling down. He wished she would tell him to stay with her for a few days or that she would agree to come back to work. He didn't like that she was home, with no one around. Not even Jethro to keep her company. He feared the effect that solitude would have on her. As he approached her door he thought about how much he cared for her. What would he have done if Chip had killed her? Abby meant the world to him. He just wished he knew how to help her. Sure he knew holding her at night was helping her but she wasn't herself. Bubbly, eccentric Abby was slowly being replaced by sullen, depressed Abby. And that was starting to scare Tim. Slowly as not to alarm her, he slid his key into her lock and opened her door. He had always had the second key to her apartment; her reasoning was that if she had his, he should have hers.

"Abby?!" McGee's call was met with silence. He tried not to let his fear consume him, "Abs?" McGee placed the pizza on the kitchen counter, ice cream in the freezer, and slipped his back pack off his shoulder. Standing quietly in the kitchen he listened for any sounds that would tell him where she was. His ears perked up as he a small noise coming from her bathroom. McGee sighed and wondered how many showers she had taken since she came home from work. He tried to think of a way to help her heal as he walked down the hall and through her bedroom to get to the bathroom.

"Abby." He said knocking on the bathroom door. Something was wrong, he could feel it, "Pizza's getting cold." He said not knowing what was going on behind the door, "Abby? You OK?" McGee started to worry when she didn't answer. He didn't hear a single noise coming through the door, "Abby!" McGee placed his hand on the knob ready to walk in, "Abby, if you don't say something soon, I'm coming in!" He waited a few seconds to see if she would respond. Not getting any answer, McGee gently pushed the door open. He scanned the room looking for anything out of order. He rushed in when he saw Abby on the floor of the bathroom. She was paler than normal, sitting barefoot, in a pair of black sweatpants with skulls on them, and an old, oversized Plastic Death t-shirt. She was shaking; her hair was still wet and sticking to the back of her neck. Tim knelt in front of Abby his concern showing on his face. He looked around for any clue that would tell him why she was shaking and that's when he saw it. On the floor beside her lay a small razor and an open Ibuprofen container. McGee placed his hands on Abby's shoulders to stop her from shaking. She jumped slightly at the touch but he didn't release her, "Abby." He said his voice quaking with terror, "What did you do?" His hands and eyes automatically ran over her body checking for any wounds.

"Did you know there are twenty-two pills in that bottle?" She asked, still in her own world.

"Abby what did you do?" Tim placed his hands on either side of her face and for the first time noticing the tears falling down.

"Nothing." Abby said. Her eyes frantically searched McGee's, "I didn't do anything."

McGee put his arms around her as she collapsed into him, "Did you take any of these?" He frantically asked. He hadn't found any new cuts or scrapes on her skin but he couldn't be sure she didn't take any pills. He heard Abby mumble something in his shoulder. He pulled back slightly, "What?" He said softly.

"I didn't take any of them. I thought about it. I lined them all up and counted every single one." She started shaking again. McGee pulled her into his arms once again.

"You're cold. Your shirt is soaked; your hair must have been dripping when you got dressed." Tim said. He grabbed the towel off the floor beside them and started to squeeze the remaining water out of Abby's hair. McGee shifted position and gathered Abby in his arms, "I'm going to lift you up OK? Couch or…" He was going to say coffin but stopped himself.

"I don't want to sleep. I can't go to sleep." Abby said anxiously as she slipped her arms around Tim's neck and clung to him tightly.

"Couch it is." Tim carefully guided both of them through her apartment and gently set her down on the couch, "I'll be right back OK?" Abby's eyes showed fear, "I promise. I'll be right back." He said soothingly. He disappeared into her kitchen, rummaged through his backpack and came back into the living room with his MIT shirt in his hand. He sat down on the couch beside Abby. She carefully climbed into his lap, needing to feel his arms holding her tight. Tim pressed a small kiss on the top of her head, "You should put on a dry shirt." He said feeling her shiver under his skin.

Abby shook her head, "I don't want to be alone." She mumbled into the crook of his neck. McGee tilted her face up towards him and looked deep into her eyes trying to read her thoughts. Slowly he grasped the bottom of her shirt. He waited while he silently asked Abby if she wanted him to change her shirt for her. His silent question was met with a slight nod of her head. Carefully he pulled the shirt up and over her head. He gasped when he saw what lay underneath. For the first time he saw the cuts and bruises all over her torso. His fingers traced a particularly large bruise on her side near her breast. His fingers traveled around to her back where she had scrapes and cuts from lying on the concrete floor and being dragged on it. Tim felt Abby shudder under his fingertips. He pressed a feather light kiss on her shoulder, her skin cool against his warm lips.

"I'm so sorry." He said as a tear slipped out of his eye and landed on her skin.

"Not your fault." She said, tightening her arms around his neck, "I need you."

"I'm here Abs, I'm here." McGee promised, "Why Abby? How long had you been sitting in the bathroom?" He asked wanting to know why she would ever contemplate harming herself.

Abby took a deep breath as her body involuntarily shook under Tim's touch, "I sat in the shower just staring at the razor for a long time. And then I started thinking that the only way to stop the pain was to…" She couldn't continue as the tears seeped out of her eyes.

