Hey peoples how's it hangin?
Any who this is my 12th installment of sly as a fox. I would like to say, before I begin the chapter, that I thank everyone for their reviews and their kind words, there hasn't been any really negative reviews, which I think is odd. However I would very much like your opinions on how I can improve the story. I've started to redo the 1st chapter and will be making my way through fixing flow, grammar, and plot errors, but I have a biased opinion of my work and may very well miss something. So I ask please help me make this story great.
Evon- Chakra conducting metal. Because it's a pain to write out 'chakra conducting metal' every time.
I'd also like to thank my beta, Lednacek.
Chapter 12- There's no 'me' in team…right?
"To gaze upon you is to see perfection, to hear your voice is to hear the songs of angels. To be in your presence is the fulfillment of one's greatest ambition. I bow before you. Take these humble offerings as a token of my devotion to you." Naruto said while prostrating himself at the feet of Anko Mitarashi, Special Jonin of the Village Hidden in the Leaves.
The ever scantily dressed Anko was sitting cross-legged on a stump of an oak tree that had been felled years before. The multitudes of skewered dango, held in each hand, were in the process of being annihilated. At her feet was a platter stacked two feet high with her favorite treat that her oh so humble minion had gifted her. They were of course from her favorite restaurant, with the perfect seasoning, size and texture. "Your offering pleases me minion." She said in between bites of her precious dango. "What is it you seek?"
"Anko great goddess of all that is sharp, pointy, and potentially life threatening I seek your advise in the art of stabbing things to death." Said Naruto from his most humble and unworthy bow.
"Thou doth seek the path to enlightenment? Tis a path full of hardship and mayhem. Have you the means to take the first step into the light?" She said as she dropped the last of the barren skewer onto the now dango-less platter.
"Yes my lady." Getting up from his bow Naruto unzipped his vest and rummaged around for his first step to enlightenment. Grasping what he wanted he withdrew his hand and clenched in his hand was his tanto. It had undergone a slight alteration since handing it over to Han Higurashi. The split sheath had been swapped out for one in a matt black finish and with a clip for easy carrying. The wood and fabric grip had been exchanged for that of black leather secured with a cross hatch of thin metal wire. The dull grey metal of a kunai ring was now firmly secured as the pommel. Withdrawing the blade from its new sheath the blade gave off a glint that could only be a fresh coating of oil.
Anko let out a long whistle in awe of the red Evon blade. "Nice hardware brat, where'd you get it?"
"Found it." He said in a tone he thought sounded mysterious. Looking back to the blade to re-sheath it but found his hands were instead gripping a bundle of slightly used skewers.
"Good weight, good edge, good balance, allows for attack or defense." Anko said as she twirled the blade through her fingers with practiced ease.
"Hey how'd you do that?" Naruto asked clearly not understanding how she replaced his blade with skewers. To pick his pocket was one thing but to take something from his hand was another.
"I'm better than you." She said in a matter of fact tone. Truthfully she was, by a very very very large margin. Years of dedicating yourself to dango and the shinobi way made a person significantly more than the average joe. "You are a Genin now, right?" Despite the actions of the Third there were still a few laws in place that prohibited anyone from helping Naruto should he still be a civilian.
"Yep passed that stupid test with flying colors, and I think I kinda pissed of my team leader too. He didn't want to take the team, not that I can blame him I'm stuck with morons."
Anko, still studying the blade and pondering ways of liberating it from the blonde, was checking its properties by streaming chakra through it and carving deep gouges in the stump she sat on."Why? Who's on your team?"
"Sasuke Uchiha, the royal pain himself. Sakura Hurano the pink screamer. And last but not least the great and powerful 'Copy ninja' Kakashi Hatake."
"OH! Is that why you're dressed like that?" Looking down Naruto gave a once over of his current attire. He was in dark blue shinobi pants, with tape wrappings around his ankles, a dark blue shirt under what could pass as a jonin vest, with fingerless shinobi gloves. But the most out distracting aspect of his look was his head. He wore a cloth mask covering the bottom half of his face. His hitai-ate, backed in black cloth, hung down covering his left eye, leaving the right to take the form of a patented eye smile. But to top it all off his usually unruly hair was standing straight up.
Running his hands through his hair he started mussing it up to get it back how it normally was. "Yeah I did this just to mess with him, the jerk thought it was flattering."
"Oooh what did you do!" She said with big excited eyes that were eerily similar to those of a little kid begging for a story.
"Well….
"They're both LATE!" Screamed a silly pink headed girl. "It's been four hours! When Naruto gets here I'm going to give him a piece of my mind." Sakura said threateningly. She was wearing her normal red dress, dark green shorts, kunai holster, and had her forehead protector tied up as a hair band.
"I agree." Stated the pissed off Uchiha in his usual garb of white shorts, with a short sleeved high collared blue shirt adorned with the Uchiha crest on the back. He also had on a pair of white strap on sleeves.
