Chapter 12 : All We Have is Tonight

Jareth and I went to the library, the source of the journal mishap.

Jareth went to a cabinet and pulled out a glass bottle filled with a dark liquid. "Care for a drink?"

"Like I'm really going to consume anything you ever give me," I scoffed as I plopped down on a wing chair. I was too anxious to learn the truth.

Jareth languidly poured himself a glass of the liquid, sniffed it with a small smile, and then put the bottle back into the cabinet. He turned to me, gave me a hard stare, and then took a quick swig of his drink. "How far did you get into the journal?"

"My mother's funeral."

Jareth sat on the chair opposite of me. "Ah, I see." He took another sip of his drink. "I was very fond of your mother."

"Yeah, that much was obvious. You were more like a stalker you know."

He gave a big sigh. "Am I going to be interrupted by your rudeness continuously? If so, I'm not quite sure I can go on with that tiresome routine." I rolled my eyes. Whatever. He was such a pain in the ass. I motioned for him to continue speaking, an annoyed look on my face. "Thank you. Now, as I was saying, I was fond of your mother. I was young and quite enjoyed observing her. She was like a delicate flower. It never occurred to me that she was married or that she even had a child. I was more absorbed in my youthful lust for her."

Well, Jareth got a few chubbies for my mom. That was only mildly disturbing.

"I wasn't aware she was with child during the time of her passing. The funeral was the first time I ever had contact with you. You were so vulnerable and I felt obligated to take care of you. I wanted to watch over you." He took another sip. His glass was almost empty. "I had felt like an older brother protecting his sister. I was there for you in little ways, here and there. You probably never noticed, but I was constantly watching over you. When you got your first, I believe it was called a bike, and you fell into that trench near your home. I had pulled you out in time for your father to find you. I think you thought I was your father. I saw you go off to your studies and all the performances you put on in your school's theaters. I was young when I first met you, but I had descended this throne by the time you entered your youthful years. I wasn't able to watch over you as much, seeing as I had this whole place to look after. Before I knew it, you were being courted by some lad named Keith."

"Wait – what? You mean Keith Humphrey? I remember that kid from tenth grade. It was my first real relationship. Now that I think about it, he had ended quite abruptly though." I paused. "Jareth…"

He ignored my insert in the conversation. "As I was saying, this Keith fellow was not up to my standards and he was touching you in places no man should ever touch a lady as pure as yourself, so I made sure he stopped his courtship with you and aimed him towards easier prospects. Trust me, it was the best decision for you." I didn't trust him. "Regardless, I felt this weird tinge whenever I saw you with him. I thought it was due to my protective nature towards you. However, I had grown since my first encounter with you. You grew into a woman much different from your mother. You were more outgoing, aggressive, and yet you had maintained that soft side your mother had. Where your mother was a delicate flower, you were a fiery flame that always brought something new to my day. Before I knew it, my sense of brotherly protection turned into a feeling of love. I was absolutely smitten with you. I know it sounds strange, especially after my feelings for your mother, but the thing with your mother was that I was young and I was just in lust with her. But with you, I was in love…" He stared at me again, his eyes soft and open.

"I'm not going to reply to any of this until you finish the story," I said, a bit uncomfortable from his words. He loved me? He had always watched over me? Should I be creeped out about this?

"As you wish," and he continued his story, "Your father had remarried that woman and they had a new child. I could tell you were torn that your father had replaced the woman you idolized and loved. I was angry as well with your father, but I soon was soothed over with the fact that no one should stay lonely forever and I was tired of being lonely as well. You escaped your house and recited plays in the same spot your mother had. Memories filled me seeing you dressed up with makeup and twirling around the park, filled with life from your stories. I wanted to make you feel alive, as much as you made me feel alive. I was living through you and I just couldn't stand not being able to touch you.

I created a story for you to read. I had no idea that you would obsess with the story as much as you did. The magic words I instilled in the story were never meant for you to say, but when you did that fateful night, I was thrilled. I was going to be able to talk to you directly. You were scared, naturally, but I was hoping to create a game that would make you full of life and happy. I hadn't intended for you to dislike me. I never wanted you to hate me. I loved you and you kept turning your back to me every step of the way. The story I wrote had that disgusting ending, an ending I didn't want you to seek. I wanted you to create your own ending, one that involved me. However, I seemed to not have been able to attract you as much as I had been attracted to you. You left this place and broke my heart."

