Author's Note: This definitely isn't one of my favorite chapters so far, but I hope you'll enjoy it anyway.
Reviews: Reviewers get free lightsabers while supplies last. Reviewers will also get to choose which company the U.S. government gets to bail out next in an attempt to keep us out of a second Great Depression. Just kidding. (The scary thing is how quickly our teachers have changed their tune about stuff. Before the stock market plummeted, they were all like "Oh, no, there could never be another Great Depression since our government took so many steps after that to prevent such an occurrence," and now they're basically warning us that we're going into another one with most of Europe and parts of Asia falling down with us. This is great. I want Jedi to rescue us.)
Battle Plans
Before either of us could comment further, the stagnant surface of the swamp bubbled briefly, and, a moment later, Jar Jar burst out of the filthy water. As he shook the muddy liquid off his amphibious skin, everyone hurried over to him to hear the news he bore. Once Captain Panaka, the security force he controlled, Ric Olie, young Skywalker, the Queen and her handmaidens, all of whom had donned more functional trousers, tunics, and boots, had clustered around him, Jar Jar announced, "Daresa nobody dare. All gone. Some kinda fight, mesa tink."
When I heard this update, I frowned. Could the Trade Federation have discovered the Gungans and conquered them as well? If the Gungans were warriors like the Queen claimed, then they would have fought the invaders until the bitter end, and the Gungans' primitive electropoles would be as much use as a trapdoor on a lifeboat against the droid armies of the merciless Trade Federation. If there was no one in the Gungan city, then…
"Do you think they have been taken to the camps?" Captain Panaka demanded anxiously, interrupting my charming and comforting syllogism.
"More likely they've all been wiped out," I countered. I was unable to prevent my disdain at the brutal tactics of the Trade Federation from seeping into my tone even if Jedi were supposed to be unbiased. Well, we were also intended to promote justice and keep the peace, and there was nothing fair or peaceful about genocide. These Federation leaders were so twisted that they made a turnabout seem straight in comparison.
"Mesa no tink so," stated Jar Jar with more authority evident in his manner than I had ever witnessed before, responding before Panaka could reply to my remark. Not very long ago, I would have observed to myself that he did not think much about anything so this was hardly a surprise, but I was more tolerant of this excitable creature now. After all, he had taught me something once, which suggested that he might be capable of doing so a second time if I maintained an open mind and heart. Glancing around at the rest of the assembly congregated about the bank of the swamp, I noticed that I was not the only one attending to every word that sailed out of the Gungan's lips as he continued, "Gungans hidden. When in trouble, go to sacred place. Mackineeks no find dem dare."
"Do you know where they are?" my Master voiced the inquiry that was doubtlessly traveling toward everybody's lips as fast as neurons could carry it.
Jar Jar bobbed his head in affirmation. Without any further comment, he set off into the swamp. When the rest of us glanced inquisitively at Queen Amidala, she jerked her head in the Gungan's direction, indicating that we should follow him, so we all sloshed through the swamp after Jar Jar.
As I waded my way through the muddy quagmire alongside Qui-Gon, I thought that it was wonderful to be slogging through Naboo's swamps yet again. After all, I really had gotten much too clean after my last foray into the wetlands of Naboo. Still, as lovely as stroll as this was, I hoped that it would terminate soon since we really didn't have all the much time remaining before the Federation discovered our whereabouts and dispatched a battalion of droids to destroy the threat we represented.
Despite my wishes, though, we traversed through the swamplands for some time before we finally emerged in a clearing of marshy grasses and stands of trees with roots so thickly tangled that they formed what appeared to be an impregnable barrier. Here, Jar Jar halted abruptly, sniffed the air like a Kubaz, nodded, and declared, "Dissen it."
Then, he tilted his head toward the heavens that could barely be discerned through the heavy canopy and emitted a peculiar chittering noise from his billed mouth that echoed eerily in the silent surroundings. Figuring that he had just signaled to Gungan sentries, we all waited quietly, our eyes scanning the mist for any trace of approaching Gungans.
A hedge rustled to our right, and Captain Tarpals and a scouting party of Gungans astride kaadu rode out of the haze, electropoles and energy spears poised for action. Reflexively, my hand flew to my lightsaber hilt, preparing to withdraw my weapon in a second's time if it became necessary to shield myself and my companions. However, Qui-Gon caught my eye and shook his head, and my hand drifted away from my lightsaber once again in compliance.