It was eleven ten and their new sensei and teammate had yet to arrive. Both the Uchiha and Sakura had followed the directions fully. They had skipped their breakfast, something the ever dieting Sakura did frequently, arrived at training ground seven at seven and waited for their sensei to arrive. After four hours and ten minutes of being forgotten both Genin were in a sour mood. They were stewing in their unhappiness under the shade of a large oak tree each planning to do horrible things to their teammate when he arrived.
"Don't be so bent out of shape." A disembodied voice said lazily.
The Uchiha tensed at the sound of the voice readying himself to respond at a moment's notice. The pink one was a little less ready. "Wha!" She yelled looking around franticly for the sound of the voice.
"Chill out it's only me." A figure dropped from the foliage of the tree.
"Naruto your late!" Yelled the screamer.
"What are you wearing dobe?" Was Sasuke's eloquent reply.
Naruto stood there in all his Kakashi-esk-ness, a single red apple in his hand. "His outfit yesterday was just so awesome I just had to copy it." He said in a tone devote of any emotion something that the 'old Naruto' could not do. He gave them a once over and found something decidedly wrong. "How are either of you standing? The first time I was forced to work out with those two I about died and was out for a week."
"I'm actually in shape unlike some people." The black eyed boy said looking pointedly at the female of the group who in her love crazed mind mistook the look as one of longing. The truth of the matter was that the Uchiha district had a rather luxurious hot spring, and the addition of several strong painkillers left him only a little stiff.
"Oookaay. What about you?" Naruto asked Sakura who was still eye raping the poor black eyed boy.
"I-I don't know what you mean." She defended her physique. It was a little known fact that her family owned a masseuse parlor. Six hours under the hands of a trained professional can do miracles. "A-anyways your late!"
"I've been here since six looking over the terrain and setting things up just in case."
"What? No you haven't we. I would have seen you."
"Would you really? I'm not wearing orange, it was overcast earlier so there wasn't a lot of light , I did most of my work in the forest, and to top it off if I don't want to be seen then I won't be."
The Uchiha chuckled clearly not believing the once blond idiot was capable of stealth. A sentiment shared by his pink haired teammate.
"Please stop trying to act cool like Sasuke, we both got better grades than you in the academy there is no way you could get past us."
"First off why do you have to tie everything to Sasuke? He is really not that great and secondly sneaking into people's houses is a hobby of mine. And I can honestly say it's been three years since ANBU has caught me. Take these pictures for example." Reaching into one of his pocket he produced a small stack of photos. Their subject was of a sleeping Uchiha cuddled up with a small brown teddy bear.
"AAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEE!" Yelled Sakura.
The Uchiha made a swipe for the photos but missed as Naruto jumped back out of arms reach. "Where did you get those?" He said through clenched teeth while a vein on his forehead bulged dangerously. Making another lunge at the photos he could only wince in pain as evidence of his brutal workout the day before shot pain through his legs.
"Took them last night. I thought I could sell them to your fan club. The auction is set for five tonight if you care to join." He said laughing as he outran the sore and stiff Uchiha. "Blackmail makes the world go round."
Sasuke has had enough, he bolted forward as he pumped chakra into his legs. His new speed caught Naruto unprepared and in the form of a tackle to the torso. The collision sent them both to the ground in a heap of limbs and cursing. From there it devolved into a wrestling match. The sound of fighting was only punctuated by the sound Sakura as she attempted to stop her fighting teammates. It was of course only a matter of time till she came to close to the boys and was herself pulled into the fight.
lone poof of smoke was the only warning that someone new had arrived at training ground seven. And as the grey cloud stated to disperse a clear voice said. "Sorry I'm late I got lost… what are you doing?" Kakashi stated as he got a look at his brats/Genin.
"Teamwork building exercise." Naruto said while sitting victoriously atop his two hogtied teammates. They were of course gagged with their own forehead protectors so as to keep the noise to human levels.
"No not that, why are you dressed like me?" Kakashi said not even batting his eye at his team.
"You look cool?"
"Glad you can appreciate good taste," He said with an odd one eyed smile. "if you had come dressed in green spandex I would have had to snap your neck."
"No doubt." Naruto agreed. Spandex did not belong on any man.
"Now on to the test. The goal today is for you to obtain one of these bells." He said holding up two small bells attached to short strings.
"Mnph nhniph fungh nrnnnsus." Sakura
"What I think Sakura is trying to say is that there are only two bells and there are three of us." The only un-gagged Genin translated.
"Ah right, now normally the test would be team based showing me how well you work together and how your skills can be used as a unit to achieve a common goal. But I really don't have time to train three brats so I'll only take the best. So you are to obtain the bells at any cost and in any way you see fit. The intent to kill is suggested. Now at noon if none of you have obtained one of the bells then the one who did the worst is going to be tied to one of those posts as a punishment." He said indicating the three randomly placed posts.
