The Value of a Life

Chapter 12 Un-Bear-able

A/N: So, I'm back from the grave and with me, I brought another chapter for your reading pleasure. It's not the extra-long chapter that I wish I could give you, but it's pretty lengthy, so I hope that is enough for now. Everything is going good with me, and I don't feel very different (which could mean I need a little higher dosage because I'm a pretty big guy) but I feel good enough about this chapter to not worry about it being affected too much. I hope you think so too.

Huge, enormous thank you to everyone who said something to me over my break. It really helped keep spirits up :)

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"I really like this chapter. Had me on the edge. I hope humphrey and Kate can have a heart to heart soon. I think they have things they need to discuss." –Kellylad13

Very true.

(Humphrey's POV)

(September 26th)

A little longer than two weeks after I got her, I had to start training Bailey every day. All of the lying around and definitely getting spoiled with a cut of tenderloin by me and too many treats by Charlie had left her…antsy. She was getting into trouble, figuring out intricate ways to steal food or knowingly shred my homework. Her craziness was also partly my fault. The unending talking into her ear was probably driving her insane, so we had to start working.

It started with basic obedience training: sit, down, stay, come. I'm sure she had to have known them already, but I think they were taught to her in German or something. The marines probably don't like the idea of any person being able to command their lethal dogs. Well, she's not exactly lethal though; unless, that is, you're a fly in her food bowl.

Anyway, I liked the idea of shorthand for her commands that only I would know. Basically, I stole their idea and made it my own. Instead of words that translated into actions, I issued sharp, varying whistles. That worked out really well. Although, sometimes she gets really confused and mad when I get a song stuck in my head for so long that it starts to leak out.

I walk her around town pretty often, making her go through all of the commands. It's good for her to get out and get some exercise. If she doesn't feel like she has done something for more than 24 hours, she finds something to do, and it is usually not good.

It was on one of these walks that I saw Kate and him.

They were walking around downtown. I don't usually go there because there are always a lot of people by the time I get home from school and take Bailey there, and there is always trash and food lying around that really doesn't help with the training. As if it were a cruel attempt at irony from somewhere in the clouds, I went down today on a whim, because it's a weekend, and I ran into them.

They were walking, sickeningly hand in hand and in and out of the small shops and stores. They had just come out of a candy shop, and if that wasn't made clear enough by the vibrant sign on the storefront, they were sharing an oversized, rainbow colored lollipop.

My heart leapt into the back of my throat, seemingly testing out my gag reflex. It wasn't so much the general public display of affection that got to me, as it was that she was with some guy who doesn't give enough of a damn about her to let her have her own friends. I froze mid-stride and my shoes bore against the paved sidewalk with an audible scrape. Maybe if I had been the slightest bit quieter, I could have slipped past un-noticed, but no. God is merciless.

Bailey looked up at me and searched my face for an explanation as to why we stopped. I jerked my head toward the couple and she followed the motion. Her eyes widened at the realization and she looked back with a face that flatly said 'Oh'.

"Yeah." I muttered to her. So, because God is merciless, Kate caught sight of me.

"Humphrey?" she asked in disbelief. I nodded slowly and reluctantly. I doubted that there was any possibility that if I didn't respond to the name, she'd believe it wasn't me.

She handed the shared lollipop to Hutch and sprinted the few feet between us to wrap her arms around my neck.

I have to admit, it was warmest and most comfortable contact I had made with anything in days; and, for just a second, I could believe that she wasn't someone else's.

I did, however, come to remember that she was in a relationship and with the guy a few feet in front of me, glaring through squinted eyes and staring daggers into my neck. I might have been intimidated or more aggravated if it weren't for how he had that vicious look while holding a large, colorful lollipop in one hand. I thought it better to just ignore him to avoid falling to the ground in laughter.

Though I could care less what that guy thinks, I still didn't return the hug. He, at least, made it very clear that he didn't like whatever relationship that I had with Kate while he had his own with her and my knuckles just started scarring from my last fight. I wasn't going to rush head first into another one. At least if she asked me why I didn't hug her back I had the excuse that I was holding onto Bailey's leash.

The dog gave a curious sniff at the bare legs, left exposed by Kate's jean shorts and likely smelling like someone unfamiliar. She squeaked into my ear when she felt the no doubt wet and cold nose on her thigh. She let go of me and knelt down to pet the offending beast and Bailey was trying to decide whether or not she still liked the person who was rubbing behind her ears. I whistled two brief notes in ascending pitch and Bailey promptly sat on her haunches.