I wasn't the only one who grasped my weapon when the Gungans had arrived, ready to fight. Captain Panaka, the other security gaurds, Eritae, and Rabe all fingered their guns. Young Skywalker stiffened, obviously preparing himself for another beating in a lifetime of them. Only the Queen and her favorite handmaiden, Padme, remained impassive despite the menace embodied in Captain Tarpals and his squadron. Actually, that wasn't precisely factual, for Jar Jar, too, appeared unfazed.
"Heyday ho, Cap'n Tarpals." Jar Jar greeted the scowling military commander with a cheery wave, displaying the joviality that only a being whose turbolift did not reach the higher levels could show in such perilous circumstances. Whether such foolhardiness was a boon or a liability was a matter of debate among my multiple personalities.
"Binks," growled Captain Tarpals. "Notta gain."
"We came ta see da Boss," Jar Jar educated him with childlike nonchalance.
"Ouch time, Binks." Captain Tarpals' glower expanded to encompass the rest of our ragtag militia as I noted disconcertedly to myself that "ouch time" probably pertained to some unpleasant type of execution― not that any method of execution was particularly enjoyable. Not to the organism whose life was being snipped off, anyway. To many beings, watching another organism be executed was a marvelous source of entertainment, a fact that revealed that a majority of the galactic population was indeed sadistic. "Ouch time for all of yousa mebbe."
Wonderful. We were all going to be executed. Words simply couldn't describe how brilliantly Queen Amidala's plan was progressing. Well, at least we could perish with the consolation that we had made the lives of the Neimoidians who ran the Trade Federation just a tad bit easier since they didn't have to order droids to track and murder us now. The Gungans would be certain to render such an endeavor futile.
The Gungans herded us together and then, serving as a perimeter escort on all sides, led us ever deeper into the wetlands. As we trudged through the ankle-high mud, the canopy created by the trees became so dense that the sky and the sun disappeared entirely. Perhaps two or three minutes into our march, pieces of statues began to surface, crumbling stone façades and plinths sinking into the mire. Vines snaked their path across the broken remnants, dropping down from limbs that twirled and wound together in vast wooden nets.
After shoving through a stand of towering saw grass, we arrived in a clearing teeming with Gungan refugees― men, women, and children of every age and description huddled together on a broad, dry rise, many with their possessions piled around them. Tarpals led us past the gawking hordes to where the ruins of what must have once been a grand temple were being slowly and inexorably reclaimed by the swamp.
Of the once proud and mighty temple, only the platforms and the stairs were intact. The columns and ceilings had long ago collapsed, and the massive heads and arms of the stone statues poked out of the quagmire with their fingers clutching weapons as they stared sightlessly into space.
At the far end of the ruins, Boss Nass appeared, lumbering out of the shadows with several members of the Gungan council in tow to stand haughtily upon the marble head of a statue partially submerged in the dirty water. As he adopted this pose, our delegation came within hailing distance of the obese Gungan, whom, I was delighted to discover, seemed to have grown another two chins since I had met him last.
"Jar Jar Binks, whadda yousa doen back?" Boss Nass rumbled as soon as we were within ear shot. "Yousa supposed to take dese outlanders." He waved a wrathful hand the size of a dinner tray at my Master and me before ranting on. "Who yousa bring to da Gungan sacred place?"
Before Jar Jar could answer, Queen Amidala strode forward, her white face lifting to regard the Gungan chief with a proud defiance. "I am Amidala, Queen of the Naboo."
"Naboo!" Boss Nass thundered, spraying spittle everywhere, his tone implying that the people he referenced were a contagious fatal ailment. "No like da Nabooo! Yousa bring da maccaneks! Dey bust up our homes! Dey drive us all out!" A flabby arm rose to jab accusingly at the Queen. "Yousa all bombad! Yousa all die, mebbe."
At his words, the Gungans guards edged forward, electropoles upraised. Remembering Qui-Gon's earlier direction, I didn't permit my hand to travel to the hilt of my lightsaber even though the Naboo security officers all clenched their blasters.
Although Queen Amidala seemed as discomfited as her security officers and her handmaidens, she persisted resolutely, "We wish to form an alliance―"
"Your Honor!" A clear voice pierced through the air. Shocked and curious to learn who would have the temerity to interrupt the Queen, I pivoted and spotted Padme walking briskly to stand before her Queen. Had she come so late the day that brains were distributed that she only received a rain check? I wondered as I gaped at this pretty young woman. Sure, she might have blackmail upon Queen Amidala and have Naboo's monarch tied to her purse strings, but that didn't mean that she could interrupt her Queen in public. There were still rules of etiquette that could not be breached even by the true powers behind thrones, and she would do well to learn this if she valued her life.