"Hn." Sasuke somehow got through the gag. Angsty emos shall not be stopped by anything.
"Sasuke says: that's not much of a punishment." Naruto translated.
"It will be when the loser has to watch the rest of us eat." The impact of his words hit them at that moment. The reason he didn't want them to eat wasn't because he didn't want them to throw up, but because he was an evil and sadistic bastard. And it was at that moment that their stomachs decided that it was time to make themselves heard. Well two of them anyways.
"Well I'm glad I had a big breakfast." Naruto said patting his belly.
"I told you not to eat." Kakashi said in a less than thrilled tone. Ruining his fun was not a way to get on his good side.
"You also told us to be here at seven." The mini Kakashi said re-directing the focus of the conversation. "So can we start already my seat is all lumpy and full of hate." He jumped up from his roost upon his team and started walking off towards the nearest stand of trees.
"Aren't you going to release them?" Kakashi called out.
He let out a snort in amusement. "Hell no, I'm taking every advantage I can, and besides they learned the rope escape tricks in the academy they'll be just fine." Naruto had made it to the tree line but instead of progressing further in, to hide and plan his assault, he just sat down under the shade of the nearest tree. Digging through his vest he pulled out his apple and began eating, after removing his mask of course.
"What are you doing?" Kakashi called asked.
"Thinking. And eating."
"I get that but aren't you supposed to I don't know hide?"
"You don't strike me as the proactive type so until I have a plan there is no reason to do anything unnecessary."
Makes sense. "Come on you two the 'exercise' has started. Your teammate is leaving you behind." The sensei said to the tied up students as he watched them wriggle on the ground. Pulling out a watch from one of his vest pockets he checked the time. "You've got thirty three minutes left."
It took a few moments but there was the distinctive twang of metal snapping from the squirming form of Sasuke. He immediately pulled the hitai-ate out of his mouth then dashed off into the woods.
It was ten minutes later that Sakura was finally able to free herself from the metal coils. She gave the sitting Naruto a glare before she too ran off into the woods.
Kakashi, deciding that his time would be better spent on more productive things, dug into the pouch on his belt and pulled out a small orange book. The soft sound of perverted giggles could be heard on the wind. He settled himself in a crouch and began to read his book. For the seven hundred and thirty fourth time.
Naruto just watched the perverted form of his teacher as he combed over the task at hand. It was a tall task to order three academy fresh Genin to take on a Jonin level ninja without any information, prior planning, or set up. To top it all off they had to outdo each other, the situation was not good. He sat down, going over his options and weighing his chances.
It was a few minutes later that he decided on the most effective plan. He stood up reapplied his mask tossed the remains of his apple into the bushes and steadily walked over to his sensei.
Just like his file states he was the most likely to attack first. The file even said he'd use an oversimplified head on approach. Though the thinking period seems a little uncharacteristic, and his actions on the roof top too. Thought the perverted man.
As he drew nearer and nearer Kakashi's body started reading itself to move at a moment's notice. The muscles in his arms legs and back started to tense in preparation to avoid the blonde's first attack.
As the Genin drew closer to his target his entire body prepared itself should the Jonin go on the attack. He was now five feet from his target, it was time to start the plan. Slowly precisely he drew his hand back and reached into the pouch on his belt. Clutching tightly the object held within, pulling his hand out slowly as not to spook the Jonin before him.
Kakashi was worried, no scratch that he was terrified. For the village dumbass/prankster to move in such a deliberate way spelled doom of untold proportions.
Naruto brought his hand and its contents to bear. The item in question was… a book… an orange book. A small orange book with a man and a woman on it. Naruto flicked it open to a random page dropped into a position very similar to the masked man, then started reading.
To say Kakashi was shocked was an understatement. He could not in his wildest dreams believe that there would be a Genin that appreciated the works of Jiraya. "I didn't take you for a fan. But you're underage you can't legally have… that's not Icha Icha." Kakashi said not moving so as to appear that he was still reading.
"No it's a book on finger dexterity. Good for picking pockets and locks. I'm reading about a particular coin trick at the moment. I had to draw the cover myself not bad right?" The blonde said without looking up from his book.
"Okay, so why are you doing this? The clothes the book, even the attitude to an extent. Why?"
"You made my information gathering skills look bad yesterday, I didn't appreciate that. So the imitation is my retaliation, along with the fact that it throws the emo and his sidekick off balance."
"You're talking about Shige? The incident has been swept under the carpet, the council didn't want the world to know there's only two Uchiha left. I only know because I was one of those sent to investigate the event."
"Doesn't matter. I've gotten into every fortified structure in the village. Every secure location, every secret file. ANBU headquarters, mapped out. Catacombs beneath the city, thoroughly explored. Your stash of Icha Icha cataloged and organized by date of release."
"That was you?" He KNEW someone broke into his apartment and rearranged his collection.
"There isn't a secret I don't know about, and then yesterday you crushed that notion."
