Sweet Sacrifice
Chapter: 12
Pairing: Robert & Holly Scorpio
Rating: PG-13
You're wrapped up in your circles
I'm tangled in emotions
We've come so far together
But baby where we're going
Is scaring me so bad
Cause I love you so much
Not the way it is
The way it was.
Robert exited the bathroom a few minutes later in his robe to find Holly on the floor, clinging to the duvet as she cried. His first reaction was to comfort her, but as he knelt down next to her something else caught his eye. He reached down and picked up the unopened condom. "Dammit!" he swore.
Holly's crying ceased. She looked up at him, eye makeup smudged and streaked, to find nothing but anger in his bright blue eyes. "What is it?" she asked, softly. "What have I done that you disapprove of this time?"
"Well, Holly." he sighed, defeated. "You just may have gotten your wish." he said as he tossed the condom onto the night stand. "But that's why you did it, isn't it? Seduced me so that you could purposely get pregnant."
"Is that what you think?" she asked, something dark flashing in her eyes. "You think last night was a trap?" she asked as she struggle to get to her feet. "You think I purposely tricked you into getting me pregnant?"
"You said you wanted a baby." he reminded her as he rose to his feet. "Are you saying now that after you finally have a real possibility of being pregnant that you don't want a baby?"
"I want...I wanted a baby." she replied honestly.
"So you admit it?" he asked. "You tricked me into this?"
"I did no such thing!" she yelled.
"I don't know why you think a baby is going to solve anything." he muttered. "And besides how is a baby suppose to live and grow in that toxic wasteland you call a body? How is a child suppose to be nourished by pills and alcohol?
"Damn you!" she screamed at him. "I told you that I would give up everything if we were to have a baby. I'd give up all the pills and the alcohol and do everything right to make sure that my baby was strong and healthy."
"Well, you've got one thing right." he told her. "You are going to give up everything, the pills, the alcohol, everything until we find out rather last night resulted in a baby."
"You think this is what I wanted?" she asked, disgusted. "You think I would go to these lengths to trick you into having a baby?"
"I think you're capable of anything, Holly."
Holly untied her silk robe and let it fall open. "I'm not exactly sure what happened last night." she said as she revealed bruises and scratches and bite marks. "But whatever the hell it was I hope never happens again." she admitted as tears filled her eyes. "Last night had nothing to do with love, Robert. And the very last thing I want is for a child to be conceived out of this mess."
Robert was completely silent as his eyes slid over his wife's body, taking in the various wounds that he had unknowingly inflicted upon her the previous evening. Tears sprung forward in his eyes. He wanted to say something, anything but he couldn't. He just stood there in deafening silence.
"Does that answer your question?" she asked as she tied her robe shut. "I wanted a baby, but not like this. Never like this. I hope and pray to God that I'm not pregnant because no child should be created out of these circumstances."
"Things got out of hand last night." he admitted.
"Out of hand?" she asked. "I'm covered in bruises and I'd bet my life that you're covered in scratches. Things just didn't get out of hand, Robert, things went incredibly too far."
"I'm sorry." he breathed out as he ran a hand through his hair. "I'm so, so sorry." he said, unshed tears sparkling in his eyes. "I never meant to hurt you. I would never willing or knowingly hurt you Holly, you have to believe that."
"I've heard those words before." she told him. "I'm not doubting your sincerity. I'm just not sure I want to believe them anymore."
"What are you trying to say?" he asked, terrified of what she was going to reveal. "Please just tell me."
"I can't do this anymore." she said, wiping away her tears. "I'm all out of promises and forgiveness and tears. I'm sorry, Robert, I'm so sorry." she said, sadly. "I think it's over."
Robert could only nod in agreement. He had never felt so defeated in his entire life. It was in that very moment that he realized that his marriage to Holly was indeed over."So that's it, huh?" he sighed. "Twenty three years of marriage over just like that?"
"I think its been over for a long time."
"So what now, Holly?" Robert asked, completely numb. "What happens now?"
"I don't know." she admitted, honestly. "All I know is that the only thing we're good at anymore is hurting each other and I can't do this anymore. I won't. If we don't walk away now we're only going to end up destroying each other until there's nothing left."
"We've been through so much." he said. "But I think you're right, the longer we hold on the more it's going to hurt to let go. And we've already hurt each other so much."