Boss Nass was just as astonished by Padme's audacity, a fact that was obvious when he demanded, "Whosa dis?"
"I am Queen Amidala," she explained, drawing herself up with the dignity only a lunatic could demonstrate in such a situation. As I decided that she could at least plead mental instability at her trial, she nodded at the regally attired young woman behind her and clarified, "This is Sabe, my decoy, my protection, my loyal bodyguard."
At this revelation, my mouth dropped slightly. The woman who I had believed was the Queen was nothing more than a handmaiden, and the girl who I had imagined was the Queen's favorite was in fact the ruler of the Naboo. Now that I contemplated the matter, I realized that the warranty on my brain must have run out if I had not reached this conclusion prior to this moment. After all, Eritae had dropped a major hint when she had remarked that Padme was essentially the Queen's alter ego.
I hadn't examined the full meaning of her words because I had been convinced that Queen Amidala was accepting bribes or blackmail from the other young woman. Well, I had been wrong, which just displayed how preconceptions could blind a body. The Queen had not been guilty of the crimes I had envisioned that she was, although she was probably guilty of a hundred other vices. After all, politics and morals were mutually exclusive concepts, though politics and hypocrisy were inseparable.
While I struggled to recover from my astonishment, the real Queen Amidala shifted her eyes to focus on Qui-Gon and me for a second. "Gentlemen, I apologize for misleading you."
Then, her gaze quickly riveted upon Boss Nass once more. "Although our people do not always agree, Your Honor, we have always lived in peace until now. The Trade Federation has destroyed all that we have worked so hard to build. The Gungans are in hiding, and the Naboo have been imprisoned in camps. If we do not act immediately, all that we value will be lost forever."
On a whole, I deemed her words as reasonably eloquent and inspiring, but Boss Nass was unswayed by her passion if his stony features were any indicator.
"I ask you to help us, Your Honor." Queen Amidala dropped to her knees in front of the Gungan head of state, ignoring the audible gasps from the rest of the Naboo. As I marveled at the grandeur of this woman, a queen so majestic that she could kneel before another and only increase her dignity, she added to Boss Nass and his advisors, "We are your humble servants. Our fate is in your hands."
She motioned for her subjects to kneel as well, and, one by one, the Naboo guards, the handmaidens, Panaka, and Ric Olie fell to their knees behind her. I shot Qui-Gon an inquiring glance, wondering if I really had to pay homage to a rotund isolationist. When my Master offered me a slight nod in response, I dropped to one knee as he did the same.
As I knelt, I chided myself for my reluctance. After all, Queen Amidala was willing to kneel in the mud, surrendering any semblance of pride because there was a possibility that such an action might be a salvation for her people. If she could behave in such a noble manner, I could not do anything less. There was no way that a Jedi could allow himself or herself to be less self-sacrificing than a politician.
For a long moment, nobody said anything while Boss Nass studied all of us petitioners. Then, he chortled, "Yousa no tinken yousa greater dan da Gungans! Mesa like dis. Mebbe wesa being friends."
Grinning at our triumph, I rose with the others. As I stood, I recognized that Boss Nass had only wanted to be treated with respect by the humans who had colonized his world a century ago. Suddenly, I was reminded of how my Dresselian buddy Reeft would bemoan that humans were the most arrogant species in the entire galaxy. Perhaps Boss Nass harbored similar resentful sentiments against us, which was why he required the Queen to bow before him, thereby acceding that she was his equal at least. Only when she and the rest of us had humbled ourselves before him, he had capitulated to Amidala's request.
We rapidly discovered that Boss Nass was as mercurial as he was meaty, and his change of attitude was dramatic, suggesting that he might be afflicted with bipolar disorder. Once he judged that Queen Amidala did not constitute herself as his superior, and that she was in fact sincere in her imploring for Gungan aid, he broke landspeed records when he came around in his thinking.
Privately, I also thought that his detestation of battle droids did not hurt matters. Also, the fact that he had perhaps been a tad hasty in his assertion that the "maccaneks" wouldn't bother the Gungans functioned in our favor, since we head that Otoh Gunga had been attacked two days previously, which was when its inhabitants had been forced to flee their home. As plump and unfit as he was, Boss Nass would not sit motionless for that. If a plan could be devised to drive the intruders out, the Gungan army would do its part to help.