I was still as I listened to Jareth talk. He had loved me during that time. His final words to me that night clicked. He did all of that for me and all he wanted was for me to return his feelings. Looking back on it now, Jareth might have actually had those feelings. I don't know why I couldn't see it then. Still, gives me a bit of the creeps.

"After you left, I was a disaster. My anger from losing you made me want to tear up into your world and take you here. I wasn't deluded enough to allow that to happen." He emptied his glass. "It was soon thereafter that I started a war amongst the people of my land. My army invaded other kingdoms. It was the Year of Terror that you have heard of. Blood was a commonplace thing and many people on all sides died, but I remained victorious. It wasn't until King Jerral came to me, begging that I stop my reign of war and make a pact of peace in exchange for his daughter's hand of marriage. I was still heartbroken at the time, but I agreed to his proposal. After a year of bloodshed, I realized my hunger of anger would not be sated.

I agreed to marry his daughter, but our engagement was to be a long one. I was not ready to marry a woman I did not love and I certainly was not ready for abandoning my love for you. I created a new way of living for my people, aided the countries I invaded, and reestablished my relations with all the royals. Persephone would visit often, trying to pressure our marriage. Obviously it was years before I could ever consider it. She was still young when the pact was made. This year I decided to plan our marriage because I had finally accepted this way of life. A life that didn't include you. I was on the right path until you called me back. All those feelings I had hidden away were unleashed upon me again."

He leaned forward in his chair, his voice faltering from its natural smooth tone. "Sarah, I still love you."

Silence.

I didn't know what to say to him. However, everything made sense now. All the sneers from people and Persephone's deep dislike of me. The Jareth in front of me didn't look like the Goblin King I had feared when I was young. He looked like a man, a man who loves me.

The raw emotion Jareth put into the air was something I had never witnessed before, not even from all the men in my past who have claimed to love me. I'm not sure how to handle Jareth's confession. My usual self would poke fun at him and make jokes at his suspense, but somehow, with this deep expression on his face I just can't seem to bring myself to mock his words. When I had lost my memory, I can't lie, I was attracted to this man who took care of me. With all this information now though, can I truly look at him as the devil I always pinned him to be? Sure, the ways he expressed his feelings for me were a bit unorthodox, but the intentions were always meant to be good.

What am I thinking? This is Jareth, the Goblin King! This isn't my world. Hell, I'm like Alice in Wonderland on acid. Not that Alice probably wasn't on acid to begin with. How can I even possibly consider this guy's feelings for me? Hell, he obviously is way older than me and will most likely out live me. His world has feelings of hate towards me and Jareth is a scheming, magic fiend.

"Sarah…" Jareth's voice broke my mental conversation. He had been patiently waiting for me to respond to him, all the while silent.

"I-I don't know…what to…say." I folded my hands in my lap and broke his gaze. "It's a lot to take in you know."

"Yes, I'd imagine so."

I looked at the nearest stack of books, wondering if they were enjoying this scene. My voice was quiet. "Jareth, what do you want me to say?"

When I turned to him, he was up straight in his chair, his legs long and lean, stretched perfectly from him. "I don't want you to say anything. I am to be married tomorrow and that is all there is to it. I just can't let you leave without you knowing the truth this time."

Tomorrow. He was going to become Persephone's husband. Why was I even bothering myself with thinking how to respond to his confession? He was never looking for a response from me. "Then why."

"Why what?"

My eyes had glazed over without me realizing it. "Why did you tell me you still love me if you never wanted a response? What purpose is that going to do? You want me to pity this loveless marriage you are going to enter? If that's what you wanted then you are barking up the wrong tree pal."

He shook his head elegantly. Everything he did was elegant. "I never wanted pity from you. Pity is something meant for those worthy of pity. My marriage is not one meant for love, it is one meant for peace, a bargain made to keep everyone happy."

"Even at the sake of your own happiness?"

He was quiet then, collecting his thoughts. "Happiness is something not meant for the likes of me. I lost my happiness the day you left with your baby brother. I don't say this to make you feel guilty, I say it as the fact it is. I must honor this agreement I have made." He stood then, looking down at me. "Now, let us stop this foolish talk. You may go back to your room and sleep for the night. I will send you back to your world after the wedding tomorrow."

He was gorgeous, that was undeniable. "Why not send me back now? What have you to gain by making me sit through your wedding?"

