Chapter 12: Module

Having braced herself against an assault of tumultuous sensations, Tauriel was glad to know his touch didn't immediately set that off. It fact it felt pleasant, with the feeling of warmth and familiarity, like being at home. His entire attention was on her and it was clear that this time he was consciously navigating the link between them as he pulled her down with him onto the silky sheets, arms around her protectively, but not intrusively. It should have felt weird, lying down with the king, but instead it was calming and reassuring, natural. "Ready?" He breathed into her hair.

The redhead just nodded into his chest, tensing up a little once more. There was nothing to be worried about however, even as the first image came into focus gradually, being heralded by her other senses and readying her for it. Not that she needed readying, the image was peaceful and beautiful, not very unlike Imladris, but larger and higher and Tauriel somehow instinctively knew that it was the hidden, once city of Elves lying above a tunnel on a ravine where she, or more like Ilyrana was swimming in the warm river, unclothed, with only her long hair covering her breasts. Young Thranduil she barely recognised, but his touch was unmistakable. A serious voice interrupted, its owner cold like marble and Tauriel knew now that Thranduil was nothing like his father, but infinitely more down to earth and more welcoming. They were told they were too young to marry, too young to be intimate and too different to wed. For the next few hundred years or so however, Oropher was nowhere to be seen in the visions. There was only freedom and the sun shimmering through the branches of trees, singing birds and rain of crystal, the couple barefoot and collecting honey. Eloped till dark clouds came, her pulling her injured husband through a sea of dead elves on a battlefield, him still needing her support to stand as the crown is placed on the top of his head.

Tauriel instinctively cradled his body against hers, knowing the worst was still to come. While he was largely in control of the flow of memories through their link and made a firm effort to shield her from the most direful ones, even with the limiting of the experience it was hard for her not to be affected by the memory of him lying half dead and unrecognisably charred by dragonfire, her giving birth not knowing if he lived or died. It was his turn to blush at the next memory he'd clearly mistakenly let slip-he could make love to her during recovery before he could get out of bed. It was a weary time coming and yet happy and she always felt safe in his arms, even when it came to Gundabad. It was not a good-bye, she never saw it as that...

Tauriel looked up at him, at his closed eyelids behind long lashes, the affliction on his face as he relived those moments himself and she could not stand it anymore, seeing him like that. Her kiss was instinctual, and to her surprise, it took her breath away more than it took his, bottled up passion breaking free, desperate and demanding on his part that she complimented with soothing, satisfying, sweet. An explosion of feelings followed that she knew she would have to sort through and divide into what belonged to her and what belonged to Ilyrana, but right now, nothing mattered, nothing but those strong arms around her that moved her on her back where he towered above her, breaking the kiss with some reluctance and looking into her eyes searchingly. "What was that, Tauriel?" He used the name purposively for the same reasons of making the distinction.

"I am yours to do with as you wish, My Lord. I want to heal you, fully, and that can only happen if your spirit joins with the one it has been missing for so long."

Thranduil tilted his head, his expression changing to overserious, "so you want to give yourself to me out of pity," he moved back to sit up, "healers don't usually couple with their patients."

"Pity? No," she lounged after him, though didn't dare to touch him without permission still, "I wouldn't call it that. More like compassion, sympathy, not wanting to see the one you love hurt."

"You are still confused then, Tauriel, you have been all this time," he sighed, "you don't love me. It's Ilyrana in you and I am not going to take advantage of your state of mind, not when you'll come to regret it and despise me for it."

The redhead let the air out slowly, thinking as she did so, mind racing to filter logical thought through the haze of emotions. Maybe she had the other elleth's spirit, but apart from fractions of time, she pretty much knew who she was, and that was a hotheaded captain of the guard who always lay her life down for what she felt was right. "How can I convince you that this is me, Tauriel who offers?"

"You need time. Time to remember, and time to process. I can order whatever you want from my wife's room to be taken down to your quarters and once you studied them, you will perhaps need some time away. Go travel like you've always wanted, explore the realm, meet some dwarves, whatever. And if in years' time, you come back and tell me you still want my love, then it will be there, waiting for you."

"Years?" Tauriel felt shock solidifying her heart. Surely he did not mean that, not with those sad, chillingly clear blue eyes.

"There is no other way to be sure."

"You banish me again?" Her voice was hoarse, desperate, shocked.

"It's not like that. You are welcome to come back when you are truly ready, you will know when that is if you reflect over it."

"But how will you endure! Your stomach?"

He waved her off. "I am accustomed to be being apart from my soulmate. Besides, as I explained to you, hope alleviated the symptoms. You shouldn't feel obliged to come back to me, just the knowledge of knowing you're safe and alive is enough to blanket the wound in my heart. I will be well."

"What about me? How can I be apart from you when I've just found you!" Unwanted, angry tears prickled her eyes, heart tightening with tension.

"See? That is Ilyrana talking. You need to learn to differentiate, that's an order," he put his arms around her once more, but this time to press her to stand and direct her towards the door. "You are relieved from all other duties till then."

Tauriel turned to look at him, her back to the door. Perhaps she was confused indeed because there was nothing about him that made her feel like he was her superior, her king, her distant commander. He was her lover, an extension of her, flesh that felt wrong not being in contact with. He must've felt the same, because he paused to hold her hands and looked into her eyes with yearning, not completely succeeding to conceal the pain of what was to come. He initiated the kiss this time, though slowly, gently, fleetingly, breath barely brushing her lips, making sure he didn't impose that on her either, but no matter how soft it was, it still ignited the fire inside her, making her breathless and craving for more. Her lips followed his as he tried to pull back, her hands tangling into his hair as she reached behind him to hold him close and firm, her body pushing against his, erection pressing against her belly clear as day as she melted into his form.

"Tauriel..." Thranduil demonstrated further self control by gently disentangling her from himself, even if breathing heavily.

"Forgive me, My Lord, I don't know what came over me," Tauriel tried to catch her breath.

"You do know. You do know my suggestions are advisable. Now go," he turned away, not bearing the sight of her departure. He felt guilty for sending her away, causing her heartache, but it had to be done as they could not even be sure it was truly Tauriel's heartache. Only after the door closed behind her that he allowed himself to bend in half and retch, a renewed separation harder on him than he wanted to admit.

Tbc