"I see that you're smarter than what your file says but"
Naruto snorts in amusement. "My file? I wrote my file, anyone looking for information about me will just see an idiot. If you look into every prank I've ever pulled, you'll see that I caused no permanent property damage, there were no stolen items, and the biggest punishment I received was cleaning the kennels at the Inuzuka compound. Something that qualifies as a D-rank mission. Hell I'm responsible for the recent bump in defenses of the clan compounds."
After the coming out of the intelligent Naruto and the knowledge that their defenses were pitiful, every one of the clans had been beefing up security. From increasing the number of guards, Hyuuga. To full remodeling of entire compounds, as the Nara, Inuzuka, and Aburame clans.
Kakashi narrowed his visible eye, thinking about the recent actions of the clans. He thought back to Naruto's file, the one he had used his left eye to memorize, after looking closer he did notice that it lacked any real detail. This is not average for a Genin. I only know a few Chunin that could do this.
"But were getting off topic and running low on time. So let's get back to the immediate problem shall we? I figure this whole thing is a hoax. I know a jonin sensei who took an apprentice and he has a team, I believe you are familiar with Might guy."
Kakashi's eye twitched.
"As for my close proximity I found it funny how you use the fact that we're all loners to your advantage. Sasuke the Emo survivor, Sakura the overzealous fangirl, and me the demon of Konoha. So when you said that we would be competing against our teammates for the only slot, what normally would have sent up red flags for any other group went ignored. Konoha drilled teamwork into us at the academy and the only one man teams I've heard of are couriers, infiltrators, and assassins. So my thinking is that this is all a set up to pit us against each other when we should be using teamwork to overcome a superior opponent. How close is that?"
"Ah…" He's over thinking it a little but that's it. Note to self do not underestimate him.
"Or there is the fact that I'm familiar with Konoha history but more specifically the end of the White Fang." That startled Kakashi. "He didn't complete his mission but instead saved his teammates. He was later dishonored for failing the mission and after a while committed suicide. So it strikes me as odd that his son would make us choose the mission over the team."
Kakashi was speechless. It had been years since someone had the balls to mention his father in front of him.
"I could be wrong and you're an ass-whole, then when Sasuke finally attacks I'm close enough to try and steal a bell in the confusion. On the other hand I read some of the forbidden scroll and know Shadow Clone jutsu and the Great Clone Explosion. I could be a shadow clone with half of Naruto's chakra, big bang, big crater. Your corpse would probably hand the bell over with little to no fuss."
The grey haired man's mind was in overdrive. Wha, this is unheard of! How deep has he gotten into this exercise? And to know about father's death. I would never have expected this from the village idiot this is closer to the level of a Nara. But wait he's missing something. "So why haven't you told your teammates of your hypothesis's yet?"
"My future teammates will have to cover my back and if they care more for themselves than the team then I will most likely die. Unfortunately I'm sorta attached to life, go figure. I could care less if it's the most powerful ninja in the world or the lowliest of urchins I want to be with someone who cares about the 'us.'"
Well that decided it. "Congratulations you pass. You saw underneath the underneath and to the heart of the problem. Regardless of whether those two pass or not I'll make sure you're made an official Genin." Even through the mask it was evident that Naruto's mouth was hanging open in shock. "The news of you putting down the entire council was not an exaggeration, was it?"
"Depends on the version you heard. Did I threaten to go all Kyuubi and squash the village, no?" I might have thought it very loudly though. "Did I black mail the fuck out of them, maybe." Naruto said with an almost unnoticeable shrug.
So he knows about the Kyuubi. "I do ask that you keep up the act till this is over. Your potential teammates have to finish."
"Okay. There're only ten minutes left anyways."
Elsewhere in training ground seven.
Perched high in a tree Sasuke observed the Genin and his teacher. "What is that bastard doing I'm too far to hear them and I can't even tell if they're talking because of those masks. Is he trying to bribe his way into the spot?" Checking his watch Sasuke saw there was only ten minutes left. "Che, now or never." He said as he tugged a slew of metal wires.
The sound of metal on the wind filled the air. As the wave of shuriken and kunai rained down on their location the jonin jumped out of the way followed close behind by Naruto.
As soon as they landed another barrage of weaponry assaulted them from another angle. It was clear that the attackers intent was to draw them into the trees where there were bound to be more traps.
Great Fireball announced the disembodied voice of Sasuke. A massive fireball roared to life from the pairs left. Kakashi dived forward behind a thick oak using it to shield him from the flames, meanwhile Naruto just stood there as the ball of flame closed in on him. Move! Kakashi thought to himself as he watched the attack swallow his new Genin. Over the roar of the fire the sound of a Shadow Clone could be heard dispelling. A wave of relief flooded through Kakashi. He wasn't bluffing it was a Shadow Clone from the start, if he does know Great Clone Explosion he could have taken me out whenever he wanted. And why the hell is a Genin able to do a Great Fireball?