"King Jerral would not trust me to send you off before the wedding. They think of you as my mistress and if I do not have you present during the ceremony then he may think that I am not going to be serious with his daughter in the marriage we will have. It is a royal worry of mistresses and I believe his reservations will be quelled once he sees me send you off after I have married his daughter. It will be a sign of me closing that chapter of my life and starting anew with Persephone."

"Whatever. Tonight, tomorrow, as long as I get back home, I'll be peachy." I stood then too, being towered still by Jareth.

"Rest well, Sarah."

"Oh, I doubt it," I mumbled as I trudged my way back to my room.

Jareth was a big mystery to me now. I don't dislike him and I don't exactly like him. I find him attractive, yes, but he is an emotional ball of crazy. I can't take on something like that. After all, I'm a mess all on my own. Jareth loves me and yet I can't give a word to describe how I feel about him. Everything is just getting too crazy.

I flopped onto my bed as soon as I got there. My stress eased through a long sigh. Tomorrow I was going to be able to go home. Tomorrow I would say goodbye to all of this. I peered at the window from my position on the bed. I was no longer going to be able to see goblins and castles and magic galore. I can finally put it all behind me at last. Still, why do I feel so sad about leaving? This place has always held onto a special part of my heart.

My thoughts went to Eros and my body broke out in a chill. By now I'm sure his parents have collected him. He might be walking around in the castle as we speak.

Suddenly, I didn't feel so safe. Every shadow and noise turned into a monster that was coming to get me. Then, without warning, a loud noise came from outside, the flapping of wings, and I immediately ran to my door, opened it, ran straight, opened the next door and shut it, my back to it.

"Sarah? Is something the matter?" Jareth asked. He was pushing himself up from his bed, his silky skin being uncovered as his sheets fell from him. "What are you doing here?"

Shit. I had run into here. Why? WHY? "Th-there was a noise from outside."

"So you ran into here?"

"It seems so. I don't know what came over me. I'm going to go back into my room. Sorry for disturbing your rest." I turned to the door.

"Of course not. I wasn't actually sleeping anyways. Why were you afraid of the noise?" I didn't turn around and started for the handle. "Oh, I see. You're afraid Eros will come after you again."

I stopped going for the door. The thought of Eros standing right in front of it when I opened it was scary enough. "Well," I said as I turned around to face the sleep-clad Jareth, "he does have a knack for showing up and trying to rape me. Don't get me started on how emotionally scarring that is."

"Yes," his voice was low, "I know, I apologize again that I couldn't save you from that."

"Stop with the apologies already. I'm sick of hearing about them." I started to distance myself from the door as thoughts of Eros pulling me through it went through my mind.

"Very well."

It was awkward standing there, in his room, with him half naked in his bed. Yes, very awkward.

"Would you like me to have a guard stationed outside your room incase Eros tries anything?"

"I can't go back to my room."

"Well, then, where would you like to rest tonight?"

Right next to you.

That was the thought that entered my mind. I cursed at myself for it of course. Jareth was a good looking man, but those kinds of thoughts and actions could seriously complicate the situation ever more so than it already is. No more headaches please!

"Sarah?"

I snapped out of my conversation. "Oh, um, I dunno. I can't really say I'd be safe anywhere, even here."

He gave a sigh and rolled out of his bed. He pulled the sheets back and motioned at them. "Get in. I'll sleep on the floor."

"Oh, I couldn't possibly put you out like that."

He opened a wooden chest against the wall and started taking out more blankets. "Not at all. It's just for one day anyways."

He certainly was being all gentlemen-like with me today. "Then, thank you." I went to the bed and slipped in. The spot was still warm from Jareth's body. I got a small delight in that. I was really confusing myself.

Jareth made himself a small nest of blankets for himself and grabbed a pillow from the other side of the bed. He laid down and turned on his side, his back to me.

"Um, night," I whispered as I snuggled deeper into the covers. Jareth's aroma covered them and began to cover me as well.

"Night."

He probably wasn't comfortable on the floor. I should sleep on the floor.

"Jareth, why don't you take the bed? I can't sleep knowing you had to sleep on your floor the night before your wedding."

"Nonsense. Go to sleep Sarah. I have to get up early for wedding preparations."