Therefore, he took Qui-Gon, young Skywalker, the Naboo, and I out of the swamplands to the fringes of the grass plains that spanned south to Theed. Any attack could be mounted from here, and it transpired that the Queen had appealed to the Gungans with a very specific battle plan in her stubborn mind.
The first step involved dispatching Captain Panaka on a covert mission into the city to gain reconnaissance on the adversary there.
Three hours after he had departed for Theed, Captain Panaka returned, and Qui-Gon, Queen Amidala, Boss Nass, several Gungan generals, and I clustered around him, eager to listen to his update so we could concoct a final strategy.
"What is the situation?" Queen Amidala asked her captain of security crisply, speaking for all of us assembled around him.
"Almost everyone is in camps," Panaka educated her, his terseness concealing his anguish at the condition his fellow citizens were in. "A few hundred police and guards have formed an underground resistance. I brought back as many of the leaders as I could. The Federation's army is much larger and much stronger than we had hoped." His dark eyes locked soberly on the Queen's as he established grimly, "Your Highness, this is a battle I do not think that we can win."
"The battle is a diversion." Queen Amidala smiled faintly. "The Gungans will draw the droid army away from the cities. We can enter Theed using the secret passages on the waterfall side. Once we get to the main entrance of the palace, Captain Panaka will create a diversion so that we can enter the palace and capture the viceroy. Without him, they will be lost and confused."
Hearing her plan, I determined that it was not the worst one I had ever listened to, but it wasn't the greatest either. After all, everything depended upon capturing the viceroy, who would be well-protected even if most of the troops marched out to combat the Gungans. As I observed this, Queen Amidala whirled about to regard my Master and I, inquiring, "What do you think, Master Jedi?"
"The viceroy will be well-guarded," Qui-Gon pointed out, stating aloud my own fear.
"The difficulty will be getting into the throne room," dismissed Captain Panaka. "Once we're inside, we shouldn't have a problem."
I wasn't certain that I believed this assessment, but Qui-Gon obviously found it acceptable, for, changing tracks, he noted to Boss Nass, "Many Gungans may be killed."
"Wesa ready to do oursa part," declared Boss Nass, banging his beefy hand against the rolls of flesh encircling his chest.
"We will send what pilots we have to knock out the Droid Control Ship that is orbiting the planet," the Queen vowed, her voice softening a fraction, although the blaze in her eyes burned on undimmed. Apparently, it would take more than the Trade Federation army to extinguish the fire in her. Few people had her resilience, and I wondered why she had wasted her spirit in politics. Politics was a gigantic waste of time, and those who participated in it ended up squandering their whole existences in committee and sub-committee hearings that never accomplished anything. "If we can get past their ray shields, we can sever their communications, and the droids will be helpless."
"A well-conceived plan," my Master allowed, bobbing his head in understanding. I wasn't sure I agreed with this analysis. There was always the chance that the fighters' weapons would not penetrate the shields on the Control Ship, permitting the viceroy to flee. If the viceroy escaped, then he would return with another droid army to crush the Naboo and the Gungans into submission. I was trying to invent a tactful way of expressing this when Qui-Gon amended, "However, there is a considerable risk. The weapons on your fighters may not penetrate the shields on the Control Ship."
When he didn't continue, I expounded upon this, grateful for the opening, "And if the viceroy escapes, he will return with another droid army." I figured that I didn't have to spell out for her the implications of that since she appeared to be one of the few sentients in the galaxy who possessed an adequate brain, even if she had been dumb enough to pursue a career in politics.
"That's why we must not fail to get the viceroy," Queen Amidala clinched, sticking out her chin so that I could see that she comprehended well enough the horrors that would unfold if the Trade Federation returned with another, probably larger, army. "Everything depends upon it."
As she asserted as much, a shiver swept up and down the length of my spinal cord. I was not the sort of person who enjoyed taking risks or placing all my hawk-bat eggs in one basket. Yet, as Qui-Gon would argue, the most spectacular feats were often achieved by those who dared to defy fate and the laws of probability and take the greatest risks. At any rate, tomorrow I would uncover if this was indeed the case. Tomorrow, at dawn, the battle would commence and the moment of truth would be upon us all.