"Are you training her?" Kate asked, rising from her crouch in front of the dog and smiling warmly. It took me a second to realize that she was talking to me and then figure out that she asked a question.

"Oh…uh, yeah. She's used to working, so she, uh, needed something to do." I answered nervously. It was pretty awkward to be around her after not talking to and basically avoiding her at every turn for the past few days, especially when the reason why is glaring at me a few feet behind her.

I visibly tensed and looked past her at Hutch. Kate searched for whatever I was staring at, and then realized it was her boyfriend.

"Oh." she blurted when she found the source of the discomfort. "Hutch, you remember Humphrey from school." she said over her shoulder.

"Yeah." he replied curtly. He scowled through squinted eyes, still comically offset by the candy in his grasp. Kate furrowed her eyebrows at his standoffishness, which she somehow must have thought was out of character. I've never even seen the guy smile while being aware of me.

"Yeah." I echoed, and then searched my brain for an excuse to leave, "So…uhh…I should get Bailey back home.". That's not my best work.

"Oh, okay. See you around, I guess." She responded, stepping from my path. She actually seemed pretty disappointed, eyes falling and smile dropping to a frown. I was probably reading that wrong though. When she returned to him, I saw her giving a critical glance.

"Yeah." I repeated like a broken record. Short empty sentences seemed appropriate. I really just couldn't wait to leave and feigning interest in the conversation wouldn't help with that. As I distanced myself further, I could faintly make out her asking why he can't get along with me. She sounded a little peeved, and not the playful ticked off that she used to get with me, but actually annoyed.

Before I rounded the corner of a building to get away, I heard Hutch reply. "I just don't like the way he looks at you.". He was probably speaking louder than he meant to be. From what I gathered, he's a really 'heart on my sleeve' type of guy. If he thinks something, everybody knows about it. It's not necessarily tactless; more like blissfully unaware of how transparent he is. At least it's predictable.

I didn't wait to hear the next thing Kate said, but if I know her (maybe I don't, thinking back to the past couple of weeks), it was probably something along the lines of 'I can handle myself'. Stubborn independence is something I had to get used to very early on in our friendship. God, I feel like I'm at its funeral.

Maybe I just need a break from her. Yeah, a break. You would think that three years off would be enough apparently not. I just need to keep her out of my thoughts so I can focus on something else…anything else.

(9:34 p.m.)

Great, just great. I was lying in my bed, and I guess this is karma for swearing off of Kate for a while, but guess who I get a text from; an infamous succubus, who won't let me forget about her for even a single moment.

'I wanted to let you know that during the three years I was away, I missed you. I just thought that should count for something.'

Completely out of the blue, entirely unsolicited, and baffling to its core, that's what that was. When I first saw it, I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and hoped it was just tired delirium, but no, the real world defies logic all the same.

I didn't have time to pick it apart just yet though, I had to reply. I couldn't say nothing like I wanted to, because she would think I was actively avoiding her (even though I am) and I can't ask her about it because that would be rude and personal. I couldn't say I missed you too (even though I did) because that would sound desperate and she has a boyfriend. You don't just say something like that, especially when you mean it as much as I do. That wouldn't lead to anywhere good. So, I just replied instinctively, and my instincts lie in attempts at sarcasm.

'Yeah, I'm pretty great :)'

Immediately after hitting send, I wished for the ability to take it back. I watched the outgoing message meter taunt me over its 2 and a half second lifespan. Why, why, why did I say something so idiotic? Now I just sound like some arrogant douchebag. She didn't write anything after that, so she probably thought the same thing. It wasn't even funny.

Thankfully, I at least bought time to dissect that message. I mean what the hell? It was so out of nowhere and I have not a clue as to what she meant by it. I feel like I should be mad or something, her playing with my head like that. Was she just fishing for feelings? I really couldn't be mad if I tried, but that didn't stop the burning curiosity. Worst of all, I obviously can't ask her about it because that shows that I'm thinking about it so much. She probably just said it in passing. Hell, for all I know she could be drunk off her ass or back on those stupid drugs. Now that I think about, high Kate is a pretty fun Kate.

How was I supposed to respond, though? What was she expecting? I've never given her any reason to think that I know how to handle stuff like this and it is all so frustrating. She just makes me an idiot and that makes it really hard to be cool and smooth.

Bailey was in my bed, sensing the clear distress. She's actually pretty good at reading me for when something is wrong, but not usually a whole lot of help. I asked her what she thought I should have done, because an animal actually might understand women better than I do, and she just blankly stared her answer. It really wouldn't have seemed out of place for her to mouth 'just shut up'. I bet she didn't know what she was expected to say either.