I sighed. He's stubborn, but so am I. I leaned over to tug on his blankets. "Seriously, switch me spots." He tugged in reverse. I glared at his back. "Stop being such a kid and just switch."

"Oh I'm being the child?" Jareth said as he turned to me. "I don't recall me being the childish one in the room." He then turned back over.

Annoying. I was trying to be nice and he is being a booger about it. I grabbed back onto his blanket and yanked harder. "Just fucking switch with me you idiot!"

"I will not!" He pulled back on his blankets much harder than before, much harder than I had anticipated in fact.

I fell out of the bed on top of Jareth at an awkward angle. I started to swear as I rubbed my throbbing elbows that broke my fall. Well, Jareth actually took most of the fall for me. What a gentleman. Not like he had a choice in the matter however.

"Why must you insist on being difficult," he asked as he tried to turn towards me. It was then that I realized my legs were tangled with his and one of my hands had found his smooth, naked chest. I had been using it as leverage on accident.

"Oh." I took my hand back and stared at him. He was super-freaking gorgeous and my hormones did a little dance. How long had it been since I got some?

NO – bad Sarah!

I tried to banish the thoughts. I didn't even know if I had any feelings for this guy and yet I had just pretty much fallen write into his scrumptious lap.

"Sarah…you need to go back into the bed. I don't know how much longer I can restrain myself if you keep getting so close to me." He sincerely looked like he was pained to be so close to me.

"You wouldn't do anything, Jareth." He gave me a look that said I was wrong. "B-but you are going to get married tomorrow."

"What is your point? I told you I still love you. Just because I'm getting married doesn't mean that I will stop finding you attractive." He gave a big sigh and started to move away from me. "Get up and get under those covers, Sarah."

I knew I should. I should get up, away from him, get into the bed, and sleep the night away. Even though my heart and brain aren't that far apart, it is still enough for communications to fail.

I reach out more his hand and grabbed it into mine.

He flinched at my touch and looked at me with hurt eyes. "Why are you doing this? What do you want of me?"

What did I want? Why was I holding his hand, touching him? My mind was confusing me and my heart was complicating my life more so.

"Jareth, I d-don't really understand it much, but for some reason I can't just leave you alone. I'm not going to lie, I don't love you and I don't hate you. My heart is confused when it comes to you and these feelings are foreign. All I know is that I just want to be with you, tonight. Tonight is all we have. Tomorrow you will be married and tomorrow I will be gone from here. We may never see each other ever again. I just can't leave not knowing what I feel for you. It will torture me, as much as I know it will torture you."

"Sarah, you do not know what you ask of me."

I squeezed his hand. "I don't care. Are you going to turn me away?"

He glared at me. "You really are naïve. Don't you understand that I still have feelings for you and for you to sit here and say you don't know what you feel for me, so you want to figure it out the night before my wedding to someone else? Do you understand how selfish that is of you? What if you realize you feel nothing for me and leave with a satisfied mind and body? I am going to be tortured regardless of what you want. Why are you the only one allowed closure?" His voice was raw. I could see how much I had hurt him from all my childish words, now and from the past. I unknowingly have been this man's reoccurring executioner and he seemed to be waiting for me to just finish the job.

"Jareth, I know I say hurtful and selfish things. What I have asked of you is too much." I felt ashamed, guilt. I was a woman trying to seduce an engaged man. I was Josh's ex-girlfriend. I felt repulsed with myself for even putting Jareth in that position.

What is coming over me?

I took my hand from his. "I'm sorry. I have disgraced myself thoroughly. You don't deserve that kind of ultimatum."

He grabbed my hand back and I looked at him, my eyes were probably glazing over with unshed tears. Why was I so hurt? Was it by his rejection, my shame, or maybe both? "J-Jareth?" my voice was wary.

"Sarah, don't ever feel bad about yourself on my account. I deserve none of that. I don't deserve you. I have done nothing to protect you and have only caused you harm. My love for you is dangerous and I don't want you to be the brunt of its consequences any longer."

I shook my head at him. "Jareth, tell me how I should feel about you. I just don't understand anything anymore."

His other hand grazed my cheek. "Do you not hate me?"

"No. I don't hate you." That was the truth. He did cause many bad things to happen to me, but he never intended for them, nor did he condone them. He was caring at time and even gentle. He showed consideration towards me and did his best to keep me from harm's way. If he was mortal, he wouldn't have been able to do most the stuff he had done.