The crunch of leaves was all that gave away the advancement of a person from behind. Dropping low and bring up and arm the one eyed man blocked a flying kick. Using his other hand he grabbed the offending leg and tossed it and its owner into the bushes. "Taijutsu, the physical engagement between two opponents. The great Uchiha have certainly fallen far if that's all that remains."
There was a snarl in anger of the insult before the blue and white form of Sasuke shot out of the bushes. Closing in, he shot a quick left at the torso of his sensei. The blow was easily turned aside with the flick of a few fingers. Throwing a right he aimed for the head. It too was thrown aside as if it were but a fly. With a grunt of annoyance he threw a flurry of blows. Left straight, right cross into a reverse roundhouse, into a right knee all of which were dodged deflected or countered. He's not even trying, and he still got that stupid lazy look on his face! Sasuke roared mentally.
"Shadow Shuriken Jutsu/ Shadow Shuriken Jutsu." The voice of two Naruto's said at the same time. This time the bored look on Kakashi face left to one similar to panic. He dropped low and disappeared in a cloud of smoke as a wall of Shuriken and kunai descended on the spot he was standing. The cloud dispersed by the movement of metal flying through it revealed empty air.
Sasuke spun around looking for the source of the attack and for his target. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the green of his teachers vest closing in on him fast. Whipping his arm up he sent a strike for center mass. He felt the hit as it sunk into the torso but it wasn't the grey hair of his teacher but blonde. The clone dispelled leaving a cloud of smoke covering Sasuke entirely. The sound of feet was all he heard before the smoke cleared and a blue clad knee met his face sending him tumbling.
Using the momentum of the blow he righted himself and came to a sliding stop on one knee. The form of Naruto kept running and disappeared into the trees. "Keep trying Sas'uke." The disembodied voice of Naruto called out.
Fucking bastard! I'll kill him! The Uchiha thought as he held the sight of impact with one hand and grabbed a kunai with the other. Closing his eyes he concentrated on the sound around him. The sounds of insects in the trees, normal. The sounds of birds singing to each other, normal. The clang of metal on metal. "That's it." He said to himself before he dashed off towards the sound.
The ringing of steel filled the air as Kakashi deflected object after object with a kunai. Damn he's using Shadow Clones as snipers then throwing Shadow Shuriken Justus in randomly. The small clearing that he was occupying was littered with weapons, most of them disappearing in smoke after a few seconds. He heard the call of the technique again as he spun around to deflect yet another kunai. The wall of metal covered him from head to toe.
"Kawarimi, damn." A clone said before the impaled man disappeared in a puff of smoke and was replaced by a log.
Thank you Mr. Log. Kakashi thought from his new hiding spot high in the trees. Forced to use Shunshin and Kawarimi by a Genin, this is pathetic. If one of the other Jonin hears about this they will never let me live it down. Oh look there's Sasuke.
Sasuke had just entered the clearing and spotted the clones strewn throughout the immediate area. Flipping through a series of seven hand seals he called out his attack. "Dragons Breath Jutsu!" Inhaling a large amount of air he quickly expelled it, a long stream of fire erupted from his mouth as he swept his head from side to side obliterating the clones. It was at this point that the surrounding foliage started to catch fire.
"Ah damn, I'm going to need to put that out. Stupid kids making me work." Kakashi said as he unclipped one of the scrolls from his vest. Unrolling it he saw it was the correct storage scroll. He staked it to the trunk of the tree, then applied chakra to the seal. As if a main had been opened water shot out. Going through a series of six handsigns Kakashi focused his chakra and called out the technique. "Water Shockwave." The free flowing water surged up and enveloped him in a vortex of water then exploded. The resulting wave shot towards the spreading fire.
"Naruto I'm going to kill you now." Sasuke said as he advanced on the last blonde.
Naruto was slowly backing up in an attempt to distance himself from the enraged Uchiha. "Hey now I-I got caught up in the moment and … it's an odd day for rain."
That stopped the Uchiha; out of all the things a doomed man could say he was not expecting a comment on the weather. Then it hit him, literally. He was floored by the wave of water. The growing fire was instantly put to death with one defiant hiss of steam. "Cooled off now?" Naruto said as he walked out from behind a tree, completely dry. "You should really pay better attention to your surroundings I mean"
"One Thousand Years of" Poof, the Naruto vanished in a cloud of smoke leaving Kakashi sliding to a halt where the clone was.
"Where were you aiming with that?" Naruto said as he emerged from the other side of the clearing.
"…Neck." Kakashi responded. Damn clones ruin all my fun.
"You sir are fucked up" He didn't have time to finish as he was forced to dodge a hail of kunai. Turning on his opponent he saw Sasuke charging him with a kunai drawn. Is he still trying to kill me? Naruto thought sadly. He responded with a loping right punch at Sasuke's head. The boy ducked down easily avoiding the punch and started wheeling around to shove his kunai into the 'dead lasts' brain. As Naruto had missed the punch he, instead of trying to turn around, leaned forward rooted both his hands firmly to the ground and kicked backwards. Sasuke was rewarded for his efforts with a double mule kick to the chest.