"Abby." Tim said, his fingers lightly tracing the cross on her back. He knew the tattoo by heart. Tears pricked his eyes as she started to speak again.

"I got out of the shower and changed then I saw the bottle of pills. All I could think about was how horrible I felt. All I could feel were his hands on me, I could smell him, I could feel the pain all over again and I just wanted it to stop. I let everyone down. I'm so ashamed of it. I feel like…like I can't feel anything but the pain. I can't get clean, I feel dirty and I've tried to scrub it off but I can't." Abby took a deep breath. McGee pressed a kiss onto the infamous spider web tattoo on her neck, "I sat there just thinking that the only way to stop the pain was to stop it myself. I'm so sorry that I keep stiffening when you touch me and that I've been acting so hinky. I'm sorry Timmy, but I just can't get him out of my head. I close my eyes and I see him, I feel him, I smell him." Abby said, trembling as she spoke.

"Abby, you have nothing to be sorry for." Tim said desperately trying to make her feel better.

"It's like my heart is empty and I can't feel anything." Abby lifted her face to look at him.

McGee stared at Abby for a moment trying to figure out what she was thinking, "Feel this." He said softly. He cupped her face with his hand and places a gentle kiss on her lips. Abby closed her eyes as more tears threatened to fall. Tim pulled back and placed his forehead against hers, "I love you, and I will always love you. Feel that."

"How can you love me? I'm dirty and used and…I'm so messed up right now. How could you possibly love me?" She asked.

"You are not dirty, or used or messed up at all." McGee said determinedly, "Who wouldn't be acting different after what happened to you? It's going to take time for you to be your old self again and you might not ever completely get there. But you will get better. You will feel better. What happened to you has affected you, me, and everyone around you, because we all care about and love you. You know we all love you don't you? Gibbs, me, Tony, Ziva, the Director, Ducky, hell even Palmer, all love you." He asked tentatively.

"I know you all keep saying it but I can't feel it. All I can feel is emptiness, and I can't get that emptiness to go away. It's like I'm worthless." Abby shivered as Tim's arms were still her only source of warmth.

"You are not worthless." McGee traced his fingers up and down her bare back. She shivered from the cold again. Noticing this, McGee pulled back slightly and grabbed his MIT shirt. Slowly he slipped the shirt over Abby's head. She took a deep breath taking in the scent of the shirt.

"Feel me. If you can feel my love for you it will take that emptiness away. I promise." Tim assured her.

Abby placed her hands along side his face. Her eyes searching his for answers to questions she didn't yet know, "I do love you." She wrapped her arms around his neck pulling his lips to hers. He wrapped his arms around her torso holding her close. One of his hands rested on the small of her back as the other was threaded through her hair. He could sense her need for his kiss. He could feel the desire and craving behind her lips. Abby opened her mouth allowing McGee access. She shivered slightly as Tim moved his hand out of her hair and down her back. He slid his mouth from her lips to her neck marking her as his. Abby shifted her position so she was straddling his lap. She needed to feel someone else's hands on her. She needed someone else's kiss, someone else's touch to erase the nightmare that she couldn't stop. He slowly trailed light kisses back to her mouth. Placing one last deep kiss on her lips they parted, panting heavily.

"Did you feel that?" McGee asked with a satisfied smile on his face.

"Yeah. I felt that." Abby hugged Tim closer, not wanting to leave his embrace, "Will you stay with me tomorrow? I don't want to be alone."

"You'll never be alone Abby. I'm always here for you." Tim said, "I'm under strict orders to take as much time as you need me to take off." He smiled.

"Really?" She asked.

"Really." McGee tightened his hold on her. Abby laid her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes. They sat silently for a few minutes until Tim noticed Abby's breathing had gotten slower and deeper. Tim ran his hand up and down her back, "Abby." He whispered. Tim shifted their positions so they were lying beside each other on the couch, "I'll be right back OK? I'm going to go change and…clean up." McGee kissed Abby on the cheek and strode out of the living room. He walked into the bathroom to pick up the razor and pill bottle. Swallowing the lump in his throat he couldn't help but think about what could have happened. What would she have done if he didn't show up when he did? What would he do if she hurt herself? How can he help her get through this? He poured out the Ibuprofen tablets on the counter top and counted them all out. She said there were twenty-two but he wanted to be sure. It wasn't that he thought she would lie; it was just that her judgment wasn't the best right now. Relief washed over him as he counted exactly twenty-two pills. He put each one of them in the toilet and flushed them. He didn't want her getting up while he was sleeping and taking the pills. He changed out of his work clothes and into a pair of sweatpants. Abby was currently wearing his shirt so he was bare-chested. As he walked out of her room he passed the coffin. Deciding that it probably wasn't the best idea for her to sleep in the coffin tonight he grabbed a blanket off of it. The couch was big enough for both of them and it wasn't morbid like the coffin. He softly padded his way into the living room. Abby was passed out on the couch. He quietly checked the locks on the door and the windows, then made his way back to the couch. He lay down beside her and covered them both with the blanket.

"Timmy." Abby breathed.

"I'm here." He soothed. He wrapped a protective arm around her waist, "I'm here."