"You don't love me, you said so yourself." I nodded. "Then, you tolerate me. That's the best answer I can give you."

No, tolerate was not the right word. I looked deep into his beautiful mismatched eyes. "Jareth, I don't care about the consequences. I'm sorry if this is selfish, but I just want to be with you tonight. Not the Goblin King, the magician, the man who started the Year of Terror. I just want you, Jareth the man. And I will be just me, Sarah. Just tonight, I will ask the impossible of you. I'm not sure why I think this is a good idea, hell I don't even think it is, but my heart is telling me to do this. Will you listen to this selfish request straight from my heart?"

A fight went on behind his eyes. He was struggling to answer me.

"Sarah, if we do this, then that will be the last of it. We won't see each other after tomorrow. If you truly want this, then you must consider the consequences."

"Jareth, I understand everything and I know this is all we will ever have. This night will be the commemoration to this fucked up relationship we have." I paused, unbelieving how fast everything was going, but my hormones were tingling inside of me, wanting to touch this man. "Are you agreeing to this then?"

Jareth was slow in responding. "I will agree to this. Even if I am the most affected by this night, I will once again entertain your selfish desires, Sarah. Just remember the consequences…"

I shook my head at him and leaned towards him. "Fuck the consequences." I quickly dove in for a kiss. Jareth was stunned at first and then began reciprocating my motion. Jareth let out a small growl behind his pressed lips and flipped me onto my back. One hand was holding my face gently and his other hand curved around my hip. This man felt so good against my body.

His tongue teased my lips, entreating to pass them. I complied and his tongue danced with mine as we made the most mind blowing kiss I had ever had.

Somewhere between kissing and more kissing, our clothes had disappeared from us and Jareth was being attentive to my female attributes. He knew exactly where to touch, how to touch, and just how long he should be doing it. I had never felt so alive with any other man. Jareth's body was hard and lean. My hands explored him and he explored me.

After a while of torturous teasing of each other, to the point to where we had to slow down with our affection, Jareth's hot breathing was against my ear. "Sarah…are you ready?"

I looked at him, my eyes wide with passion and my breaths matching his. I couldn't speak, so I nodded.

He smiled at me. He was breathtaking, utterly a magnificent sight to behold.

"I'll be gentle," He whispered.

Then what happened next is something not needed to go into detail. I enjoyed myself, he enjoyed himself, and we continued our entanglement. Somehow, at the end of all this, we were back on the bed. I was curled into the curve of his body. It was like I was made to fit right in this space. His arm was draped over me and I felt safe, for once in my life, I felt utterly safe in this man's arm. No man had ever made me feel the way he did this night, not even Josh.

I looked at Jareth's sleeping face. He had fallen asleep after some goodnight kisses. I could not go to sleep. I just keep gazing at his serene face. His lashes were swept over his cheeks and his lips were red from the night. I wanted to stay in his arms, in this warm position.

I tried to figure out what exactly I felt for Jareth. I know I don't hate him. That was covered long ago. Do I love him? Is that what this feeling is inside of me? Sure, sex was extremely great and I felt something strange for this man, but to go as far as to call it love was a bit of a stretch. Besides, he's getting married today and I will be going back home. I won't ever be able to see his sleeping face, kiss his soft lips, or feel his body against mine. This whole thing is going to turn into some far off dream once I return to my world. Never will I be able to say his name again.

Tears began to slide down my cheeks at these thoughts. I couldn't say I loved him, but I felt something powerful for this man and I didn't want to lose him just yet. I was a selfish girl. A terrible girl. I have been neglecting this man for years and once I decide that I want him, he is out of my reach. A pathetic girl I am. I wouldn't take me if I was him. I have been torturing this man long enough. I need to give him a clean break from me. If he goes on to love me forever, what kind of life will befall him? He needs closure so he can try to love Persephone, try to make things work with her.

It was then, maybe a few moments before Jareth would wake up and leave the room to prepare for the day, that I decided I would tell Jareth I felt nothing for him. I will make sure he believes that I will forget about him when I return home, that he is just going to return to being a teenage dream. He will never know that maybe I could love him and that I will never forget him and the night we shared ourselves with one another. No, he must never find out how I feel. I don't want to hurt him anymore. He deserves much more than me. I want him to live again. In order for all that to happen, I cannot live by his side anymore. I have to go back and leave the Labyrinth.