"I don't want our marriage to be over." she confessed. "But we both know that it is and the only thing we can do is admit it, pick up the pieces and get on with our lives. I know that it's easier said than done, but if we don't then we're going to be hurting more than just ourselves. And I want this to be as painless as possible for both of us."
"Just say the words, Holly." he said, softly. "I need you to ask me that way I know that this is real, that our marriage is really over."
She raised her eyes to meet his, beautiful, radiant, mesmerizing blue eyes. What was left of her heart silently shattered into tiny little pieces. "I want a divorce."
He struggled to breathe he felt as though his heart had exploded. "I'll call Alexis Davis and she can start the proceedings." he told her. "There's no need to drag this out." he said as he headed for the door.
"Robert, wait." she said, halting him.
He didn't bother turning around to face her, he couldn't bear to see the disappointment in his eyes. "Yes?"
"I can't leave you like this." Holly told him. "You've just received the democratic nomination for Governor of New York." she pointed out. "And you have a really good chance at winning."
"You think I give a damn about being Governor right now?" he asked as he turned around to face her. "It's the last thing on my mind."
"Robert, I know how much this means to you." she said. "You've come so far in politics and you have the nomination you can't give up now. There's nothing I want more than to see you sworn into office."
"It doesn't matter." he confessed. "If you're not standing by my side none of this matters, Holly."
"That's not true." she told him. "I want you to be happy, Robert and I know that being Governor will make you happy."
"I don't know." he sighed. "It all seems a little insignificant in the scheme of things."
"You're going to be Governor." she said, with such certainty and dedication that he was sure that noone would doubt it."And I'm going to support you every step of the way. Brunches and lunches and dinner parties. Charity Gala's and fundraisers and campaign trails. I'll shake hands and cut ribbons and kiss fat little babies. I believe in you Robert. I know that you can do this."
"So you're going to be there every step of the way?" he asked. "You're going to stand by my side?"
"Yes."
"Why?" he asked.
"I love you, Robert." she replied softly. "I just can't be with you anymore and that doesn't have anything to do with being in love with you because I am. I always have been and I always will be. But we bring out the worst in each other and I can't keep hurting myself like this. I can't keep hurting you."
Robert moved closer to her and reached for her hand."Love shouldn't hurt in any form." he said as he pressed a kissed to the palm of her hand. "And especially not when we're making love."
"This isn't just about last night."
"I know." he replied as he let go of her hand. "It was last night and everything that led up to it. Whatever this is between us has gone on long enough. And as much I want to let go I don't know if I can. I know that holding on is selfish, but maybe I'm selfish."
"You're kind and considerate and loving." she interrupted. "And I'm going to continue to be your devoted wife right up until you're sworn in as Governor."
"And after that?"
"Then we'll...we'll." she stopped and took a breath, trying to build up courage. "We'll divorce."
Robert nodded in understand. "So what's it going to be like around here until January?" he asked. "Filled with tension? Are things suppose to be left unsaid?"
"I'm going to move into one of the guest rooms." she announced. "We'll keep up appearances until January."
"What about the Andrew and William?" he asked. "Are we going to keep this from our sons as well?"
"We'll tell them when the time is right."
"Damn!" he swore. "This is too hard!" he said as moved closer to her, pulling her into his arms. "I don't want to lose you. I can't."
Holly relaxed in his embrace, resting her head against his chest. She could hear the beating of his heart echoing softly in her ears. "You once told me that you loved me enough to let me go." she told him. "Do you remember that, Robert?"
"Yes." he answered softly.
"I need you to let me go." she whispered.
Robert slowly released her from his grasp, tears sparkling in his eyes. "I love you." he whispered. "That's the only thing that hasn't changed in this entire mess."
"I know." Holly replied. "It's just not enough anymore."
She turned and walked away from him, leaving him in the midst of tears and heartbreak because she knew that if she stood there for one more second that she would never be able to let go. And letting go was something they both desperately needed to do. They couldn't survive another night of pain and anger.
"Holly." he called out softly.
She paused in the doorway, never once looking back. "Yes?"
"What if you're pregnant?" he asked. "What happens then?"
"That's the easiest, most uncomplicated question in this entire mess." she replied. "We do what's best for the child."
"This is my fault." he confessed. "I should have agreed to having another baby. Maybe if I did we wouldn't be in this mess."
"Maybe." she replied. "But life can't be built on what ifs and maybes."
tbc...