My cute little Genin sure are feisty, but aren't I supposed to be the target? Kakashi thought as he saw the body of the Uchiha leave the ground from the impact of the mule kick. As the black haired boy hit the ground he started rolling and came to a stop propped up on one elbow holding his chest with the other one. He quickly descended into fits of coughing. Naruto stood in a ready stance ready for the downed man to continue, should the look in his eyes be anything to go by. His eyes were indeed filled with a promise of death. His intent would unfortunately be stopped by the beeping coming from the Jonin on the sidelines. "That's time. Good work you two it almost made me think you wanted these." He said holding up the untouched bells.
"Ugh/Ugh." Naruto and Sasuke said in unison realizing their folly.
"Then you had to go and forget about me in order to try and beat each other's faces in. Good show though nothing says entertainment like watching little boys beat the hell out of each other." Kakashi ended with his one eye smile.
"Oh well you win some you lose some. You said we got another chance after lunch so it's all good." Naruto said happily before he started picking up stray kunai. It wouldn't do to just leave them to rust.
"You got in my way. I would have had it had you not interfered." Sasuke said as he glared daggers at the blonde.
"All's fair in love and war. And it's your fault, you didn't have to keep trying to off me. While we're on the matter of war didn't anyone get hit with one of my traps?"
"You had me pinned back at that clearing." Kakashi put in. Sasuke just kept staring.
"No that wasn't one of them. You would know if you got hit. But I set them up every"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"Never mind."
"NARRRRUUUUTOOOOOOO!" Sakura screeched once more.
"Pink is your color." Kakashi noted. Before them Sakura was suspended between two trees by a tangle of ropes and wire. The pinkette was hanging upside down and was covered from head to toe in large pink feathers.
"I'm going to kill you!" She screamed in anger her face gone red from her orientation and mood.
"Meep!" Naruto behind Sasuke, putting the emo between himself and the angry girl. Sasuke just glared at the blond.
"Well since she's tied up at the moment why don't we have something to eat." Kakashi said as he shoved two lunches into the Genin that weren't bound and feathered.
"Hn." Mr. Happy grunted still pissed at not being able to kill the dead last. He grabbed the lunch and settled himself down under one of the nearby trees.
"No thanks I don't wanna know where you've been keeping that." Naruto said eyeing the lunch with caution.
"Suit yourself." Kakashi just plopped down and started digging into his lunch, not even giving Sakura a second thought as he ate. They all sat in silence, Kakashi and Sasuke eating, Naruto picking at his fingernails with a kunai and Sakura approaching unconsciousness from having all her blood rush to her head. That was until a loud sound reminiscent of a grizzly echoed through the area, Sakura hadn't eaten since seven last night, and even then it was a light salad due to the restrictions of her diet. She was hungry even if she was unconscious.
Sasuke's mind was a storm of activity. Naruto the official joke of the ninja academy, the all time dumbass of the village, the all around looser managed to completely dictate the flow of battle. He got their Jonin sensei pinned down with clones and kunai. He had floored the 'Genius' of the current class twice, he had done so with a controlled face and to top it all off he wasn't even out of breath. This was not how it was supposed to go. Sasuke continued to stew in his thoughts as he continued with his lunch.
Kakashi's mind was a storm of activity. He had come expecting four possible outcomes to his test. One, everyone banded together through the power of teamwork and overcame the task at hand. Two, everyone went their own way and tried to attack him separately, fail to get the bells, then all three of them fail the test. Three, everyone going their separate way, fail to get the bells then passing due to dumb luck. Four, accidently killing one of them, most likely Sakura, then being sent to prison for murder. Option five shouldn't exist, and yet here it was. They go their separate ways, one of them figures out the test, pins down a jonin and then fights off a homicidal Uchiha.
His mind switched gears. The Hokage had told him not to expect anything but the current situation had bypassed expected, blitzed passed unlikely, blew by impossible, and had reached somewhere that could only be make believe. He had heard from various sources that the 'Demon of Konoha' was smarter than anyone had previously thought and that he has been bidding his time to strike when it was least expected. But the thought came from the rumors of the council chamber incident, an incident that most believed that the Hokage organized in order to get back at the council for all the paperwork they created. Evidently Naruto played a larger role than what was first thought. It could have been possible that it was all Naruto and that the Hokage just sat back and enjoyed the fireworks none the less. What were his goals? What plans does he already have in motion?
He continued to ponder the enigma of the group.
Sakura's mind was not a storm of activity, she was out cold.
"Well that hit the spot now I've got to talk to someone real quick." Kakashi said as he finished his meal.
"How did you eat without taking your mask off?" Naruto asked still picking at his fingernails.
"I'll tell you when you're older. Now neither of you are allowed to give Sakura any food or let her down, if you do you fail the test and I'll drop you from the shinobi program."