She abandoned her apparent attempt at consolation when I muttered under my breath "useless bitch.". The dog ran out of my room in a huff and must've run downstairs because Charlie came up a minute later. Of course she didn't knock so that she could give me a heart attack when I finally noticed her head sticking through.

"JESUS FUCK, Charlie!" I exclaimed, my phone leaping from my hands and onto the floor. She snickered in the doorway before fully intruding inside, staring purposefully at me. "What do you want?" I asked cynically.

"Bailey asked for reinforcements." She joked as she moved to sit with me on my bed. I snorted derisively and showed my skepticism through squinted eyes. "So…girl problems?"

"No." I abruptly defended. "Come on. When have you ever known me to get all cut up over a girl?". She brought her legs, draped in loose pajamas and leading up to her tank top, onto the bed and I reluctantly tucked my knees into my chest to make room.

"Humphrey…don't bullshit me. You're not good at it." She laughed, staring cheekily and holding that stupid, self-assured smirk on her face. "Trouble in paradise? Spill." She commanded.

"Why in the world would I do that? To give you ammunition for an hour from now?" I questioned. I had to be suspicious of her motives. She's not really one to go around helping others, especially me, and this would be a strange place to start.

"Do you want my help or not?" She asked, poised to get up and leave.

"No! Why would I want your help?". Since when is she supposed to be the supportive sister that I never had? All that I remember is her teasing me, stealing my stuff, and beating me up until I got taller than her, and she still does the first two.

"I don't know if you noticed, but I am actually a girl." She replied. That was probably some sort of jab about me being unable to be aware of girls.

"I wasn't actually sure, but I figured it'd be rude to ask." I snorted. I probably deserved the fist, pounding into my foot.

"Fine. Screw you." She said calmly, rising from my bed and starting toward the door. At first, I was glad to see her leave. What the hell did she think was going to happen? Did she really think I would simply spill my guts after all these years, just because she sat down with me?

I let out a long sigh, which caused her to stop with her hand on the doorknob. I guess if I did ever want to get help in this area from someone, it'd have to be her. The only other girls that I could really talk to are Sam and Candy, but they're really Kate's friends, not mine. That just leaves, Lily to talk to, and I can tell you what's NOT going to happen. I can remember the last time when she jumped me in the cafeteria about Kate and the chills it sent down my spine. I shuddered at the thought.

"Phone." I blurted.

"What?"

"Phone." I repeated, pointing to the iPhone taking its place on the floor. Charlie grabbed it and returned to her spot at the foot of my bed, sitting with legs crossed and facing me.

She held the device in her hand and asked "What's your password?".

"Yeah, right." I chuckled. I took the phone and unlocked it, saying "How fucking stupid do you think I am?" and shaking my head.

"It was worth a try.". She smiled. It's a nice smile, but it's pretty hard to appreciate when it normally has a malicious meaning. It was a little cheering now and then though. At least she made me a little bit happier, not that I'd ever tell her that. With her, I have count small victories like that and mentioning it would ruin the moment.

I opened the text message app and the specific conversation with Kate and handed it back to Charlie. When she saw the last two messages, she laughed through her nose, no doubt at my dodging the conversation.

"You're an idiot." She announced suddenly.

"Thanks. Is that how you going to help me? Telling me stuff I already know?" I sarcastically criticized. This was definitely a mistake. There is going to be no living with her after this. I don't know what possessed me to think that she would actually be valuable. I must be finally losing all of my sensibilities. This is the beginning of the end. I did have the presence of mind to see Charlie her swipe her finger down across the screen. "Hey, hey, hey! What the hell are you doing?" I yelled, prying it from her snooping clutches.

"Gathering context?" she tried, more of a question than an explanation.

"Yeah, sure. Well now I know why your eyes brown."

"Why?"

"Because you're so full of shit." I snarked. "Aren't you supposed to be helping?". She sighed at the burst of seriousness and scooted a little closer to me.

"So what's your big problem?"

"I don't know what I was supposed to do with what she just told me. It just came out of nowhere. I wasn't even talking to her and then she says…that.". I massaged my temples in agony.

"She's got you under her little finger, huh?" Charlie joked.

"Yeah, I guess. Do you think she is just messing with me?" God I sounded pathetic. Kate's rooted herself deep inside my brain and won't come out no matter how hard I try. To think that a month ago, I could almost forget about her entirely. Something about the way she makes me feel like a bumbling idiot under her gaze is just so mind boggling, and even more perplexing is how I don't want it to stop. It defies all logic and reason and rationality, but I like being and idiot in front of her, because she likes it. She giggles and I'm not so much imbecilic, more like fun and comical.