Well how obvious could you get? Naruto thought to himself. Telling someone to not do something just makes them want to do it.
Sasuke showed no signs of wanting to free his teammate and just sat eating the remainder of his meal in silence.
Naruto on the other hand was weighing his options. To be a good person or to be a smart person that is the question. Help pinky and emo graduate or get assigned to a random team? Is the enemy you know better than the enemy you don't? If I do help them then I could potentially help mould them into forces greater than the Sannin themselves! Sakura the greatest mind the world has ever seen. Sasuke greatest of all the Uchiha. And Naruto…hated demon of the hidden leaf. Ooh, I like that 'Demon of the Hidden Leaf', sounds badass like that Zabuza character the 'Demon of the Bloody Mist'. We could strike fear into the hearts of enemy ninja everywhere... Hehe screw that I'm gonna mess them up till they're forced to live in a padded room. I should really be an evil mastermind bent on world domination, now if only I had minions, I guess clones could count. Oh well here goes nothing. "Hey you know if we all attacked him at once we might be able to at least make him serious." He said aloud and to no one in particular.
"What are you talking about Naruto Sasuke had him on the run the whole time if only you hadn't interfered then Sasuke would have gotten the bell!" Sakura yelled.
Turning his attention to his reawakened teammate Uzumaki saw that she was not awake but still unconscious. "Her evil fangirl powers work even while knocked out, who knew." Pulling out a kunai from one of his pouches he tossed it into the woods where the ringing of metal on metal was heard. The wire suspending Sakura went slack, dropping her unceremoniously on the ground.
"I don't know what fight you were watching but the one we were involved in had an out of shape one eyed man lazily throwing us around like rag dolls. He didn't even use any jutsu on us."
"Hn."
"And while I already ate, Sakura here hasn't since yesterday and with that ridiculous diet she's on I'm surprised she can stand. At least give her your beef, I know you dislike it."
"And how would you know that?" The Uchiha turned on the last Uzumaki.
Letting out an annoyed sigh he responded. "Honestly? Didn't we discuss this before? I had pictures of you cuddled with a teddy bear. Breaking and entering is a hobby of mine." The drop had apparently jump started something as Sakura was slowly coming around. "At the very least you can use her as a distraction."
"Hn. I'll think about it." The black eyed boy said.
It was a few minutes later that Kakashi reappeared in a cloud of smoke. He instantly took notice of Sakura's unbound and upright state. "What did I say about letting her down?"
"We decided to work as a team." The now fully awake Sakura said.
"Is that your final answer? Be warned I have complete control your futures as shinobi." Kakashi said dropping his usual one eye smile and flaring a little of his killing intent.
Without hesitation. "Yes/Yes/Yes." They said as a team.
"Congratulations you all pass." The smile had returned. "Tomorrow morning at eight outside the Hokage's tower. Bye." He said before once again disappearing in a cloud of smoke.
They just sat there for a few moments. "Well that was anticlimactic. So long suckers, I'll remember you all in therapy." Naruto said as he bolted off into the woods.
"So how did your teams go?" Sarutobi asked the men and women before him.
Arranged before him were all the Jonin's who were assigned a team of Genin to evaluate. They ranged from the newly appointed officers such as the 'Ice Queen' Kurenai Yuhi, to the old veterans including Raido Nakamura Konoha's 'Stone Wall'. Each one had been given a team and a directive to discover if the young shinobi were ready for duty. And if not, whether they should be sent back to the academy or dropped from the program completely.
"You should have warned me." Kakashi said from the seat closest to the Hokage. A spot that could only be obtained if one arrived early to the meeting. His position and timing did not go unnoticed by the rest of the Jonin in attendance. All of them looking at him with expressions ranging from a raised eyebrow to full on jaws on the floor.
The old man gave a warm smile at seeing such a punctual individual. "Ah Kakashi I'm so glad you decided to join us on time today. And thank you for volunteering to go first. How did it go?"
"The girl didn't do anything, the Uchiha was about what I expected skill and temperament wise and Naruto was" He paused looking for the right word. "unforeseeable."
"I told you not to expect anything." The old man said not breaking his aura of happy serenity. Though on the inside he may or may not have been cackling madly. "Since you're here and not in the E.R. or psych ward you seemed to have handled it fine."
"He and his clones used advanced tactics, of which I doubt ninety percent of the Genin could even understand let alone use." He recounted. "It involved throwing shuriken at me, lots of shuriken, lots of shuriken that multiplied. He had me pinned down for a while, if it wasn't for the Uchiha's timely interference then he probably would have forced me into using my eye." It's not that he couldn't have beaten the new Genin, in fact he had countless ways of putting him down, but doing so without killing or seriously injuring him would have been difficult.
At the elite Jonin's confession everyone in the room was giving him confused looks, everyone save the man in the funny hat.