"Is she the kind of girl that would do that?"

"As if I knew. Isn't that supposed to be your area of expertise?". Yeah this was definitely a mistake. This Charlie that is trying to help is weird to be around, and she wasn't doing any good.

"Well, has she said anything like this before?"

"That all depends on what this is.". Exasperated, I fell back against my pillows and covered my tired eyes with my forearm. "We should just give up. I think this defies all explanation. You're a mysterious breed and I quit trying to understand." I sighed.

"I think you should just take it as she had a thought and decided to tell you about it because you might have liked to know."

"That doesn't really help, but thanks for trying. I'm going to sleep. Just promise me you won't ever do anything like this to a guy." I joked, slipping off my t-shirt, plugging my phone into its charger, and wiggling under the covers of my bed. Charlie got up facilitate the process and moved walked to the head of the bed.

"No promises, but your welcome." She said as she turned off my bedside lamp leaned down to press a gentle kiss onto my forehead. I recoiled sharply and knit my eyebrows close together in a scowl.

"Do it again and I'll bite you." I warned her. She laughed it off and began to again walk out of the room. Before she left, I told her "And stop giving my dog food! She's gaining weight."

She gasped ironically and jested "I'm gonna tell her you said that.".

She finally closed the door and left me to my sleep, if I could possibly get any instead of obsessing over this dumb text. Now that I thought about it again, I guess there is a lot of sentiment behind it. While Kate was in New York, she thought about me. But what does she mean by 'I just thought that should count for something.'. Of course it counts for something. I must have been making her believe that I didn't care about her anymore. I guess I have been skulking away from her lately and never starting a conversation myself, but I never thought she'd be so aware of it. But she has Hutch now, right? What does she need me for?

O0O0O0O0O0O

(Kate's POV)

(9:30 p.m.)

I just got back from Hutch's house after having dinner with his family. They were a really nice, classic Italian family. There was a lot of really good, definitely unhealthy food and loud talking. It was a pretty nice time, but when everybody was clearing the table and washing dishes, he dragged me into another room. So I was 'alone' with him, even though privacy isn't exactly what I would call a 15 foot distance and half a wall between us and his parents and younger brother.

Anyway, we were 'alone' and he does exactly what you would expect him to do: sits me down on the couch and starts kissing me. At first, I thought it was just going to be a quick peck on the lips and then we'd watch some TV or something, but when I pulled away a little bit, he followed me with his lips. I went along with it, but before I knew it, his tongue was scouring my mouth.

It's not like we hadn't made out before, because we had (in his car, at school, and once right outside my front door), but this time it was kind of…aggressive. It was a wanting and hungry kiss and not entirely pleasant. He's alright at it, but it was a lot all at once. That was compounded with the fact that his hand started to slide from my waist, up my ribs. I drew the line when the tip of his thumb crossed the border into the territory of my chest.

My eyes bulged and I grunted into his mouth, grabbing his wrist and wrenching it into his lap.

"What's the matter?" he asked in response to the reaction. He twisted his face in a way that could have been genuine concern or just curiosity as to why his grope session got smothered in its crib.

"It's…I-I…nothing. Sorry, I just have to get home." I said, checking my pockets for my keys and phone and then getting out as quickly as possible.

"Oh…umm…okay. See you later." He managed to get out before I closed the door behind me.

I walked home in the frigid cold, at night, by myself. I should have asked for a ride. No, he should have offered one. Ugh…I don't know. What the hell was that, though? I mean his family was just in the other room and he decides that sounded like the opportune moment to spring a really touchy-feely make-out session on me?

By the time I get home, it's 30 degrees outside and freezing. I get up to my room and collapse into my bed. I must have been too loud, because a minute later, Lily is knocking on my door.

"Come in." I grumbled, muffled by the pillow that I was currently speaking into. She peeked inside to see me, face down in my bed. When I heard the door close, I turned over to face her.

"Soooo…..how'd it go?" Lily asked, jumping into bed with me. I folded my legs into each other and sighed, not entirely sure that I wanted to have this conversation with my younger sister who has a notoriously loose tongue.

"Why do you want to know?" I asked, trying to abate my suspicions.

"You came home all…flustered after your big dinner with Hutch and his parents. Plus, your lips are really red." She answered, laughing through the last sentence. That Iwas just going to ignore. I need a better poker face. The one I have is too see-through.

"Hutch is…pretty forward. It's just a bit much and it's a little exhausting." I said awkwardly. It still felt a little weird to be having this conversation. Stuff like this has really never come up between Lily and I. It was made weirder when Lily's mouth gaped and she covered it with a hand, apparently having some grand revelation. "What?"