"You poor baby." Sarutobi said with concern in his voice and worry in his eyes. And in a flash his demeanor hardened into that of the veteran he was. "Deception is a ninjas greatest weapon," He turned to the room of accomplished warriors. "and Naruto Uzumaki has successfully used it to convince the entire village that he is a moron. Now, Kakashi, I take it that you didn't perceive him as any sort of threat when you started did you?" With no response for the cyclops he continued. "So you gave him the opportunity he needed, and that mistake forced you into the defensive. I have little doubt that if he had wanted to seriously harm to you, he could have."
Sweeping his gaze across the soldiers before him he broke strait to the point. "I've noticed the military forces have fallen into a cycle of complacency and false security since the third war, and while we are no longer have enemies at our door we must always remember that a careless attitude can allow even a fresh Genin to be the one to end you. Always be at your best, always be at ready!" He said with complete conviction.
His speech had led the group before him to look inwards and see if they had indeed lost their edge in this time of peace. "Now I think we should get back on topic. How did they do?"
Kakashi was shaken from his thoughts by his leader's question. "Oh, uh Sakura didn't participate in combat at all and wound up caught in a trap set up by Naruto. Sasuke showed decent skills but let his anger, at being outclassed, overtake him leading to his attack on Naruto and disregarding his objective. As for Naruto he figured it out the entire point of the exercise along with a plan b that would have probably cost me an arm. He might have even had a plan c."
"Do they pass?" The Hokage said from his position at the head of the room.
"Yes." The Third made a small note on a piece of paper laying before him.
"Team one?" He asked.
"Nothing special but the understood the directions and followed them as a team. I believe they are ready." Said a man in a Jonin uniform and bandages covering his head.
After marking something down on his paper the old man said. "Two?"
"Erica set was the recipient of a low grade exploding note, second degree burns up both arms, she will be out of action for five months. I suggest sending her back to the academy." Said the gruff voice of Raido Nakamura. "Shinzo is a failure as a shinobi and should be sent home. As for Tomas, he did exceptionally well, and I'm considering taking him as an apprentice."
"Alright. Reason for dismissal of Shinzo?"
"Bad aim, and very bad judgment with his explosive note."
"Fine, team three?"
"Failed them all, but they show promise, back to the academy." Said a woman completely covered in a black trench coat.
"Four?"
"Masuda passes but send the other two back to school." A man dressed in all red said.
"Reasoning?" The aged Kage asked.
"Fangirls, but they had potential." The man responded.
"Five?"
There was no response. Looking up from the paperwork the old man noted that the Jonin for team five was absent. "Where is Tori?"
"At the hospital, two of her Genin injured themselves." Said a disembodied voice from the dark corner of the room. A white mask of an ANBU emerged from the shadows. "She asked me to relay a message. 'They pass.'" The figure pulled back into the shadows and disappeared from sight completely.
"Those ANBU guys can be downright creepy." Said one of the Jonin. He got a few nods in agreement.
"Team six?"
"None of them showed up to the test. Turns out they all dropped out after the academy test."
"Disappointing." The old man let out a sigh at the fickleness of the years Genin. "Eight?"
"I am pleased to report that they all passed." The excited form of Kurenai Yuhi said. Being as she was only recently promoted to the rank of Jonin this was her first chance to do something that would truly mark her as an elite ninja of the village hidden in the leaves.
"Ten." He said looking up at the image of his son, Asuma.
Letting out a long puff of smoke from his lit cigarette he said. "I can work with them. They pass. Got any tips on handling a Nara?" The Nara were one of the larger and more powerful clans residing within the village. And one of their most distinctive traits were their lack of motivation, well at least on the male side of the clan.
"Tell him you'll go to his mother if he doesn't shape up." Sarutobi said with great wisdom. It was one of the only ways to force a Nara.
Asuma let out a grunt of acknowledgement. The Hokage proceeded to run through the twelve remaining jonin and the status of their teams to be.
the meeting drew to an end Sarutobi called Kakashi over to him. "Join me in my office we have much to discuss about team seven."
"And then I went to Higurashi's Bladeworks to tell Tenten I passed. It turns out that my knife was finished early. And that's how my day went." Naruto said as he finished his story for his hopefully new teacher. Said teacher was blissfully splayed out on the tree stump in a deep sleep. A rather large tick mark grew on his head. "OI! Get up!"
Letting out a long yawn Anko the sleep from her eyes. "Oh minion when did you get here? There was this guy who was telling this really long winded story that had no impact on my life what so ever, it made me sleepy."
Naruto had at this point started calming exercises to try and prevent him from attacking the special jonin which would inevitably lead to him getting his ass kicked. "So are you going to train me in how to use this butter knife?" He pointed to the blade buried deep in the stump.
"Sure I'm free tomorrow around four. Now scram I have pain that I need to inflict on some people."
AN: I finished this stupid chapter, finally. I'll try to update faster.
Most if not all the names that were used in the meeting will most likely never be used again.