"You didn't!?" she exclaimed loudly. I don't know what the hell she was talking about, but I did know that whatever it was, I didn't want the rest of my house hearing about it.

"Sshh. What are you prattling on about?". I couldn't imagine what she thought I was implying- wait. What did I just say? "No. Nothing happened. He's just a little too handsy. Jesus Lily." I clarified. Did she really think I would put out after just two weeks with my first boyfriend?

"Oh good." She breathed, apparently relieved. "I thought-"

I held up my hand to stop her and interrupted, "Ah! I don't want to hear it. It isn't your business anyway, but just…no. Moving on, he was acting weird all night and actually since this afternoon."

"Well, what happened this afternoon?"

"We were downtown and we ran into Humphrey." I replied, putting my head in my hands. I hadn't thought about it before, but that had to be the real cause of everything. So what? Was he just, like, marking his territory?

"How did that go?"

"About as well as you'd think. They don't really play nice together.". They never have, truthfully. I don't see what the problem is.

"Ooh, a nice love triangle." She said, resting her chin on her hand and grinning mischievously.

"That's it. Get out." I demanded. Why did I ever think this would end well?

"Whatever." Lily said, storming out of the room. When she finally left, I went back to lying in the bed. She got me thinking about Humphrey. He's pretty much the exact opposite of Hutch. He's shy and funny and so annoyingly guarded. Hutch is easy to deal with. He's a constant and Humphrey is just…a wildcard. He does weird, unpredictable things and that does weird, unpredictable things to my stomach.

(Flashback)

It's the first night in New York and my first night away from home. I remember sitting by myself in my new room. All the lights are off and…and I'm crying. It's a little undignified and messy, but I am. I didn't want to have to go to a new school, and have to meet new people, and make new friends. I didn't want any new friends. I didn't even get to say goodbye to the one real friend that I had. Humphrey. We just had to leave during the summer, when I couldn't say something at school. I got a week's notice and it was so full of packing and boxing and moving, that no one could take me to see him.

I remember how this episode started. I was getting through the last box of the stuff from my room and when I opened it, resting neatly at the top of my other belongings was a little beige teddy bear with a blue striped bow tied around its neck. I must have had it for years, collecting dust in my closet. I remembered not being able to throw it away, even having no use for such a toy. Recalling even further back, I knew where I got it in the first place, a familiar little boy on a fifth grade field trip to a museum or something, emptying his pockets to get his best friend a gift.

In a moment of weakness, I was shown a painful reminder of what seemed lost, and in no surprise, the fur on the head of the plushy became wet and matted in my hands. I caressed the soft, now damp fur of the animal with my thumb, between its tiny ears. It was hardly consolation, but it did at least give me something to keep me grounded and from forgetting.

(end of flashback)

Humphrey has never been anything but nice to me. He's never asked me for anything in return, and expected even less. He was just there, and that's the thing he could be counted on for, being reliable and stable and exactly how I needed him. I don't know what happened to him, but he's different now. We're not like we were, and everything has changed. I don't even think he wants to know me anymore. He probably blamed me for abandoning him.

In a rash decision under a lot of mental duress, I made my mind up to text him and in two, short sentences, I poured out my feelings to the best of my stressed abilities.

'I wanted to let you know that during the three years I was away, I missed you. I just thought that should count for something.'

I held my breath after hitting send, hit with the sudden realization that I sounded desperate and needy and cryptic. I had no idea what he was going to tell me, although the prevailing guess was 'Piss off.'. A short while later, he responds.

'Yeah, I'm pretty great :)'

Even though I didn't know it before I asked, that's the right answer. That's the best possible outcome. Sweet, reliable Humphrey, trying to make me laugh, and it worked. I resisted the urge to tell him that yes, he is pretty great. He's the only person that has ever made me feel so invincible, so flawless, and so undeniably happy.

Humphrey, you're an idiot, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

A/N: Hopefully you didn't think it's too terrible, but tell me what you thought, especially if you did actually think it was terrible. Criticism is just as appreciated. If you were thinking it, the last two scenes were supposed to kinda mirror each other. Kate and Humphrey think kinda similarly and in my mind, Charlie and Lily are similar characters. I wanted to get this out tonight because I'm going to my friend's shore house for a couple of days and I won't be able to write. I'll be able to reply to pm's and reviews, but it may not be as fast as usual because it'll be from my phone when I get the chance. See you next chapter :)

-Nick (ncham9)

p.s. The idea for the teddy bear scene and the text message came curtesy of Kellylad13